The recently discovered attraction signs are, content wise, virtually indistinguishable from one of Lucas's classic diatribes. I'm grateful for their discovery.
LUCAS WERNER: What of the greed of Gen Z men, with their sweep of multiple women at a time? How can I complete when Gen Z women love greed?
Lucas recognizes that he cannot compete for the affections of "Gen Z women." He has tried, failed. He does not recognize that this is not a problem he has uniquely with Gen Z women. He competed for the attention of "Gen X women," and "Millennial women," before they aged out of his thirst.
He also must recognize, on some level, that his chances of reordering civilization around the concept of providing hobos with access to choice teen puss are greater than finding some manner in which he can be "competitive" with Gen Z men.
Lucas knows that the world needs socialism, the best cure for greed, because greed makes teens prefer people their own age over aging hobos.
What? Are you kidding? Clearly none of it was Myrna's fault.
It's not her fault, for example, that Lucas had a 168° fever, which exploded into wet oatmeal all over his fat little baby face.
It's not her fault that the teacher preferred all the rich kids who lived "up on the hill", and particularly had problems with lucas, who definitely had NO socialization issues whatsoever, who definitely probably wasn't even creepier as a child than he is as an adult, certainly not.
Imagine, if you will, Lucas as a kid in puberty: he has the same urges, but he's even less socialized and aware of the world's standards then he is now.
I imagine he wasn't too far from whipping his acorn out and rubbing it on a girl's leg.
But certainly, this is just the teacher being classist!
I guess we know where Lucas gets that mindset from, huh?
You'd be surprised. Frankfurt School psychologists had to do a lot of very flagrant lying to get asylums shut down, because before the "asylums are imprisoning sane people" scare they were well-liked by the public and committing mentally ill weirdos was seen as beneficial not violating anyone's rights. It was only discovered recently that one of the biggest studies supporting the closure of asylums, and subsequently the unleashing of the mentally ill on the normal public and normalizing of major mental illnesses, turned out to be entirely fraudulent. Public mental health was systematically dismantled by people with an agenda.
They were shut down because the money spigot was turned off by Ronald Reagan's Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act (based on the budget he submitted to Congress), which even in the absence of other legislation would have forced them to be shut down. And they were quite definitely abusing patients. Hell, they fucking let the Kennedys lobotomize one of their children just because she was misbehaving. And don't forget Frances Farmer. Or icepick lobotomies in general. The snakepits were real.
The idea was supposed to be that they'd deinstitutionalize whoever didn't really need to be there and then have community mental health care with actual professionals. Instead, they unleashed a bunch of flat out completely disabled schizophrenics, some of them violent, and then the community healthcare never materialized.
You'd be surprised. Frankfurt School psychologists had to do a lot of very flagrant lying to get asylums shut down, because before the "asylums are imprisoning sane people" scare they were well-liked by the public and committing mentally ill weirdos was seen as beneficial not violating anyone's rights. It was only discovered recently that one of the biggest studies supporting the closure of asylums, and subsequently the unleashing of the mentally ill on the normal public and normalizing of major mental illnesses, turned out to be entirely fraudulent. Public mental health was systematically dismantled by people with an agenda.
The local crime FB page here for the nearest large city is nothing but mental health calls. They've been to one apartment 27 fucking times for the same patient so yeah the system has failed! They get all kinds of calls for vagrants like Wern, hanging out at public spots drinking, or panhandling or in some cases, they walk into stores and do weird shit like pee on stuff or knock it off shelves. I'd say a good 50 percent of the cop calls are for mental. They are overwhelmed and not trained to deal with crazies who are genuinely crazy. Lock them up? Great, but not solving the issue!
Sorry to sperg out but we are failing these people.
Part of the issue was to move the onus from the federal level to the state or municipal level. Partly because it made the books better, mostly because of ~small government~ ideas.
Lucas is an interesting case study in Western culture.
