Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Yellow Sink Disease]

The meme face on Lucas's stupid "Wern Posted" watermark is starting to really accurately portray my own facial reaction to his posts...

 

[Wernology]

Jesus christ. What did that poor steak do to deserve that horrifying treatment?!

Hey at least he didn't overcook the broccoli so badly it turned into green-brown mush.

Potatoes look away underdone and the steak way overcooked though.

 

[Snack Cracker]

Hey at least he didn't overcook the broccoli so badly it turned into green-brown mush.

Potatoes look away underdone and the steak way overcooked though.

I can’t get over the vegetables.
It’s a FROZEN MIX bag and they look completely awful and greasy while simultaneously over spiced yet bland.
How do you fuck that up?
Don’t even add vegetables at that point, be honest with your slob self and make that mac n cheese you REALLY want to in the shelter kitchen for your avocado avocado AVOCADO (why did he say it so many times?) bottom shelf cut that you killed a second time.

 

[Josef Mengele]

Round steak is cheap and bad. I had to eat it growing up often and it was tough as hell. A terrible cut of meat. I hated that shit. If there is a good way to cook it, I have not got to experience it. You would be better off eating a burger patty. Typical Lucas meal and I am sure it is barely edible, but fatty will make due, just douse it in srricha mayo.

He hasn't been eating at Clinkerniggers lately. Maybe with the upcoming tugboat check he will be doing that?

I think with all of the free COVID meals he might actually have some leftover EBT, so a few Clinkerdagger meals might be in store. This might also explain why he is buying a tons of meat so late in the month, because he usually blows all of his EBT in the first week. It will be sad watching him have all of that extra money, when much more deserving homeless are actually in dire straights.

I like how he says, "Look how crisp I got that"

Crisp is not something that should ever be used to describe a steak. I think the word you're looking for is ruined, fat boy.

Couldn't have said it better myself, that steak is so hard you could nail it onto a Timberland boot and it would be a good, sturdy sole. Sometimes I sincerely think Lucas views cooking like a video game and the more burnt a food is, the higher score he is getting. "It is a charcoal briquette texture, did I get to the zoomer ova level?"

 

[Maxxicus Callahan]

More teachings from the Wern. The more I think about it Lucas deep down under the veneer of wanting a free open society sounds like The Duke from Salo - 120 Days of Sodom. “

• “We Fascists are the only true anarchists, naturally, once we're masters of the state. In fact, the one true anarchy is that of power.”

 

[PrincessKidana]

Let's be honest. The real reason Pukas wants to run for president and destroy the government and have a free for all is because then dirty hobos like him can snatch little girls from their parents to keep in cages only to be brought out for sexual pleasure and breeding purposes. He is a pig and only wants to get rid of laws so that he is free to do what he wants with the children that he can't touch right now (including his nieces, though they may be too old for him now).

 

[Wernology]

Let's be honest. The real reason Pukas wants to run for president and destroy the government and have a free for all is because then dirty hobos like him can snatch little girls from their parents to keep in cages only to be brought out for sexual pleasure and breeding purposes. He is a pig and only wants to get rid of laws so that he is free to do what he wants with the children that he can't touch right now (including his nieces, though they may be too old for him now).

Wait until he figures out how much it costs to run for president and lose, let alone run and win.

 

[PrincessKidana]

Wait until he figures out how much it costs to run for president and lose, let alone run and win.

He'll just beg for campaign money on Instagram and YouTube. We've already determined he isn't above selling himself to make a dime.

 

[Maxxicus Callahan]

Let's be honest. The real reason Pukas wants to run for president and destroy the government and have a free for all is because then dirty hobos like him can snatch little girls from their parents to keep in cages only to be brought out for sexual pleasure and breeding purposes. He is a pig and only wants to get rid of laws so that he is free to do what he wants with the children that he can't touch right now (including his nieces, though they may be too old for him now).

Somebody said a while back that Lucas is like Mason Verger but homeless and fatter I think that’s a good comparison.

 

[Narr Then]

Apols and happy to take the clocks, but I'm just catching up from Friday afternoon (gmt) and clocked this.

