Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Also, is cramming your dog full of peanut butter good for the dog? I know it's not good for Lucas to eat a whole goddamn jar of peanut butter, and I would have to imagine that it's probably not the best thing for a dog either.

Also: it's hard not to view this as Lucas being wistful and nostalgic about the jar of peanut butter he just finished, and thinking jealously of the dog, that gets to live with his parents in a nice house, and eat as much peanut butter as he wants. I know this sounds crazy, but being that Lucas has shown that he's only able to get emotional over meals of the past, I don't really think it's that much of a stretch. Lucas reflects on meals he's eaten in the way people reflect on relationships they've had. Missing the people that are no longer in their lives, and a little bit sad that they don't have that fulfillment anymore.

Except for most people, it's not about a goddamn jar of Peter Pan.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

Also, is cramming your dog full of peanut butter good for the dog? I know it's not good for Lucas to eat a whole goddamn jar of peanut butter, and I would have to imagine that it's probably not the best thing for a dog either.

Also: it's hard not to view this as Lucas being wistful and nostalgic about the jar of peanut butter he just finished, and thinking jealously of the dog, that gets to live with his parents in a nice house, and eat as much peanut butter as he wants. I know this sounds crazy, but being that Lucas has shown that he's only able to get emotional over meals of the past, I don't really think it's that much of a stretch.

You can put peanut butter inside of a Kong chew toy as a treat, I do it occasionally for our dog.

 

[moseph.jartelli]

Caption This: The original says when you find out Haggis is illegal in the USA
View attachment 2643218

More enlightened talks about Communist societies from the Wern (boring). Just him trying to sound impressive and smart.

Dad Jeans, late 80's jean jacket. Get him in some Teva's and white socks, with a neon painters cap and he's got a hip Vaporwave style going.

 

[WonderWino]

Nah, I don't believe him. Making it up to bait with $.

I don't believe it either. I've had enough dogs to know that nobody in their right mind would pay $900 for a mixed breed of any kind. If myrna really did that she is an idiot who got ripped off big time. Purebred dogs can get expensive, upwards of 1k for a few breeds, but even with purebreds i've rarely seen anyone pay for than $700 or $800 for a good, healthy puppy from a reputable breeder

Also, is cramming your dog full of peanut butter good for the dog?

Not in the slightest. Treats are one thing. But giving it too regularly risks all kinds of health problems, especially where the pancreas is concerned. Certain breeds especially can be very sensitive to that

 

[PrincessKidana]

So, his mom makes bad decisions too. She spent $900 on a mutt.

View attachment 2643545

Okay, but hear me out... In the caption, he talked about how the dog ate most of the peanut butter in the house... Is it because Lucas was putting the peanut butter on his nuts and letting the dog lick it...? I definitely would not count him out for that level of sick shit.

 

[A whole lotta nope]

Not in the slightest. Treats are one thing. But giving it too regularly risks all kinds of health problems, especially where the pancreas is concerned. Certain breeds especially can be very sensitive to that

I give my dog peanut butter daily, because he takes a pill with it. He only gets like 1/2 a tsp of PB though. It's the natural kind without added ingredients (literally just peanuts). I think the problem comes with excess, or with certain ingredients (like fake sugars that could do some real harm. I think the real dangerous one is xylitol. It's in gum too).

What Lucas is describing about sounds like those Kong toys you can stuff with PB. He brags that they're "speciality toys" but they're like $10-15 bucks from PetCo. He tries makes the most mundane shit sound fancy.

At what age do most people stop bragging about shit their parents own?
Isn’t it usually around 10 or 11?

Yeah, pretty much. This is some straight middle school shit. No one is impressed, but that's not going to stop him from bragging about things that aren't even his.

 

[Wernology]

I don't believe it either. I've had enough dogs to know that nobody in their right mind would pay $900 for a mixed breed of any kind. If myrna really did that she is an idiot who got ripped off big time. Purebred dogs can get expensive, upwards of 1k for a few breeds, but even with purebreds i've rarely seen anyone pay for than $700 or $800 for a good, healthy puppy from a reputable breeder

Powerlevel + autism: I run agility and schutzhund with my dogs for fun shit to do, and have had one titled IPO dog (am considering going after it again with the new pup but probably don't have the time or money for actual competition at this point though). I have been in classes with people who got conned by shitty breeders into paying upwards of $3000 for mutts with fancy or cute names--anything with 'doodle' tacked onto it can easily fetch a couple grand from gullible morons who think they're getting a designer dog when it's really just a mutt.

