random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Dragged Into Sunlight]

All the serial killers on Grindr are there looking for gay men.

Waiting for the first r/ftm story about how a Grindr date turned up for a hookup with a butcher knife and duct tape, but then let her go because he wanted a male victim, and how she yelled at him for making her feel so heckin' dysphoric.

"And then he told me he only slits the throats of little fag piggies, and that if he tried to masturbate in a woman's blood after performing the slaughter ritual, it just wouldn't work for him."

"I'm so sorry that happened to you, king. I hope you tried to educate him at least. Did you try reporting his account for transphobia?"

 

[Cryptosporidium 136]

Have you read any yaoi recently?

 

[Gentlebastard]

I want to see him killed in a Mexican drug cartel video every time I see one of these.

I actually identify as Julius Caesar, I'm going in next week to have my stab wounds surgically constructed.

if God real why Reddit happen?

About the only positive thing you could say about him was that he held the British in deep contempt.

Why did I have to click on the spoilered text?

Behead this nigga on live TV and feed his carcass to chihuahuas.

The price of ban evasion is slight inconvenience.

This shit is why Tay (pour one out) went full 1488 in a matter of hours.

EDIT: Arthur C. Clarke was the British pedo sci-fi Athiest who’d rape children in Thailand. Adams was just a smug Athiest.

TL, DR go dig graves in the Solomon Islands

"I'm currently bleeding from my vagina. Please, fellow real woman, let me know when you will start bleeding from your vagina."
And then their labias clapped in unison.

Give it a couple of weeks. There is always a calm before the storm before he does something gigatarded

When I die, I'll know I'm in heaven because there will be a book titled The History of All Things. And in that book will be an objectively true recounting of anything you could ever want to know. Who killed JFK and how? It's in The Book. Who were the "sea people" that fucked up civilization at the end of the bronze age? It's in The Book. True identities of Jack the Ripper or the Black Dahlia? The Book has your back my guy. I'll know I'm in hell if that book has the name Patrick S. Tomlinson underneath the title.

"Do you have any idea how much Star Trek I've watched?" is one of the funniest versions of "DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" I've seen.

 

[The Hero of Kvatch]

I know... that's why I said 90 year old Ernest Borgnine, he was alive and happily jerking off when he was 90.

 

[Lithuophile]

negro dindus are Wagner enjoyers and think Russia is their great huwhite hope frenly fren against dem ebil Westoid racists

chud guys with pooner wives!

 

[BIG BILL HELL'S]

Rape. Always rape. Always catcalling which leads to rape. Unfair dress codes because everyone wants to rape me. Every male gets a handful of rohypnol on his 16th birthday so he can rape every woman he looks at.

 

[Lithuophile]

I've always had a mentality of an outlaw and the spirit of a lawless vagabond

 

[Onni Kalsarikännit]

Don't fuck crazy isn't exactly a complex idea.

When did we fall from an Archie Bunker-John Wayne society to a Lisa Simpson-Whoopi Goldberg society?

Swear to God I'm not gay I just pretend that I'm gay to fuck people who also pretend to be gay and larp gay sex together but I swear it's not gay

If fucking a pooner is taking advantage of a mentally ill woman, genuinely curious where the line ends? Is fucking a flat earth believer taking advantage?

Only saying with Mike Tyson voice “I’m gonna fuck you so good you gonna love it faggot” to add additional layer of confusing mind games first.

 

[Thomas Eugene Paris]

It turns out the real sexual degenerates were the friends we made along the way.

 

[Yamamura]

My point is if you see some chick who's doing weird gender stuff, it's your duty as an empathetic man with principle to pork her straight.

 

[N Space]

she said "ooo" and i said "aaa", because it was sex i was having btw

 

[Rotollo 2]

If you're straight, and want easy sex, femboys are the solution.

 

[Pedophobe]

Even if ED is run by retarded faggots, it's still a far superior site.

These retards probably would've killed Socrates. To be fair, I probably also would've killed Socrates, but still.

f you're worrying about the "disabled community" and your "disability identity" you're doing something wrong.

I cannot be following this autistic manchild for another 16 years.

 

[SlaanyChaser]

Surly they just like to see my pictures of clouds and mountains and aren't only following me for my FAT FUCKING TITS.

"You woke up with a leg cramp and while holding your leg you said 'SONICHU.. NOOOOOO!'"

 

[Big Nasty]

You know you're from the midwest when you do acid and then shit yourself at Loaf & Jug.

 

[Grub]

PS for the love of god do not stick in the pooper, that is haram and not kosher. You can quote me on that one.

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

I don't want to touch grass, I want to touch waifus

 

[anustart76]

...

I can't actually take credit for that quote, it's something Vee on said on one of his YouTube streams a while back

 

[Bloitzhole]

Poop yourself in prison, stalker

 

[Pedophobe]

"Shall the shameless do as they please, and the decent suffer what they must?"