In a highly regimented capitalist society a highly regimented ie. institution based approach was the best answer. In a more family based society, schizophrenia manifests and is dealt with differently. My anthro 101 text said that in south east Asia schizophrenia manifests itself more as mischievous or sometimes even positive ideations, due to the cultural milieu. Remember to hit the puzzle piece icon below!
We went way too far in protecting the right to be crazy without considering the right not to have your life destroyed by demons who have ripped control of your mind from you. People refusing treatment while being profoundly mentally ill deserve help even if they don't think they want it.
There should be due process considerations, but it shouldn't require you chopping up your neighbor with an axe before they bother even doing anything.
Since we're not getting much new content, here's my own incredibly autistic contribution. Lucas face swapped into various different people. (I had him face swapped into movies but the file format apparently can't be edited to one that's uploadable here, sadly. Lucas in The Shining is a sight to see.)
Since we're not getting much new content, here's my own incredibly autistic contribution. Lucas face swapped into various different people. (I had him face swapped into movies but the file format apparently can't be edited to one that's uploadable here, sadly. Lucas in The Shining is a sight to see.) View attachment 2265645 View attachment 2265650 View attachment 2265655
....Bubbles wern looks like a walking stereotype of a sex offender
Trooned out little girl wern is all kinds of disturbing
18th century mozart wern is unsettling
and hannibal wern is utterly horrifying
....and uncle sam wern is just begging for a poster that reads 'uncle wern wants YOUR fecund ova: enlist as a breeder at your nearest shopping mall with the obese hobo wearing green shoelaces'
Oh and freshly dead wern looks about what I expect him to in a few years
I kind of do and I kind of don't. It sounds like she has contributed to a lot of his problems. She honestly kind of sounds like a shitty person. That being said, having a big lolcow for a son is not easy. I really don't completely blame her for writing him off. But I do feel she could do more to wrangle him.
But I do agree with her statement that a girlfriend is not in the cards for Lucas.
Ehhh I mean… She definitely hasn’t been perfect but I don’t think there’s anything that she or Roy could’ve done to make Lucas what he is (or save him). I think that she is an extremely average woman who was dealt a shitty hand and didn’t know how to deal with it, and now that she’s accepted that she can’t deal with it, she just wants as much distance between it and her as she can get without outright letting her firstborn child die in a gutter. That’s why she will still help out sometimes when he’s really desperate (like over Christmas when he was shipped off to LA).
I also really don’t blame her or Larry (her husband) or Roy and Becky (his wife) for enabling Lucas. I used to, but the more than I think about it, I think I probably would have done a lot of the same. It sounds like her and Roy probably didn’t really know the extent of the things that Lucas did back when they kept putting him up in apartments and stuff. They were hearing his side of it, and seeing their child struggle HARD with mental illness, seeing him cry all the time, etc. I don’t have kids yet, so I can only imagine how difficult and absolutely heartbreaking it would be to truly give up on them.
So yeah TLDR I don’t think Lucas’ parents/family are bad people, I think they are deeply average people who didn’t and still don’t know how to deal with the monster they were given.
No one can wrangle him, he’s been going to therapy and on and off medication for practically his whole life. I don’t see what else she can do. You cannot force someone else into a different personality.
Not with that attitude you cant. Control the puss puss, control the wern. Id be willing to bet for a 18 yr old "hottie", could persuade lucas to dump his political agenda amongst many other things.
Edit - obscenity enthusiast... i.. just... that is
I don't think he has a political ideology aside from, "I think this will get me laid."
All the kids like Bernie Sanders, he became a Bernie bro. When he was around Lacie and the gang he suddenly started claiming to be an anarchist.
If a gen z fecund bae yeeted herself to Lucas but said she could only be with a Trump Republican, Luke would instantly start screaming "Stop the steal!" and posting Qanon bullshit.
I don't think he has a political ideology aside from, "I think this will get me laid."
All the kids like Bernie Sanders, he became a Bernie bro. When he was around Lacie and the gang he suddenly started claiming to be an anarchist.