The pup I just got but he is from a reputable breeder with long lines of a lot of working and show titles and perfect ofa, penhip, and genetic testing for eye, kidney, pancreatic, heart, and neurological hereditary issues going 6 generations back. He was not a 3 digit dog, I was on a waitlist for almost 3 years, and I am SO looking forward to working with him knowing full well he'll be a stable, solid dog.

One lady in an agility class I was in a few years back was so proud of having paid $5k for a merle aussiedoodle, like, congrats for spending $5k on a mutt I guess. I got my mutt for $50 at a shelter, but you do you I guess.
Knew a lot of people with mutts they called by fancy 'breed' names that they'd paid $1500+ for because they were gullible and breeders of those dogs are unethical shitheads.

Myrna seems exactly the type to get duped by a backyard breeder into paying $900 for a mutt if you told her it was "rare" or a "designer dog".

Edit: "Silver labs" are my new current favorite, "Wow, you spent that much on a mutt huh?" because a silver lab is a weimerarner/lab mix.

Edit 2: I peeked at Myrna's Facebook and IG, and that lady definitely overpays for mutts. On IG she's got some kind of Schnauzer mix, and what looks like a pug/beagle, and on FB it looks like she just got a new "teddybear" puppy, so a shih tzu/bichon mutt.

People will pay retarded amounts of money for them, just look at these $1200+ mutts. https://premierpups.com/teddy-bear-puppies-for-sale

 

[mothman96]

Which one is the $900 hybrid dog: I'd say neither.

Bella:

Chloe:

ETA:
Remember Lucas will stoop to using his parents in a lie, like claiming he "play tested" Cafeteria Uprising with his parents, a niece etc. etc.

 

[Svetlana Helsinki]

Powerlevel + autism: I run agility and schutzhund with my dogs for fun shit to do, and have had one titled IPO dog (am considering going after it again with the new pup but probably don't have the time or money for actual competition at this point though). I have been in classes with people who got conned by shitty breeders into paying upwards of $3000 for mutts with fancy or cute names--anything with 'doodle' tacked onto it can easily fetch a couple grand from gullible morons who think they're getting a designer dog when it's really just a mutt.

The pup I just got but he is from a reputable breeder with long lines of a lot of working and show titles and perfect ofa, penhip, and genetic testing for eye, kidney, pancreatic, heart, and neurological hereditary issues going 6 generations back. He was not a 3 digit dog, I was on a waitlist for almost 3 years, and I am SO looking forward to working with him knowing full well he'll be a stable, solid dog.

One lady in an agility class I was in a few years back was so proud of having paid $5k for a merle aussiedoodle, like, congrats for spending $5k on a mutt I guess. I got my mutt for $50 at a shelter, but you do you I guess.
Knew a lot of people with mutts they called by fancy 'breed' names that they'd paid $1500+ for because they were gullible and breeders of those dogs are unethical shitheads.

Myrna seems exactly the type to get duped by a backyard breeder into paying $900 for a mutt if you told her it was "rare" or a "designer dog".

Edit: "Silver labs" are my new current favorite, "Wow, you spent that much on a mutt huh?" because a silver lab is a weimerarner/lab mix.

Edit 2: I peeked at Myrna's Facebook and IG, and that lady definitely overpays for mutts. On IG she's got some kind of Schnauzer mix, and what looks like a pug/beagle, and on FB it looks like she just got a new "teddybear" puppy, so a shih tzu/bichon mutt.

People will pay exceptional amounts of money for them, just look at these $1200+ mutts. https://premierpups.com/teddy-bear-puppies-for-sale

Some of these dogs go up to $2500, and shipment starts at $500, if you wanna stick your precious new designer baby in a cargo hold. Or you spend $1200 for a nanny to take it on the plane and make sure it’s okay and doesn’t get tossed about, gets food and water between flights, isn’t stuck in the harsh elements of sun or cold, depending on when she bought it. Plus, all the new toys, a bed, food, etc., all the things to make sure your baby doesn’t go without or want for. And yet, when Lucas was homeless, what did Myrna do/spend?

eta: clarity on my original thought.

 

[Gaear Grimsrud]

Lucas, You are far from Dashing and Debonair. You are an insane, bald, obese, stench riddled bum living in an assisted living facility. Diabetes is rotting your feet. The only time someone calls you "Daddy" is to troll you. You will die alone.

View attachment 2643420

You're so swave and deboner, Lucas.

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

Caption This: The original says when you find out Haggis is illegal in the USA
View attachment 2643218

When you finally find a fecund 16y/o zoomer bae willing to let you fist a baby into her pee-pee hole, but when you arrive at her house it's just that bigot Chris Hanson telling you to have a seat.

 

[Pump Meat]

Lucas, You are far from Dashing and Debonair. You are an insane, bald, obese, stench riddled bum living in an assisted living facility. Diabetes is rotting your feet. The only time someone calls you "Daddy" is to troll you. You will die alone.

