random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[ForTheHoard]

nigga they look like pube dogs

 

[Aunt Carol]

Eat a dick, faggot, we're a sharing pot of friendship here.

 

[Meiwaku]

I will not be denied the feminine urge to say nigger online

 

[Lithuophile]

 

[Idiot Asshole]

I’m saying this as someone who puts Indonesian headhunter peppers (fifteen billion scooby-dovilles) in your mom’s ass before she eats mine

 

[Pube Dandruff]

@batteredpancakes said:

These people are so mentally ill all their thoughts read as satire.

 

[Gentlebastard]

what are the chances Tubby Tomlinson has demanded the Milwaukee Police assign him a permenant security detail to protect him from Mafia Ice Cream Death Squads?

Every time he opens it to correcT the record or own a atalker child, he has to beware of highly processed, calorie dense snacks leaping into his gullet of their own accord. He has instructed the snacks, many thousands of times, to cease their felony binge eating enabling, but alas, they will now enjoy Sarlaccian prison.

Engaging in politics at work is like sticking your dick in the meat grinder. Nothing good will happen.

Cancer is a heckin valid gender, bigot.

"The Neo-Nazis wouldn't eagerly promote you if they found your collection of pictures of boys in skimpy lacy outfits"

I don't think he knows about America First

I hope the cartel mistake this metrosexual for a rogue drug mules and gut him in an attempt to recover there merchandise.

I don't really say this, like ever, but good job Mexico.

For every single "It's over" there is a "We're so fucking back".

What a grand and intoxicating cowdom.

Why shouldn't people mock and ridicule this monstrous looking bloke who decides to post himself on a public forum half naked looking like a total pervert? Why is it considered abnormal to find this insane?! Current timeline is both hilarious and horrific in equal measures.

It's impressive writing that makes me root for the elder god who's staging daily executions to build their throne of skulls but he managed it.

he gives off an air like a country bumpkin, hayseed in teeth, dungarees with one strap undone, straw hat, barefoot, carrying a bundle on a stick, stumbling into the sleaziest side of a big city holding a map upside down and asking for directions.

the cartel kidnapping the entire internet is praying for

It is funny yet horrifying to think this was the least disgusting area they could find to serve as an appropriate backdrop for wedding photos. I've never even personally seen a place this foul outside of landfills and homeless encampments.

He's definitely not pretending to be a fat fucking ugly retard.

Everyone meet Aaron Morris aka Sunni aka Bramble - the obese, ftm transgender, asexual, polyamorous, age regressing, furry, cancer-munchy that, despite having a very small following on Tiktok, has had to make multiple accounts due to getting banned and has made at least one "I swear I'm not a pedo" video that I can find.

Topologists on suicide watch.

No stalker wife, I am not being pegged by an obese Indian woman, these are your delusions again.
Cease contacting me right away or you will be jailed for felony pegging interruption.

Just sayin, my autistic rage fit hasn't lasted a month... yet...

I've managed not to get caned in Singapore my entire life. I have a special technique. Don't vandalize people's shit in Singapore. And if you can't manage not to act like an ape, stay the fuck out of Singapore.

That's right, this random Minecraft sex mod has always online DRM that requires you to be whitelisted wiht an uploaded image of your photo ID to some random degen's discord server which I'm sure works flawlessly and would never ever backfire.

Public caning is something i wish more countries would adapt. The shame and humiliation that comes with that would make many people think twice about behaving like a cunt in public. I could be wrong regarding gypsies and dirty shitskins, though, they don't seem to posses shame like real humans do.

Africa deserves better than American niggers.

 

[demicolon]

I should probably just bite the bullet and buy one of those waifu pillows. But stuffed animals are for children and the author should feel ashamed.

 

[keytar]

"My favorite author Patrick S. Tomlinson hasn't published anything in four years but surely today will be the day he puts down the bottle and picks up the pen".

 

[Geranium]

'NIGGERS are here' he thought, 'I've never minced this block before, NIGGERS are everywhere' the baking heat felt good against his neanderthal brow and receding hairline. 'I hate REPUBLICANS' he thought to himself. Goodbye horses reverberated through his ersatz marriage to Tony, even as Mexican estrogen washed through his thick veins washing away his (merited) fear that his future wife was a straight man. 'with a senate seat, you can grift anywhere you want' he thought to himself out loud, to no one in particular.

 

[Osama Bin Laden]

 

[Aunt Carol]

Estrogen is to nerds what crack was to the inner city. I don’t know what the CIA wanted with Little Tommy playing touhou in the computer room but we both gotta deal with it

TBH he could have easily santamaxxed and turned into a jollycel. now he's just another obese troon with sad titties

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

This has got to be creative fiction written by children and/or autistic shut-ins who have no real idea what actual intoxication does... right?

At the very least, if there is any truth in the multitude of stories where guys take a bar or two and let someone fuck them in the ass, I categorically call bullshit on benzodiazepines having any role in that beyond giving them a plausible excuse for doing it.

He's definitely not pretending to be a fat fucking ugly retard.

 

[Autistic Joe]

Come for the highs and lows of Bossman, stay for the mathematical breakdown of gambling probability.

Bossman will die in war against the slots one day and Valhalla will be his reward as a nordic ubermensch.

Hes lost nearly all his money paying people back and he hasnt even started gambling yet

 

[Seafarer]

A large Minecraft sex mod called Fapcraft was recently released

 

[Lithuophile]

Well, real life dating can be scary for young people so having simulated dating will make it easy for them uwu.

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

I cannot fucking stand the cocoa butter bullshit nogs use. Was hooking up with a black chick for a while to see what it was like. She always felt fucking greasy because of the shit. And I cannot begin to describe how rank the mixture of pussy and cocoa butter is.

 

[Sprate Header]

Soon I'll be able to get a colonoscopy and file taxes in VR.

 

[Pissmaster]

I have many drunk in my freezer and I am drunk more the drunk for to drunk more currently.

 

[Hamplanet Fitness]

"I like the idea of a man blossoming inside of a Wombmyn. Not exploding or spraying. Blossoming." -Alendra Grecia Pine