Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[BPD Gunt Rider]

When he was an actual street hobo he had some level of diet and exercise - if only just a small amount, some level of dietary restriction and some need to move about.

When Lucas was homeless, he had to be walking over 5 miles many days along with standing around. For a fat doughy dude with busted feet, that's strenuous and probably the main reason he was noticeably losing weight before he got arrested and reeled in.

If Lucas has his EBT and gibsmedats again, plus he can sit around all day, he'll be 600 lbs or die before that.

 

[WonderWino]

So is this where it ends do you think? Cops respond to a foul smell in a locked apartment and find Lucas on his couch, decomposing amidst a sea of take away food?

God bless America.

Might not be the best indicator in his case, I mean he already smells horrifying and i'm sure the cooking smells wafting into the hallways of the building from his apartment would hide the smell of a bloated decomposing corpse for a week or two at least. They'll go to pick him up and he'll probably pop open like henry VIII did and spread his stench throughout the building

 

[Da Dude123]

Found this one off of the Lucas Werner FB Brokeposting page. It's not in the cards for you, Lucas!

 

[Pedophobe]

Just found an updated Lucas photo. The fat bum has food stuck in his beard. Fucking Lolcow !


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That is a neckbeard of unholy proportions.

Found this one off of the Lucas Werner FB Brokeposting page. It's not in the cards for you, Lucas!

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Still playing the classic hits. For a while I thought he'd actually accepted the hand he was dealt

 

[WonderWino]

That is a neckbeard of unholy proportions.

He's evolving into his true and final form - the uber atheist. He isn't balding - the hair on his head has been reabsorbed and repurposed to produce the neckbeard of all neckbeards and he has crammed himself with food to fuel his transformation and ascendance into the highest levels of euphoric atheism

Still playing the classic hits. For a while I thought he'd actually accepted the hand he was dealt

He'll never accept it. He's too angry, greedy, entitled and narcissistic to ever accept his fate. Even when weakened and feeble he'll still be just as angry even if he's no longer capable of expressing it the way he used to

 

[Da Dude123]

More moooing from the fat cow.

 

[SteveGoatman]

He looks like an obese Bam Margera.

So....like Bam Margera?

Also, that pic makes him look like a half shaved/balding sasquatch minus the folksy charm and air of mystery that surrounds the PNW's favorite cryptid.

 

[VoidFace]

More moooing from the fat cow.

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"I wish I was Quagmire from Family Guy..."

Soooo...Wern wishes he was a rapist? A rapist who, other than rape, is always terrible and abusive toward women and constantly tries to have sex with the wife of his best friend? One who also has not infrequent sex with (or sexual attraction to) animals?

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

More moooing from the fat cow.

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This is encouraging. Just like the turn of the seasons, our Wern is blossoming in Spring once again, as whatever little of his libido is left urges him back into desiring teen puss puss.

I am optimistic we may see some classic Wern again.

 

[Poop Shoot]

As long as there is life in his body, he will continue to reeee about how teenaged perfect 10’s won’t fuck him.

And that’s what I love about this fat, useless, smelly faggot.

 

[WonderWino]

More moooing from the fat cow.

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*Ahem*
Real smart move lucas

Excessive consumption of green tea extract has been associated with hepatotoxicity and liver failure.[29][30][31] In 2018, a scientific panel for the European Food Safety Authority reviewed the safety of green tea consumption over a low-moderate range of daily EGCG intake from 90 to 300 mg per day, and with exposure from high green tea consumption estimated to supply up to 866 mg EGCG per day.[32] Dietary supplements containing EGCG may supply up to 1000 mg EGCG and other catechins per day.[32] The panel concluded that EGCG and other catechins from green tea in low-moderate daily amounts are generally regarded as safe, but in some cases of excessive consumption of green tea or use of high-EGCG supplements, liver toxicity may occur.[32]

Even when he's trying to be 'healthy' he does something to try to poison himself in some way

and by his own admission he shouldn't be drinking 6 cups of anything caffeinated. He himself claims this makes him violent and aggressive. He going to start throwing mugs at his roommate now? Kind of sounds like pumping caffeine into himself is him attempting to force a manic high through self medicating, which would explain his behavior and posting like that. Guess he spent all his money and can't get energy drinks

"I wish I was Quagmire from Family Guy..."

Soooo...Wern wishes he was a rapist? A rapist who, other than rape, is always terrible and abusive toward women and constantly tries to have sex with the wife of his best friend? One who also has not infrequent sex with (or sexual attraction to) animals?

He's fucking herbert the pervert if anything

Mallon place needs to up his meds, he's starting to come out of his winter hibernation and sniff the scent of teen poonaner in the wind. We all know how that ends

 

[Vi0l3t]

Vile food by a vile man.