What the actual? I know he's an armchair anarchist at best, but actually saying that he's doing his bit by making his retarded memes? Hooooooly fuck hahahaha
Even ADF is more of an activist that this useless waste of DNA

View attachment 1952329
Thank god he’s too lazy and self serving to actually get involved in activism. I love how people think voicing their opinions online makes them a moral upstanding person but in their own life they don’t reflect any of that and just use their posts as a kind of shield to cover for their shitty IRL behaviour.

(sorry if I fucked the quote/attachment up, all my comment icons are out of commission for some reason)

 

[ThomasAudley]

So that’s what cooked guacamole looks like. Gotta say this is the first I’ve ever heard of someone cooking guacamole, kudos you fat retard, I thought I had seen it all.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

Round steak is cheap and bad. I had to eat it growing up often and it was tough as hell. A terrible cut of meat. I hated that shit. If there is a good way to cook it, I have not got to experience it. You would be better off eating a burger patty. Typical Lucas meal and I am sure it is barely edible, but fatty will make due, just douse it in srricha mayo.

He hasn't been eating at Clinkerniggers lately. Maybe with the upcoming tugboat check he will be doing that?

Round steak has to be cooked for a few hours on a low heat setting. I cook mine in a dutch oven on 325 for about four hours, throw some cut up potatoes in about an hour before it's done, and boom, a tender piece of meat.

 

[ClownBrew]

So that’s what cooked guacamole looks like. Gotta say this is the first I’ve ever heard of someone cooking guacamole, kudos you fat retard, I thought I had seen it all.

Good. Being proudly of Italian descent I'm rather relieved to see the Joe Pesci accent and the hot-dogs-in-grease calzones phased out now. Time for the Mexicans to take one for the team here.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

Good. Being proudly of Italian descent I'm rather relieved to see the Joe Pesci accent and the hot-dogs-in-grease calzones phased out now. Time for the Mexicans to take one for the team here.

My dear, departed Italian grandmother would beat him soundly with her Spatula of Doom.

And then turn it to the other side and do it again, then finish him off with a smack to the face, while asking "whatsa matter wit you?"

 

[Coach McGuirk]

Lucas as a Presidential candidate it somehow more ridiculous than Vermin Supreme, the Candidate with a boot on his head, advocating for a "pony for everyone". Granted Supreme i think is mostly a joke, and donates to horse sanctuaries in his local area. Its crazy how Lucas can be more of a joke, than the actual joke.

 

[AnOminous]

Round steak is cheap and bad. I had to eat it growing up often and it was tough as hell. A terrible cut of meat. I hated that shit. If there is a good way to cook it, I have not got to experience it. You would be better off eating a burger patty.

Top round is okay. You can make London Broil out of it. Eye of round is maybe the only unredeemable cut of beef. If you can tenderize it and slice it very thinly it is almost acceptable as sandwich meat.

 

[wenttobermuda]

My dear, departed Italian grandmother...

Good. Being proudly of Italian descent...

My tires are Italian.

Dago through rain. Dago through snow.

And when they pop, dago wop wop wop.

Seriously though, Italy is shaped like a boot, because you can't fit that much shit in a shoe.

Thank you, thank you, you've been lovely. Fuck Italy, though.

Lucas is on some adolescent Aleister Crowley shit. "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law!"

Ok.

Thanks Lucas, we are now rid of laws. Come to think of it, I've always found them rather stifling.

The only thing between human nature and human behavior is now human judgment, which is famously reliable. If any problems come up, we will resolve them as best we can, with all of the reason we can muster in the moment. Haha.

Now, there has long been a consensus that Lucas is a fat faggot and aspiring sex offender.

In the old days, with laws, there were ways of dealing with guys like that. But now, in an our anarchocommunist utopia, we get to start fresh and try a novel solution for the age old problem of dirty old hobos.

It would go something like this:

Spoiler: TLDR

Once upon a time, in a far away land where the people were free, an old man named Lucas had a fit. The details of the fit have been lost to time, and many different stories have circulated about the particulars, but it is generally agreed upon that Lucas approached a group of young women and began screaming at them about his semen and their bigoted puss puss.

They say that Lucas had said weirder things before, and yelled more loudly before, but this time, for whatever reason, the mob formed organically.

