Off-Topic Losing people to transgenderism support thread - Support group for trans widows and other people who lost loved ones to troonism

[SIMIΔN]

Just got news that a 17 yr old, nearly 7ft, nearly 300lb family member has decided he wants to transition and I want to scream myself inside out. This kid has been through incredible amounts of abuse and tragedy and I am 99% sure is autistic though his "parents" never bothered looking into any medical or mental health care for him. He has rage issues and severe depression. I have seen this coming for years because I could see how much he hated his own body and as much as I tried there was no combating his friend group and porn addiction. I don't know what to do and I'm heartbroken because while I have not described him very kindly here, I love him very much and want to have a normal, happy life and I really, really want him not to cut his dick off.

Does he have many 'normal' friends his same age? Do you think non-competitive sports might help? No one is groomed when cycling or hiking.

Three years ago, my closest friend of 20 years decided to return to higher educated to fulfill career goals and pursue their master's degree at a local university, and moved back in with his parents to focus on the venture full time.

People isolated in real life can easily fall into online traps.

or them to never notice the accumulation of scars on his arms

It doesn't help when non-depressed people take cutting as suicidal behavior, and not just a desperate attempt to feel any sensation through the fog of anhedonia. I say you stay in contact, but make sure he understands your hard limits.

 

[El-ahrairah]

Does he have many 'normal' friends his same age? Do you think non-competitive sports might help? No one is groomed when cycling or hiking.

Unfortunately, he had no friends at all until the current group, all of whom have come out as trans or non-binary already. He is extremely difficult to get along with and very bad at reading other people's reactions and tends to get self-deprecating to an awkward degree when when he notices other people are uncomfortable. I did convince him to start cycling and he's lost some weight, but other than that any suggestion of physical activity gets a violent rejection. I don't live in the same state he does and it makes it hard to have much influence in his day to day life.

 

[SIMIΔN]

If he didn't have a history of being abused, I would have suggested boxing, as it'll surround him with supportive men, and his size would be an advantage.
Would ringing him once a week help? I doubt anyone else has listened to how he sees the world or what he actually values.

How hard is it to get a Autism diagnosis in his state? Maybe that'll get him extra help in the final year of school.

 

[El-ahrairah]

If he didn't have a history of being abused, I would have suggested boxing, as it'll surround him with supportive men, and his size would be an advantage.
Would ringing him once a week help? I doubt anyone else has listened to how he sees the world or what he actually values.

How hard is it to get a Autism diagnosis in his state? Maybe that'll get him extra help in the final year of school.

Unfortunately, a lot has happened since my last post. I can't go into much detail because he'd recognize it if he ever saw me talking about it and then use it to try and ruin my life.

Because he just did that to someone else, someone who was fully supportive of him and his pronouns and transition, proving himself as malicious and manipulative as any troon with their own thread on here. My feelings have gone from worry and sympathy to disgust, horror, and righteous fury at what he tried to do.

That kid has been through hell, but now he's taking a sledgehammer to every positive relationship he has left. Taking advantage of people who went above and beyond to try and help him, lying and manipulation, all the while acting as though he's the victim. It's an absolute shitshow and I'm so angry I can't express it.

He does not know I know about any of it. Next time we talk I'll probably pretend I don't. If he ever regains his sanity, my hand will be held out to him. But until then, I cannot trust him any further than I could throw him. He will try and take advantage of me, as well.

I am grieving the person I thought he was. He hasn't been that little boy in a long time, though, I guess.

 

[SIMIΔN]

He's a traumatised socially isolated autist. You can't expect him to come around on his own.

Normal wifebeaters send women to the hospital, but someone like him would send them to the morgue, and trooning out just gives him a license to attack "TERFs"(ie. women and other people who annoy him). I'd avoid meeting in person for your own safety, but I still think reaching out on the phone is the only chance to prevent this catastrophe.

I'm neuroatypical (but not autistic) , big, from an abusive family and only made my first friends at 13. I'm like a less extreme version of him, but was fortunate enough to grow up in less insane times, I desisted without any permanent damage beyond hair reduction. You're welcome to DM me should you have any questions.

