🐷 Ethan Ralph's Twitter / Tweets - A collection of thoughts, insights and musings from the internet's favorite gunted hobbit

[HackerX]

Ralph needs to wait until night to activate the Black Farmer signal and get rescued

Ralph has always depended on the kindness of strangers.

 

[T00L Nigger]

Since Ralph had no money to buy a ticket back to Merida, once he landed (presumably safely) how does he get home from the airport? I'm guessing he's walking on sunshine !
View attachment 7326035

Lol, he'd be face-down in pavement and sizzling like bacon fat if he had to walk in that heat.

 

[Rage Pig]

Lol, he'd be face-down in pavement and sizzling like bacon fat if he had to walk in that heat.

He's been spotted in a shop in Merida, the owner is feeding him xannies.

 

[Truly Rural]

Oh come on Ralph, just find someone to suck them off, 4 blowjobs 5 bucks each and you have enough for Uber.

 

[UCantCCPMe]

Oh come on Ralph, just find someone to suck them off, 4 blowjobs 5 bucks each and you have enough for Uber.

For an extra 5 maybe Ralph will take out his denture and give them the gummy bears special.

 

[Gator_Aids]

One thing piggy always was and always will be, is a coward. Eventually, he won't even be able to afford whatever meager amounts of drugs, alcohol and tortas he's having right now, even in a cheap shithole like Mexico. His options will dwindle, and he will have to swallow his pride just to survive. I doubt he will simply melt away on a couch like his daddy, he will either be shanked in a dark alley as an easy mark or die from a violent heart attack/drug induced stroke when his body has enough. Will he want to get anywhere near a IP2 content streamer? Absolutely not, but he simply will not have a choice by that point in time if he wants to survive, and we all know he's too much of a coward to kill himself. This will be the absolute last resort option, we will have to see just how much more he can scrape the bottom of the barrel first. I have a feeling this Columbia trip was his last chance to try and salvage his stay in South America, with that tits up he will be more desperate than ever before.

I don't know who that is, sir. We're talking about a farm animal here.

Something worth considering:

Ralph has never worked an honest job. While that isn’t something new, what is relevant is that he’s paid nothing toward Social Security and is likely extremely behind in his taxes.

Ralph won’t even have a state check waiting for him as he gets older.

I don't know if that's possible.

Like father, like son.

That'd be an idea for a thread. List of things Ralph has lost.

Off the top of my head:

At least 3 phones, probably 10
Passport
YouTube channel
Blog
Wife
Truck
Wrasslin' belt

Yeah, there'd need to be a differentiation between things that were "lost" and things he simply doesn't have anymore, but that list would blow up REAL fast.

2 wives
2 children
Sandra
His Ronnie
The country his daddy gave him
theralphretort.com
Gator
An incalculable number of brain cells
The guntmobile (likely his overpriced Nissan pile of shit as well)
YouTube channels
Stream.me channels
Kick channel
Cozy channel
D-live channel (I think)
The house his daddy gave him
The land his uncle Clyde gave him
Pantsuela
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Dignity

 

[Don'tAnalizeMeBro!]

Ralph has always depended on the kindness of strangers.

They’d have to be strangers. Those that know him know better.

 

[Chad Holdenford]

Dignity

Come on now, he can't lose what he never had in the first place.

 

[Dixieland Buckaroo]

If Ralph's "cards" were in some gay phone-wallet case, along with whatever alternate phone he supposedly lost... he maybe has his passport on him, but that might be it? Assuming he didn't lose that again. So no Mexican ID, no access to what little banking he has (maybe something on his other phone, if he hasn't lost that)... TJ may do to Ralph what Portugal, Colombia, even West Memphis could not.

 

[Mr. Manchester]

Here everyone, I'll try to summon Ralph back from the airport.

Gee wiz guys, Ralph is definitely dead this time. Nobody thinks he's dead this time because he faked his death but now he is. I will be soooooo mad if I am proven wrong.

 

[HackerX]

Here everyone, I'll try to summon Ralph back from the airport.

Gee wiz guys, Ralph is definitely dead this time. Nobody thinks he's dead this time because he faked his death but now he is. I will be soooooo mad if I am proven wrong.

No no, you gotta trick him with spite. Something along the lines of Jim dying, Andy Warski arrested with a bag of coke, or a picture Johm Potter, except it's him this time.

Maybe the ticket buyer bought him tickets to somewhere besides Merida. That'd be cool. I could definitely see Ralph getting onto a flight to Venezuela or some shit without knowing.

 

[jewsernotfound]

they said it in sneedchat earlier but it's true...this is what it feels like to be a 3.9 yr old Xanduh waiting for Ethan Ralph to pop up...only he never does.

pour out a little choccy milk for xander.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Ralph's "cards" were in some gay phone-wallet case, along with whatever alternate phone he supposedly lost...

I assumed he meant his cards were digitally stored on his phone. Ralph must use broke ass shit for people that can’t handle a real bank account or CC, like Chime debit or Venmo app to pay for shit.

He definitely has no actual credit cards, which might be another reason he can’t stay in SD at a cheap hotel, they require CC. Ralph’s access to credit cards ended when Harry cut them off.

 

[porkWellington]

RIP KING

At least Ralph bought Linx's Amazon wishlist before he off'd himself

 

[HackerX]

RIP KING

God damnit. There needs to be an incident response plan for the cats at this point. Ralph seemingly dies often enough now to the point we need practice. A tabletop exercise even. First thing we need to do is identify stakeholders.

 

[AnOminous]

Ok, that phonecall in columbia.

QUIT FUCKING DOING THIS YOU GODDAMN RETARDS. IT IS COLOMBIA. THERE IS NOT A SINGLE "U" IN THAT NAME!

 

[MaltVinegarRespecter]

That's right. In fourteen hundred and ninetie-two Colombus sailed the ocean blue.

 

[Capt. Jean Luc Ritard]

He's really so retarded lol. How are you a grown man who can't handle literally anything without turning it into a big bowl of fuckup.

 

[Mussolini’s Merkin]

Maybe he tried to stow away in the landing gear and his fat ass fell into the gulf of america.

I haven't seen any reports of tidal waves in the area, chances are he's just a hogsicle stuck to the wheel.

 

[HackerX]

He's really so retarded lol. How are you a grown man who can't handle literally anything without turning it into a big bowl of fuckup.

Well. It begins with a long story about how when Sandra Briggs met Ronnie Ralph. Then they had anal sex and a butt baby was born. That baby? Ethan Ralph.

Now his current fuck up? Who knows. My guess is a 20 hour layover and his laptop was stolen. People generally avoid picking the flight with 8 connections because they'd rather kill themselves than do that, but airports are the only place he can comfortably trot around indoors. Free A/C. Free Internet. Easy access of random people for him to take photos of. All the trash burgers he could ever want.