A group of young men chased Lucas through the streets, but the chase didn't last long, because Lucas was a great big fat fuck. Lucas was seized, the little bit of resistance in him was slapped away, and he was unceremoniously dragged before a jeering crowd. It was like he was at the elementary school playgrounds of his youth, or jail again. He was given purple nurples, wet willies, and noogies.

Lucas addressed the hostile throng: "All I want is what all men want...to fist an adolescent hottie!"

"Fat faggot!" "Chomo!" "Retard!" "Creep!" "Shut the fuck up faggot!"

Insults were thrown first, and then trash. The trash was followed by shit, and then rocks. Tarring and feather was suggested, and while it fit the mood, nobody knew where to find the tar. Acting on some vestigial cultural memory, the crowd tried to "run him out of town on a rail," but nobody was sure how to do that.

They say that Lucas alternated between begging for mercy and screaming that he was a comedian.

A group of young men and women competed to see who could slap Lucas the hardest, while the older folks debated the merits of various tortures. He was stripped of his clothing, and the throng took a moment to laugh at his comically small wiener.

Lucas wept. His wiener was really that small.

Naked, Lucas was flogged with a belt. A creative type in the crowd fashioned him an "incel crown," which was just a pair of shit-filled boxers placed over his head. A faction wanted to crucify him, but they couldn't agree on whether they should use nails or thongs, and those that favored nails bitterly disputed whether the palms or wrists should be used to anchor Lucas's limbs.

Lucas howled and wept and crapped.

Someone suggested boiling Lucas in oil, but the folks who wanted to spit at him and kick him some more were more persuasive. The kicking intensifed. Lucas ran out of teeth fairly quickly, but not of anguished howls.

A group a folks determined to hang Lucas formed, and they nearly succeeded in their aim, but a the last moment Lucas was carried off by a cadre of radicals who insisted on pissing in his face. A fire was set to roast him by, a grave was dug to bury him in, and a couple of nerds started work on a DUI guillotine.

Someone suggested sodomizing Lucas for a laugh, half-jokingly, and one thing lead to another, and some giggling dudes experimented with the volume and depth of Lucas's butthole. This was considered very objectionable by a few members of the mob, but most of them approved when a particularly aggressive citizen chewed one of Lucas's fingers off and swallowed it. This served as a signal for everyone to tear him to pieces.

They started with his digits, and before long, were fighting over his ribs and vertebrae.

Eventually, the crowd's energy was spent, and Lucas's scraps that weren't kept as souvenirs were dragged out to the trash heap.

They say that nine months after that day, dozens of babies were born.

It would be nothing like that, of course. Nobody would do butt stuff to Lucas.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

My tires are Italian.

Dago through rain. Dago through snow.

And when they pop, dago wop wop wop.

Seriously though, Italy is shaped like a boot, because you can't fit that much shit in a shoe.

Thank you, thank you, you've been lovely. Fuck Italy, though.

Lucas is on some adolescent Aleister Crowley shit. "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law!"

Ok.

Thanks Lucas, we are now rid of laws. Come to think of it, I've always found them rather stifling.

The only thing between human nature and human behavior is now human judgment, which is famously reliable. If any problems come up, we will resolve them as best we can, with all of the reason we can muster in the moment. Haha.

Now, there has long been a consensus that Lucas is a fat faggot and aspiring sex offender.

In the old days, with laws, there were ways of dealing with guys like that. But now, in an our anarchocommunist utopia, we get to start fresh and try a novel solution for the age old problem of dirty old hobos.

It would go something like this:

Spoiler: TLDR

Once upon a time, in a far away land where the people were free, an old man named Lucas had a fit. The details of the fit have been lost to time, and many different stories have circulated about the particulars, but it is generally agreed upon that Lucas approached a group of young women and began screaming at them about his semen and their bigoted puss puss.

They say that Lucas had said weirder things before, and yelled more loudly before, but this time, for whatever reason, the mob formed organically.

A group of young men chased Lucas through the streets, but the chase didn't last long, because Lucas was a great big fat fuck. Lucas was seized, the little bit of resistance in him was slapped away, and he was unceremoniously dragged before a jeering crowd. It was like he was at the elementary school playgrounds of his youth, or jail again. He was given purple nurples, wet willies, and noogies.

Lucas addressed the hostile throng: "All I want is what all men want...to fist an adolescent hottie!"

