wenttobermuda said:
Inherited wealth, land and a herd of cows? He thinks that he'll probably have those some day, and they'll help him score a mate, so that's cool. Primogeniture is cool. Manorialism too.
On that note I can just see lucas being like one of those touchy old fashioned prussian nobles after getting his inheritance, stopping anyone who says his name and screeching 'thats
von werner you ageist republican bigot!' in true ribbentrop style
That said I got to thinking what lucas's life in prison would be like if and when he inevitably does something stupid to get him sent there. Aside from the fact he wouldn't likely be there for anything that the other inmates are likely to respond well to, lucas is completely ill equipped to survive such an environment:
- he mouths off to people, especially behind their backs, word gets around and he's fucked
- he steals when he thinks he can get away with it and feels justified in doing so, if he ever got caught he's fucked
- he is too lazy to do work, especially for like 10 cents an hour, so even by prison standards he'd be flat broke
- he's too incompetent to have a hussle of his own and even if he did come up with something he'd get fucked out of it by other inmates (bonus points if he tries to pull the 'cook for other inmates hussle' and ends up cooking some horrifying wern style monstrosity out of their expensive commissary food and gets beaten or shanked for it)
- he is exactly the kind of cowardly, easily intimidated idiot who could be threatened into holding on to gang drugs/contraband or be forced into trying to fight/shank somebody, if only to get him out of everyones hair (bonus points if lucas is stupid enough to be told to hold onto some pot and gets the bright idea of smoking some himself cause 'they'll never notice')
- he'd run to the prison guard at the first sign of someone fucking with him, which won't end well for him
- he'd have a cellmate, a male one at that and either he'd piss said cellmate off through lack of hygiene or through trying to get him to let him in on all his secrets with the women
- knowing lucas he would call somebody nigga or bigot republicans and end up starting an incident
- he'd be the guy walking around the yard in circles with his hands behind his back and that weird walk of his who nobody wants anything to do with
- he doesn't understand personal boundaries or the concept of territory the way normal people do so he would inevitably piss the gangs off one way or another. likely by sitting at the wrong table and causing a scene when told to gtfo or doing something similar on the yard
- quickly realizing he has no options for commissary lucas would inevitably revert to his usual behavior of trying to extort/blackmail prisoners with money or commissary to get stuff for him, it wouldn't end well for him
- he'd cry himself to sleep in his cell every night the way he does on his fartcot now
- he would NOT be pleased with having to shower with a bunch of other men standing around him. all it would take for something bad to happen is lucas popping off and catching somebody staring at him in horror and lucas saying something to the effect of 'what are you staring at fag?!'
- if he did by some miracle get a job in the kitchen he'd get busted trying to smuggle something out of the kitchen stuffed down his pants, possibly losing his balance in the process and inadvertently sitting on some tomatoes (and woe unto anyone foolish enough to want to eat anything that has been down lucas's pants)
- lucas would likely take the time to write his telomere manifesto and to ensure such an important historical document remained intact.....he would suitcase it up his ass....and inevitably get it stuck in there at some point and have to have it surgically removed
- if the other prisoners get pissy about his ranting about zoomers they might fuck with him by getting a prison troon to wander over to lucas's cell and try to hit on him claiming to be a zoomer. rage would ensue
- you just know his morbidly obese ass would be getting intimidated to give up his food trays fairly often
overall it would not be a pleasant experience for him
