Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Da Dude123]

A mystery man? I suspect Lucas ate all 4 sandwiches. Although, he is known to ocassionally share with other random ragmen.

 

[MacMasonry]

Tubby is back to his cross contamination again. I am hoping that is a cutting board. But as has been stated, he probably did not clean it up after. Salmonella city. And for sure, he should not have raw chicken with everything else. But Lucas is a plenty good cook!

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Cross contamination? Salmonella? When your telomeres are as long as The Wern's, you don't have to worry about that stuff

 

[Stinkyboy]

I mean, technically if it all comes up to temp, salmonella shouldn’t be a worry. He’s cooking the chicken and veg together, after all.
Very bad practice, though.
He absolutely doesn’t use different knives/wash the one sharp one he has access to between ingredients. 0 chance he even flips the cutting board over.

His cooking and sanitation are on par with Merrill Howard Kallin.

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

When news of Lucas’s new accommodations broke, I looked forward to more Chef Wern. Purchasing a $100 box of beef promises a return to form. But something is missing.

Lucas's cooking is interesting when presented as evidence of his suitability as a mate. E.G: hey baby zoom, get a load of these cheesey cukes. Now let me impregnate you. Otherwise, he is just a gross man making gross food.

I hope Lucas does something interesting with the beef.

There is something to this. His eternal quest for zoomer puss puss seems to have fallen by the wayside. There is a sound of defeat or resignation in his voice.

Maybe it’s the meds or maybe he has come to some understanding that getting a girlfriend is just not in the cards for him, but he doesn’t quite have the intent behind his cooking videos now as he used to.

 

[WonderWino]

There is something to this. His eternal quest for zoomer puss puss seems to have fallen by the wayside. There is a sound of defeat or resignation in his voice.

Maybe it’s the meds or maybe he has come to some understanding that getting a girlfriend is just not in the cards for him, but he doesn’t quite have the intent behind his cooking videos now as he used to.

Give it time. His teen puss puss quest is too ingrained in him for him to abandon entirely. Everything he does revolves around it in some way, including his food videos. Its why his frustration and anger has been increasing lately

That said I doubt we'll get another LA saga type of situation, that shit scared him bad and even he knows he came close to a bad end, but that doesn't mean he won't spaz out sooner or later. He always does. Especially when he's off his meds and forced to live with a roommate

 

[Al from Dadeville]

Tubby is back to his cross contamination again. I am hoping that is a cutting board. But as has been stated, he probably did not clean it up after. Salmonella city. And for sure, he should not have raw chicken with everything else. But Lucas is a plenty good cook!

He dumped the raw chicken straight into the water didn't he? That soup should have all the flavor of tepid sink water

 

[WonderWino]

He dumped the raw chicken straight into the water didn't he? That soup should have all the flavor of tepid sink water

Exactly, theres no broth, its literally just warm water. That says alot about lucas's sense of taste. That he would actually think thats how you make soup or that thats how its supposed to taste says everything you need to know about his fucked up sense of taste and his low intelligence. Its chunks of chicken in water with pasta and whole carrots. That isn't even getting into the major food safety issues

and you just know he ate it and thought it was top tier gourmet cooking and showed off his plenty good cooking skills

42 year old man doesn't understand how to make soup properly but he's plenty good and totally ready to have kids. Reminds me of that crackhead hoodrat back in the 90s in vancouver that had cps take her kid because she got reported for feeding her kid nothing but powdered milk....added to coca cola because the water got cut off over not paying the water bill

 

[Stinkyboy]

Shouldn’t Lucas be in deathfats by now?

 

[Da Dude123]

Hmmm. Could it be food poisoning from the Chicken Noodle soup? No way! Lucas is a plenty good cook.

 

[WonderWino]

Hmmm. Could it be food poisoning from the Chicken Noodle soup? No way! Lucas is a plenty good cook.