"Fat faggot!" "Chomo!" "Retard!" "Creep!" "Shut the fuck up faggot!"

Insults were thrown first, and then trash. The trash was followed by shit, and then rocks. Tarring and feather was suggested, and while it fit the mood, nobody knew where to find the tar. Acting on some vestigial cultural memory, the crowd tried to "run him out of town on a rail," but nobody was sure how to do that.

They say that Lucas alternated between begging for mercy and screaming that he was a comedian.

A group of young men and women competed to see who could slap Lucas the hardest, while the older folks debated the merits of various tortures. He was stripped of his clothing, and the throng took a moment to laugh at his comically small wiener.

Lucas wept. His wiener was really that small.

Naked, Lucas was flogged with a belt. A creative type in the crowd fashioned him an "incel crown," which was just a pair of shit-filled boxers placed over his head. A faction wanted to crucify him, but they couldn't agree on whether they should use nails or thongs, and those that favored nails bitterly disputed whether the palms or wrists should be used to anchor Lucas's limbs.

Lucas howled and wept and crapped.

Someone suggested boiling Lucas in oil, but the folks who wanted to spit at him and kick him some more were more persuasive. The kicking intensifed. Lucas ran out of teeth fairly quickly, but not of anguished howls.

A group a folks determined to hang Lucas formed, and they nearly succeeded in their aim, but a the last moment Lucas was carried off by a cadre of radicals who insisted on pissing in his face. A fire was set to roast him by, a grave was dug to bury him in, and a couple of nerds started work on a DUI guillotine.

Someone suggested sodomizing Lucas for a laugh, half-jokingly, and one thing lead to another, and some giggling dudes experimented with the volume and depth of Lucas's butthole. This was considered very objectionable by a few members of the mob, but most of them approved when a particularly aggressive citizen chewed one of Lucas's fingers off and swallowed it. This served as a signal for everyone to tear him to pieces.

They started with his digits, and before long, were fighting over his ribs and vertebrae.

Eventually, the crowd's energy was spent, and Lucas's scraps that weren't kept as souvenirs were dragged out to the trash heap.

They say that nine months after that day, dozens of babies were born.

It would be nothing like that, of course. Nobody would do butt stuff to Lucas.

Why does the Mafia like helicopters so much?

Because dago wop, wop, wop.

Got my ass beat with the aforementioned spatula for telling that joke within Nonas' earshot.

 

[ClownBrew]

My tires are Italian.

Dago through rain. Dago through snow.

And when they pop, dago wop wop wop.

Seriously though, Italy is shaped like a boot, because you can't fit that much shit in a shoe.

Thank you, thank you, you've been lovely. Fuck Italy, though.

Lucas is on some adolescent Aleister Crowley shit. "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law!"

Ok.

Thanks Lucas, we are now rid of laws. Come to think of it, I've always found them rather stifling.

The only thing between human nature and human behavior is now human judgment, which is famously reliable. If any problems come up, we will resolve them as best we can, with all of the reason we can muster in the moment. Haha.

Now, there has long been a consensus that Lucas is a fat faggot and aspiring sex offender.

In the old days, with laws, there were ways of dealing with guys like that. But now, in an our anarchocommunist utopia, we get to start fresh and try a novel solution for the age old problem of dirty old hobos.

It would go something like this:

Spoiler: TLDR

Once upon a time, in a far away land where the people were free, an old man named Lucas had a fit. The details of the fit have been lost to time, and many different stories have circulated about the particulars, but it is generally agreed upon that Lucas approached a group of young women and began screaming at them about his semen and their bigoted puss puss.

They say that Lucas had said weirder things before, and yelled more loudly before, but this time, for whatever reason, the mob formed organically.

A group of young men chased Lucas through the streets, but the chase didn't last long, because Lucas was a great big fat fuck. Lucas was seized, the little bit of resistance in him was slapped away, and he was unceremoniously dragged before a jeering crowd. It was like he was at the elementary school playgrounds of his youth, or jail again. He was given purple nurples, wet willies, and noogies.

Lucas addressed the hostile throng: "All I want is what all men want...to fist an adolescent hottie!"

"Fat faggot!" "Chomo!" "Retard!" "Creep!" "Shut the fuck up faggot!"