 

[Gingervitis]

He's a traumatised socially isolated autist. You can't expect him to come around on his own.

Normal wifebeaters send women to the hospital, but someone like him would send them to the morgue, and trooning out just gives him a license to attack "TERFs"(ie. women and other people who annoy him). I'd avoid meeting in person for your own safety, but I still think reaching out on the phone is the only chance to prevent this catastrophe.

I'm neuroatypical (but not autistic) , big, from an abusive family and only made my first friends at 13. I'm like a less extreme version of him, but was fortunate enough to grow up in less insane times, I desisted without any permanent damage beyond hair reduction. You're welcome to DM me should you have any questions.

I mean, how autistic is he? Is he closer to Chris-Chan? Or more like the average KF user, who can hold down a job and have non-autistic friends?

 

[El-ahrairah]

He's a traumatised socially isolated autist. You can't expect him to come around on his own.

Normal wifebeaters send women to the hospital, but someone like him would send them to the morgue, and trooning out just gives him a license to attack "TERFs"(ie. women and other people who annoy him). I'd avoid meeting in person for your own safety, but I still think reaching out on the phone is the only chance to prevent this catastrophe.

I'm neuroatypical (but not autistic) , big, from an abusive family and only made my first friends at 13. I'm like a less extreme version of him, but was fortunate enough to grow up in less insane times, I desisted without any permanent damage beyond hair reduction. You're welcome to DM me should you have any questions.

I might take you up on that, I'm at a total loss. He's always been frustrating to argue with but now he feels like he's got some social power and he's using it as a weapon on everyone around him.

I mean, how autistic is he? Is he closer to Chris-Chan? Or more like the average KF user, who can hold down a job and have non-autistic friends?

I'd put him about halfway between the average kf user and Chris Chan. He's had one job and was fired. He claimed it was for something that was out of his control and even at the time I didn't think he told me the whole story.

He's very good at leaving out his own actions when describing a conflict he's having with other people. No one's ever responding to his actions, they're all just picking on him out of the blue.

 

[SIMIΔN]

He's very good at leaving out his own actions when describing a conflict he's having with other people. No one's ever responding to his actions, they're all just picking on him out of the blue.

That's me too. I have to actively choose to tell an accurate story. Maybe he is overcompensating for a feeling that others automatically blame him. It's not an autistic thing, it's an abusive childhood thing.

He's always been frustrating to argue with

That's where you went wrong. He's isolated and has no one around without ulterior motives, a friendly relative might be the difference between disaster and recovery.
I'm not saying be a verbal punching bag, just end the conversation if he gets abusive or threatens suicide.
"I am not being comfortable being spoken to like that, lets talk when you are feeling calmer" and hang up.
He'll quickly learn that any bullshit will leave him isolated in his room and behave better. Do not hang up if he calmly says something stupid or manipulative, just steer the topics to something less inflammatory.

 

[Color Computer]

My sister. She is a ftm. [I'll be referring to them with she/her pronouns so this post can make sense.]
Throughout her teen years, she has always insisted that she was trans and I accepted it.
Then for awhile she detransitioned and I thought the phase was over. But recently she came out to me again. She told me she had been fantasizing about getting top surgery and getting testosterone. She is 18 now and can legally get it. I support her but the thing is...I'm just so scared for her. I don't want her to get testosterone and top surgery then end up regretting her choices. She's mentally ill too. She is medicated but still..I don't want her to become one of the 41% if you get what I'm saying. I love her so much. I don't want anything to ever happen to her.

Hello, update on my situation.
She has de-transitioned once again!! Which I am very happy about. And I'm so relieved that she never had any surgeries, or got on testosterone. I'm just so relieved. It's like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. She no longer has to deal with trans issues. She can now just be a pretty, cool tomboy. I just hope that this time, it's for good.
Lots of love to the people in this thread.