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Considering the symptoms and timing thats definitely related to the shit he pulled with the raw chicken. But of course lucas is too stupid to realize that and will never listen to being told such even after having become sick himself

and despite being sick he still somehow manages to stuff himself like a pig. and lucas being lucas, he makes a sandwich out of tough cubed stew meat. Exactly what you're not supposed to do with it. It must have been like eating chunks of leather. He clearly doesn't understand what stew meat is or why its cubed up like that in the first place. Not that I should be surprised, as he also doesn't understand soup is supposed to have a broth, not just be hot water. All the more indicative of his exceptionally low intelligence as soup literally IS the broth, everything else is just added ingredients to make specific kinds of soup

I know thats probably ketchup and melted cheese but i'm not entirely convinced that isn't really some kind of jam and mustard he put on it. Especially considering the stupid shit he's done in the last 24 hours

So, with his food poisoning and fucked up kidneys, how long will it be before lucas latches onto more telomere pseudoscience to heal himself? I'm thinking maybe regenerating his telomeres to heal himself with magic binaural beats

 

[moseph.jartelli]

he makes a sandwich out of tough cubed stew meat

Jesus. I thought that was a pic of his diarrhea. Glad to so he's back to making insane food combos, and not mundane chicken soup and pot roast

 

[AnOminous]

and despite being sick he still somehow manages to stuff himself like a pig. and lucas being lucas, he makes a sandwich out of tough cubed stew meat.

Is that what that stuff is? I can't even identify it. He claims it's cube steak but it doesn't look like cube steak. That would be fine for a sandwich if you chicken-fried it but I have no clue what the fuck he did with it to make it look like that, whatever it is.

 

[WonderWino]

Is that what that stuff is? I can't even identify it. He claims it's cube steak but it doesn't look like cube steak. That would be fine for a sandwich if you chicken-fried it but I have no clue what the fuck he did with it to make it look like that, whatever it is.

I'm pretty sure thats what it is, probably the cubed meat he mentioned being in that box of meat he bought. About the only talent he has is turning otherwise normal ingredients into horrifying monstrosities that no sane person would ever eat and most people can barely identify properly

If lucas ever ends up in prison he'll definitely be the weird fucker that eats everything the prison feeds him, thinks its gourmet and tries to get everyone else to give him all the food nobody else will touch. All while whining constantly about starving and bitching to himself about how his cellmate hoards all his canteen food from him. Probably getting his ass beaten half to death after getting caught trying to steal food like he did with cyril. He'd never have commissary because nobody would give him money, he's too stupid to come up with a hustle of his own, he would never work and make his own money if he was told its 10 cents an hour to work hard all day and even if he did somehow get money he'd get robbed the second he tried to buy anything from the commissary. Though the idea of lucas getting forcibly assigned to the kitchen and ending up poisoning everybody with salmonella, and then getting busted trying to smuggle raw chicken out of the kitchen stuffed down his pants doing his bizarre sasquatch walk is hilarious. I wonder how desperate a prisoner would have to be to eat chicken lucas smuggled out of the kitchen in his pants

 

[PoopyFarts]

I'm pretty sure thats what it is, probably the cubed meat he mentioned being in that box of meat he bought. About the only talent he has is turning otherwise normal ingredients into horrifying monstrosities that no sane person would ever eat and most people can barely identify properly

If lucas ever ends up in prison he'll definitely be the weird fucker that eats everything the prison feeds him, thinks its gourmet and tries to get everyone else to give him all the food nobody else will touch. All while whining constantly about starving and bitching to himself about how his cellmate hoards all his canteen food from him. Probably getting his ass beaten half to death after getting caught trying to steal food like he did with cyril. He'd never have commissary because nobody would give him money, he's too stupid to come up with a hustle of his own, he would never work and make his own money if he was told its 10 cents an hour to work hard all day and even if he did somehow get money he'd get robbed the second he tried to buy anything from the commissary. Though the idea of lucas getting forcibly assigned to the kitchen and ending up poisoning everybody with salmonella, and then getting busted trying to smuggle raw chicken out of the kitchen stuffed down his pants doing his bizarre sasquatch walk is hilarious. I wonder how desperate a prisoner would have to be to eat chicken lucas smuggled out of the kitchen in his pants

It looks like a cut of cubed steak, but one that wasn't properly cooked. The way I've always known it to be done is roll them in flour and pan fry them to get a crispy crust. Those work fine for a sandwich. Minus the ungodly amount of cheese and ketchup of course. I'm still trying to figure out what he did to make it look so oily/wet/slimy.

