Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

Todd Weiss said:
It's like those "Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark" illustrations. Nightmare fuel.
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a few more pictures like that to sprinkle in and we could release a book of stories about lucas's horrifying antics and call it scary stories to tell in spokane

Could do viral marketing by taping pages and chapters of it to telephone poles

EDIT: speaking of scary stories being told in spokane, this just popped up on brokeposting:
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Somehow i'm not surprised. One of the comments mentions him being hated in olympia as well because thats where he started spouting his bs first
 
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Da Dude123 said:
Yeah, I don't believe this at all. We really need to get another Wern in the wild under cover photo. No way he is walking 5 hours a day. He still looks as fat as ever from the more recent photos.
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His last run in with the cops put him officially at 297lb and that was when he was walking around during the day, at least to some degree. Lucas currently has almost no money and even when he does have a bit he doordashes almost everything now, and anything else he gets at the corner store. Even that is a couple times a month at most. No fucking way he's walking around spokane randomly without any money to spend or anything to do for 5 miles. He has no reason to. Not to mention its the middle of winter and lucas doesn't even have basic cold weather clothing

He's hibernating in his fartbox until spring and even then he's not going to go anywhere except to buy his meager groceries with his food stamps and he won't be doing that anywhere near every day

That said for someone living off of food stamps, $13 a month and a few scraps of money he can ebeg its bizarre how he manages to keep himself so obese, even if he's still raiding homeless shelters for food in between meals. He has to eat alot to get that fat let alone to maintain it and thats not an easy thing to do considering how little money he has. The psych meds likely increase his appetite even more than usual but he still needs alot of food to keep himself like that, its bizarre. Hopefully he's not going around eating stray cats or something. He must literally just sit in his fart box eating whatever he can get his hands on all day. It certainly fits with his constant claims of starving all the time. Food obsession is something he really fixates on going back at least to the 90s
 
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Judd said:
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Lmfao at this being reposted by someone who's morbidly obese from being fed by Christians.
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Yet again his swiss cheese brain focuses on food above all else. He's not bitching about free housing despite years as a hobo, not medical care despite almost dying from kidney failure and being unhealthy as fuck, not education or jobs because he doesn't give a shit about this. He hyperfixates and twists everything around to be about food in some way. He's like a stray dog that hasn't eaten in weeks always obsessed with food. He'd probably growl at anyone coming near him when has a steak and try to bury the bone in the dirt at mallon place afterwards. He does the same food obsessed shit at least as far back as his 2010 reflections, which means he was obsessing about food at least as early as 1998

Makes me wonder just how much of myrnas parenting was 'dump a bunch of food in lucas's lap when he annoys me and let him eat until he gets groggy and passes out so I can do more important things' certainly fits with her habit of soothing him with food when he acted up. He really does have a bill dauterive thing going on with food where every emotion and act requires food

EDIT:

I came across this and immediately thought of lucas with his constant demands of 'where the party at?! hook me up!' Isik should have gotten one of these cards and given it to him claiming its the first step to being initiated into the greybeards and flatbills woman hoarding where they teach the secrets of how to do it and provide women to swoop. He'd have believed every word of it as soon as he started carrying out the instructions cause it fits in with the looney ideas he has in his head about secret information and groups hoarding all the info. Watching lucas waddle around spokane trying to do everything to find out what the next step is and walking into some pitch black room expecting zoomer baes at the end would be something that would need to be recorded for the world to see. Best thing to do would be to modify things a bit so that at the end he is confronted with a room full of naked homeless men and told the final step is a gay orgy to finish his initiation rights before they bring the zoomer baes in and pair off. Watching the gears in lucas's brain twist and turn trying to justify getting into a gay hobo orgy so he can fuck a zoomer after would either make him blow a gasket and spaz out or quietly try to join in. But you can bet afterwards even the slightest whisper of the idea that he is gay would send him completely off the deep end spazzing out about how straight he is, probably landing him in eastern state again
 
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Da Dude123 said:
Moooo, mooo, mooo. Split the till! Mooo, mooo, moo!

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Lucas should spend some time on a collectivized soviet farm and see how he likes that

Unsurprisingly he fails to include the fact that mcdonalds is run as a franchise situation and that a large portion of its profits goes into creating and supplying its ingredients for its restaurants, which costs an absolute fortune so he can't even account for that in his 'everybody would make 100k a year' bs. and then theres the fact that lucas himself couldn't even handle being a fry cook at mcdonalds for more than a few months, fucked it up and got demoted to 'idiot who carries boxes from the truck to the freezer' and got fired from that eventually as well. He's the last person anybody should be taking advice from about how to run a mcdonalds. His reflections also strongly imply he was getting somewhat creepy with 'dream girls' who worked there and customers, which may or may not have anything to do with getting his ass kicked off of fry duty

and if profit is theft why does lucas think its acceptable to sell his shit tier schizo board games for $100?
 