If a gen z fecund bae yeeted herself to Lucas but said she could only be with a Trump Republican, Luke would instantly start screaming "Stop the steal!" and posting Qanon bullshit.
I think his brain is so broken he might combine elements of the two, Q Marx, Bern Anon. Stop the steal healthcare, everything free stolen. Blue lives rioters. I could go on, it'd be amazing to watch his brain sputter trying to get this straight. AOC upon you, build the wall! Release the communism! Agephobe cuck, reject modernity embrace McDonalds!
Some of those faceswaps have Lucas looking downright attractive. It's amazing what body language and a nice haircut could do. Or like, basic hygiene and eating properly.
Lately I've been jealous of those who get to see Lucas' screeds in the wild. Have I grown too dependent on Wern's telomere-soaked kernels of wisdom? I've been meaning to see more of the state but it seems an awfully long way to go for literally one thing. Although I guess I could see if Twigz or Clinkerdagger are any good. I'm not going to do it, but I won't pretend I haven't thought "what if".
I don't think he has a political ideology aside from, "I think this will get me laid."
All the kids like Bernie Sanders, he became a Bernie bro. When he was around Lacie and the gang he suddenly started claiming to be an anarchist.
If a gen z fecund bae yeeted herself to Lucas but said she could only be with a Trump Republican, Luke would instantly start screaming "Stop the steal!" and posting Qanon bullshit.
I dont think he would genuinely believe any of what he would say himself but if he couldn't tell he was being fucked with and thought he had an actual chance i think he would play along with it and will say whatever he think's they'll agree with because he's too much of a coward to actually disagree with anyone other than his phone but i think the only thing that would make him change his mind on communism being a good idea would be him getting the inheritance he thinks he's getting. he would be pissed about the taxes on HIS money going to welfare leaches who should just pull themselves up by their bootstraps and earn it like he did
He would upload a video the day after getting his inheritance of him dressed in the most expensive clothes he could find with each arm around a desperate hooker showing them off and the wad of cash in his free hand to the camera bragging about how successful he is now to his haters and would then start an onlyfans account uploading his daily hooker orgies at the motel with all comments except for his own disabled. He'd probably think of it as a serious investment/buisness since theoretically he could make money back off of it. Few months later he would be homeless again on a power scooter because of untreated beetus and previous food orgies doing streams on IP2 getting insulted by text to speech until he has enough money for whatever it is he wants at the time so he can turn off TTS and eat loudly into the mic out of spite until he needs more money and has to turn it back on.
I think it’s pretty clear that Lucas was born with problems. In one set of parents that could have resulted in behaviors that we would never hear about and he would likely just be a sad mentally ill man.
But Narcissism is not genetic. At least not strongly genetic. Narcissism is environmental reacting to genes. Lucas’s parents and Russell Greer’s parents seem to have taken a very similar approach to their kids from age 0-15 and the result is two narcissists. Lucas has been raised to believe that things aren’t his fault and that he is a victim. He looks for culprits in age and religious discrimination but Russell just defaults to disability hating.
In a set of parents who let these two learn from their mistakes and didn’t convince them that “if someone doesn’t like you, that’s because they are bad” then both might have a little more introspective ability.
Btw: the de-institutionalization movement was in the 70s, it became the impetus for community mental health centers, and resulted from everything from Vietnam vets, One Flew over the Cuckoos Nest, the phantom knocking admission experiments, to financial funding issues. Plus the advent of antipsychotics and antidepressants medications with fewer side effects following the concerns of TD and other Parkinsonism effects. It definitely wasn’t a result of Reagan
I don't think he has a political ideology aside from, "I think this will get me laid."
All the kids like Bernie Sanders, he became a Bernie bro. When he was around Lacie and the gang he suddenly started claiming to be an anarchist.
If a gen z fecund bae yeeted herself to Lucas but said she could only be with a Trump Republican, Luke would instantly start screaming "Stop the steal!" and posting Qanon bullshit.
