Off-Topic Losing people to transgenderism support thread - Support group for trans widows and other people who lost loved ones to troonism

[Piss Bear]

I gotta say you're the first person I've ever heard describe fucking Shmorky as having a cute voice

Did you know what he looked like at the time?
For me a combination of Dave's put on helium voice and that fucking ghastly yarn wig was the height of horror.

Well, at the time I was a stupid teenager. It could be chalked up to me not really understanding that no person on earth sounds like that, and he was just putting on a weird voice to sound "queer."

No, I didn't know what he looked like. He did that face reveal actually, the infamous one with that disgusting face he makes and the yarn wig, and I was a bit disturbed and disappointed. But still, at the time, I was a bit enamored by him and would often think about messaging him and becoming his gf or some dumb shit. Thank God I didn't end up diaper rping with him like those other poor underage girls.

 

[Procrastinhater]

Well, at the time I was a stupid teenager. It could be chalked up to me not really understanding that no person on earth sounds like that, and he was just putting on a weird voice to sound "queer."

No, I didn't know what he looked like. He did that face reveal actually, the infamous one with that disgusting face he makes and the yarn wig, and I was a bit disturbed and disappointed. But still, at the time, I was a bit enamored by him and would often think about messaging him and becoming his gf or some dumb shit. Thank God I didn't end up diaper rping with him like those other poor underage girls.

Yeah I used to go on SA quite a lot before I got banned for shitting on LowTax's chosen people and him, its easy to forget Shmorky wasn't always known as the disgusting creature he was, that came later, at first he was just weird.
I still remember seeing that fucking face reveal with that appalling fucking greasy wig, and thinking "yeah, about what you'd expe... the fuck?! is that a wig??"

 

[barbieQ]

I've had this friend for about two years now (His name is Mark but he goes by Shannon now). Genuinely one of the sweetest people I've ever met, but socially awkward as hell. I initially met him in a Discord server for game mods where he'd post helpful tips for whoever asked, and that led to me and a few other people goofing around with him in calls before we just made out own server. (Because if anyone who wasn't in the little group we carved out joined the call, he'd get all awkward and silent.)

I got to know him, and in doing so found out he came from a really shitty home. And I don't mean "My parents except me to get a job and do the bare minimum." I mean like genuinely physically and emotionally abusive behavior from both parents towards him and his sisters. One of his dads favorite things to do was tell him he wasn't a "Real man." because he was a feminine gay dude, and he'd mock him for his interests. This has apparently stuck with him more than the physical shit done to him, and has fucked with him and his view of his masculinity for years. I saw the signs when he started growing out his hair and coming to our video calls in more and more makeup, and eventually he just came out to all of us and then we didn't hear from him for a few days, which was worrying, but he has since returned to the group chat and the rest of us are just continuing on as usual.

This was a week ago, and I'd say things have been ok as far as a friend trooning out could go. Personality wise he's still largely the same, but he's saying he wants to go down the lane of hormones and surgeries soon, which is a big step from just changing your name and pronouns. You can easily come back from that, surgery, not so much.

I really think his "transition" is just a trauma response to what his dad used to say to him, but don't know how to convey that without sounding like a bitch. As I said before, he still acts the same, and has been cool about people in the group "Misgendering/Deadnaming" him, but I'm not sure how to breach this topic with an emotionally fragile person who I honestly don't want to lose as a friend, even if I have a personal experience with this type of stuff.

 

[Aunt Carol]

I really think his "transition" is just a trauma response to what his dad used to say to him, but don't know how to convey that without sounding like a bitch. As I said before, he still acts the same, and has been cool about people in the group "Misgendering/Deadnaming" him, but I'm not sure how to breach this topic with an emotionally fragile person who I honestly don't want to lose as a friend, even if I have a personal experience with this type of stuff.

This sounds like a good start, honestly. You care about him, and you're concerned that he's got his dad's abuse internalized, just riding along with him telling him he's not a real man. When he's started "transitioning" does he think that his inner dad isn't going to start telling him he's a shitty woman instead, or start ruminating on the things he heard his dad tell his sisters?