 

[ChaosReignsOnSomeSaturday]

I've got a co-worker who I've recently made friends with. I had a pretty decent opinion I'd him and despite our age difference he seemed like a guy who would have fit in with people I know. However today he told me his "GF" is trans, and now I'm questioning my entire opinion of this nigga. How is he gonna be studying International Business Logistics but still be fucking a dude and lying to me, himself, and God that he's sleeping with a woman.

In summary, this nigga gay and I feel betrayed.

 

[ruraljuror]

Well, I’ve been working my way through this thread and dealing with my own situation for two years now, will put beneath spoiler so that it’s not an absolute wall of text.

TL;DR : my husband trooned out, and has fucked my whole life over.

Spoiler: incredibly long text

Okay so, about two years ago my then-husband came out to me as non-binary/“trans-feminine”. The timing of it was, honestly, classic AGP from what I’ve read.

To start; we began dating in high school, and were together for 10 years total (5 years married). He was/is military, always been chronically online, gamer, anime, etc etc. I’m someone who has always loved video games/anime as well so that didn’t set off red flags for me, and when I was younger was a total hardcore “intersectional feminist” (now consider myself more radfem aligned but that’s irrelevant). I always encouraged in him to do things that felt right regardless of if they were “masculine” as I feel that labels of that sort are regressive.

The first red flag I noticed was probably about 1 year into marriage when scrolling on his phone (was normal for us) I was on his Reddit and saw subreddits followed that were full of pictures of girls with Like, dildos stuffed in their underwear, as if these women (very clearly biological women) had penises. And similarly other trans porn subreddits. At that point I felt icky about it and stopped using his phone, since I knew I didn’t want to see more things like that. I never said anything as I figured it was “my fault” because I looked and found it.

The relationship was “fine” in a lot of ways because I ignored other blatant abuses- my mental health declined rapidly despite receiving honestly really great therapy for my childhood abuse but I was never “getting better” despite cutting out my terrible family who were a huge issue in my life. I now know it is because I was consistently being mistreated in the relationship, in ways I didn’t know were wrong. There’s something about getting into a long term relationship like that when you’re still a child that primes you for being mistreated; I just didn’t know any better.

All of the household duties fell to me and there were a few years where I was basically unable to be employed due to a mix of mental health issues and if I was at work nobody would cook or clean or take care of the day-to-day life duties. I had other chronic health issues due to the abuse that often left me stuck in bed for days on end, and thus I spent a lot of time on the internet in this time, at first Reddit reading a lot of subreddits about illness fakers/those sorts of lolcows and that’s when I found kiwi farms initially/began to come to the truth about trans issues and really started to feel very strongly in agreement to the general sentiment on these forums especially in regards to AGP individuals.

Fast forward a few years, and we were coming up on 5 years married, I had recently been able to get a part time job and start seeing some work on my own independence, and began confronting him about mistreatment as I was figuring out that something wasn’t right between us. So, we were in the car when they dropped the bomb of typical “I just don’t feel like a man, I want to shave my legs, I don’t want to be called your husband” and then we got coffee at a coffee shop in silence and I was floored. Gutted; I later began to ask questions. One desperate day I looked through his computer and found hundreds of porn videos in the history; all trans women being degraded and humiliated. Some of these videos were watched at 7am or in the middle of the afternoon when I would have been like, two rooms over. Others were after I had gone to bed. I regret doing that but it opened my eyes to see it’s just a fetish to him.

Before this happened I had booked an appointment to get my IUD removed because we decided we were “ready” to have kids, luckily we split before this appointment happened but I, of course, asked if he was going to start hormones and if he knew that would ruin fertility. I expressed that he could be non-masculine without needing to label it as non-binary or transfeminine. I was called a bigot.

Pretty soon after that it was getting worse for me at home and I was in contact with services for women fleeing abuse, to avoid getting too wordy I ended up at the hospital one night, and stayed at a friends house, and because of that he told me I wasn’t allowed back to the home, that I had “made my choice when I left that night”. I ended up homeless, with a drained bank account, with only a minimum-wage part-time job. He’s spent the past two years dodging legal paperwork and getting hormones courtesy of the military, is claiming financial insecurity while making 90 grand a year, and I haven’t gotten a cent despite being owed thousands at this point, and had to leave behind my 3 cats (because homelessness).