I overall agree about him changing his politics based on who he thinks will get him laid, but I do think an element of Lucas's politics is "whoever is more likely to give me free stuff".
The day before yesterday, I decided to investigate the area @Observant_Gondola found some signs in. Apparently, he'd struck the first couple nuggets of a Wernological mother-lode; I'm glad I could document these before yesterday's (much needed) rainstorm.
I found an astonishing seven different field specimens in this region; apparently downtown Spokane is that Cow's favorite pasture. Lucas has obviously been very busy, and the varying states of wear-and-tear on these signs would indicate this is what he's been doing, and is still doing, for some time now.
It's clear now that Fatboy has gotten tired of those dang dirty internet trolls, and wants a new medium for his schizobabble that it'll be impossible for the public to criticize him through; see specimen 4 for evidence of this claim (though there's always the possibility he was told to stop posting online and is just coping). The fact he's concluded that this means he needs to start taping childish signs to random poles instead of, perhaps, shutting the fuck up and laying low, indicates mind-boggling levels of retardation and autism on his part. It's shit like this that proves to us that we have an true lolcow on our hands here.
I've labeled each specimen with a number 1-7, which are posted left-to-right below. I'll now elaborate on the details of each specimen's context and content. Feel free to view the images before reading these descriptions, and to refer back and forth at your leisure.
Specimen 1:
Found at Spokane Falls blvd and Bernard st, this sign was curiously the only one to have an odour; you can smell something like rancid vinegar and musty dust from a couple feet away. I suspect it's related to the abnormally large amount of tape caked on top of this one, and the moisture inside of it. This is the only sign I've transcribed, as it's too faded to read in photos. Lucas stating "Remove a note, I replace it" and that he "places and replaces 5 notes a day" is interesting, because he's challenging the entire city of Spokane to a game of whack-a-mole, and he's the mole. This claim has credit, too, because he's already replaced notes on the exact same pole after they've been removed.
"All these Z chicks to a dude, ?things? all over greedy drug dealers ...{Middle portion unintelligible}... and they just flit off to guys with tons of women. Give me the move, zoomer baes, and I'll make that move to you, girl. I'm a one woman guy. Tenacious. Remove a note and I replace it, bigot. Seen a lot of Gen X, Gen Z combos here. Good for you, $. Some Z is w/ X now. Single 9 years. Let's do anything, girl. The Gen X sperm is at the same level as 18 to 21 year old egg in telomerase for the healthiest baby DNA. Love U. X<3 Z"
{Side boxes}
"Vlogger. Comedian. Leftist. YouTube: Lucas Wener"
"Trolls only give me insomnia, so find me IRL honey. I place and replace 5 notes a day. YT is how I make a slight bit of $"
Specimen 2:
Found at Main and Division right outside Borracho's, a bar popular with young people, which had a terrible outbreak of Covid-19 last year; if those greedy covid sluts had only listened to Lucas! Also across the street from the Globe, a bar popular with young people that's locally notorious as a place where people get roofied and young women aren't safe alone. Lucas is notably banned from this establishment, and used to post about it.
While the sign is faded, a clear reference to "taverns" indicates that Lucas put this sign here specifically targeting the bar crowd, and knowing that many hot, drunk, young baes would read it and get wet.
Specimen 3:
Found at third and Division. A pathetic sight indeed; Lucas's sloppy engineering has failed to protect his mating call from the elements. The Gods, in their righteous fury, sent wind, rain, and sunlight to cleanse these signs of their message, while leaving them intact on the post for us to laugh at. Perhaps Lucas chose this location because he subconsciously craves Dicks?
Specimen 4:
Found at third and Division, across the street from those blank signs. This one appears fresh, and was probably a replacement for specimen 3. I've not bothered transcribing this, as the message is repetitive and unoriginal. Of note, however, is this passage at the bottom; "hit me up IRL, darling. There's far too many trolls and bullies these days."