Drinking the troon Kool-Aid is agreeing with his dad: you can't be a man with feminine aspects or interests. I don't know how agreeing with his abusive dad is liberating.

What would he say if his sisters told him "yeah, Dad abused me so much that I think I'm going to try being a man instead?"

 

[NotFatChild]

Catching up on the posts reminds me of why I only read this thread once every few months. How incredibly fucking depressing.

I've come to the damning realization that the religious fundamentalists I scoffed at as a teenager were right about everything this entire time.

Also @Beige did you ever pull the girlfriend aside? If so, how did it go? Your story filled me with disgust but I also laughed at how she basically did this to herself and then stewed in her own misery because apparently ruining your own life is preferable to admitting your political views were retarded all along.

 

[BoomerSperg1922]

They asked him to “pause” HRT and do family counseling and he responded with a dramatic text about how asking him to do so was like running “a stake through his core.” So he’s unwilling to consider any kind of talk therapy or group counseling at all — he wants total submission and affirmation, and he wants it immediately.

I actually got mad just reading this.

If my little brother ever pulled this shit I would text him to 'just kill yourself and save the rest of us the wasted time since you're going to do it eventually anyways' before blocking his number. I have relatives that do meth and live in homeless encampments and even they're less selfish than these people.

 

[Subtlety]

Does grooming have an age ceiling? Does the one TIM in one of my friend groups linking and conversing with one of the married women in our friend group about becoming a TIF, does that count as grooming when we're all 20+?

I'm not interested in starting shit about something that hasn't happened yet but my heart is already aching for my friend who is married to her. Imagine waking up one morning and your wife has decided she wants to grow a pecker and go by name Cailen or some shit. God. It's so heinous because excess testosterone is much worse for a woman's body than excess estrogen in a man's body but nooooo they're reversible and equivalent because it's queer alchemy.

 

[Amber the Hedgehog]

Does grooming have an age ceiling? Does the one TIM in one of my friend groups linking and conversing with one of the married women in our friend group about becoming a TIF, does that count as grooming when we're all 20+?

I'm not interested in starting shit about something that hasn't happened yet but my heart is already aching for my friend who is married to her. Imagine waking up one morning and your wife has decided she wants to grow a pecker and go by name Cailen or some shit. God. It's so heinous because excess testosterone is much worse for a woman's body than excess estrogen in a man's body but nooooo they're reversible and equivalent because it's queer alchemy.

There is no age ceiling in grooming as people of all ages can be very vulnerable under right circumstances. Grooming tactics are basically same what cults use and they certainly don't limit their age range.

The general consept of grooming has been getting bit muddled because some people try invoke child-adult power imbalance when talking about people in their 20s. That sounds stupid because it is. It's a blatant sympathy play for attention and/or avoid taking responsibility of their own mistakes. This doesn't mean that 20 somethings can't get groomed, it's just not child abuse.

 

[glass_houses]

The general consept of grooming has been getting bit muddled because some people try invoke child-adult power imbalance when talking about people in their 20s. That sounds stupid because it is. It's a blatant sympathy play for attention and/or avoid taking responsibility of their own mistakes. This doesn't mean that 20 somethings can't get groomed, it's just not child abuse.

Without PL all over the fucking place, I can tell you that the basic grooming method used by sexual predators is exactly the same regardless of the age of their target. It's the same story told in a different way each time, the way a classic fairy tale can be altered according to the audience's profile. The story can be G rated or it can be full blown gorn, but in the end it's the same fucking story.

Sometimes I read about the history of words and regret that the original meaning shifted over decades and centuries to something else entirely, because that original meaning would be so fucking perfect for current <thing>. In this case, I wish that the pre 1900 meaning of 'love making' was still in use because it's exactly what troons do.

 

[Subtlety]

Without PL all over the fucking place, I can tell you that the basic grooming method used by sexual predators is exactly the same regardless of the age of their target. It's the same story told in a different way each time, the way a classic fairy tale can be altered according to the audience's profile. The story can be G rated or it can be full blown gorn, but in the end it's the same fucking story.