 

[WonderWino]

Vile food by a vile man.
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Its a dish called slop

Well for once he got the name right at least. Partially soft boiled eggs sounds like admitting he doesn't know how to cook an egg properly and ate it partially raw. Everything in those pictures is horrifying and the fact he appears to have put grape jelly, peanut butter and hot sauce in a bowl of ramen says alot about how fucked his sense of taste is. Bragging about making this garbage shows you just how stupid he truly is. He's starting to remind me of the time my cousin, who was like 6 at the time, would make bizarre food combinations thinking he was 'cooking like mom' and ended up trying to make hot chocolate out of jello chocolate pudding. But yeah alot of the rest of things he 'invented' looked better than the shit lucas comes up with. Congrats lucas you got outsmarted in your cooking 'skills' by a literal 6 year old with more sense than you

Lucas should be recruited for an episode of kitchen nightmares. Make the show live up to its name for once. Then again, having to watch lucas make his horrifying unsanitary creations might drive gordon ramsay mad to the point of strangling lucas with cooking twine

 

[Greedmonger]

Lucas should be recruited for an episode of kitchen nightmares. Make the show live up to its name for once. Then again, having to watch lucas make his horrifying unsanitary creations might drive gordon ramsay mad to the point of strangling lucas with cooking twine

Ramsay could probably argue self defense and walk on that case

 

[A Silly Possum]

Vile food by a vile man.
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Well, at least he learned how to use 'finna' right. Last time I saw him use it he said something like 'about to put some hot sauce and mayo finna bowl of ramen'. Kinda wish he didn't learn cuz it was definitely funnier that way. But 'bussin as' is pretty funny too. I think he mixed up the phrase 'simple as' and '<blank> asf' to come up with that comment. I love when he tries to sound like a black dude (cuz that's what he thinks zoomers want - which isn't too far off I guess lmao) but it just reeks of desperation and shows how unbelievably out of touch he is.

 

[HidekiVonMetternich4real]

Vile food by a vile man.
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1) I can't really tell where the cheese is. The sauce looks all liquidy and looks like a mixture of ketchup and vomit.
2) That's the weirdest combination of sauces I've seen put next to a block of ramen. Is that fucking peanut butter and grape jam? He didn't actually use them did he?
3) How do you fuck up ramen noodles like this? I'm a college student that eats once a day and I cook better than this fat twat. The way the sauce radiates outwards makes me think that he stuffed all the ingredients into his stomach and then threw up a projectile and those are the impact marks.
4) This is wrong on so many levels. He didn't bother to skin the potatos which is fine if he washed them properly, but given the behaviour of this excuse of a human being I doubt he ever washes anything ever, including his own dick. The meat looks unmarinated and unseasoned. The best seasoning he could come up with was squeezing packets of ketchup he got from McDonald's onto the potatoes.
5) How the fuck did he manage to make his eggs look like that? Seriously, I can't tell where the salmon is, the whole thing is covered in a mysterious crusty substance that's probably pulsating. Just how. Did he fuck up a homunculus crafting procedure or what? Wtf is this? Did he throw up before putting it in the oven?
6) That's his creation all right. He probably just stuck a chunk of radium in his ass and left it there to ferment and pickle for a month and cut the resulting cancerous growth out resulting in this shit. Straight out of fallout.

The only people on earth who will ingest this shit are him, mukbangers and Chinese people

Him posting this prison food isn't the main problem. Him making this TLC documentary worthy food itself isn't the problem either. The problem is that he is super proud of it and expect you to drool all over yourself and beg him for his recipe the moment you see it.

 

[TractorGirl]

Vile food by a vile man.
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How is this surf and turf? Does he think a piece of fish and a piece of chicken makes SnT?

 

[Greedmonger]

How is this surf and turf? Does he think a piece of fish and a piece of chicken makes SnT?

Chicken = land/turf = steak
Salmon = sea/surf = lobster
It’s all the same thing. My favorite SnT recipe is a lamb shank w/ octopus. I actually got this one from a good friend at Clinkerdagger:
Cover the lamb with the octopus in fresh cheese whip and mayonnaise, cover and set aside. Preheat oven to 500 degrees fahrenheit. Broil 30 minutes at 500, or until smoke goes from grey to heavy black. Remove from oven and immediately put out the smoke with canned whipped cream before smoke detector sounds. Now quickly, before the cream melts, sprinkle 3/4 cup ground black pepper on top. Garnish with salted raw vegetables and yellow mustard.
For dessert try the secret “salty caramel red onion & celery cheesecake” with apple sauce, marinara sauce, and a stick of warm butter.
*chefs kiss*

 

[WonderWino]

Chicken = land/turf = steak
Salmon = sea/surf = lobster
It’s all the same thing. My favorite SnT recipe is a lamb shank w/ octopus. I actually got this one from a good friend at Clinkerdagger:
Cover the lamb with the octopus in fresh cheese whip and mayonnaise, cover and set aside. Preheat oven to 500 degrees fahrenheit. Broil 30 minutes at 500, or until smoke goes from grey to heavy black. Remove from oven and immediately put out the smoke with canned whipped cream before smoke detector sounds. Now quickly, before the cream melts, sprinkle 3/4 cup ground black pepper on top. Garnish with salted raw vegetables and yellow mustard.
For dessert try the secret “salty caramel red onion & celery cheesecake” with apple sauce, marinara sauce, and a stick of warm butter.
*chefs kiss*

That recipe sounds awful

Everybody knows the only proper way to serve it is after marinating the octopus and lamb for three days in room temperature grape juice and olive oil and serving it with goat milk and olive oil soaked pickles and radishes with a ketchup, vinegar and peanut butter reduction sauce

 

[ResignedCustodes]

His use of slang really bothers me. Maybe it's that it's a creepy and transparent attempt at being down with the youth, but also it sounds fucking retarded.