Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[WonderWino]

When you finally find a fecund 16y/o zoomer bae willing to let you fist a baby into her pee-pee hole, but when you arrive at her house it's just that bigot Chris Hanson telling you to have a seat.

The funny thing is lucas would be lucky to get busted by chris hansen, as he is at least calm and no aggressive about it. He could just as easily end up getting targeted by one of those dads against predators types that has him meet in some store then announces it to everyone screaming like a loon that lucas is there to meet a little girl, follow him around ranting at him being a pedo and try to assault him. Hell those types follow people right to their homes, or in lucas's case his nursing home. Can you imagine the shitshow that would happen if lucas got followed into mallon place by one of these anti pedo vigilante groups while they yell out to everyone in earshot he went down the street to a store to meet a 15 year old girl?

Lucas doesn't consider this kind of scenario. He figures if he were to get busted it would be by the cops or a chris hansen type of situation. That he could keep his mouth shut and try to waddle away. That isn't always the case. Hell i'm surprised he never considered that the trip to LA or the original trip to spokane were setups to bust him. He could have ended up far worse off than getting catfished and humiliated over those

I wonder where he picked up dashing and debonair. I think that kind of language was more in use back at the time of the actor Cary Grant that @Cheesegirl78 noted.

Well.... it is a nursing home full of seniors right? Perhaps they do what the nursing homes i've been to do and leave one of the oldies tv channels on all day like TCM for the seniors to watch in their common room and lucas picked it up from watching that, thinking it was something people who got women in his grandparents day would say

The ideas Lucas has as "a lot of money" never cease to entertain me.

He was so convinced the LA catfish was real because $110 was a lot of money for "anyone" to spend like, bitch, a lot of people spend more than that on groceries some weeks. If he had a kid and wife he'd definitely be dropping more than that on groceries because he sure as shit doesn't know how to use that EBT card effectively.

That one was doubly funny since he thought the catfish was a millionaire and still was convinced $110 was a "lot of money" for her to spend. He has no concept of money or numbers or how any of it works.

The weirdest part about it is you'd think he would have at least some small inkling of the value of money, if only because of the cyril saga back in the 90s and always being flat broke and 'starving' by his own statements. You'd think he would at least be aware that money isn't easy to make because of his own experience. But of course, he blocked out any lessons that might be critical of his mentality or insane views. Its why we get bizarre videos of him going on about how money is meaningless cause its all numbers in a computer so you can just add more and make everybody rich and everything works out

It just makes him that much stupider that he isn't even a trust fund kind that never worked a day in his life and might have a moronic attitude like that as a result. He had and has his own money problems and still gets insane takes about it

It was a lot of money to waste on Lucas, I wouldn't spend $1.10, or even 11 cents on him, even if I had Jeff Bezos type of wealth.

Come on now, if you had bezos tier cash it might be funny to at least spend a bit to put up a big ad across the street from mallon house that says 'its not in the cards lucas'

....or at least hire someone to drop of a dumptruck worth of frozen catfish at mallon house as a donation, with the caveat that when they serve it for a bunch of meals they all give credit to lucas for the catfish. people get fed and lucas gets pissed off while still making you look good for donating to a nursing home that needs it all in one go. Plus giving him credit makes people think they're being nice to him when all it would do is piss him off more

Listen, the $15 I spent to send him that bag of frozen catfish on the heels of the LA saga, when his ego was bloated from being paid to be on podcasts and make "insult" videos is hands down the best $15 I have ever spent.

Lets have a moment of silence for the brave catfish that gave its life to advance the study of wernology

 

[Cheesegirl78]

The funny thing is lucas would be lucky to get busted by chris hansen, as he is at least calm and no aggressive about it. He could just as easily end up getting targeted by one of those dads against predators types that has him meet in some store then announces it to everyone screaming like a loon that lucas is there to meet a little girl, follow him around ranting at him being a pedo and try to assault him. Hell those types follow people right to their homes, or in lucas's case his nursing home. Can you imagine the shitshow that would happen if lucas got followed into mallon place by one of these anti pedo vigilante groups while they yell out to everyone in earshot he went down the street to a store to meet a 15 year old girl?

