Yeah well I do feel like I'm getting to a point in my life where I want some sort of affection. It could be because I'm getting older and this is what naturally happens, or it could be because my best mate is getting hitched and I feel like I'm missing out on the happiness that he has, or a combination of several factors. I don't feel like I specifically "need" it, it's more like I'm open to the idea.
Probably I am changing in a way, because I find myself thinking more about the idea of love recently when before I never did.
If I was sober or if somebody told me just before the date that I need to seem less attached, I easily could have forced myself to remain more aloof. Being clingy is a product of having no other options. Because there are no other women I'm talking to who I'd consider dating, and because it's been over 5 years since I last had feelings for a woman, it felt like my final shot at this, so it fueled this feeling of attachment (plus ofc I just plain had feelings for her). It's easy to act like you don't really care over text, but when she's sitting in front of you smiling with her beautiful eyes and hair and lips, it's much harder to suppress the feelings. I mean the girl was easily billboard tier she was objectively stunning.
If I'd met her in real life sooner before I got so attached it might have worked out even, or at least I wouldn't be this hurt by it. But whatever, it's not like I'm sitting around doing nothing. I spent this week feeling sad, but I'm talking to other women and trying to meet another who I feel as strongly about, and I'll start hitting up the clubs again from this weekend. I don't think it's necessarily true when people say you can't meet a decent girl at a club or at a bar.