View attachment 2643420

Of course Lucas understands “midlife crisis” as some kind of biological drive for sex and not a culturally conditioned response to mortality and perceived lack of achievement. What possible frame of reference could he have in his 40+ years of existence that would indicate otherwise? This cuts straight to the issue of why treating someone like Lucas is incredibly difficult to do, even under ideal circumstances. How do you explain insecurity to a person who cannot experience it? Can you talk about guilt to Lucas when all he ever feels is shame?

From Lucas' perspective, your words would be empty and if he was even listening to you, he'd disregard them almost immediately. If Lucas was experiencing a midlife crisis it would because he'd be interpreting his receding hairline, obesity, and a total lack of basic accomplishments, as a sign that he doesn't have or is rapidly losing value. He'd be going out of his way trying to demonstrate the contrary; that is why middle aged men go through a crisis. Having a young woman as a romantic companion serves as a signifier of status, it isn't because women somehow intrinsically provide better orgasms by virtue of their age or something.

Lucas is incapable of having such a crisis because from his point of view, he is already the ideal man with nothing to prove. All that needs to happen is for society to recognize this and give Lucas everything he is owed.

 

[Margo Martindale]

Found this, and the first thing it reminded me of was the Wern

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Found this, and the first thing it reminded me of was the Wern

View attachment 2644372

The gait is right, but the feet are too forward-pointing.

(Also with Lucas it would really be a note that says "Wanna Breed", obvs)

 

[Fuwwy]

I am sad that his company's website wasn't archived in the main link.

I am too slow.

 

[mothman96]

Of course Lucas understands “midlife crisis” as some kind of biological drive for sex and not a culturally conditioned response to mortality and perceived lack of achievement. What possible frame of reference could he have in his 40+ years of existence that would indicate otherwise? This cuts straight to the issue of why treating someone like Lucas is incredibly difficult to do, even under ideal circumstances. How do you explain insecurity to a person who cannot experience it? Can you talk about guilt to Lucas when all he ever feels is shame?

From Lucas' perspective, your words would be empty and if he was even listening to you, he'd disregard them almost immediately. If Lucas was experiencing a midlife crisis it would because he'd be interpreting his receding hairline, obesity, and a total lack of basic accomplishments, as a sign that he doesn't have or is rapidly losing value. He'd be going out of his way trying to demonstrate the contrary; that is why middle aged men go through a crisis. Having a young woman as a romantic companion serves as a signifier of status, it isn't because women somehow intrinsically provide better orgasms by virtue of their age or something.

Lucas is incapable of having such a crisis because from his point of view, he is already the ideal man with nothing to prove. All that needs to happen is for society to recognize this and give Lucas everything he is owed.

There are times when he does listen and doesn't disregard. Getting called a bumcel bugs him to where in a stream he said "I'm not a bumcel".

ETA:
I wonder where he picked up dashing and debonair. I think that kind of language was more in use back at the time of the actor Cary Grant that @Cheesegirl78 noted.

 

[Jeep1971]

Some of these dogs go up to $2500, and shipment starts at $500, if you wanna stick your precious new designer baby in a cargo hold. Or you spend $1200 for a nanny to take it on the plane and make sure it’s okay and doesn’t get tossed about, gets food and water between flights, isn’t stuck in the harsh elements of sun or cold, depending on when she bought it. Plus, all the new toys, a bed, food, etc., all the things to make sure your baby doesn’t go without or want for. And yet, when Lucas was homeless….

This makes me MOTI because there are so many dogs sitting in shelters waiting to be saved,and there's assholes paying big money for "designer foo foo dogs" that almost certainly come from puppy mills.
I'll give my damn self a hat but it sucks.

 

[mothman96]

Edit 2: I peeked at Myrna's Facebook and IG, and that lady definitely overpays for mutts. On IG she's got some kind of Schnauzer mix, and what looks like a pug/beagle, and on FB it looks like she just got a new "teddybear" puppy, so a shih tzu/bichon mutt.

People will pay exceptional amounts of money for them, just look at these $1200+ mutts. https://premierpups.com/teddy-bear-puppies-for-sale

The Schnauzer mix is Baxter. She got him for free at 7 mo. from someone that could no longer keep him. He is about 2 now. Previously she had 2 dogs , Bella and Chloe. The black puppy, don't know if it was for her. I think she was visiting someone that had the pups.

ETA:
There is no "we" Lucas. Women not dating you is called self preservation.

 

[IceQueen]

Okay, but hear me out... In the caption, he talked about how the dog ate most of the peanut butter in the house... Is it because Lucas was putting the peanut butter on his nuts and letting the dog lick it...? I definitely would not count him out for that level of sick shit.