Lucas doesn't consider this kind of scenario. He figures if he were to get busted it would be by the cops or a chris hansen type of situation. That he could keep his mouth shut and try to waddle away. That isn't always the case. Hell i'm surprised he never considered that the trip to LA or the original trip to spokane were setups to bust him. He could have ended up far worse off than getting catfished and humiliated over those


Well.... it is a nursing home full of seniors right? Perhaps they do what the nursing homes i've been to do and leave one of the oldies tv channels on all day like TCM for the seniors to watch in their common room and lucas picked it up from watching that, thinking it was something people who got women in his grandparents day would say


The weirdest part about it is you'd think he would have at least some small inkling of the value of money, if only because of the cyril saga back in the 90s and always being flat broke and 'starving' by his own statements. You'd think he would at least be aware that money isn't easy to make because of his own experience. But of course, he blocked out any lessons that might be critical of his mentality or insane views. Its why we get bizarre videos of him going on about how money is meaningless cause its all numbers in a computer so you can just add more and make everybody rich and everything works out

It just makes him that much stupider that he isn't even a trust fund kind that never worked a day in his life and might have a moronic attitude like that as a result. He had and has his own money problems and still gets insane takes about it


Come on now, if you had bezos tier cash it might be funny to at least spend a bit to put up a big ad across the street from mallon house that says 'its not in the cards lucas'

....or at least hire someone to drop of a dumptruck worth of frozen catfish at mallon house as a donation, with the caveat that when they serve it for a bunch of meals they all give credit to lucas for the catfish. people get fed and lucas gets pissed off while still making you look good for donating to a nursing home that needs it all in one go. Plus giving him credit makes people think they're being nice to him when all it would do is piss him off more


Lets have a moment of silence for the brave catfish that gave its life to advance the study of wernology

Buying ad space on a billboard or donating catfish to Mallon Place WOULD be funny, but actually BUYING anything like plane tickets for Lucas? Oh hell no.

 

[ManbearPig]

The funny thing is lucas would be lucky to get busted by chris hansen, as he is at least calm and no aggressive about it. He could just as easily end up getting targeted by one of those dads against predators types that has him meet in some store then announces it to everyone screaming like a loon that lucas is there to meet a little girl, follow him around ranting at him being a pedo and try to assault him. Hell those types follow people right to their homes, or in lucas's case his nursing home. Can you imagine the shitshow that would happen if lucas got followed into mallon place by one of these anti pedo vigilante groups while they yell out to everyone in earshot he went down the street to a store to meet a 15 year old girl?

Lucas doesn't consider this kind of scenario. He figures if he were to get busted it would be by the cops or a chris hansen type of situation. That he could keep his mouth shut and try to waddle away. That isn't always the case. Hell i'm surprised he never considered that the trip to LA or the original trip to spokane were setups to bust him. He could have ended up far worse off than getting catfished and humiliated over those


Well.... it is a nursing home full of seniors right? Perhaps they do what the nursing homes i've been to do and leave one of the oldies tv channels on all day like TCM for the seniors to watch in their common room and lucas picked it up from watching that, thinking it was something people who got women in his grandparents day would say


The weirdest part about it is you'd think he would have at least some small inkling of the value of money, if only because of the cyril saga back in the 90s and always being flat broke and 'starving' by his own statements. You'd think he would at least be aware that money isn't easy to make because of his own experience. But of course, he blocked out any lessons that might be critical of his mentality or insane views. Its why we get bizarre videos of him going on about how money is meaningless cause its all numbers in a computer so you can just add more and make everybody rich and everything works out

It just makes him that much stupider that he isn't even a trust fund kind that never worked a day in his life and might have a moronic attitude like that as a result. He had and has his own money problems and still gets insane takes about it


Come on now, if you had bezos tier cash it might be funny to at least spend a bit to put up a big ad across the street from mallon house that says 'its not in the cards lucas'

....or at least hire someone to drop of a dumptruck worth of frozen catfish at mallon house as a donation, with the caveat that when they serve it for a bunch of meals they all give credit to lucas for the catfish. people get fed and lucas gets pissed off while still making you look good for donating to a nursing home that needs it all in one go. Plus giving him credit makes people think they're being nice to him when all it would do is piss him off more


Lets have a moment of silence for the brave catfish that gave its life to advance the study of wernology

What is the Cyril saga?

 

[Wernology]

Lucas still thinks some detractor obsessed with him left that catfish there and will call police on him, not a delivery guy.

He's so rude, he never believes me.

I could probably show up in Spokane and introduce myself while handing him another bag of frozen catfish and he wouldn't believe me.

 

[Jeremiah the Bullfrog]

The weirdest part about it is you'd think he would have at least some small inkling of the value of money, if only because of the cyril saga back in the 90s and always being flat broke and 'starving' by his own statements. You'd think he would at least be aware that money isn't easy to make because of his own experience. But of course, he blocked out any lessons that might be critical of his mentality or insane views. Its why we get bizarre videos of him going on about how money is meaningless cause its all numbers in a computer so you can just add more and make everybody rich and everything works out

It just makes him that much stupider that he isn't even a trust fund kind that never worked a day in his life and might have a moronic attitude like that as a result. He had and has his own money problems and still gets insane takes about it

In Lucas’s case, money just magically appears in his bank account every month. He just whines about not having any Gen-Z pussy and magically money shows up in his account. Then he gets to go eat out and when he blows through his cash, he goes to a homeless shelter and eats for free.