Insults were thrown first, and then trash. The trash was followed by shit, and then rocks. Tarring and feather was suggested, and while it fit the mood, nobody knew where to find the tar. Acting on some vestigial cultural memory, the crowd tried to "run him out of town on a rail," but nobody was sure how to do that.

They say that Lucas alternated between begging for mercy and screaming that he was a comedian.

A group of young men and women competed to see who could slap Lucas the hardest, while the older folks debated the merits of various tortures. He was stripped of his clothing, and the throng took a moment to laugh at his comically small wiener.

Lucas wept. His wiener was really that small.

Naked, Lucas was flogged with a belt. A creative type in the crowd fashioned him an "incel crown," which was just a pair of shit-filled boxers placed over his head. A faction wanted to crucify him, but they couldn't agree on whether they should use nails or thongs, and those that favored nails bitterly disputed whether the palms or wrists should be used to anchor Lucas's limbs.

Lucas howled and wept and crapped.

Someone suggested boiling Lucas in oil, but the folks who wanted to spit at him and kick him some more were more persuasive. The kicking intensifed. Lucas ran out of teeth fairly quickly, but not of anguished howls.

A group a folks determined to hang Lucas formed, and they nearly succeeded in their aim, but a the last moment Lucas was carried off by a cadre of radicals who insisted on pissing in his face. A fire was set to roast him by, a grave was dug to bury him in, and a couple of nerds started work on a DUI guillotine.

Someone suggested sodomizing Lucas for a laugh, half-jokingly, and one thing lead to another, and some giggling dudes experimented with the volume and depth of Lucas's butthole. This was considered very objectionable by a few members of the mob, but most of them approved when a particularly aggressive citizen chewed one of Lucas's fingers off and swallowed it. This served as a signal for everyone to tear him to pieces.

They started with his digits, and before long, were fighting over his ribs and vertebrae.

Eventually, the crowd's energy was spent, and Lucas's scraps that weren't kept as souvenirs were dragged out to the trash heap.

They say that nine months after that day, dozens of babies were born.

It would be nothing like that, of course. Nobody would do butt stuff to Lucas.

I'll take all the wop jokes you've got...but you just leave those Bar S hot dogs the hell offa my calzones brah.

 

[boner_alert]

It would go something like this:

Once upon a time, in a far away land where the people were free, an old man named Lucas had a fit...

A group of young men chased Lucas through the streets, but the chase didn't last long, because Lucas was a great big fat fuck. Lucas was seized, the little bit of resistance in him was slapped away, and he was unceremoniously dragged before a jeering crowd. It was like he was at the elementary school playgrounds of his youth, or jail again. He was given purple nurples, wet willies, and noogies.

Lucas addressed the hostile throng: "All I want is what all men want...to fist an adolescent hottie!"

"Fat faggot!" "Chomo!" "Retard!" "Creep!" "Shut the fuck up faggot!"

They say that Lucas alternated between begging for mercy and screaming that he was a comedian.

A group of young men and women competed to see who could slap Lucas the hardest, while the older folks debated the merits of various tortures. He was stripped of his clothing, and the throng took a moment to laugh at his comically small wiener.

Lucas wept. His wiener was really that small.

Naked, Lucas was flogged with a belt. A creative type in the crowd fashioned him an "incel crown," which was just a pair of shit-filled boxers placed over his head. Someone suggested boiling Lucas in oil, but the folks who wanted to spit at him and kick him some more were more persuasive. The kicking intensifed. Lucas ran out of teeth fairly quickly, but not of anguished howls.

A group a folks determined to hang Lucas formed, and they nearly succeeded in their aim, but a the last moment Lucas was carried off by a cadre of radicals who insisted on pissing in his face. A fire was set to roast him by, a grave was dug to bury him in
...when a particularly aggressive citizen chewed one of Lucas's fingers off and swallowed it. This served as a signal for everyone to tear him to pieces. They started with his digits, and before long, were fighting over his ribs and vertebrae.

This shit legit had me laughing, and not just because Lucas was the subject of the gratuitous torture porn. I would actually rather set my money on fire and lose my home if it meant Lucas couldn't have it either, but goddamn did this tempt me for a minute... to 'hire' Lucas for a job, where he has to make a video reading this out loud