I’ve made things work for myself, only been homeless again once since then, (but two times being homeless in two years is too many times). I have a full-time job that’s hard on my body and can’t afford my meds or therapy but honestly? Mentally have been doing miles better in a lot of ways. I still wish for justice but I don’t hold out hope as our legal system doesn’t actually do anything if you don’t have money here in Canada. So I’m still legally married to this shitbag, haven’t gotten any alimony or anything, and had to restart my life from literally less than I had when I moved out of my parents house, but I’m fuckin free from that horror show of abuse.

Sorry for the absolute novel; I dont get to talk about this much in my real life for fear of being called a bigot or cancelled or something but how come MTF/AGP types can get away with so much? Why is society allowing this just because woke says so? He’s not stunning and brave for abandoning his wife to get two tranny gfs and spend all his time on Reddit; but I can’t say that because I’ll get absolutely demolished in the current social climate. Thankful for this thread as a place to vent, thankful for you kiwis who just get it.

 

[AfghanBlue]

Hello, update on my situation.
She has de-transitioned once again!! Which I am very happy about. And I'm so relieved that she never had any surgeries, or got on testosterone. I'm just so relieved. It's like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. She no longer has to deal with trans issues. She can now just be a pretty, cool tomboy. I just hope that this time, it's for good.
Lots of love to the people in this thread.

While she's still for the good, and when she's having a particularly good go of it, u should pick a time to have a ncie day with ehr and enforce the fact to it of how horrendous it was when she thought she was trans for you and basically just info dump a much trans is bullshit stuff as u can on ehr so it sticks in now incase she gets low and starts having feelings to go down that path again.
Tell her how sick with worry it made you and everything else about how bullshit it is, because if she's up and down you never know.
On the plus side we have definitely reached a high water mark already and stuff is receding, so the outside world is kind of a better place than it was in terms of girls trooning out left and right.

I'm really happy for you though. The thing that gave me second thoughts about it trans shit years ago, was, weirdly enough a random dream about a family member announcing transition.
Wasn't so happy to clap it on when it was someone I cared deeply about.

 

[El-ahrairah]

Maybe he is overcompensating for a feeling that others automatically blame him.

He has a very good reason to feel that way. None of his siblings were safe from the abuse, but his main abuser focused most of her hate and venom on him. I am gonna go to DMs now, though, because I definitely need advice and don't want to say things he'd recognize if he ever found his way to the farms.

It's been several days since The Event and I'm calmer about the whole thing now. I don't think I could manage to keep my cool in a phone call with him yet, but I do plan on writing him a very long text. As angry as I am at his behavior, I still love him very much and always will, and I know he needs some reassurance that that's the case.

 

[Coldsteel the Hedgehog]

Woke up today to a message from a close, very long term friend of mine that he made an appointment to start HRT.

I'm not new to having trans friends, it's something I kind of have to accept given the hobbies I run in. But fuck, man. He was different. I detransitioned years ago and he felt like he just got it in a way other people didn't. We'd talked a lot about our journeys. I remember he told me "I'll never bother transitioning, because the way I look means I'll never pass, so what's the point in doing that to myself?"

What the hell happened? I don't know how he could go from that to calling himself fucking Brittney, of all names. Something feels deeply wrong about this in a way I cannot shake.

He has a history of severe abuse. Mental illnesses which are untreated. Drugs he's working so hard to get clean from. A girlfriend who loves him. He told me he wouldn't do this. He wanted to go to school to be a preacher.

I told him HRT wouldn't do anything. He agreed. I told him when he said he'd never pass, he said he knows he won't. So why the fuck is he doing it?

How the fuck does this keep happening?

 

[NoReturn]

How the fuck does this keep happening?

It's a religion/cult. It really is. I'm not being hyperbolic when I say that, and I don't think others are either, I think on some level, though, saying "It's a religion" comes across as dismissive.
I wonder, sometimes, if it comes across as dismissive because of how much the culture has shifted. GenZ was at the very tail end of the Evangelical movement in the US, and they didn't grow up in a time where that sort of thing was as ubiquitous in the culture (at least in certain regions) as the pride flag stuff is now.