This is the clearest statement we've gotten yet for why Lucas went offline; his moon-sized ego couldn't handle the banter. Unless, of course, he's been forced to stop using social media, and is simply saying this as a cope.
Aso, sorry for photographing that one at a shitty angle...
Specimen 5:
Found at Sprague and Division. I appreciate the innovative use of graphic design and layout on this one, although the message is nothing new; one of my favorites so far tbh. The intersection this was found at is a crusty, hobo-infested train underpass only a couple blocks from House of Charity, in one of the worst parts of town. There's even less foot traffic than usual here due to ongoing roadwork, so I've no fucking clue what kind of zoomer baes Lucas thinks he's going to lure in with this. What an autistic cow!
Specimen 6:
The unmistakable wreckage of a Wern sign, complete with a one-word paper fragment containing his handwriting. Found at Broadway and Monroe, less than one block from the Spokane County Courthouse, and right outside of Charley's (which is where this town's lawyers, pigs, and judges go to eat slop together on their lunch break). Fatty is lucky somebody took this one down before I arrived; he's really pushing it by putting his statutory rape advertisements up right where a bunch of cops and social workers are gonna see it all the time, and be less than a block from their office.
Specimen 7:
Found at Summit Pkwy and Monroe, at a scenic location just by the Spokane Falls. There's no paper here, but the horizontal sheets of packing tape on a traffic light post are unmistakably Wernerian; it was also just one block from specimen 6. While both of these specimens are mere ruins, they're the first attraction signs to be found North of the Spokane River. This opens a whole new region of Spokane to Wernological study, and upends my previous belief that he stays mostly limited to the South Hill and downtown; although these signs were both relatively close to his usual stomping grounds.
Exhibit A:
Rather than a specimen, this is simply a map of Lucas's recent activity so far. The orange markers indicate attraction signs, the green markers show relevant Twigs, Thai Bamboo, and Clinkernigga locations, while the purple markers show Truth Ministries, the House of Charity, and the STA Plaza. As you can see, Lucas tends to behave in a predictable manner, and not wander far from sites already relevant to him.
Anyways, thank you all for reading my long-form thesis in Field Wernology today.
The day before yesterday, I decided to investigate the area @Observant_Gondola found some signs in. Apparently, he'd struck the first couple nuggets of a Wernological mother-lode; I'm glad I could document these before yesterday's (much needed) rainstorm.
I found an astonishing seven different field specimens in this region; apparently downtown Spokane is that Cow's favorite pasture. Lucas has obviously been very busy, and the varying states of wear-and-tear on these signs would indicate this is what he's been doing, and is still doing, for some time now.
It's clear now that Fatboy has gotten tired of those dang dirty internet trolls, and wants a new medium for his schizobabble that it'll be impossible for the public to criticize him through; see specimen 4 for evidence of this claim (though there's always the possibility he was told to stop posting online and is just coping). The fact he's concluded that this means he needs to start taping childish signs to random poles instead of, perhaps, shutting the fuck up and laying low, indicates mind-boggling levels of retardation and autism on his part. It's shit like this that proves to us that we have an true lolcow on our hands here.
I've labeled each specimen with a number 1-7, which are posted left-to-right below. I'll now elaborate on the details of each specimen's context and content. Feel free to view the images before reading these descriptions, and to refer back and forth at your leisure.
Specimen 1:
Found at Spokane Falls blvd and Bernard st, this sign was curiously the only one to have an odour; you can smell something like rancid vinegar and musty dust from a couple feet away. I suspect it's related to the abnormally large amount of tape caked on top of this one, and the moisture inside of it. This is the only sign I've transcribed, as it's too faded to read in photos. Lucas stating "Remove a note, I replace it" and that he "places and replaces 5 notes a day" is interesting, because he's challenging the entire city of Spokane to a game of whack-a-mole, and he's the mole. This claim has credit, too, because he's already replaced notes on the exact same pole after they've been removed.
