Containment Random Chris Updates

[draggs]

A nutritional analysis of Chris's parfait:

• A small apple - 15g sugar
• A small mandarin orange - 8g sugar
• Half a banana - 6g sugar
• 3 Strawberries - 3g sugar
• ~4tbsp Great Value Whipped Topping - 2g sugar, 4g saturated fat
• One piece of Hershey's Special Dark chocolate - 3g sugar, 1.5g saturated fat
• 4 maraschino cherries - 8g sugar

While decently low-fat, this parfait alone contains 45 grams of sugar, which is 9g over an adult man's recommended daily intake. Surprisingly, though, most of the sugar comes from the fruit rather than the toppings. Even including just the fruit (and halving the sugar for the cherries), he would still be hitting the recommended daily limit. I went into this looking to argue that Chris's parfait was less unhealthy than it looked, and left realizing that fruit is apparently really fucking bad for you.

Those maraschino cherries will get ya every time

If it was just the fruit it would actually be healthy despite the seeming high sugar content, those are natural sugars that are digested differently than the processed sugars in the chocolate, generic whipped topping, and maraschino cherries. Processed sugars go to your small intestine quick and almost completely undigested and are finally absorbed there = big blood sugar spike. Natural sugars move slower through the digestive system and pack way less of a punch when absorbed by the small intestine = much smaller blood sugar spike. The work your pancreas has to do to produce insulin for natural vs processed is like walking vs walking with a 50 pound backpack on

tldr Chris turns a healthy meal into a moderately unhealthy one by slopping processed sugars on top of natural ones like a boss

 

[Black Yoshi]

View attachment 5445982

Imagine Simon being a Liquid Ice King...

 

[Lancelot]

but they wont. They won't care about his face being on the shop or the stream, they will look at his bank account and it'll be empty. All of the money getting paid to etsy and all of the stream donations are going into Caden's company account. Caden has already mentioned that he's made sure Chris will not lose the tugboat so he's either just going to pay out Chris just enough or "gift" chris whatever he needs. Null was going to do this so Chris could own 14BC, make money, and not lose his tugboat but now Chris doesn't even have to worry about 14BC so he needs very little money to survive and I doubt anyone is going to look too hard into a retard being gifted too many legos and Faggo-Pops

Im not so sure about it . Unless Chris really starts making bank the IRS going after a lifelong tard is hard to see. Plus its also possible he has a handler handling the tax side of things.

 

[UncommonParlence]

I don't think the government is going to waste time on a CSI style investigation when they see his fat mug, on his channel, pulling in hundreds of dollars. Or his Etsy shop, with his face on it, and his artwork, especially if they transfers to his bank account.

They might reverse it when the whole retarded web gets exposed, but for some bean counter in the IRS and SS Administration, all they're going to see is Chris making money.

It may become difficult for the irs to ignore if weens(ie reddit) start to mass report heyzeus christ. Enough accusations could trigger some sort of action... couldn't it? Whatever.

Also, its much easier to get in trouble for benefit fraud then it is for tax fraud. I know someone who went to prison for lying on their food stamp app(so that they'd get more "stamps").

 

[AnOminous]

While this refers to SSI, I can bet it's the same for SSDI.

It totally isn't. SSI is a welfare program. SSDI is a form of insurance.

 

[3-2-1836]

I don't think the government is going to waste time on a CSI style investigation when they see his fat mug, on his channel, pulling in hundreds of dollars. Or his Etsy shop, with his face on it, and his artwork, especially if they transfers to his bank account.

They might reverse it when the whole retarded web gets exposed, but for some bean counter in the IRS and SS Administration, all they're going to see is Chris making money.

Here's the thing, both Youtube and Etsy operate on a 1099 basis meaning it won't be turned into the feds until Janurary or Feburary at the earliest, and usually then it takes the feds like 6 months to actually take any kind of action.

Also here's another thing, Social Security will only ping you if you make more than $1,470/month NET income, meaning if they wanted to game the system Chrischan could be on paper paying them some type of fee each month to keep it under $1,470

 

[Tennis-Ball-Tony]

Also here's another thing, Social Security will only ping you if you make more than $1,470/month NET income, meaning if they wanted to game the system Chrischan could be on paper paying them some type of fee each month to keep it under $1,470

I looked that up and apparently its an amount for three months worth of income. He's probably well beyond that with just a few streams.

And I don't get how professional YouTubers, like Chris, can get "donations", and the IRS and other Fedgov institutions just blow it off as "gifts".

 

[Blue Miaplacidus]

And I don't get how professional YouTubers, like Chris, can get "donations", and the IRS and other Fedgov institutions just blow it off as "gifts".

They don't blow it off. This is why other cows like Chantal and Ethan Ralph are in insane debt for not paying taxes on their income. The difference is, Chris isn't getting any donations, the company handling Chris is. Chris is just a face, a mascot, he's not receiving any of the money. At least, his bank account is not receiving any money, Praetor's is. The IRS definitely doesn't blow it off, you're expected to pay your taxes, that also includes anything you make from adsense.