 

[Kent Allard]

It's a religion/cult. It really is. I'm not being hyperbolic when I say that, and I don't think others are either, I think on some level, though, saying "It's a religion" comes across as dismissive.
I wonder, sometimes, if it comes across as dismissive because of how much the culture has shifted. GenZ was at the very tail end of the Evangelical movement in the US, and they didn't grow up in a time where that sort of thing was as ubiquitous in the culture (at least in certain regions) as the pride flag stuff is now.

 

[Lavender Moth]

My last really, really close nerd friend has started to poon out after being "befriended" (see: groomed) by a group of trans sex cultists online through a children's video game. She is an autistic woman in her 30's.

Not Great update to this post I made on my friend.

My own health is quite poor right now. I fully intent to fight like hell and stick around because I do not want my last years on this earth being spent in clown world LMFAO. I will endure through sheer spite. (Not to mention, there are so many adventures I want to go on, and places that I want to see. I'm not ready to go, if you catch my drift.)

Even so, as a result of my uncertain future, I've been hanging out with my friend more.

She's still with her unpleasant internet friend group whose entire personalities seem to be their make believe gender, their kin religion woo cult slop, and calling people out online. (These are adult 25+ year old women btw.) She can't even send a funny AI music shitpost to these people without them berating her for being evil. Myself and her boyfriend are the two known non-familiar islands of logic and normalcy in her life that I am aware of.

Friend quit a lot of social media sites where gender shit festers (tumblr and twitter) and she lacks any pronouns on her discord profile, so I (erroneously) thought the nonbinary shit had blown over or at least would stay contained to the internet. That is, until my friend needed to come into my house for something. I apologized to her that my dog would greet her by barking obnoxiously, but I reassured her he wouldn't carry on or act aggressive because she's a woman, and he only gets aggressive with men he doesn't know. She said, "well, I hope he's okay with she/theys!"

I WANTED to respond with "don't worry, all dogs are TERFs like me" but nonbinary/pooner shit genuinely upsets me due to my long history with it, so I couldn't do anything other than grey rock and look like the monkey side eye meme as I unlocked my house.

She knows I lost the partner I really liked over this ideology. She was one of the only people who stood by me when I broke it off with old partner. All my off-color mockery aside, I don't hate the people who fall into this ideology as a group (in fact, many of them I love deeply and I often feel like I'm mourning them as if they died, even if they haven't yet) because I know they are all suffering and need HELP not pronouns and hormones, but I have a Master Computer AM level of hatred for the ideology itself, and at this point I don't even know how to discuss the elephant in the room with my friend without flying off the handle into angry spergland.

I know part of the problem is it is absolutely, unequivocally integral that I focus on myself and my health right now, but my instinct is to be the helper and healer for others. I love her like family. I want to help her. But I really don't think I can right now, and it's fucking eating me alive.

 

[Mandals]

I don't know where else to post this but, I helped someone start their transing and feel bad about it a few years later.

This was back before COVID hit, and I drove them to the surgeon and back. I wish now that, I have seen what becomes of these people, I did not help this individual down the path of ruining their life further.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

I don't know where else to post this but, I helped someone start their transing and feel bad about it a few years later.

This was back before COVID hit, and I drove them to the surgeon and back. I wish now that, I have seen what becomes of these people, I did not help this individual down the path of ruining their life further.

A heart of true repentance avails much.

Now go dox 20 groomers and say 50 "YWNBAW"s in atonement.

 

[AI generated waifu]

I don't know where else to post this but, I helped someone start their transing and feel bad about it a few years later.

This was back before COVID hit, and I drove them to the surgeon and back. I wish now that, I have seen what becomes of these people, I did not help this individual down the path of ruining their life further.

It's sad to realise all this too late. Let's hope nothing too bad came of it. You wanted to help, you meant well. It's ultimately up to your friend to realise this isn't the right path, if they do.

Maybe you reach out to them again and talk about this? Or have you not had any contact with them anymore?