Sometimes I read about the history of words and regret that the original meaning shifted over decades and centuries to something else entirely, because that original meaning would be so fucking perfect for current <thing>. In this case, I wish that the pre 1900 meaning of 'love making' was still in use because it's exactly what troons do.

For what it's worth I don't think the TIM is being a SEXUAL predator, but he's definitely lying about trans shit in every way. Both as a coping mechanism for his poor decisions and shitty life, but also wanting to "support" people. A lot of this is some obvious "queer is best" shit from the late 2000s into the Tumblr era: being straight is boring and bad. If you aren't bisexual (most of whom aren't actually bisexual but have brains fried by porn and so women think women/gay men are pure and men think men make good women) then you're evil and uninteresting. So now that virtually everyone is bisexual (again, from porn) there's a mix of social contagion and a queer arms race.

The woman in question is definitely someone who thinks "not being like other girls" is the number one goal to aspire to, and since she has always fostered friendships with men over women, she now thinks that she is an enby or (ugh) a handsome man. Funnily enough I think this woman also supported the TIM transitioning so she could have a girl friend. Which is darkly comical in retrospect.

I wouldn't say "queer is bad" because the queer definition shifts and what used to be queer a decade ago is normal now, but my stomach churns when people like Kevin Gibes talk about how much more pure and beautiful being in a polycule of failed gay men is versus having a wife/husband, children, property. If you are going to die alone without anyone to visit you, how is that better than the boring straights?

Anyway it's cultish behavior to try and escape straightness at any cost, and it bothers me that frankly I can't speak up. The discourse is so flammable that the second I even say something like "there's no evidence for brain sex" I'm likely to lose five friends.

 

[Joe Lieberman]

A couple of my friends have a larger friend group where a lot of people are polyamorous (lol) where one "transfeminine enby" TiM has been attempting to use his position as a "non-threatening femme" to flirt with exclusively women and cross boundaries. When people say "hey, this person's being kind of creepy and crossing boundaries with me/my partner, that's not cool" to him or about him, he flips out and accuses them of being transphobes, there's no wayyyyyy he's being creepy, if you're actually progressive and queer and polyamorous and into kink you need to indulge him or else you're being a prude at best, a transphobe at worst, blah blah blah. When my friends told me about this, they seemed a little hesitant to even mention the topic with me, but I've been real and pretty unfiltered with them about other obvious bullshit that they've dealt with. My advice was to hold the line and reinforce that the issue is the behavior, not their identity, but that someone immediately doubling back to trying to make it about their identity is a huge red flag.

Then I planted the seed: "I mean, how many of your other trans or non-binary friends act like this?" They made eye contact with each other and paused for a couple of seconds - they clearly wanted to say something else to me - before one responded with "you're right, it's not common." I have a feeling that this person is going to try to drop a nuke in their friend group in the near future, hopefully they're able to distance themselves before they have to deal with this person any further!

 

[Mad_Dog]

the issue is the behavior, not their identity

The behaviour stems from the so called identity. I get what your trying to do and it might be the most diplomatic strategy in the sort-term but we all know what the real issue is.

 

[463N7 5M17H]

Hello, I have returned to tell you awful news.

One of my friends killed himself late August. He blew his brains out while my other friends were downstairs about to go celebrate their anniversary. The shot was suppressed by his skull, so they were unaware of his death until they got a wellness check from his mom.

This friend was not the tranny I spoke of earlier, but he did believe himself to be trans at some point, went on estrogen briefly, and then de-transitioned.

I'm not going to dump all of the details about how he killed himself and the circumstances surrounding the occasion, but I will say that we were going to be roommates and share an apartment so that I could get out of a really shitty situation. I was across the country dealing with shit when he killed himself. I had to get a horrifying phone call from my other friend, who discovered his body. We have all known each other for seven fucking years.

Now, because of this asshole deciding to die, I'm stuck in an arguably worse situation than I was before.
Never trust trannies, never trust de-transitioners, never trust anyone who ever seriously fucking considers transitioning or people who do the non-binary shit.

