Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

Ugh, working on tonight's upload.

It's getting late and if he uploads anything more after this 44 minute compilation of Beetus The Hutt will have to get caught tomorrow because I'd like to be in bed before midnight.

Video is rendering, I'll update this when it's finally up on Youtube.

Here. Enjoy until Sugardaddy Goldy uploads the podcast.



HE’S GOT WEED! HE’S GOT FOOD!

I love how Lucas is just a rando homeless dude, yet acts like he’s a warlord in Somalia strolling through a refugee camp and showing off his riches.

“Get with me and you’ll be fed EVERY DAY! And not gruel. BUT SUSHI!”
 
i wonder what he'd think if i offered him a shot of Bruichladdich Quadruple-distilled single malt scotch, which i enjoy time to time. it's 92%, a bit higher than the average drugstore bottled rubbing alcohol solution. i very rarely drink anything, but given the lush adventures of Lucas the Worldly, i kind of doubt he's much of a drinker either - or at least one that's developed a palette for the stuff. this drinking also seems performative in that he associates it with the young club/bar goer that tries to pick up girls and uses alcohol as a signal of, i guess, a fun, party-type of person.

downing 8 weak fortified wines in a row and brooding smacks of the sort of alcoholic i would have to pick up for shouting and getting emotional that buys 3 or 4 of those 4 oz liquor gas station bottles on his lunch break and they're wildly different kinds and he's not bought any food go with it and it's only like 11:31am on a Wednesday...

fun fact: proof is half the percentage of alcohol (in the US at least), because in most foods in the US stemming from the 1850s or so, you must have at least half the liquor be alcohol (ethanol) to legally claim that it's liquor for sale. it was also taxed by this measure, and business was pretty serious about meeting the legal requirement to sell alcohol because selling watered down drinks is an easy way to lose customers and get sued. so 50% alcoholic content was chosen as the minimum content, and this was set as "100 proof" as a scale of measure since 100 was a nice round number.
 
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Lucas is very impressed with his drinking ability. Watching him down these weak pseudo-spirits, trying to act as if he's "driven to drink" by Gen Z while affecting nonchalance, well... I just find it very funny indeed.

Videos where Lucas acts like his idea of a certain character are often my favorites: tough guy, scientist, or in this case, romantic, heartbroken wino.

This video is another must watch. As @wenttobermuda predicted, Lucas is gifting us el primo content! By the latter third of the video, Lucas is no longer acting. He's very angry, very sad, and addressing a person that's not there... seemingly a few steps away from a complete emotional breakdown. I have a feeling that smoking all this weed, and drinking all this garbage booze, isn't really helping his problems. Whodathunkit?

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Lucas found a new way to waste his money: he bought eight of these bottles of cheap fake alcohol, and is going to drink them one after another for some kind of "weird publicity stunt", which makes less than no sense, even for Lucas.

Hey, guess what? Lucas is a moron.

These drinks are 32 proof, which means they're 16% alcohol. Lucas thinks they're 64% alcohol, which would be quite strong indeed. Stronger, in fact, than my rather tasty 125 proof, 62.5 % alcohol Oregon Spirit Absinthe Original, if you'll excuse the plug.

Yes, Lucas thinks his corner store bum wine ($1.99) is stronger than this.

Lucas is very proud of his ability to down alcohol. Talking about how they "Go Down Smooth", and how "you saw how easily" he drank that one. It's like a little teenage kid, trying to impress his friends by drinking too fast... as we KNOW Lucas can, and does. Anyone else remember the Rolling Rock / Christian Bros. Brandy, back when fatty had a roof over his head?

Most adults aren't really impressed by homeless 40 year old men being able to down cheap fake alcohol. That's actually kind of the expectation. What a rebel. A homeless man drinking recklessly. Quel Shocker.