It’s hilarious to me that he says “something you might not know about ME” … “my mom bought a $900 dog” PukeAss how the FUCK is that about YOU in any way, shape, or form?! Narcissism at its finest.

 

[Wernology]

Which one is the $900 hybrid dog: I'd say neither. (And since multiquotes aren't working for me today! "
The Schnauzer mix is Baxter. She got him for free at 7 mo. from someone that could no longer keep him. He is about 2 now. Previously she had 2 dogs , Bella and Chloe. The black puppy, don't know if it was for her. I think she was visiting someone that had the pups.)



Bella:
View attachment 2644136

Chloe:
View attachment 2644147

ETA:
Remember Lucas will stoop to using his parents in a lie, like claiming he "play tested" Cafeteria Uprising with his parents, a niece etc. etc.View attachment 2644238

Yeah dude, probably because those are recent dogs and Lucas was bragging about a dog his mom "once bought", which does indicate it was a past dog and not one of her current dogs.

The current dog on her facebook, I'd be really surprised if she paid less than $700 for it as the people who breed those mutts hype them up as anything but a common mutt and there's such a stupidly entrenched market for "teddybear" puppies (which are, of course, just mutts) that most backyard breeders and mills charge upwards of $800 for them, more if they're 'registered' with the "this means nothing" mutt clubs breeders of those dogs have formed over the years.

But, to answer the rhetorical question, the puggle (pug/beagle mutt) Bella was probably close to a $1000 dog from a shit breeder if she didn't just find it on craigslist. They average between $800-$1200 depending on the color.
https://cutepuggle.com/ is just one quick source of a "reputable" puggle breeder; they charge around $1k for their mutts.

Chloe (Baxter? Whichever dog that is) is a schnauzer mix of some sort, I'll just guess a mini schnoodle (so, mini-poodle/mini-schnauzer mutt) because those are pretty common. $800-$1400 depending on color is what those usually run from the trash people that breed them and sell them as hypoallergenic (no such thing) designer breeds. https://www.lancasterpuppies.com/puppy-search/breed/mini schnoodle Free or shelter is the correct price for a mutt, so congrats to her for not paying hundreds of dollars on that one.

So, to answer the question, both dogs could have easily been $900+ if Myrna is as dim as her son and didn't just get them from a shelter or cheap off of Craigslist.

Honestly, if you want to meet some truly stupid people, get involved with dogs, you'll find a lot of people who will angrily and vehemently defend charging and buying mutts for thousands of dollars just because they have a cute marketing name attached to them. People are, overall, kinda stupid as shit when it comes to dogs.

Since I just spent two posts trashing mutt breeders, I do want to be clear that I have nothing against the dogs themselves, it's pretty rare that I don't have a mutt but I sure as fuck wouldn't buy one from a backyard breeder (which is what every single mutt breeder is). If I wanted to be one of Those People I'd call my current mutt a chiweenie because that's what he'd be sold at if I'd bought him from a shitty breeder instead of finding him at a shelter. Imagine a 20lb daschund with a chihuahua's head and huge upright chihuahua ears. That's him, and he looks hilariously amazing. I could probably sell him as a chiweenie for $600 or so to a moron if I wanted to.

Point is, unscrupulous breeders prey on tards like Myrna and Lucas to make bank, and they tend to make a lot of bank because the average dog owner is really fucking stupid and impulsive.

Edit: Forgot to add, a lot of shelters and private rescues charge pretty high prices for their dogs, mostly to offset cost of care. Around here it's not uncommon for a municipal shelter dog to run $300-$500 depending on the breed. I've run into some private rescues that routinely charge between $400-$600 depending on the breed as well. If she did get those dogs from rescues or shelters I can't complain too much about the pricing as those places are often non-profit and need to make enough money to be able to, y'know, shelter, feed, and care for the dogs they take in. Those prices also discourage impulse adopting, though most rescues discourage that by having kind of insane adoption contracts, including things like you have to provide them with regular updates, and subject yourself to random unannounced home visits so they can "ensure" the dog is safe. Honestly, there could be a section on KF just for dog people and it'd never run dry because dog people, by and large, are fucking insane, especially those that work in rescue or with designer mutts.


That aside, the troll reviews of Lucas' games as well as Lucas under sock accounts pretending to be other people giving his games good reviews will never not be funny.

And I love how he thinks that the men that get involved with gold diggers don't know that that's exactly what the transaction is. The majority of them do know that and they're fine with it, which is why they do it. For a lot of them it's just a legal, safer option than prostitution. They get what they want (she gets paid well, he gets to bang a hot chick and show her off) but don't have to put in any of the effort of a 'normal' relationship.