random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Vesperus]

Give me the fucking hats so I can stack them on top of each other so high they reach the moon.

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

You never know when someone who is already in the hobby might troon out.

It's similar to a zombie plague. The person you knew is gone.

 

[UnsufficentBoobage]

someone (re)rape this man

 

[Jason "Qriist" Close]

Memorial day forever christened as Balldo Memorial Week.

DID YOU MAKE LADY RACKETS CUM?

welp OUR wife, confirmed as EVERYBODIES wife

Why are polyamorous people always so physically unattractive? If you have this fantasy of becoming a pornstar gangbanger; at least invest in your body. Go to the gym.

I love how every person that touched cocaine in this show has a tendency to say "BUDDDYYYY"

lolcow of the year awards needs to be renamed to the golden baldo award

You're witnessing the fatal weakness of the "you don't have all the details" defense.

"He was streaming one or two days a week, and he had a trust fund, and that was very stressful."

Metokur asks the only question worth asking...

Was it worth it?

Did he say I can rape him or break him?

If nick loves anyone enough for murder suicide, it's dax.

Personality didn’t expect Willy Wonka type sleeping arrangements with the adults.

We were doing snow angels then my wife came in and asked me if i had any viagra

“They did have good snacks”
For $3300 a month they better have good snacks

Nick PUNCHES HIMSELF after tense fights. That was a motherfucking throwaway line.

she needs to take advantage of the pussy pass

WE GET IT YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR KAYLA

KAYLA, MINE FAIR WAIFU, I HATH MAIDETH A DINING TABLE FOR THINE KIDS! PLEASE SUCK ME MY PENIS!

"That police report is a goddamned lie... (pause) ...it's actually dirtier than it says!"

Kayla cried because Nick licked the bottle

That wretched accursed place must be the Minnesotan equivalent to Blighttown.

the only way I see this whole saga ending currently is nick committing a heinous murder suicide.

Kayla is truly a stupid woman.

Oh Virgin Mother Kayla! She was totally a victim who cared about her children so much. You don't understand she had to start popping pills, fucking random men, and having a good time while they suffered alone.

>"Kiwifarmers were just reporting!"
Kiwi bros.... We stay winning!

Can this man get Kayla's dick out of his mouth?

Hope the critters around the Rekieta property are okay too.

Kiwibois did nothing wrong confirm

YOU BROKE MY WIFES HEART AARON

 

[Jason "Qriist" Close]

Ceiling cat will make an appearance during the trial I can just smell it

kayla throwing books titled "on the sanctity of marriage" at her swinger husband is really fucking funny though tbh fam

Nick isn't religious but believes he is

Metokur was wrong. Nick is going to be the Internet’s OJ, not Chris-Chan.

when DSP starts sounding rational you know the society is going to completely and utterly insane

My new schizo theory: Nick was too much of a narcissist to kill himself. UNTIL TONIGHT.

Was he trying to be the alpha cuck, lmao?

4 YEAR OLD PLAYING WITH THE COCAINE BULLET NICK LEFT

AARON DIDN'T REPORT NICK EVEN AFTER HIS FOUR YEAR OLD WAS PLAYING WITH NICK'S COCAINE BULLET

We've crossed the autism event horizon. Nothing left ahead but the merge and sweet oblivion.

Kayla faked every time she did it with Nick

April told Aaron later that Nick had told April, that he had never heard Kayla make the noises Aaron caused her to make.

The main impression I get is that Kayla is a fucking demon. Everyone in this story sucks. Jesus christ

Kayla told Nick "everytime we've ever had sex I faked it".

Rakets loses the Monty case so aggressively that it sets a new precedent.

Sorry friend. But Autism superpowers tend to be useless.

NON-PRACTICING HUSBAND

I find this all to be admissible evidence in the court of my own personal enjoyment. All objections overruled.

"I'm a big guy I can handle Rekieta"

I just love that not only are both of them miserable cucks, neither of them can make a woman cum

I’m starting to think Aaron is trying to twist the knife hard enough that he violates his bond stipulations.

Sodomy Barn? Is that next door to the Pottery Barn?

NICK BROUGHT A ST ANDREW'S CROSS FOR BONDAGE

Oh shit, remember Nick talking about his luggage full of sex toys being checked by TSA?