They are all mentally unwell and if you put your hopes into them and put your trust onto them, if you tell them shit you've never told anyone else, no matter how well you feel like you can relate to what they are saying, they WILL betray you and die a selfish cunt.

 

[Slurm Queen]

I actually got mad just reading this.

If my little brother ever pulled this shit I would text him to 'just kill yourself and save the rest of us the wasted time since you're going to do it eventually anyways' before blocking his number. I have relatives that do meth and live in homeless encampments and even they're less selfish than these people.

That’s pretty close to what my last correspondence with him was.

Spoiler: TMI

I was also 9 months pregnant with my first child when he “came out” to me so everything was just a blur at first. After posting on the farms and reading everyone’s responses, I broke down and essentially grieved him as if he had died. It hurt knowing he’d chosen his fetish over his family and couldn’t give a rat’s ass about his new niece. Nowadays, I’m numb to it all and I no longer worry over possible suicide. I cut off all contact and I’ve just moved forward as best I can. Being preoccupied with an infant has definitely helped as well, ha.

As an update: my siblings and I no longer speak to him but he has limited contact with my parents. My parents say he does not dress or act any differently when they see him but his nails are painted and he carries some sort of black purse/crossbody bag. I warned them that he was going to be drip-feeding them this trans shit but I think they innocently thought it was maybe a blip on the radar. Lo and behold, he recently had the nerve to ask my mom to go with him to get their nails done together. This troon shit always always always starts with the nails.

I hate being right and I hate the antichrist.

 

[Sinner's Sandwich]

Now, because of this asshole deciding to die, I'm stuck in an arguably worse situation than I was before.

they WILL betray you and die a selfish cunt.

A severely mentally ill man commits suicide, and you are angry because he isn't useful for you anymore? That's fucking disgusting.

 

[Amber the Hedgehog]

A severely mentally ill man commits suicide, and you are angry because he isn't useful for you anymore? That's fucking disgusting.

That's how grieving often works around suicide. You are mad at them because suicidial people tend cause unnecessary work and grief to others. Only after dealing with immediate problems can the dealing with loss life begin.

 

[463N7 5M17H]

A severely mentally ill man commits suicide, and you are angry because he isn't useful for you anymore? That's fucking disgusting.

You do not understand shit about the situation or about the promises he made me. If you knew half of the actual story you wouldn't bother defending him. He was a selfish cunt, literally everyone who is aware of the events has this sentiment. I didn't put in my post how much I miss him, or how I'm trying very hard to forgive him.
In his journal he wrote about suicide for a while and did not tell anyone. He didn't tell me that our plans wouldn't work out. I was putting all of my faith into him and I was left homeless. I'm allowed to be angry at him for this.

 

[On a Journey]

There’s not really any interesting updates on my TIM brother but I need some catharsis. Here’s some excerpts from my recent updates (1st one links back to the original post) for context:

He’s still a useless NEET and is constantly selfish and disrespectful to our parents. He lives with our mother and I don’t know how she takes it, his entitlement is seriously off the charts. He rarely leaves the house and apparently doesn’t care about anything that isn’t on his computer. I resent him more every time I see him.

The troon brainrot has made him a terrible person and I don't know how to deal with it. I imagine this is a lot like seeing your sibling become a drug addict, although at least then it's socially acceptable to be upset about it. I just finished undergrad so I'm going to stay in my mother's spare room for a bit until I find a job (I won't know what city I'm moving to until I'm hired somewhere), so it's gonna be rough. Whenever I see his dumb face it takes every ounce of restraint I have not to start a fight.

Living with him sucks about as much as I expected it to, though we don’t talk much. Beyond the difficulty of seeing him like this, he’s a frustrating person to be around/live with for many reasons. He is by far the most self-centered and least considerate person I know. He knows my position on medical transition (I think it’s bad) and that I have some other gender-critical beliefs but I don’t think he understands how intensely anti-trans I really am. I’ve brought up the dangers of HRT a couple times since coming here but he seems convinced that the estrogen is actually making him look more feminine (it does not) and keeping from being suicidal (estrogen actually makes males depressed so I doubt it).