 

[King Kiwi]

They don't blow it off. This is why other cows like Chantal and Ethan Ralph are in insane debt for not paying taxes on their income. The difference is, Chris isn't getting any donations, the company handling Chris is. Chris is just a face, a mascot, he's not receiving any of the money. At least, his bank account is not receiving any money, Praetor's is. The IRS definitely doesn't blow it off, you're expected to pay your taxes, that also includes anything you make from adsense.

You mean to tell me they're just using Chris for money?

Ma min blu'd

 

[Black Yoshi]

I looked that up and apparently its an amount for three months worth of income. He's probably well beyond that with just a few streams.

And I don't get how professional YouTubers, like Chris, can get "donations", and the IRS and other Fedgov institutions just blow it off as "gifts".

Yeah I don't get it either, I thought their computer fast enough to process 9 tax returns a day couldn't be fooled.

 

[Blue Miaplacidus]

You mean to tell me they're just using Chris for money?

Ma min blu'd

I mean Caden seems to be exceptionally retarded himself, but yes. His goal has always been to monetize Chris but other retarded faggots were in the way, and Null. Chris gravitated to the people who would play pretend and RP with him on discord, but slowly Caden has been able to secure his confidence, especially since the Barb fucking saga. Caden is the one who remained in contact with him, took all his jail trash and soda wrappers and sold them for him and his medallions. This is what Caden wanted to do before Barb's dusty hole was plundered, he was in the middle of setting up the studio for Chris to stream from when it happened, he already got him a PC for streaming. If the barb shit never came to light, this would've happened years ago.

 

[Black Yoshi]

I mean Caden seems to be exceptionally retarded himself

No shit, he thought up the taser plot.

 

[King Kiwi]

I mean Caden seems to be exceptionally retarded himself, but yes. His goal has always been to monetize Chris but other retarded faggots were in the way, and Null. Chris gravitated to the people who would play pretend and RP with him on discord, but slowly Caden has been able to secure his confidence, especially since the Barb fucking saga. Caden is the one who remained in contact with him, took all his jail trash and soda wrappers and sold them for him and his medallions. This is what Caden wanted to do before Barb's dusty hole was plundered, he was in the middle of setting up the studio for Chris to stream from when it happened, he already got him a PC for streaming. If the barb shit never came to light, this would've happened years ago.

Words like sleazeball, hustler and depraved loser come to mind.

 

[Black Yoshi]

Words like sleazeball, hustler and depraved loser come to mind.

Scammer, extortionist, ween

 

[Blue Miaplacidus]

Scammer, extortionist, ween

You forgot "massive faggot"

 

[Sarah Connor]

i'm calling it now that the narrative will go from "chris fucked his mom" to "kiwifarms lied about chris fucking his mom so he gets in trouble"

Oh, 100%. I can see the #StopKiwiFarms crowd spreading the word that the evil KF created a smear campaign to accuse an innocent transwoman of committing a crime. Even when all the stuff with Barb was happening in real-time, people zoomers on social media were more concerned about getting Chris's pronouns right/correcting people "misgendering" Chris rather than having a discussion about what he did.

 

[King Kiwi]

You forgot "massive faggot"

I knew there was one I was forgetting.

I wonder why he even needs the money; his parents own a $900,000 home.

Maybe he needs a little side cash for something.

 

[Executive Petrel]

Chris shows off his snack bowl of chocolate and fruits.

View attachment 5448677

Speshul dark

 

[RurkerHivemind]

View attachment 5445933

LOL.
Kneegurr_Disarroberry. I am dying.

 

[A Grey Cat]

V

A nutritional analysis of Chris's parfait:

• A small apple - 15g sugar
• A small mandarin orange - 8g sugar
• Half a banana - 6g sugar
• 3 Strawberries - 3g sugar
• ~4tbsp Great Value Whipped Topping - 2g sugar, 4g saturated fat
• One piece of Hershey's Special Dark chocolate - 3g sugar, 1.5g saturated fat
• 4 maraschino cherries - 8g sugar

While decently low-fat, this parfait alone contains 45 grams of sugar, which is 9g over an adult man's recommended daily intake. Surprisingly, though, most of the sugar comes from the fruit rather than the toppings. Even including just the fruit (and halving the sugar for the cherries), he would still be hitting the recommended daily limit. I went into this looking to argue that Chris's parfait was less unhealthy than it looked, and left realizing that fruit is apparently really fucking bad for you.

The natural sugars in fruit are slightly better than the heavily processed cane and other sugars, even agave and Stevia sugar is still processed sugar. Really it's a "lesser of two evils" Thing. The sugar in fruit is somewhat balanced out by the fruits benefits but really it's a reason why the saying too much of a good thing exists. Frankly after seeing lardo load his shopping cart with frozen dinners and junk again I'm amazed he's actually making the effort to eat healthy...albeit while drowning his fruit in whipped cream and chocolate but one small step at a time I guess.

You forgot "massive faggot"

Scammer, extortionist, ween

Praetor may be all those combined but credit where it's due. They consist of zoomers who took the shitty hand that their parents and grandparents generation gave them and turned it into something of a profitable source of income. One that's only slightly less degrading than starting an onlyfans or becoming influencers. Mind you it still makes me weep for the future but again points for effort even if it's still an F.