Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[WonderWino]

How long after his next phone is stolen does he post something to this effect?

"Zoomer baes who are down with Bernie need to stop being agephobe and classists by not dating men beneath their social status. I don't have a phone. Go to IHOP, order a triple stack, get crayons, and write on the piece of paper with a teddy bear and balloons on it why you want to date me. Post it back on this light pole. If I think you are catfishing me, I'll rip it down and throw it away. My favorite color is green, so if you write in another color, I'll know you are trolling me; AGEPHOBIC CLASSIST BIGOT DEMOCRAT IN NAME ONLY! I am running out of crayon. Yeet me a bae Zoomers."

On that note, since he is already going schizo and posting insane ramblings on light poles I wonder how long its going to be before he goes full malkavian and starts arguing with and screaming at stop signs on street corners....demanding that the stop sign STOP its bigotry and agephobia and yeet him a zoomer bae

So, he hopes to get both a girlfriend and a roommate from that? So, the other Gen X guy will live be also living wherever, or he is willing to live with another Gen X guy? I thought Lucas only wanted to live with a Gen Z hottie? Of course the cow doesn't like hard work, he doesn't want to do any work.

He is probably getting somewhat desperate for a place to live, especially seeing as winter is only a few months away and he doesn't want to spend cold winter days wandering the streets again or risk being stuck outdoors in the winter. He probably just wants a male roomate because he knows a woman won't want him as one, he doesn't understand that men and women can have such an arrangement without it being sexual and thinks a fellow gen x guy can yeet him a bae, or that he will have one that lucas can steal

That said, the fact he throws that into his insane attraction signs speaks for itself. Anyone with a couple braincells to rub together would just put out an actual ad. Even with his phone missing he could still post an ad via a public library computer, assuming he isn't still banned. Regardless he has to be legitimately stupider than a bag of rocks to think anyone would read that insane display and think having him as a roommate is a good idea

and on that note, i'd be very wary of anyone who did actually try to take him up on that offer. Either the person in question is batshit like lucas is, is doing it to set him up to fuck with him in some way, or is some kind of serial killer looking for some idiot nobody will miss. Lucas could end up in a dank basement being fed his own oven roasted legs, to serve as his own last meal

Just replace eddie izzard with lucas in this scene, and hannibal with lucas's new roommate

a fitting final culinary horror for lucas to indulge in

 

[cigarettesalsa]

Yo you have to find out what's scribbled on the back of that paper. It looks like a failed attempt but I bet it's worth documenting.

Look what i found on a pole at Riverside and Washington.

 

[WonderWino]

Those are definitely cheap ass restaurant crayons from the kid’s coloring menu lmao

I just had a horrifying mental image of lucas getting the crayons by going to burger king and getting a kids king club meal, which comes with a pack of crayons and a paper crown, and sitting in the corner in a booth furiously drawing his attraction sign and muttering to himself incoherently while wearing the paper crown, imagining himself as king lucas, successor to king roy, ruling over his vast 12 acre estate filled with adoring cows, mooing in jubilation as lucas leads a procession of hobos and imaginary zoomer baes up the driveway, through the front door and into his throne room (by which I mean the ratty old ottoman in the living room)

 

[Wernology]

The fact the fat fuck thinks he can anything worthy of $1,000 a month is mind boggling.
Please please please to anyone in the Spokane area....have a “it’s not in the cards” field day with that sign!!!

I mean, it's nice he's at least pretending to put in the effort to get a job, but with his background and very public social media he'll be lucky if anyone contacts him and he'd 1000% need to go back on meds if he had any hope if keeping a hypothetical job as violent mood swings tend to get people fired.

Guessing he doesn't know that his reputation is so bad that based on that alone he'd never get hired at a bar (fuck's sake he's banned from most of them) and his criminal background check disqualifies him from weed shops.

He has no experience, no real skillset, and has been on SSDI with no employment for 20 years.

Add in that he's a complete idiot when it comes to basic tech use and that further narrows his potential job prospects.

It's not that he couldn't get a job; plenty of low paying customer service call centers would probably take him, but nothing that pays what he wants or is in a field he wants would even look twice as he has literally no qualifications.