"All these Z chicks to a dude, ?things? all over greedy drug dealers ...{Middle portion unintelligible}... and they just flit off to guys with tons of women. Give me the move, zoomer baes, and I'll make that move to you, girl. I'm a one woman guy. Tenacious. Remove a note and I replace it, bigot. Seen a lot of Gen X, Gen Z combos here. Good for you, $. Some Z is w/ X now. Single 9 years. Let's do anything, girl. The Gen X sperm is at the same level as 18 to 21 year old egg in telomerase for the healthiest baby DNA. Love U. X<3 Z"
{Side boxes}
"Vlogger. Comedian. Leftist. YouTube: Lucas Wener"
"Trolls only give me insomnia, so find me IRL honey. I place and replace 5 notes a day. YT is how I make a slight bit of $"
Specimen 2:
Found at Main and Division right outside Borracho's, a bar popular with young people, which had a terrible outbreak of Covid-19 last year; if those greedy covid sluts had only listened to Lucas! Also across the street from the Globe, a bar popular with young people that's locally notorious as a place where people get roofied and young women aren't safe alone. Lucas is notably banned from this establishment, and used to post about it.
While the sign is faded, a clear reference to "taverns" indicates that Lucas put this sign here specifically targeting the bar crowd, and knowing that many hot, drunk, young baes would read it and get wet.
Specimen 3:
Found at third and Division. A pathetic sight indeed; Lucas's sloppy engineering has failed to protect his mating from the elements. The Gods, in their righteous fury, sent wind, rain, and sunlight to cleanse these signs of their message, while leaving them intact on the post for us to laugh at. Perhaps Lucas chose this location because he subconsciously craves Dicks?
Specimen 4:
Found at third and Division, across the street from those blank signs. This one appears fresh, and was probably a replacement for specimen 3. I've not bothered transcribing this, as the message is repetitive and unoriginal. Of note, however, is this passage at the bottom; "hit me up IRL, darling. There's far too many trolls and bullies these days."
This is the clearest statement we've gotten yet for why Lucas went offline; his moon-sized ego couldn't handle the banter. Unless, of course, he's been forced to stop using social media, and is simply saying this as a cope.
Aso, sorry for photographing that one at a shitty angle...
Specimen 5:
Found at Sprague and Division. I appreciate the innovative use of graphic design and layout on this one, although the message is nothing new; one of my favorites so far tbh. The intersection this was found at is a crusty, hobo-infested train underpass only a couple blocks from House of Charity, in one of the worst parts of town. There's even less foot traffic than usual here due to ongoing roadwork, so I've no fucking clue what kind of zoomer baes Lucas thinks he's going to lure in with this. What an autistic cow!
Specimen 6:
The unmistakable wreckage of a Wern sign, complete with a one-word paper fragment containing his handwriting. Found at Broadway and Monroe, less than one block from the Spokane County Courthouse, and right outside of Charley's (which is where this town's lawyers, pigs, and judges go to eat slop together on their lunch break). Fatty is lucky somebody took this one down before I arrived; he's really pushing it by putting his statutory rape advertisements up right where a bunch of cops and social workers are gonna see it all the time, and be less than a block from their office.
Specimen 7:
Found at Summit Pkwy and Monroe, at a scenic location just by the Spokane Falls. There's no paper here, but the horizontal sheets of packing tape on a traffic light post are unmistakably Wernerian; it was also just one block from specimen 6. While both of these specimens are mere ruins, they're the first attraction signs to be found North of the Spokane River. This opens a whole new region of Spokane to Wernological study, and upends my previous belief that he stays mostly limited to the South Hill and downtown; although these signs were both relatively close to his usual stomping grounds.
Exhibit A:
Rather than a specimen, this is simply a map of Lucas's recent activity so far. The orange markers indicate attraction signs, the green markers show relevant Twigs and Thai Bamboo locations, while the purple markers show Faith Ministries, the House of Charity, and the STA Plaza. As you can see, Lucas tends to behave in a predictable manner, and not wander far from sites already relevant to him.
