Let's Sperg kiwifarms.net Plays Coming Out On Top - Bros Are Hoes

No clue, but let's go for it.
 
Narrator: You climb the stars to the third floor. Your footsteps echo down the hall. It's quiet, almost eerie. You knock and wait, nobody answers. You knock again.

Adam: I know you're in there!



Jed: Thanks for coming by. I'm Jed.

Adam: Uh...

Jed: Christ, you're early. The party doesn't start for another two hours. Let me guess, you got so excite that you didn't read the email?

Adam: (thinking) Don't stare at it. Don't stare at it. Don't stare at it.

Jed: Hello?

Adam: Huh?

Jed: You're Cumslut97, right? You messaged me about being the MVP of our bukkake party. Hmmmm. You're a lot taller than your profile said. But whatever. You're not like you're going to be standing during or after.



I'm now imagining him saying this to Penny when she first knocked.
 
We should tell the truth. It'll be really awkward when the real cumslut97 shows up.
 
Jed: Oh, you're not Cumslut97? Bummer, well, I hope he shows up. Otherwise, it's just going to be another circle jerk. It's like the difference between a birthday party and Quinceanera. Oh shit, where the fuck are my manners? A neighbor drops by and I don't even extend an invitation! We definitely got room for one more.

 
Jed: I'd say it's just you and me right now. But that's all we need to make it rock. Come on in. I'm surprised that someone like you knows what a Bukkake party is.

Adam: Someone like me? What's that supposed to mean?

Jed: You have this major goody-two-shoes vibe going on. Total square. No offense.

 
Jed: I see. Well, that's convenient. Let's pretend I'm the star. Tell me, college boy, what would I do next?

Adam: Uh yeah, you get on the floor, on your knees.

Narrator: Jed kneels down besides your legs, looking up at you, waiting.

Jed: Ok.

Narrator: Your dick twitches in your jeans, starting to swell.

Jed: Go on.

Adam: Uh, ok. And then- (your voice cracks) you wait.

Jed: Wait? Wait for what?

Adam: I just...better show you.

Narrator: You heart thumps in your chest as you pull off your shirt, and unzip your pants. The sight of your neighbor, his muscled chest, and fat, heavy cock makes your hands tremble as you pull out your erection. You swallow hard. Jed, on his knees, stares at your cock, then up at you, watching.

Adam: (thinking) What am I doing? This is surreal. I guess this is one way of getting to know the neighbors.

Narrator: You reach for your cock and start to stroke yourself. You jack yourself in a corkscrew motion, feeling a wave of pleasure shoot through you with each twist of your hand, and each pulse of your dick. You look down at Jed's eager expression and moan. All you can think of is shooting across his face, marking him with your cum.

Adam: Oh God...

Narrator: Jed starts to play with his own dick. It's dark, pulsating dick pumping in and out of its retracting foreskin. Your eyes run down his body, lingering over the strained chest muscles, the bulging, sculpted arms, down the treasure trail sweeping towards his delicious prick. You grunt, jacking yourself off faster. The wet sound of your jacking cocks will the room. He's kneeling close enough that you can feel the heat of his mouth inches away from your cock.

Adam: Just stay right there. Don't move. Oh my God.

Narrator: You feel your balls draw close to your body. You yell as a ribbon of cum launches from the tip of your cock and smacks his cheekbone.


Narrator: You squeeze yourself and strain, shooting out load after load into the air. After the first hits his face, the second hits his neck, and a third, smaller on, hits his chest, running rivulet between his pecs. Blissful release surges through your body. You pump until you feel empty. Leaning in, he laps up the drop of cum at the end of your dick.


Narrator: You breathe heavily as you watch your cum glisten on him, sliding down his torso. Jed gets up, starts laughing, gets a shirt off the ground and starts to clean himself up.

Jed: If you'd like to part again, Sparky, stop by. I'm free Tuesday nights. Up all night, too, in more ways than one.

Narrator: Jed smiles as he gets up to wipe his face. You pull up your jeans and leave, shakily. It's quiet for the rest of the night. You lie in your bed, simultaneously disturbed and yet, more relaxed than you have been in months. You fall asleep.

Wednesday Morning...

Narrator: You wake up to the sound of your phone. Holly Heck! What time is it.

Dirk: Penny, it's 7:15 am. Where the Hell are you?

Penny: Dirk, did I ever tell you what a caring, special friend you are? And how awesome it is to have someone like you in my life?

Dirk: Ok, send me a greeting card. I'm going back to bed.

Penny: Ha, ha, ha! You're such a witty guy to boot! Ha, ha, ha!

Dirk: Oh boy, you need a favor, don't you? Is this about lunch with your cousin?

Penny: Yeah, I'm supposed to pick him up at the airport today, but...

Dirk: Oh, you want me to pick him up at the airport?

