Do they not know? It feels like these women just don't know what the TIMs leading the TRAs are actually saying and doing, or are otherwise fully aware and resorting to speaking in code to not upset them.
They don't.
Amongst all trans people, a lot of them atill aren't cow grade material. Hard to remember thanks to this site, but despite being mental enough to fall for trans or just wanting the fun fashion subculture, enough are self aware that they don't want to make themselves anxious about it 24/7. They tend to group in their interests, preferring to keep themselves tuned to positive support channels instead of the doom section around a third of our trooncows follow.
While troons seem unavoidable, social media is much more easily filtered out ans can make some great hedgewalls. These women and girls can make a social media feed devoid of most of the crap we talk about and only engage on their terms. I do it myself with only following dumb memes and animal photos on social media my friends are on then shitposting my opinions here.
A lot of these guys have low self confidence too: I don't always keep up with trans news, I'm not smart enough for trans, I can't call someone else's opinion on this out... So they keep their thoughts in their pockets until someone with enough confidence speaks up or in groups where it's acceptable. Truth is, a lot of trans people are easier to steamroll over than they appear, there's more subtle "they/he" and "she/hers" than "proud trans rights forever also biowoman fuck you terfs" out there. There's more mentally ill people down on themselves than others, but there's a lot of manipulative mentally ill people who picked up on that and climb to the top of troon voices with it.
Gramlol is right, it's a tough pill to swallow, especially if you yourself encountered bad men and oh dear god they followed you here too. It's something they know but don't want to say out loud. Help and coax out those you can, but they're a bunch of people who have to come to terms with themselves and the community and gender on their own time, not yours.
I'm not sure if I should be optimistic or not. Something has to make them see where it's going eventually when they cant even speak about their "AGAB" anymore, right?
These girls are easily spoken over. They'll hide before they get forced to say things online. You can get women who change their mind from it, but you won't always get a fighting spirit. Stay optimistic, even a silent doubter or a quiet protestor is better than nothing.
Would it be advisable to get to your kids first and just be up front about this subject with them before discord does, like a talk about doing drugs?
When it comes up, sure, go for it.
My suggestion is to be an active parent, make sure they get into hobbies irl, and have frank talks about it. Do demonstrations between you and your spouse on gender strength, talk about how harsh it is on the body and how a lot still hurt, focus on getting to roots of the problem if a kid is thinking gender is the problem. Firm but loving. It's a serious topic you'll treat seriously, but you will make sure not to drive your kid away either (because you love them).