He’s never participated in the economy in any meaningful way and has lived completely on the charity of either state or those vile bigoted Christians.

Of course it makes sense to him that all it takes to get rich is just get someone to add more money to his account at the beginning of the month. That’s how he survives now. He just wants someone to add a couple zeros to it. Look at his completely serious plan where everyone gets a million dollars a year.

 

[Zoomer Bae]

I've wondered to myself about how serious Lucas's desire for children is; does he actually want children, or is that just the end result of his scientific potency argument, when the real aim is just to sleep with young women? But if his goal is just sex, he can't make the argument about improving offspring through telomeres, although he's tried, as I mentioned before, relating the telomeres in his body to improving people's lives through some sort of osmosis air transmission

It's a lot like Lucas's criticism of automobiles creating pollution: we all know the only reason Lucas is against cars, is because he sees them as an advantage in getting the girls that he wants. Lucas isn't concerned about pollution. He consumes mass-market goods in the same way as any other person. He just sees cars as a key to getting what he wants, and he doesn't have a car, so he has to criticize the car.

It's sort of similar, in reverse, to the way Lucas inflates himself. And I don't mean inflates himself with food. Lucas has no qualities to brag about so he extends the net out and brags about his family. His family's wealth, his family's dogs, it really gets pretty ridiculous. He does the same thing with his generation. He'll talk about generation x as a "we" and he's included himself in the same sentence with Kurt Cobain and Tupac Shakur.

It's quite interesting (and I think this is the real reason why I've stuck around as long as I have) to see the way a damaged mind tries to parse the socialization he doesn't understand.

I’d imagine it’s both. I think his desire for children is entirely narcissistic and self-serving, but he probably also has some fantasies of his perfect little family complete with his child bride and genetically-superior kids. Despite being soooo woke and progressive, I’m sure he’s dreamed up some Norman Rockwell-worthy dream life. After growing up with divorced parents and poor social skills and spending years on the streets, I can understand why he’d yearn for an idyllic nuclear family.

The problem is that he has no concept of what having a wife and kids actually means. He thinks his magic semen will prevent all evils and they can walk off into the sunset with his EBT card and be all good. In some of his older videos, he talks about how he’d be a great dad because he can toast a sandwich. I distinctly remember one where he’s concocted some situation where his kid is complaining about hating turkey sandwiches, but dad of the year Lucas makes a turkey sandwich and pops it in the toaster oven and that somehow proves he’d be a great parent. He fundamentally doesn’t understand how inept he’d be with an actual child.

Edit: some “proof” of Lucas’s parenting prowess:

A note on a toaster oven and a shitty bagel:

Dad Like Abilities Were It To Work

Instagram: @lucaswerner79

youtube.com

A massive steak cooked in a toaster oven, smothered in mustard (?), and served on a paper plate that’s ready to give up:

Hi, Hungry, I'm Your Potential Generation X Dad

#GenerationX #GenerationZ #AgeGapLove

youtube.com

The aforementioned turkey sandwich, prepared on a truly horrifying baking sheet:

Admit I'd Be A Good Dad

#GenerationZ #GenerationX #AgeGapLove

youtube.com

More about sandwiches and how he will serve them to his protesting offspring:

I'd Be A Horrible Dad?

I'm taking biology at a college and all these clones in my economic class that throw canned soup to their kids.#Classism #Agephobia #GenerationZ #GenerationX...

youtu.be

 

[Wernology]

He's live again and just talked about how he's focused himself on some woman over free lunches, so someone should fucking warn her if she's not a RL troll.

He just admitted to having had Covid and that's why he got put up in the hotel last winter.

LOL he just said he fights me every day and I'm...just..dude, when?

 

[Zoomer Bae]

Why is Wernie trying to lie about his foot ulcers?

 

[Wernology]

Why is Wernie trying to lie about his foot ulcers?

If he repeats a lie enough it becomes his truth.

 

[MeganDodgedABullet]

He's talking about getting banned from just "one bar" for "filming people dancing" and how he was one guy swoop six chicks.....monomania...

QT - He should be allowed to film people without being accused of being creepy by @klickitat s "dumb ass" to prove his scientific theories......

 

[Svetlana Helsinki]

Why is Wernie trying to lie about his foot ulcers?

Well then he said he didn’t feel anything when he was talking about his leg getting x rayed. Yep. That’s how diabetes works. I wonder how long those sores were eating away at him and he didn’t feel anything.

I wonder how bad his vision is now. I wonder if his handwriting has changed and gotten worse (hard to imagine) the last couple years, or just stayed consistently terrible. That should be a tell-tale sign.

 

[Fatal Walter]

So he's not supposed to walk around much anymore? My god, he's going to hit unprecedented sizes.

 

[Maxxicus Callahan]

Lunar update

 

[Telomere Savalas]

Lucas, You are far from Dashing and Debonair. You are an insane, bald, obese, stench riddled bum living in an assisted living facility. Diabetes is rotting your feet. The only time someone calls you "Daddy" is to troll you. You will die alone.

