Some facts of the situation:
- Eli is still currently in Israel. Specifically he's around Tel Aviv with frequent forays into the northern region.
- Eli is actually finding "leads" but they are just as retarded as you would expect.
- Eli's "websites" that he is "hacking" is really just going back and forth between Internet cafes in ridiculous disguises, downloading encrypted files from random Arabic websites with links to Rapidshare .rars and putting them on a flash drive before sneaking away. He literally spends several hours a day doing this.
- Most of the encrypted files are TrueCrypt containers filled with Nickelback albums. Eli has about 15 gigs worth of copies of the same Nickelback album sitting on his laptop by now.
- Eli is living on Jace's dime at some hostel in Tel Aviv. Jace is still sending him money regularly. He has a specific salary where he sends him money based on the amount of and quality of information he gathers. He claims he's attempting to save up for a plane ticket back.
- Eli is paranoid about Gamerfood/twitter trolls trying to kill him after the last couple incidents so he isn't posting any videos or tweeting, which is stupid because these videos/tweets help to convince Jace that he is "completing the mission" and therefore get him more cash.
The funniest part is I wouldn't have even known if Eli didn't completely fuck up during a file-downloading mission and blow his cover. Hi Eli.
........... well.....I am just fucking speechless now.
If what you say is true (and as much as I wish it wasnt, i know in my heart it is).....this is the absolute most fucking stupid fucktard to ever draw breath in the ENTIRITY of human history.
I have read through the entire "Darwin Awards" site which chronicles the most suicidally idiotic individuals our species produces, I have read every thread on the lolcow subforum to search out the most moronic and brainless tardmuffins the internet has shat out, and I have searched the length and bredth of the internet for those of intelligence lesser than that of Eli.
I have failed.
I am not even joking, i read tales of men who sodomized cats, got stuck, and then walked into ER hiding the enraged cat under a trenchcoat, I studied men who tested their stab proof jackets by stabbing themselves to death before putting it on, and I listened to a mad autist try to blackmail a troll by threatening to cartwheel into his house and steal his flag.
None of these things....not one fucking thing....surpasses
a) buying into the ramblings of a gibbering fucktard that Tupac is held captive by internet trolls in palestine
b) going to A FUCKING WAR ZONE to find proof
c) believing a "crossbow" made out of pens and rubber bands would be a suitable weapon
d) spending a month in israel wandering the streets filming (and likely harrassing) random people while acting as suspiciously as possible
e) honestly believing that REPEATEDLY DOWNLOADING NICKLEBACK ALBUMS while in disguise counts as "hacking"
f) repeatedly trying to sneak into one of the most dangerous areas on the planet and one of the most heavily guarded borders on earth
g) trying to buy a soldier's gun, openly planning to kill politicians and others, and every other fcking stupid thing he has done
........all so that a lazy eyed schizophrenic tard might buy him an xbox
Eli is quite literally the most dull-witted, empty headed, brainless, doltish, naive, DENSE ASS FUCKING RETARD i have ever witnessed in my life.
At this point the only satisfying end to this shambolic chapter will be him being thrown into an Israeli jail and beaten to death by arab prisoners. The human race is better off with him removed from the gene pool, even if I am confident he will never get laid unless one counts death by forced buggery in a middle east prison as getting laid.