Edit: Also, a job, an apartment (with or without a roommate), and a girlfriend are still not in the cards.

 

[Kugelsak Kastengrus 6th]

This is reminding me of a local cow that hangs out by major train stations with large signs talking about his plights. Unlike the Wern and Rusty, his are more government conspiracy and tracking devices. When they don't have access to social media, they simply grab poster boards and markers and yell in the streets. I would love to see a soapbox saga with the Wern.

 

[downloads]

I will admit to not knowing the ins and outs of shelters in his area but is HOC really going to be okay with Lucas telling the baes to call there and ask for him?

 

[ThomasAudley]

I will admit to not knowing the ins and outs of shelters in his area but is HOC really going to be okay with Lucas telling the baes to call there and ask for him?

Yeah they’re gonna have to get a few more lines to accommodate the nonstop calls of zoomer baes trying to get some MRSA-infected mega micropenis.

 

[Amewsed]

Yeah they’re gonna have to get a few more lines to accommodate the nonstop calls of zoomer baes trying to get some MRSA-infected mega micropenis.

For sure.
Lucas has 99 problems, and a woman won't ever be one of them.

 

[INeedUhChickUnder26]

I thought Lucas only wanted to live with a Gen Z hottie?

Well yeah the zoomer baes didn't go for the whole 'be my sex slave but also pay 100% of the bills" and somebody's gotta pay the rent.

 

[WonderWino]

I mean, it's nice he's at least pretending to put in the effort to get a job, but with his background and very public social media he'll be lucky if anyone contacts him and he'd 1000% need to go back on meds if he had any hope if keeping a hypothetical job as violent mood swings tend to get people fired.

Guessing he doesn't know that his reputation is so bad that based on that alone he'd never get hired at a bar (fuck's sake he's banned from most of them) and his criminal background check disqualifies him from weed shops.

He has no experience, no real skillset, and has been on SSDI with no employment for 20 years.

Add in that he's a complete idiot when it comes to basic tech use and that further narrows his potential job prospects.

It's not that he couldn't get a job; plenty of low paying customer service call centers would probably take him, but nothing that pays what he wants or is in a field he wants would even look twice as he has literally no qualifications.

Edit: Also, a job, an apartment (with or without a roommate), and a girlfriend are still not in the cards.

Lucas wouldn't last a single day at a call center. He's either lose his shit on a customer when they tell him his stupid ideas aren't working or he would get told to behave like a normal person and that he needs additional training cause he has no idea what he is doing and he'd lose his shit on a manager and either get fired or arrested for it. Possibly both. I can just see lucas being criticized for not knowing how to fix a simple problem and screaming at his manager that hes a bigot republican agephobic kiwifarmer, even moreso if said manager threatened to call the cops if he didn't calm down

On that note, I would love to see the expression on lucas's face if he got such a job and people started reporting problems using bash, anything linux or dos related , or problems with windows acting screwy. His reaction to being entirely out of his element would be priceless

Though I wouldn't want to be his coworkers, let alone be the people stuck sitting next to him. He'd be the guy that sits there farting all day and mumbling to himself nonsensically between calls. and you know damn well he'd be one of those guys who sneaks into the break room and steals peoples lunches 'cause he's poor' just like he did and admitted to doing with cyril

I will admit to not knowing the ins and outs of shelters in his area but is HOC really going to be okay with Lucas telling the baes to call there and ask for him?

No, not in the slightest, especially considering they've been informed of his history toward women at this point, especially younger women. They would either not forward the call to him and act like it never happened or not forward the call to him and warn him to stop having young women contact the shelter like that. They absolutely can't allow themselves to be put in a position where they can be seen as enabling him when it comes to such women, given his history. After all, if they forwarded a call from such a woman to him and she later turned out to be underage or he did something to her the shelter would be neck deep in shit when it got out that it only happened because the shelter itself facilitated it. and god help them if said woman somehow happened to be a legit stupid underage zoomer bae and he did something to her. Her parents lawyers would have a field day with the shelter as soon as the circumstances were made known to them. They won't touch that situation with a 20 foot pole

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

I think part of his community court meetings due to his misdemeanors is that he needs to find a place to live, which is why he abruptly started talking about jobs and such after his arrest.