A batcave of gooning!

I'm still trying to process the fact that nick has FELONY DRUG CHARGES FOR AN OUNCE OF COKE and now I have to listen to this guy spill months worth of teenage relationship drama??

I don't want to know what a sex cross is.

This is now a lolcow cannon.

I bet Kiwifarms could raise these kids better than these cucks.

God, stop acting like you are a chad that will steal Kayla from her evil husband, when you just talked about your wife getting creampied by the same guy

KIWI FARMS, 30% EFFECTIVE

The arrest post hit a thousand (plus three) stickers. Is this a site record?

Aaron “sometimes a cigar is just a cigar” imholte

Damn, he let some white bread ass nigga named Aaron smash, but not his nigga Drexie?

 

[Blackhole]

The CIA and their nigger puppet underlings may have tossed him into the melanated monkey cages but that won't stop our boy from crafting a balldo out of toilet paper and paint he peeled off the wall of Quantavious's cell.

the beans are spilling all over the place

I expected the worse, but this is far worse than I had anticipated.

“We were in bed laying together and kayla whispered to me “this is my favorite episode of Star Trek”

Aaron, this is OUR WIFE..
it’s OUR DICK..

"Where's the sleeping pills? Did she put them on your dick?"

"you fucked her! you fucked her right!"

I feel like just listening to this will make me burn when I pee. But I can’t turn away.

We need to about about balldo usage!

Our wife LOVES us, we have a DEEP connection.

"He was streaming one or two days a week, and he had a trust fund, and that was very stressful."

Oh the cocaine was just for the stress then! Case dismissed!

I got a very strong "I'm gonna kill myself" vibe reading this.

he made that crackhouse a crackhome <3

"you lead my wife on, and i never got that nintendo switch that you fucking promised me!"

"The Batcave of Gooning."

 

[Savage Randy]

(._/\_.)

 

[Jason "Qriist" Close]

Jack Murphy should come back to the Internet just to call Nick a cuck

Elissa Clips going to be on suicide watch trying to figure out what to clip out from this stream.

“You could fuck another man’s wife but not pick up the phone?”

We need to take her opinions seriously because she knows who Dexter Jettster is while simultaneously having a pussy that looks like if a cherry bomb went off in a ham sandwich.

it's like every other day there's a new nuclear detonation like it's the Balldopocalypse

I had wondered what happened to the nanny.

haha the cuckold (that kayla trapped into taking care of her kids) fell for our cokehead wife!

All his relationship lectures, even when people took them as wholesome and at face-value if a little overdone, and now confirmed he just treats Kayla like she’s an idiot AND IT WORKS lmao

Nick is a pussy. If he streams he wins, we lose, Aaron loses, Jenna Fischer loses. He doesn't have the BALLS to stream.

He brought his kids to stay at a filthy place with known mounds of cocaine and unsecured firearms. The Family Court will Castrate his ass.

"It seems like you're the hero in all these stories"

The CPS is going to make the Rekieta children re-enact scenes from their home life, using the Star Trek action figures that were purchased for their mother by her boyfriend.

Any man that dyes his hair deserves to be shot

Even if you are doing nothing wrong in life it is good policy to expect anything you send or say to be seen or heard by others.

"You don't responsibly ride the white stallion in a house full of children!"

 

[Thomas Eugene Paris]

I don't have an autism puzzle piece big enough for this shit.

 

[Jason "Qriist" Close]

"Nick is like Hitler in a bunker commanding his fake armies in downfall"

Nick has often said the same thing, but it was always while Aaron was sack deep in his wife.

"Soon Dax's counterattack will crush the Kiwi chuds"

Really depends on which ceiling cat he chooses to listen to.

"Thanks for calling my soon-to-be ex-wife a hoe."

Aaron is a fool for talking. I appreciate it greatly, but a fool he is.

Man, this has had to be one of the most devastating weeks for one cow to have ever hit this site. It has to be up there at this point with Ralph's sex tape and Chris Chan fucking his mother.

STOP ADDING ME TO YOUR THREADS

 

[Savage Randy]

TY fuck off

 

[GunCar Gary]

HHHHNNNNG why must you remind me that we live in a timeline without FemTrump?

