Containment Random Chris Updates

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Super Colon Blow said:
That, and it's not quite 40 lb. There are *whistles* small females who can lift a 5 gallon drum of deck sealant. 40 lb. It's no feat for a male at all.
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My cousin whose aged 12 can lift 100lbs and she's a little girl. She literally does stuff like this daily working on a farm. A day's hard work for chris is literally getting out of the house at this point.
 
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Super Colon Blow said:
That, and it's not quite 40 lb. There are *whistles* small females who can lift a 5 gallon drum of deck sealant. 40 lb. It's no feat for a male at all.
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Overweight people usually have muscular legs and somewhat strong arms, since your body uses the extra calories to strengthen them to be able to carry around the excess weight. For Chris to effectively be like a potato with pencils for limbs, he probably has entire days where he doesn’t move at all except shuffling a few feet to the bathroom and kitchen and back.
 
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Analog Devolved said:
I found this on a rarely visited Chris subreddit. Some tard actually went to his house and got a photo of the AC unit Chris replaced out by the curb.
The post is long an autistic but the redditard provides us with a recent picture of 14 BLC.

I don't know why this user decided to post the picture of Chris's house in a sub that hasn't been active in a year but I assume its the same kind of stupidity that leads to sitting in front of Chris's house taking pictures.
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The "Sonichu Temple"
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Neighborhood kids be like:

Kid 1: That's the old Chandler place. People say it's haunted by a demon.

Kid 2: Well my brother told me that they hide their insane son in there. They really wanted a daughter so they took him to Eastern Europe for an experimental sex change procedure, only the experiment failed and left the son a deformed monster!

Kid 3: Nuh-uh! That's stupid! My dad told me that they're really a family of mutants who are in a cult that worship a yellow rat. Their ancestors came over on the Mayflower, then they moved out into the wilderness where they began inbreeding because they thought it would keep their bloodline pure. Now their genes are so messed up that they aren't even human anymore!

Kid 4: Your dad is full of crap, and so are you! The truth is that Old Man Chandler was an inventor for GE. His wife and little boy died, and he was so grief-stricken that he spent years working on making robot replicas of them. But when he was done their robot brains were twisted and insane. It pushed the Old Man over the edge and he killed himself. Now the robots are still in there, carrying out a sick, sad mockery of life.
 
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I can only imagine what in 20 years the neighbor kids will think of the legend of Chris Chan.
The Dude said:
Neighborhood kids be like:

Kid 1: That's the old Chandler place. People say it's haunted by a demon.

Kid 2: Well my brother told me that they hide their insane son in there. They really wanted a daughter so they took him to Eastern Europe for an experimental sex change procedure, only the experiment failed and left the son a deformed monster!

Kid 3: Nuh-uh! That's stupid! My dad told me that they're really a family of mutants who are in a cult that worship a yellow rat. Their ancestors came over on the Mayflower, then they moved out into the wilderness where they began inbreeding because they thought it would keep their bloodline pure. Now their genes are so messed up that they aren't even human anymore!

Kid 4: Your dad is full of crap, and so are you! The truth is that Old Man Chandler was an inventor for GE. His wife and little boy died, and he was so grief-stricken that he spent years working on making robot replicas of them. But when he was done their robot brains were twisted and insane. It pushed the Old Man over the edge and he killed himself. Now the robots are still in there, carrying out a sick, sad mockery of life.
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Mariposa Electrique said:
The extent of it will be, "Hey lets egg old man Chandlers shack. Then, lets pretend to be his imaginary husband and trick him into showing us his ding dong".
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In twenty years? Nah. It'll be more like: "Hey, you guys! Follow me, I found a dead clown beind a dumpster! C'mon, let's go poke it with a stick!"
 
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Jon Conroy said:
We know but we use cognitive dissonance to ignore it.
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Speak for yourself. I have no delusions about Chris living to old age. He's become boring as fuck, so I can't feature why anyone would kid themselves with hopes of Chris' longevity.
 
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Monolith said:
You know what? I'm optimistic about this. I can see him managing to make it to 90 through nothing but sheer luck.
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You know that old legend about cheating death by playing a card game with Death himself?

I'm imagining Chris cheating Death by just annoying the shit out of him until Death decides he doesn't even want to go through the trouble of collecting his soul.
 
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The Fool said:
You know that old legend about cheating death by playing a card game with Death himself?

I'm imagining Chris cheating Death by just annoying the shit out of him until Death decides he doesn't even want to go through the trouble of collecting his soul.
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More so if they play Faggity-Fag-horsie Shipfic Folder CWC's Special Champion Edition: Hyper Autism
 
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The Dude said:
Neighborhood kids be like:

Kid 1: That's the old Chandler place. People say it's haunted by a demon.

Kid 2: Well my brother told me that they hide their insane son in there. They really wanted a daughter so they took him to Eastern Europe for an experimental sex change procedure, only the experiment failed and left the son a deformed monster!

Kid 3: Nuh-uh! That's stupid! My dad told me that they're really a family of mutants who are in a cult that worship a yellow rat. Their ancestors came over on the Mayflower, then they moved out into the wilderness where they began inbreeding because they thought it would keep their bloodline pure. Now their genes are so messed up that they aren't even human anymore!

Kid 4: Your dad is full of crap, and so are you! The truth is that Old Man Chandler was an inventor for GE. His wife and little boy died, and he was so grief-stricken that he spent years working on making robot replicas of them. But when he was done their robot brains were twisted and insane. It pushed the Old Man over the edge and he killed himself. Now the robots are still in there, carrying out a sick, sad mockery of life.
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So what you're saying is Chris became the opening chapter of a goosebumps novel he used to read in high school. He's all Monster Blood or Say Cheese And Die. Kids go into his house and come out Sonichus... or raped and with bed bugs.
 
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Tiger Tanaka said:
So what you're saying is Chris became the opening chapter of a goosebumps novel he used to read in high school. He's all Monster Blood or Say Cheese And Die. Kids go into his house and come out Sonichus... or raped and with bed bugs.
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OK, look, I was just fucking around. OK? Just shits and giggles, man. Quit trying to freak me out.
 
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