Penny: I'm sorry Dirk! I didn't want to wake you, but I'm at the computer lab right now and I know you don't have any classes today other than one later this afternoon. My professor HATED my presentation yesterday. She hates the prototype. She hates 'Tanning Spray' and she hates me. I guess this is why Jobs always felt lonely at the top. Genius always goes unrecognized.

Dirk: She's just jealous of your brilliance, I'm sure.

Penny: That's why I have to beat everyone here to the lab. I'm trying to salvage an old project so I can show her Monday. I'll just be here for another hour or two so would you please, please, please pick up Philbert at the airport? He's super sweet and nice. Nerdy too and socially inept. You guys will have lots in common.

Dirk: Penny, I swear this feels like a ruse. Let's just put the two gay guys together, they'll be dating in no time.

Penny: Dirk! You just gave me an idea. I know what my next project will be. I gotta go and work on it right away so would you please, please, please pick up Philbert?

 
Penny: Aw, you're the best! You're my Wozniak, dirk.

Dirk: I like how you think that's reassuring.

One hour later...

Narrator: You find yourself pacing at the airport and decide to call Penny.

Dirk: Penny? I'm at Gate G. I've been here for over forty minutes and I haven't seen your cousin.

Penny: He says he's there waiting for you. He's the guy in the red shirt!

Dirk: There's nobody in a red shirt except...Oh...

Narrator: You see the hot stud you were eying earlier. For the past ten minutes, you've been unable to ignore his ripped body and amazing ass. A vision of lump, taunt musculature bulging through that tight denim. Unexpectedly, your eyes meet as he approaches you. You wave and smile and whisper into the phone.

Dirk: You never told me he was, well, black.

Penny: Well, if you ever checked MyLifeIsAwesomerThanYours wall, you'd know my family is a big melting pot.

Dirk: I had to delete my account because of your cousin Julie, remember?

Penny: Julie was pretty nuts about you.

Dirk: How about 'just plain nuts'? She kept posting pics of the fibroid she removed, saying it could've been our baby.

Penny: Oh that Julie. She was always so creative. You have to admit, that fibroid was pretty cute.

Dirk: You could've told me that Philbert was black, it would've made him easier to find. I'm not racist, I just...



Dirk: Oh hi, you must be Philbert.

Penny: I gotta get going, Dirk. Bring Philbert to the restaurant, ok? Oooh, I'm so excited with you guys finally meeting; you have so much in common.

Dirk: I'm Dirk; sorry for the wait. Uh, I'll get your bags.

Narrator: The car ride is tense. You sit, trapped in thought, wondering what to say or do. Not sure of anything. Phil sits content in silence, staring straight ahead. Possibly asserting threats in every direction. Possibly thinking how annoying you are. Man, he sure is quiet or maybe tired or maybe he already hates you.

Dirk: So where did you go to school?

Phil: I'm military. I don't go to school.

Dirk: Oh, military, that's cool. You can use your GI bill to fund your education.

Phil: You think I'm poor? I'm not. My father's a state senator who served in Vietnam. I'm doing this because I want to serve.

Dirk: I didn't mean-uh, well, anyway, thanks for your service.

Phil: Don't thank me. I haven't done jack yet. I just got out of boot camp. Flew back to see my mom, gonna start infantry training in a few days.

Dirk: Boot camp? Right on. I bet you learn a lot of interesting stuff there. What's the most interesting thing you've learned there?

Phil: ... How to kill a man with my bare hands.

Dirk: Uh, it's nice to finally see family, right?



Phil: Twenty bucks for what amounts to a bowl of rice? Christ almighty!

Dirk: Oh that Penny, running late. Let me, uh, give her a call. (Dials up phone) Penny, we're here, waiting.

Penny: Already? You know, I was thinking you and Philbert would be so wrapped up in conversation, you'd lose track of time and forget about me.

Dirk: Ha, not at all. Nope, not at all. I know exactly how long we've been standing here. He keeps grumbling about 'sloppy, indulgent civilians' every five minutes.

Phil: ...oversized portions for people who lead such boring, meaningless lives, that going out to a restaurant actually excites them.

Penny: I'm still at the lab. Gross! This laptop has some serious issues; G key keeps making a squishy sound each time I press down on it. I'm going to need several showers after this. I don't know how much longer I'm going to survive without my own computer.

Dirk: You better be walking through that door in the next ten minutes, Penny.

Penny: Ok, ok. I'm leaving right now. Go grab a table.

Phil: Did you see that guy? In sweats? You know what he could use? A run through the Crucible?

Penny: Remember, my cousin's shy, ok? Go talk with him, connect. And remember, he's been in boot camp for the past thirteen weeks. He's probably forgot how to talk to civilians. In fact, I bet he's feeling more awkward and self-conscious than you are.

Phil: Decadence to this degree is the sign of civilization in decline. Look what it did to Athens.

Dirk: Somehow I doubt it. Hurry the Hell up.

Narrator: The waiter sets some bread down and takes your drink orders.

Dirk: Ice tea for me, please.