Anyways, thank you all for reading my long-form thesis in Field Wernology today.
I am pleased to award you a Doctorate of Wernology("WeD"), with a concentration in Field Studies.
Amazing finds that merit careful scrutiny.
Eta: If I'm following this correctly..."Hit me up IRL darling. There's far too many trolls and bullies these days..." is a natural extension of Lucas's refusal to approach a fecund Gen Z bae (IRL) if there are other males present. Part of his total avoidance of competitive situations, which leads him to suggest a good friend would deliver girls to his door (when he had one) and then leave. Turns out, there are males on IG and YouTube....so Lucas can no longer post there.
He had the nerve to post signs on telephone polls. That's all.
Lots of autism in those signs. He must be spending a significant portion of his tugboat check on packing tape and he must carry a bunch around in his Incredibles backpack. He also mentioned that he makes money off Youtube? Can that be true?
I am pleased people remove those signs. Absolute lunacy that he puts those signs up everyday. I hope he gets tired of that and returns to social media.
The day before yesterday, I decided to investigate the area @Observant_Gondola found some signs in. Apparently, he'd struck the first couple nuggets of a Wernological mother-lode; I'm glad I could document these before yesterday's (much needed) rainstorm.
I found an astonishing seven different field specimens in this region; apparently downtown Spokane is that Cow's favorite pasture. Lucas has obviously been very busy, and the varying states of wear-and-tear on these signs would indicate this is what he's been doing, and is still doing, for some time now.
It's clear now that Fatboy has gotten tired of those dang dirty internet trolls, and wants a new medium for his schizobabble that it'll be impossible for the public to criticize him through; see specimen 4 for evidence of this claim (though there's always the possibility he was told to stop posting online and is just coping). The fact he's concluded that this means he needs to start taping childish signs to random poles instead of, perhaps, shutting the fuck up and laying low, indicates mind-boggling levels of retardation and autism on his part. It's shit like this that proves to us that we have an true lolcow on our hands here.
I've labeled each specimen with a number 1-7, which are posted left-to-right below. I'll now elaborate on the details of each specimen's context and content. Feel free to view the images before reading these descriptions, and to refer back and forth at your leisure.
Specimen 1:
Found at Spokane Falls blvd and Bernard st, this sign was curiously the only one to have an odour; you can smell something like rancid vinegar and musty dust from a couple feet away. I suspect it's related to the abnormally large amount of tape caked on top of this one, and the moisture inside of it. This is the only sign I've transcribed, as it's too faded to read in photos. Lucas stating "Remove a note, I replace it" and that he "places and replaces 5 notes a day" is interesting, because he's challenging the entire city of Spokane to a game of whack-a-mole, and he's the mole. This claim has credit, too, because he's already replaced notes on the exact same pole after they've been removed.
"All these Z chicks to a dude, ?things? all over greedy drug dealers ...{Middle portion unintelligible}... and they just flit off to guys with tons of women. Give me the move, zoomer baes, and I'll make that move to you, girl. I'm a one woman guy. Tenacious. Remove a note and I replace it, bigot. Seen a lot of Gen X, Gen Z combos here. Good for you, $. Some Z is w/ X now. Single 9 years. Let's do anything, girl. The Gen X sperm is at the same level as 18 to 21 year old egg in telomerase for the healthiest baby DNA. Love U. X<3 Z"
{Side boxes}
"Vlogger. Comedian. Leftist. YouTube: Lucas Wener"
"Trolls only give me insomnia, so find me IRL honey. I place and replace 5 notes a day. YT is how I make a slight bit of $"
Specimen 2:
Found at Main and Division right outside Borracho's, a bar popular with young people, which had a terrible outbreak of Covid-19 last year; if those greedy covid sluts had only listened to Lucas! Also across the street from the Globe, a bar popular with young people that's locally notorious as a place where people get roofied and young women aren't safe alone. Lucas is notably banned from this establishment, and used to post about it.