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Da Dude123 said:
Yeah, I don't believe this at all. We really need to get another Wern in the wild under cover photo. No way he is walking 5 hours a day. He still looks as fat as ever from the more recent photos.
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Lucas was out of breath laying down, and that was when he was relatively active walking often to downtown Spokane. He has worse cardio than 500 lb women. He's only walking 5 hours if it includes 4 hours of sitting down resting and weezing.
 
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Judd said:
I remember not too long ago he was saying that he was 220lbs ( The exact cut off for being obese acording to his specific BMI) and anyone could tell just by looking at him that he was still easily close to 300 pounds give or take. It's probably safe to assume that whatever he says he's at, add at least 50 pounds or more.
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Yes, that was when Lucas got arrested and his weight was correctly listed at 297 lb, but he insisted he was 210-220. He's always lying significantly about his weight.
 
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Da Dude123 said:
Yeah, I don't believe this at all. We really need to get another Wern in the wild under cover photo. No way he is walking 5 hours a day. He still looks as fat as ever from the more recent photos.
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Far too heavy. Far too atrophied. And far too diabetic. After five hours of ambulation, 'ol Luke has foot ulcers forming. The pain lands him in immediate care or the ER. Antibiotics are dispensed, along with a boot. Then follow-up appointments with the wound nurse & podiatrist — who tell him to stay the fuck off his feet, lest they turn necrotic.

Five hours? Daily? Bullshit.

Edited for spelling.
 
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Zoomies said:
He doesn't quite walk, he waddles. Think he would ever follow a doctor's orders?
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Yeah, different reports of Lucas walking have been around some years back. It has been reported years ago that he has been observed swinging his arms while walking, similar to a gorilla. Also, he used to walk with his hands behind his back.

Now, he struggles to walk at all. And as was pointed out, he had no proper winter clothing. The last video I remember of him walking was when Skeletor and his outcast owls videoed the fat cow walking after they gave him some new shoes. He was moving very poorly.
 
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Fried-Rice12 said:
He does not waddle, he rolls.
He simply rolls out the door and the motion keeps him going.
I think security cameras caught him rolling half across Spokane once.
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I can't be the only one who read that and immediately thought of the scene from willy wonka and the chocolate factory where that little girl ate the experimental candy and swelled up like a morbidly obese blueberry, having to be rolled away to get juiced. I can totally see something like that happening to lucas, except instead of juicing him they'd be using a few lipo machines on him

Da Dude123 said:
Yeah, different reports of Lucas walking have been around some years back. It has been reported years ago that he has been observed swinging his arms while walking, similar to a gorilla. Also, he used to walk with his hands behind his back.

Now, he struggles to walk at all. And as was pointed out, he had no proper winter clothing. The last video I remember of him walking was when Skeletor and his outcast owls videoed the fat cow walking after they gave him some new shoes. He was moving very
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Lucas has claimed the walking with his arms behind his back like that was to make himself look 'intellectual' but i've always gotten the impression it was something he was driven to do due to his mental problems. I mean he stared at the ground while walking with his hands behind his back, it legit made him look like an escaped mental patient and set off all kinds of red flags that he is someone to stay away from. I kind of wonder if someone told him this at some point so he tried to force himself to 'walk normally' and his gorilla walk is him forcing himself to emulate how normal people walk as best he can. Not that it makes him look less mental. Makes him look like an actual sasquatch. Small wonder shirtless lucas living out in the woods as a hobo and walking like that didn't spook some teen zoomers and end up on tiktok in a blurry viral video. I mean it is the pacific northwest and he does have a really abnormal gait and walk that could be mistaken for something non human at a distance. Especially with his size. He's lucky that didn't happen or he'd risk ending up as spokanes own version of the fouke monster. Might explain all those B movies where the sasquatch carries off some young attractive woman into the woods to breed though

Lucas certainly has enough info and video of him to put together a legend of boggy creek style video about the wernsquatch of the pacific northwest

But yeah between his progressively worsening health, his dead beetus foot, weird gait and gorilla arm swing its a wonder he can move at all outside his fartbox. Barring some major fuckup, which is still very much on the table, lucas being lucas and all, he's likely not going to be doing much outside anymore. Hell if he could doordash his foodstamp groceries to his fartbox he would. I'm sure that infuriates him though, as walking around outdoors was the closest thing to interaction with zoomer baes he had. No doubt losing that is producing some resentment in itself
 
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Lucas needs glasses but his welfare insurance apparently won't cover them. Not sure why. He has been without glasses for at least 4 years. He lost them in a schizo stupor years and years ago. He has mentioned before how he needs glasses, cause he can't see so good. Also, special shoes. He brought that up during one of his "I need a job" episodes. But he can't get a job without shows and glasses, so he has them.

Surely, Medicaid would get him a new pair at this point?

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