Official Kiwifarms Cat-Hate Thread - dogz r00l cats dr00l

I rescued a kitten last summer. I rescued a kitten this summer. They love me. They murdered all the mice in the house and nothing has gotten into my food in months. OP has never felt the joy of a kitten following him everywhere. Kittens are absolutely thrilled to be alive. OP wishes he had the same enthusiasm about waking up in the morning.
 
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Found OP
 
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Cats said:
I have this long running joke theory I've talked about lots of times on here about how cats are bioengineered macroscopic "vehicle" animals created in molecular-sized labs on another planet by hyperintelligent T. Gondii colonies and then loaded up on a UFO and sent to earth some time in the neolithic era for the express purpose of infesting the brains of the dominant intelligent non-microscopic lifeforms of this planet with the colonies, which ended up being us humans.

They would use their influence over the minds of those infected to make us think we are thinking our own thoughts but really it is just the will of the colony manipulating and nudging us into its collective ideal society whereupon it will eventually ensure 100% human infection (it's at ~50% now) and then finally when All Are One it will use our species like some giant hivemind to build ever more powerful worlds and technology and propagate further into the galaxy where there may be other colonies of Gondii-infested creatures on planets that cats were sent to for the Earthswarm to link up with and spread throughout the universe.

Everything from the desire the keep and maintain pet cats, live closer together, have social get-togethers, basically any human behavior can be explained as these amoebas subconsciously positioning us to spread and establish a total human infection rate. They are already known to modify behavior in rodents and if they are smart enough to do that they might be smart enough to either hide their ability to modify our behavior until it is too late or make us believe they can't affect us with their powers. The great thing about this theory is that anything is possible, any thought could be one that has been tainted or influenced by the will of the colony.
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Cats will literally spill out their plans for world subjugation and everyone just looks the other way.

Dysnomia said:
I rescued a puppy last summer. I rescued a puppy this summer. They love me. They murdered all the mice in the house and nothing has gotten into my food in months. OP has always felt the joy of a puppy following him everywhere. Puppies are absolutely thrilled to be alive. OP has the same enthusiasm about waking up in the morning.
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See now if this was your message, I could get down with you.

Meiwaku said:
View attachment 5303021

Found OP
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What's wrong with this exactly?
 
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seri0us said:
...What are you doing where you think this is an issue, exactly?
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I've genuinely contemplated shooting the fuckers every time I heard them copulate.

The fuckers scream. Like it's insanely loud. It's horrifying for someone who has no clue what's going on.

It makes sense too, imagine being a woman and having a porcupine shoved up your hoo-hah. Fucking nasty.
 
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Feloids get ONE THREAD shitting on them and are calling for my execution.

Yet FELOIDS make about 20 threads per day with pages full of 'jokes' like "Dogs better simmer down before they 'accidentally' stumble into the back of a chinese pickup truck lololol" and it's all "topkek omegalul nice one" from farmers. Of course Null's not going to do anything about it cuz' he's had a hard-on for cats for YEARS. Species traitor.
 
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also fuck cats for giving me several career opportunities when otherwise i would be totally fucked >:(
 
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The podcat race is not too fond of those canines.
 
Here's why I'm a dogfag and dislike cats:

1. I'm allergic to them.
2. My mother dislikes them.
3. They're super unsanitary. You can't train them to go outside, so you have to give them litter boxes so they can go whenever they want. They also climb all over the furniture and the counter, spreading the poop from their litter box onto all your surfaces.
 
umami's milk said:
Feloids get ONE THREAD shitting on them and are calling for my execution.

Yet FELOIDS make about 20 threads per day with pages full of 'jokes' like "Dogs better simmer down before they 'accidentally' stumble into the back of a chinese pickup truck lololol" and it's all "topkek omegalul nice one" from farmers. Of course Null's not going to do anything about it cuz' he's had a hard-on for cats for YEARS. Species traitor.
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Total cat hater death
 
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