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

I don't care about nuisance wildlife unless they have an easy to track username.

 

[Savage Randy]

8008

 

[doodoocaca]

I saw those pictures of Liz and had an Einstein level scientific epiphany. I've come up with a measurement and future use cases for determining the transness of any human being. I have called it the Stomp to Thwomp ratio.

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

OK, I'll fess up, I'm into the whole sexy schoolgirl thing.

 

[Rotollo 2]

is it shitposting if you're dead serious all the time?

 

[vomitusdeux]

This niggas gonna eat someone.

I guess "consensual" doesn't apply to random people who just want to ride the F train without some degenerate trannies doing bondage and stinking up the damn car. I would take an F train stuffed full of 100 black showtime kids doing breakdancing while blasting drill beats before 5 gross trannies doing kink bullshit.

My god that looks like some kind of horrifying shipping porn between computing forever and woody allen

Bleeding heart "Give deers vasectomy" attitude doesn't work in reality.

Deer vasectomies are stupid. Clearly, we need a ragtag team of deer fuckers to cuckold the bucks and collapse their population that way. The does won't want to have sex with the bucks after the men have their way with them.

"Your enjoying this arent you!" Morgan Spurlock screams at Ronald Mcdonald. "Ba-da-ba-ba-ba...I'm lovin' it." Ronald Mcdonald says, and then fires his pistol once, shooting Morgan Spurlock once directly in the forehead, the shot killing him instantly. Morgan Spurlock died on May 23, 2024 in New York, United States of America.

"ANUS!" One of the Homosexual men Plumbers of Anus screams in the distance

"I think Ronald McDonald may be going insane!" a police officer suddenly screams during the odd interrogation at the jail.

Who knew that Sonichu was an avatar of Slannesh?

Ctrl + F: Anus
14 matches. Is this a new record?

As of right now, there are 15,839,250 messages on the Kiwi Farms
If there was a comprehensive and complete thread on instances of nigger behavior, merely recounting events from this year alone would exceed that amount

HOMOSEX STUFF IS SO FUCKING GROSS

*Smug chuckles* um, look here, chudderinos. The AI says Mewtwo is trans, it can't be wrong.

with demonchu theory growing in popularity I have a theory about the origin of the demon.

Tanit is also is one letter swap away from TAINT and guess where Chris stabbed himself to attempt to make a vagina.

> Null gets medallion
> Finally becomes un-mixed race
> 100% white British
> Tries to do next MATI stream
> Comes out with "Righto lads, it's only another bloody Cross At The Internet stream, in't it? Lovely jubbly."
> US state department updates statistics of US-citizen suicides in Serbia some time later

"Tanit" to "taint" is extremely autistic. Taint is a slang term, the area between scrotum and anus is called the perineum. Take it from an expert in all things related to an Un-Clit.

>”Never exercises”
No fucking shit.

I don't care about nuisance wildlife unless they have an easy to track username.

I don't see the problem, bulbasaur is in fact a plant-loving queer.

You shut your whore mouth before I worry-seed your ass

Pedophiles get off to having their victims thrash around and scream helplessly. Doing that only makes him hard and eager to pounce on your digital ass.

Gay men are so different from women, they might be another species.

EMILY IS A MONSTER FUCKER

how did they invert Birdo's corkscrew penis and fashion it into a mazegina?

Can I talk about how good I am at buying suits? Or my hygiene?

Emily sure wasn't gay when my dick was in her mouth.

I bet nobody is maintaining the infrastructure so the free Wifi at NogDonalds isn't working.

"Thankyou history's largest mega corporation for agreeing with my delusions, also I'm oppressed and nobody supports me"

A man screaming out rape like that ? Damn what an embarrassment

"They're turning the frickin' Bulbasaurs gay!"

People die when they are killed, yes.

"Honey it's 4 PM, time for your penis filler."

"Yes, dear."

 

[The Un-Clit]

"Tanit" to "taint" is extremely autistic. Taint is a slang term, the area between scrotum and anus is called the perineum. Take it from an expert in all things related to an Un-Clit.

You could at least have given the original post a like, you nigger.

 

[vomitusdeux]

You could at least have given the original post a like, you nigger.

I have righted my wrong. Please forgive my transgressions.