In order to maintain housing since Lucas has apparently fucked up all subsidized options in Spokane and Olympia, he needs to get a job to pay for it. Rough times for Lucas, if so. He really threw away a comfy SSI NEETbux life.

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

He really threw away a comfy SSI NEETbux life.

He really did have it made when he was living in his fartbox. Only downside was not having his own bathroom but considering his situation, he was set. A place to live and enough free money to eat and live relatively well for never working a day in his adult life. It shows how stupid and short sighted he is. The all pervasive obsession with zoomer poonaner overrides every decision he makes.

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

New Apartment!

No longer homeless after a year. Conversation Our Age conversationrage.weebly.com

www.youtube.com

This was the pinnacle for Lucas. Which I know isn't much considering it's a small studio apartment that your common college kid would live at. But, it was subsidized and Lucas could have lived comfortably with his SSI. What more does a forever alone single dude really need? If only Lucas could have kept to himself and not harass all the flatbills around him fucking teenage girls 24/7.

 

[Quiet Dignity]

It re-blows my mind every time he signal boosts Golden USB, a 'show' which exists for the sole purpose of laughing at him. Even though his insta contains material which makes him look even more insane than the 'podcast' does, there's just something about how proud he is to be on a podcast that tickles me greatly.

Edit: typo

 

[mothman96]

New Apartment!

No longer homeless after a year. Conversation Our Age conversationrage.weebly.com

www.youtube.com

This was the pinnacle for Lucas. Which I know isn't much considering it's a small studio apartment that your common college kid would live at. But, it was subsidized and Lucas could have lived comfortably with his SSI. What more does a forever alone single dude really need? If only Lucas could have kept to himself and not harass all the flatbills around him fucking teenage girls 24/7.

That was the 1st apt he got via Pioneer Human Services. It was a 6 mo. transitional apt at a facility for the mentally ill called Phoenix House. He was there for approx 3 mo (Jan-Mar 2017). After his "right now, right now, right now etc" video he was put in Eastern State hospital. Released from the mental hospital after several mo, made his video offering $1000. for a date, got put right back into the mental hospital. Released again Jan 2018, placed back at the Phoenix House. At the end of 6 mo. Aug 2018-Pioneer Human Services moved him to Pioneer Pathway House from where he ended up getting kicked out.

 

[AbraCadaver]

This is one of my favorite developments yet! it really takes his insanity to a new level, to post crazy shit up on a pole.

It reminds me of this homeless mentally ill guy in Thailand who is more wholesome and successful Lucas. The Thai guy had a wife and kid and an education and about 150 fewer pounds, and now he draws weird shit no one knows the meaning of. But both are diagramming out their crazy schizo thoughts in ways that only make sense to them. I'm also further reminded of this King of the Hill episode where that art promoter mocks Peggy and that other crazy guy. I'm really excited about a potential upcoming Lucas schizo art saga next!!

That thai guy’s scribbles I would definitely read. You can see from the way he maps them out that he at one time understood some sort of engineering or infrastructure planning. The fellow may be crazy, but his writings look like an interesting read.

Lucas’ drawings, on the other hand, are the raving, childish crayon scrawls of a giant fat toddler madman driven by animal instinct to try and mate, but alas, it’s not in the cards for him.

 

[Nobleman]

Lol this morning to get coffee I backtracked to snag the poster and it was gone. Anyone want to fess up they were the ones who got this piece of wern memorabilia?

 

[LightEmittingDiode]

Lol this morning to get coffee I backtracked to snag the poster and it was gone. Anyone want to fess up they were the ones who got this piece of wern memorabilia?

It’s probably in the break room of the Spokane PD for a good chuckle

 

[AbraCadaver]

Lol this morning to get coffee I backtracked to snag the poster and it was gone. Anyone want to fess up they were the ones who got this piece of wern memorabilia?

Clearly an entire sorority of 18 year old coeds has taken it and they are now tearing each other apart tooth and nail, fighting for the right to become the Bride of Wern.

 

[cuddle striker]

"consider the xoomer zygote" is a sentence I never thought could exist. It's like his thesis opening.