random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Goofy Logic]

I've tried to contact the moderators to delete this thread so you fucking idiots can calm down and pull your mothers panties out of you mouth

 

[LurkTrawl]

I have spoken, and you have heard the holy words of Brother Brown Finger, Anal Priest.

The male ass is the thrusters and the female ass is the parachute.

It's a love rocket, baby.

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

Figuring combining the word Autism with the name of the Hunchback of Notre Dame, Quasimodo, would be a good username for a Kiwi Farms account.

gay elves make me laugh. also i'm a huge nerd.

I'm not sure what is more hilarious; that Paul has admitted that Kiwifarms is right or that he's pretending his meth smoking blind robot bird girlfriend could have been a troon trauma counselor to confused men in dresses.

DADDY NO

That's gonna be a short but brutal episode of Mentour Pilot...

No shit. You don't get sucked into a jet engine that isn't running.

I love how the conversation has gotten so derailed someone actually retitled the thread to "discuss woke shit I guess."

Is this the black version of super size me?

Huh turns out there is an entire subreddit (/r/BanPitbulls) that posts tons of vids and pictures of pitbull attacks and aftermaths, super informative, super depressing

My username is the life blood of the lolcow. With out it, we would have plentiful Ayran stock.

 

[Scalar wave Physicist]

I honestly hate the British more than I hate trannies. At least trannies are mentally ill. English people have no fucking excuse for being so fucking vile.

 

[Anne Hyroe]

You would have to be literally braindead-level retarded to get yourself sued by a lolcow.

 

[Pissmaster]

Technically a depression isn't a depression unless it comes from the depression region of France. Otherwise it's just sparkling recession.

 

[Useful_Mistake]

The Honeymans could not be reached for comment, as they do not exist.

 

[GeorgeHWBush]

“avoid tranns fatty asses”

From Sneedchat as soon as I got on KF. I had a chuckle:

 

[Clovis]

I understand it offends him and is offensive to many others. I don't care. I think it is funny.

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

In the future, everyone will have to pick a side for the final, great battle of humanity: Alpaca Ranch or Kiwi Farms.

I hope that an alpaca penis is large enough that a mister hands-type situation isn't out of the cards.

We all know your average neovag couldn't stand up to a vigorous ungulate pounding.

All in favor of SIGSEGV buying a wig and joining the tranch say aye

You know how birds will abandon their chicks if people have touched them? I bet every other animal will instinctively shun their own young if a troon touches one.

Finally, something that I can sperg about.

Yes, the autists of the farms come from all walks of life. Our tolerance extends to even, and is often tested by, British people. Our single unifying belief is in the tenant's of National Socialism and the preservation of the White Race.

That ain't thicc. That's a sad, pancake, middle-aged Hank Hill ass, son.

Lambs are hands down the cutest animal that I enjoy eating.

This is some bla bla bla wtf shit.

I will honor tranny pronouns the day I am acknowledged as Emperor of the French, King of Italy, Protector of the Confederation of the Rhine, Mediator of the Swiss Confederation and Co-Prince of Andorra, and I am given sovereignty over Elba.

i disagree with whatever dumb opinion you have go hang yourself

Christ did I just type that? No wonder my whole family thinks I'm gay.

You learn something new every day in this thread, whether you want to or not.

Nothing says grassroots anti-capitalism like turning a business that preys on the goodwill of unwitting donors into a full blown Ponzi scheme.

I love the image of a bunch of muslim clerics sitting around a table trying to decide whether or not allah is cool with you eating a fucking giraffe.

Worldwide this site is probably home to the top 100 troonologists that ever lived.

Nigger you WHAT? Oh hell fucking no you didn't bitch.
I know you didn't just say there are no rainforests in the continental US.

North American inland temperate rainforest - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Say some shit now, motherfucker.

 

[ロボ﹏§¤r﹏h¶rœ]

It's feels badass to be the villain in their story.

 

[Aero the Alcoholic Bat]

 

[KiwiFuzz]

You either know what you've been watching for years, or you're a deaf mute flamingo with your head buried in the sand.

>DO NOT PUT YOUR PENIS IN THE TOILET

Lake rights are human rights, bigot. Do better.

I fully expect to see this comment blown up on poster board at my Senate subcommittee hearing one day.

"In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of life's simpler pleasures or anything I'm doing for the world. But because, I am enlightened by my fake, stinky pussy." - Rhea Rollmann

 

[Load Bearing Drywall]

I look forward to his upcoming essay dissecting the question of how many fursonas and headmates can dance on the head of an estrogen injectable.

 

[Pissmaster]

What I like is the sheer own goal of even saying something like "consent accident."

Because literally nobody but a rapist would even come up with such a phrase.

Dong-Gone rape rape consent accident rape rape rape is a rapey rapist who rapes people because he's into rape.

 

[LurkTrawl]

Normally, I wouldn't be opposed to voluntary molestation, but in this case she facilitated underage smoking, and that is unforgivable.

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

The past six or seven years has made me realize just how fake all of history most likely is.

 

[Idiot Asshole]

All thanks to @batteredpancakes for this collection of horrors

Lol every morning I pee standing up and then turn around and sit down to take a poop. If I’m sitting and pee I’ll shake my dick out a bit then point it upwards so I can stand up and turn around and properly milk the last of the pee out.

DO NOT PUT YOUR PENIS IN THE TOILET, that led me to get multiple UTIs and they are no joke

Hahaha yes!! The toilet bowl in my apartment is so small that I can’t really fit my dick to hang while I poop… so I play that game of “will I risk peeing on the ground while I poop or will I risk taking too long to pee and pooping?!” I’ll sort out a better routine as time goes on but damn… did not anticipate the small toilet bowl problem!

I have a 6.5 inch phallo and my dick never touches the water, even if I let it hang down. It does touch the toilet bowl itself though so I don't like doing that but definitely not the water!
I rest my dick on top of my thighs when I use the toilet. It happily stays there and my scrotum just chills in position. If that managed to hit the toilet bowl I'd be shocked

 

[WolfeTone]

This is a slur on the double-assholed community! We can drive perfectly well!

 

[Johnny Eastwood cash]

Jerk off is a gift from God.