While the sign is faded, a clear reference to "taverns" indicates that Lucas put this sign here specifically targeting the bar crowd, and knowing that many hot, drunk, young baes would read it and get wet.
Specimen 3:
Found at third and Division. A pathetic sight indeed; Lucas's sloppy engineering has failed to protect his mating call from the elements. The Gods, in their righteous fury, sent wind, rain, and sunlight to cleanse these signs of their message, while leaving them intact on the post for us to laugh at. Perhaps Lucas chose this location because he subconsciously craves Dicks?
Specimen 4:
Found at third and Division, across the street from those blank signs. This one appears fresh, and was probably a replacement for specimen 3. I've not bothered transcribing this, as the message is repetitive and unoriginal. Of note, however, is this passage at the bottom; "hit me up IRL, darling. There's far too many trolls and bullies these days."
This is the clearest statement we've gotten yet for why Lucas went offline; his moon-sized ego couldn't handle the banter. Unless, of course, he's been forced to stop using social media, and is simply saying this as a cope.
Aso, sorry for photographing that one at a shitty angle...
Specimen 5:
Found at Sprague and Division. I appreciate the innovative use of graphic design and layout on this one, although the message is nothing new; one of my favorites so far tbh. The intersection this was found at is a crusty, hobo-infested train underpass only a couple blocks from House of Charity, in one of the worst parts of town. There's even less foot traffic than usual here due to ongoing roadwork, so I've no fucking clue what kind of zoomer baes Lucas thinks he's going to lure in with this. What an autistic cow!
Specimen 6:
The unmistakable wreckage of a Wern sign, complete with a one-word paper fragment containing his handwriting. Found at Broadway and Monroe, less than one block from the Spokane County Courthouse, and right outside of Charley's (which is where this town's lawyers, pigs, and judges go to eat slop together on their lunch break). Fatty is lucky somebody took this one down before I arrived; he's really pushing it by putting his statutory rape advertisements up right where a bunch of cops and social workers are gonna see it all the time, and be less than a block from their office.
Specimen 7:
Found at Summit Pkwy and Monroe, at a scenic location just by the Spokane Falls. There's no paper here, but the horizontal sheets of packing tape on a traffic light post are unmistakably Wernerian; it was also just one block from specimen 6. While both of these specimens are mere ruins, they're the first attraction signs to be found North of the Spokane River. This opens a whole new region of Spokane to Wernological study, and upends my previous belief that he stays mostly limited to the South Hill and downtown; although these signs were both relatively close to his usual stomping grounds.
Exhibit A:
Rather than a specimen, this is simply a map of Lucas's recent activity so far. The orange markers indicate attraction signs, the green markers show relevant Twigs, Thai Bamboo, and Clinkernigga locations, while the purple markers show Truth Ministries, the House of Charity, and the STA Plaza. As you can see, Lucas tends to behave in a predictable manner, and not wander far from sites already relevant to him.
Anyways, thank you all for reading my long-form thesis in Field Wernology today.
The fact that he goes out of his way to indicate that he replaces the signs on a daily basis strongly implies I was right about lucas keeping a close eye on the area of his signs. Likely to see if any zoomer baes stop to read them. He likely tries to stay out of sight doing it, like he tried to hide behind that garbage bin in that pic where he was staring creepily at those high school girls.
Its full on creeper and borderline stalker behavior and very much a red flag
That said with all these gifs of lucas I recommend creating one of that scene with shirley temple tap dancing with that old black guy. Definitely suits lucas. Maybe one as an infected from 28 days later, or a palpatine aged by force lightning version of lucas. I'm sure that one would be creepy as fuck. Maybe one as eugene tooms from the xfiles as well
and best of all - a gif adding lucas's face to the hobo in this scene would be hilarious. it could be titled 'lucas finally gets his zoomer bae'