View attachment 2643420

Lucas: I am Dashing and Debonair.
Also Lucas: fuckfuckfuckfuck nigganigganigga run them guts, shit clits.

 

[WonderWino]

What is the Cyril saga?

Page 39, lucas's reflections written in 2010 about his life in the late 90s - early 00s, most of which involve what life living with cyril and his girlfriend was like, or at least lucas's version of it

 

[mothman96]

About the girl the Freak is thinking of creeping on:

She volunteers at a church and also works for the American Way. Gets a $6 an hr stipend.
He met with her and talked about who he was in the community and stuff. She really liked him.
There is a dinner at the church every Wednesday so he is possibly be going to those.
He went there to see if she was there and she was.
He got his sheperds pie and left like playing it cool. He didn't want to impose.
Maybe next time he'll sit next to her.
She said "Hi Lucas".
He could have easily walked over and sat next to her, he wanted to play it cool.
She eats at that church every Wednesday.
Has an EBT card, she can't possibly be classist.
Lives in a neighborhood with a housemate, another chick.
Reads mysteries, suspense, thriller novels written by women.
She's like a feminist Steve but nice.
22, out of college, trying to become a special ed teacher.
Maybe he'll go over there and be nice to her, like try to get in good with her.

He also said maybe he'll meet a chick that doesn't want to have kids and they'll just fuck a lot.
The age gaping happens Monday through Thursday, late at night, an hour or 2 before the bars close.

 

[ManbearPig]

Page 39, lucas's reflections written in 2010 about his life in the late 90s - early 00s, most of which involve what life living with cyril and his girlfriend was like, or at least lucas's version of it

Is Cyril a family member of his? This might just be the oldest saga ever recorded of a lolcow unless there are older sagas from other cows.

So he's not supposed to walk around much anymore? My god, he's going to hit unprecedented sizes.

I'm not sure if anything can be done at this point to reverse beetus foot, but it would require major lifestyle from the Wern. We know he is not going to stop eating like kim jong un.

 

[mothman96]

Is Cyril a family member of his? This might just be the oldest saga ever recorded of a lolcow unless there are older sagas from other cows.

Cyril was a friend he had at the time.

 

[WonderWino]

About the girl the Freak is thinking of creeping on:

She volunteers at a church and also works for the American Way. Gets a $6 an hr stipend.
He met with her and talked about who he was in the community and stuff. She really liked him.
There is a dinner at the church every Wednesday so he is possibly be going to those.
He went there to see if she was there and she was.
He got his sheperds pie and left like playing it cool. He didn't want to impose.
Maybe next time he'll sit next to her.
She said "Hi Lucas".
He could have easily walked over and sat next to her, he wanted to play it cool.
She eats at that church every Wednesday.
Has an EBT card, she can't possibly be classist.
Lives in a neighborhood with a housemate, another chick.
Reads mysteries, suspense, thriller novels written by women.
She's like a feminist Steve but nice.
22, out of college, trying to become a special ed teacher.
Maybe he'll go over there and be nice to her, like try to get in good with her.

He also said maybe he'll meet a chick that doesn't want to have kids and they'll just fuck a lot.
The age gaping happens Monday through Thursday, late at night, an hour or 2 before the bars close.

Oh yeah, this will totally end well and won't lead to lucas getting banned from another place, if not outright arrested and/or committed again

and she might think twice about a life of dealing with special ed after she gets an education about what getting into the sights of someone like lucas can lead to. That said, lucas's literally acting stalkerish and predatory analyzing his prey like this. Finds out what her schedule is, what she does for a living, what her goals are, knows she probably has a soft spot for the speds, which lucas thinks he can use to manipulate her into being nice to him and is clearly trying to rationalize both to himself and others that he should go for it and make a pass at her

This is the exact behavior one can expect from abusers, predators and creeps and he's advertising it for the world to see, acting like its perfectly normal

 

[mothman96]

Oh yeah, this will totally end well and won't lead to lucas getting banned from another place, if not outright arrested and/or committed again

and she might think twice about a life of dealing with special ed after she gets an education about what getting into the sights of someone like lucas can lead to. That said, lucas's literally acting stalkerish and predatory analyzing his prey like this. Finds out what her schedule is, what she does for a living, what her goals are, knows she probably has a soft spot for the spends, which lucas thinks he can use to manipulate her into being nice to him and is clearly trying to rationalize both to himself and others that he should go for it and make a pass at her

This is the exact behavior one can expect from abusers, predators and creeps and he's advertising it for the world to see, acting like its perfectly normal

I checked American Way in Spokane and it's an auto body shop. She would be earning money there. I wonder if he meant the United Way and that is where she gets the $6 an hr stipend.