For those who wonder what Lucas is actually drinking, bottled by Maine-based Brookstone Distilling Company — the faux liquors are really a high-percentage grape wine flavored to taste like alcohol. Each bottle is 16 percent alcohol and 32 proof, which allows them to be sold in stores that sell beer and wine, available until midnight — long after the liquor stores have closed.

They're reputed to taste terrible.

Spoiler: Halfway through the video, Lucas is visibly sickened by drinking these disgusting things.

Have fun, Fatty!
I've long dreamt of Lucas developing a serious drinking problem, or perhaps an opiate habit. Either would give him the illusion of a personality. And enhance his content.

Watching him drink a ton of canned cocktails in the dark, under the stars, is almost as good. As entertaining as his old brandy videos. And sadder.

But Lucas is doing it wrong. The most efficient, and homeless, way to get drunk on a budget is warm, bottom shelf vodka straight from a plastic bottle. Not Grape Smash. He's drinking like as highschool girl.

This is no accident.

He mentions he'd like to share his alcohol with Gen Z constantly.

He switches back and forth between addressing an imaginary bae, and a fictitious flatbill rival, seemingly unable to keep the two straight.

He is very unhappy.

Some of my favorite quotes:
"Seems like you like... anything but me. I don't know. I don't know why you wouldn't like me. I'm willing to share alcohol with you. "

"A lot of millennials want to go out with me. But I don't want to go out with Millenials because I want stronger DNA for my babies. "

" I'm sitting here getting drunk because nobody loves me. "

" Don't expect me to hang out with dudes. You're violent. You don't share any women with me! "

" I don't like you. Cause you're mean (burp)."

" ONLY GEN Z 18 TO 24!"

" I don't really care about anything but you, but if you don't care about me I don't care about you either. "
What a sad, unhappy man. I love it. I hope he has enough money for another 8 Grape Smashes today. Perhaps we'll have more gems like:
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"Let me get a vagina and boo and wifey too, poo poo." Lucas Werner.
 
I love how, when Lucas freaks out then starts coughing because he forgets how to breathe.

Anyway, here are the videos from him out at night; I'm pretty sure that one condition of his probation was no drugs or alcohol and he's literally smoking weed on camera and drinking on camera.

As of time of posting it's still processing and I have to scuttle off to work but it'll eventually work:

 
No surprise he looks bloated, he did the same thing today that he always does whenever he gets a check, he bought some weed, and he spent the rest of the money on meal after meal after meal until the money was almost depleted.

Lucas doesn't seem to have that; he eats a gigantic meal, then immediately goes and eats another gigantic meal, and then immediately goes and eats yet another gigantic meal.

And even if you could physically make yourself eat that amount of food, why would you want to? It certainly can't be enjoyable. Why would you blow 100% of your money in one day, greatly decreasing your enjoyment of meals 2-6. What kind of child consciously decides to live like a king (relatively) for one day a month and a homeless starving peasant the other 29?

I'm starting to think there must be something wrong with Lucas's appetite, like on a clinical level.

Prader Willi is my official diagnosis.

And when you look at the table during these meals he always has two or more drinks. Like, two sodas? Or, a soda and an alcoholic drink? I've never seen anyone else do this.

Always. I don't know why, but Lucas drinking alcohol bothers me. I think it's because he's clearly a mentally unstable individual his meek/pathetic personality is the only thing stopping him from becoming seriously dangerous. Alcohol and meth are the two substances that really seem to escalate problems with the vagrants.

I like how he's already started saying he's in college. Not that he plans to go to college, not that he intends to enroll in college, no....just flat out saying that he's in college now.

College is just a state of mind, man...

he also seems to miss any subtextual mocking, or Clues based on the tone of voice, when it comes from a girl. His guard is down; he described the interaction with her as flirting, and he missed some pretty obvious questions that were phrased in a way that was clearly critical of him

His guard is definitely up when interacting with males but something I've noticed is he's not exactly any better at actually detecting when he's being mocked by men. Half the time I see him on there he is berating people who he thinks are mocking him and aren't, and then completely misses people that are blatantly making fun of him.
 