 

[wenttobermuda]

There is something to this. His eternal quest for zoomer puss puss seems to have fallen by the wayside. There is a sound of defeat or resignation in his voice.

Maybe it’s the meds or maybe he has come to some understanding that getting a girlfriend is just not in the cards for him, but he doesn’t quite have the intent behind his cooking videos now as he used to.

"Intent" is a great way to put it, and gets at the issue with Lucas’s current content.

Much of the amusement of wernology comes from Lucas’s clumsy efforts to disguise his intent. Lucas is spectacularly bad at keeping his cards to himself (also, there's no bae in the cards). If he were a boxer, you could see his shots coming miles away. This is all queasy fun.

For example, when Lucas declared his support of BLM, he fooled noone. He was clearly currying favor with protest baes, who he hoped to fist and mooch off of. When he posted examples of his cooking, it was often framed as "if you were letting me hump you, you could eat like this, too." Whether bloviating about politics or flexing unpleasant food, peak Lucas was always urgently advertising himself as a mate to zoomer baes.

This spirit is largely absent from the shit he's been posting.

 

[Twrx]

"Intent" is a great way to put it, and gets at the issue with Lucas’s current content.

Much of the amusement of wernology comes from Lucas’s clumsy efforts to disguise his intent. Lucas is spectacularly bad at keeping his cards to himself (also, there's no bae in the cards). If he were a boxer, you could see his shots coming miles away. This is all queasy fun.

For example, when Lucas declared his support of BLM, he fooled noone. He was clearly currying favor with protest baes, who he hoped to fist and mooch off of. When he posted examples of his cooking, it was often framed as "if you were letting me hump you, you could eat like this, too." Whether bloviating about politics or flexing unpleasant food, peak Lucas was always urgently advertising himself as a mate to zoomer baes.

This spirit is largely absent from the shit he's been posting.

Don't forget he's said shit like if a bae wants him to be a vegan, he'll be a vegan and then the Facebook posts about asking if a cool tattoo would help him get laid. And the entire thing about he won't unblock all of Spokane until Laci (I think that was her name) fucked him.

 

[AnOminous]

When he posted examples of his cooking, it was often framed as "if you were letting me hump you, you could eat like this, too."

You could eat like you stole some rotting meat out of a dumpster, and then had a dog shit on top of it and a cat vomit on it. I wonder why nobody took him up on the offer.

 

[Da Dude123]

"Intent" is a great way to put it, and gets at the issue with Lucas’s current content.

Much of the amusement of wernology comes from Lucas’s clumsy efforts to disguise his intent. Lucas is spectacularly bad at keeping his cards to himself (also, there's no bae in the cards). If he were a boxer, you could see his shots coming miles away. This is all queasy fun.

For example, when Lucas declared his support of BLM, he fooled noone. He was clearly currying favor with protest baes, who he hoped to fist and mooch off of. When he posted examples of his cooking, it was often framed as "if you were letting me hump you, you could eat like this, too." Whether bloviating about politics or flexing unpleasant food, peak Lucas was always urgently advertising himself as a mate to zoomer baes.

This spirit is largely absent from the shit he's been posting.

I miss those posts. Especially, when he would flex the restaurant meals. He was all "Baby zooms, I'm plenty good. I can take you to Red Robin for all you can eat fries and gourmet burgers. If that goes plenty good, then we can go to Steam Plant next."

For sure, he hasn't been framing his posts that way now. I think the housing takes most of his money and this is stopping him from advertising the restaurant meals.

 

[Broadside]

Here we go with the salmonella again.

Salmonella is a right-wing conspiracy theory to prevent POC from making cheap meals so that they always remain poor. A voice on the wind told me so.

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

How has Darwin not claimed his ass yet. Dudes a fucking cockroach.

Darwinism is all about surviving to pass your genes on to the next generation.
Lucas will certainly not be passing his genes on.
So long as Lucas remains a childless virgin, he is functionally a genetic dead end and on the losing side of Darwinism.