Waiter: I remember you, three packets of Splenda, right? And you, sir?

Phil: Water, no ice.

Narrator: The waiter strolls away as Phil picks up his napkin, unfolds it and places it on his lap with deadly precision.

Dirk: (Thinking) Maybe he does feel out of place. Perhaps I can make an effort to start up a conversation.

 
Ask him about the murhines.
Also, Philbert reminds me of a friend of mine from college who was in ROTC. He was pretty cool.
 
Phil: My dad served as a Marine. I hope to accomplish a quarter of what he's done. The Corps has a culture that is uniquely their own, with a very strong tradition.

 
Phil: Yes, the famous motto. I'm surprised you know what it means.

Narrator: You shove a piece of bread into your mouth. You hear a shriek behind you.

Penny: Ohmygod!

Phil: Ah, hi Penny.

Narrator: Phil gets up and they hug awkwardly, like cousins.

Penny: It's good to see you, Philbert!

Phil: Phil. I don't use Philbert anymore.

Penny: Aw, but I liked Philbert. But fine, whatever. Things change. Speaking of which, look how cut you are. (Penny ohhhs and ahs his muscles.)

Phil: I'm not done training yet. I'm off to infantry school in a few days.

Penny: I love how the base is so close by. I'm hoping we get to hang out more often.

Phil: We'll see. I'm going to be busy enough as it is with helping dad with his fundraisers, on top of trying to pass quals for recon.

Penny: I heard the program's brutal. I saw something on cable how most of the guys fail because of the insane swimming challenges.

Phil: Yeah, swimming is where most of the poolees get dropped. So I've been training at the beach whenever I get the chance.

Penny: Oh heeey, you know who else knows a thing or two about swimming?

Adam: Hold on, Penny, it's been a while.

Penny: Oh don't me modest. Adam was on his high school varsity's water polo team. What was your nickname again? Wait, the Spanish Armada. Isn't it great, Phil?

Phil: Didn't those guys get their asses kicked by the English?

Dirk: Well, yes, but they were a mighty force until then. (You frantically chew another piece of bread.)

Penny: Anyway, we can all agree open water is dangerous. Even the seasoned pro agrees, safety first, right Dirk?

Dirk: Sure, no one says 'safety second'. Heh.

Phil: ...

Penny: I'm sure if you need a swimming buddy, Phil, the Spanish Armada can help. Eh? Eh?

Phil: I'll keep that in mind.

Narrator: You sweat out the rest of brunch, pushing your baked ziti back and forth with your fork. You can't tell if your stomach is in knots because of Phil or the food. You're pretty sure things could've gone worse. Phil leaves with Penny to go see her uncle. You head home and straight for the antacid tablets.

Wednesday...

Narrator: You take your exam. You doubt your passed. You're going to have to put some extra hours in if you want to stay in school.

Later that night...

Dirk: (Thinking) Hurry up, toast. I swear, I'm so hungry I could eat a village of waist-high people made of Spam. Oh hey.

Narrator: It's a call from Lisa, the woman who runs the tutoring program at the Student Learning Center. You've established a nice rapport with Lisa after years of tutoring at the SLC on weekends. Occasionally, she sends you jobs for students who need some special one-on-one attention. Interestingly. She says this is a special assignment. You'd meet a student this Thursday for a two hour session. The pay is higher than usual. You pause as you let your imagination run wild. You envision a dark, handsome student stretched out on the bed. The son of a foreign dignitary, listening to attentively as you teach him one dirty word after another. You mentally kick yourself.

Dirk: (Thinking) Man, I've got a good rep as a tutor. I gotta stop fantasizing about this.

 
Narrator: You tell her yes. She emails you the time, place and date. But strangely no name. (Ok, everyone, place your bets what this fifth and final guy will be like. Make sure to tell me.) On Thursday, you head over to the address Lisa gave you. You double-check the info on your phone, and make your way to the porch of a two-story townhouse a few blocks from the west end of campus. You ring the doorbell and wait, no answer. You knock. After a minute, you hear a loud, booming noise.

Mysterious Voice: It's open.



Narrator: You speak in slow, steady tones, enunciating every syllable to make sure he understands you.

Adam: My name is Adam. I...am...here...to...tutor...you...in....English.

Jock: .... Tutor me in English?

Adam: Oh, oops. Um, actually, I must be looking for-

Jock: So just because I'm not white, you assume I need remedial English?

Adam: No, it's just that I was very little information-

Jock: How about I tutor your face with my fist?

Adam: Whoa, I was just given a time and address. I assumed I was tutoring whoever answered the door.

Jock: Hey, just playing with you, bro. I'm known for being a funny guy. Just don't make me have to raise you level of awareness. I hate when I gotta do that. Anyway, you must've gotten the wrong address. Team policy is only smokin' hot babes. And you're not smokin' hot or a babe. So run along now, dude-tor



In case you're wondering, this is not one of the guys.
 
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