So if younger women aged 19+ don't want to date a broke, fat, autist living on welfare then it's somehow their fault for not wanting to do so?

How about you stop being an old creeper, clean yourself up, shave, get a real job and find a woman closer to your own age and stop creeping on the kids.
Yeah! What a bunch of bitches! Those fags should instantly fall for him, for He is a king!
 
So Lucas blew like $200 on food and weed and 8 bottles of shitty bum wine, stayed out all night and likely passed out in the dirt, drunk off his ass. I see there was a low of 57 last night too. I can’t imagine the type of hangover a 40 year old gets after that sort of bender but it’s possible his 297-pound body filled with 5 meals might help mitigate that.
 
I love how, when Lucas freaks out then starts coughing because he forgets how to breathe.

Anyway, here are the videos from him out at night; I'm pretty sure that one condition of his probation was no drugs or alcohol and he's literally smoking weed on camera and drinking on camera.

As of time of posting it's still processing and I have to scuttle off to work but it'll eventually work:

Best videos in a while, excellent work.
I'm really entertained by his "it's all good, I'm in total control of my situation" attitude hes flaunting. I wonder if he's even aware of how pitiful his life is to the average person? Maybe he's overcompensating because he does know? Also lmao at him thinking that a 20k a year job is good enough for being a parent, as if he'd ever get hired by literally anyone.
In regards to his eating habits, I think that he's a binge eater. He stuffs down his icky bad feelings with carbs and fat and then most likely gets a huge hit of dopamine or something, which is probably his only source of pleasure. This has been going on his whole life.
 
So Lucas blew like $200 on food and weed and 8 bottles of shitty bum wine, stayed out all night and likely passed out in the dirt, drunk off his ass. I see there was a low of 57 last night too. I can’t imagine the type of hangover a 40 year old gets after that sort of bender but it’s possible his 297-pound body filled with 5 meals might help mitigate that.

During the podcast, I'm fairly sure I heard Lucas say that he and Isaac had been "camping" when the recent videos were taken. So it's no big deal, just your basic drink-a-bunch-of-malt-liquor-and-pass-out-in-a-park camping kind of thing. Normal summer stuff!
 
Jesus fuck Goldork, you absolute boomer, either put the video up on the screen or tell Lucas not to do a video call.
His busted ass hobo-phone obviously can't handle the bandwidth.

French Canadians, man, never met one who is competent.
 

The part where Lucas says:

"It's fun, it's like camping. It's warm as fuck. It (sleeping outside) seems to strengthen my immune system. Umm I spend most of my time at a HOWmless shelter. And I like the lifestyle! Because I'm eating the food I want, I'm not paying rent. Annnd I'm hanging out with people different than me and kinda learning their stories too. And I'm making some people laugh..and I'm causing shit to happen. I've been doing this in total for like 6 months with HOC..."

is an instance where he is genuinely feeling himself and believing the lies he's telling himself. A lot of the time you can tell he barely believes what he's saying and/or he's saying it because he wants his audience to believe it.

Here I think he was reeling from another catfish to such a degree that he pulled out all the stops to ease his suffering. He bought a big bayg of weed, some hobo alcohol, ate 50 meals, missed bedtime at HOC, and then started putting the HARD sell on his 'plenty good' routine to himself in his own mind.

Fortunately this is always temporary and the crash will be all that much worse hungover, anxious, and exhausted. Today could be a good day for incel rage Lucas.
 
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So Lucas blew like $200 on food and weed and 8 bottles of shitty bum wine, stayed out all night and likely passed out in the dirt, drunk off his ass. I see there was a low of 57 last night too. I can’t imagine the type of hangover a 40 year old gets after that sort of bender but it’s possible his 297-pound body filled with 5 meals might help mitigate that.
When I hit my 40’s, hangovers became absolute nightmares that took me almost two full days to recover from. I guarantee he is in misery right now, which is fitting, since he’s such a repulsive excuse for a human.
 
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