He’s still a shut-in NEET and I think the longer he lives like that, the worse his agoraphobia or depression or whatever will get. My mom still enables it despite me repeatedly telling her she needs to be harder on him. If he continues like this I think he will eventually kill himself, but by then he will have become such an empty pathetic shell of person that I’m not sure I’ll have much left to grieve. At any rate, I’ve just about run out of pity and sympathy. The only thing stopping me from becoming more confrontational is the fear that he’ll flip out and do something bad. I really did love him (we were always close growing up) but that person is gone and at this point I don’t have much hope of him coming back.

To those who have lost friends and family to troonery, have you asked them this: Do you know anyone who has finished their transition and is now free of dysphoria and living a happy and fulfilled life? If the answer is no, then what does that say about transitioning?

That’s a good one, I’ll try it and report back.

I am not very eloquent and honestly really need advice, (assuming hes not to far gone, which he very well may be) But If i dont atleast try and stop him before he gets his ass mutilated I wont be able to forgive myself.

also wanted to post images of the text messages to see what else i could possibly say, But im not sure if this is the right thread, Nor do i know how to do that properly at the moment.

If you want to talk I’m here, you can send DMs by clicking the envelope button at the top of the site. It should be obvious from my other posts in this thread (you can do a specific search for a user in a thread) that I am sincere and have a lot of experience with this shit (it isn’t just my brother). Definitely don’t post those screenshots publicly though.

That goes for anyone who has lost or is losing a relative or close friend to this and wants to chat. I’m always happy to be there for someone else. TBH, this is the only place online where I’ve been able to get real support (and I’ve looked) so I know it can be hard to find people who understand.

Edit: Toned down the second paragraph a bit in case someone who knows me ever finds this.

 

[Flaming_Barghast]

Hello, I have returned to tell you awful news.

One of my friends killed himself late August. He blew his brains out while my other friends were downstairs about to go celebrate their anniversary. The shot was suppressed by his skull, so they were unaware of his death until they got a wellness check from his mom.

This friend was not the tranny I spoke of earlier, but he did believe himself to be trans at some point, went on estrogen briefly, and then de-transitioned.

I'm not going to dump all of the details about how he killed himself and the circumstances surrounding the occasion, but I will say that we were going to be roommates and share an apartment so that I could get out of a really shitty situation. I was across the country dealing with shit when he killed himself. I had to get a horrifying phone call from my other friend, who discovered his body. We have all known each other for seven fucking years.

Now, because of this asshole deciding to die, I'm stuck in an arguably worse situation than I was before.
Never trust trannies, never trust de-transitioners, never trust anyone who ever seriously fucking considers transitioning or people who do the non-binary shit.

They are all mentally unwell and if you put your hopes into them and put your trust onto them, if you tell them shit you've never told anyone else, no matter how well you feel like you can relate to what they are saying, they WILL betray you and die a selfish cunt.

I know you're probably furious with them for dying, as well as your circumstances. I don't know enough of what's going on, but it's absolutely okay to be angry just in general. I hope things get better for you fren.
For anyone that has lost a loved one or feels like the person they know is dead, DM me, I mean it. While I'm less accustomed to trans stuff, I know all about death of loved ones and seeing people slowly turn into husks who would honestly be better off dying.

 

[Flaming_Barghast]

A severely mentally ill man commits suicide, and you are angry because he isn't useful for you anymore? That's fucking disgusting.

I understand the sentiment, it can appear very cold hearted, but I'm p sure this person is just grieving. Some people get angry, god knows I did when my brother died stupidly. And the guy killing himself with his friends downstairs, likely hoping to be found by them? No, that's fucking traumatic, especially if he blew his brains out. Suicide doesn't end with the person dying, it effects the entire family and everyone you know. Yes they are mentally ill and getting help can be hard, but the way they did it was definitely horrific and I imagine the friend that found them will have ptsd after that. It's not uncommon for family or friends who find bodies of suicide to follow shortly after, because it does give you ptsd.