random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[The Evil Midnight Bomber]

@Catgirl Tyranid: "I hope you inhale a little spit and have a coughing fit"

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

This infidel doesn't believe in Godbear.

Or maybe I'm just being a histrionic faggot.

We call them "pussies."

"Testosterone-based people."

 

[Honka Honka Burning Love]

Old People are great Suicide Bombers

From our Dear Leader

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

Remember, Toriyama had Roshi become stronger than ss2 Cell solely by using a cat to masturbate for a week, so anything can happen.

 

[Gas Station Boner Pills]

Gay sex in India would probably be a very shitty affair

 

[Grog]

"You shipped me with that Snorlax"

 

[DrNow]

There was this other chick who reminded me strongly of Joshua Moon. Got the same "soft eyes" that were really beautiful. Catch? She was FAAAAAT.

 

[On a Journey]

Choice ugojesse (Nigerian Instagram cartoonist) quotes, the images they're from can be found here:

It’s been over a year since any of Jesse’s art has been posted here, so I went through his account screenshotting the stuff I found funny or interesting.

Mommy what's the best prayer point?
When ever you want to pray just say "may Nigeria never happen to me"


If guy man dey tell you sey' he likes big yansh (ass) please try & confirm if it is male or female big yansh, things re happening


If them born your papa, try snatch ballot box this election


From his comments:
"I am Igbo and I Love Igbo girls, I can't marry outside my tribe and I am not tribalistic"

 

[Aunt Carol]

Women have big cute eyes so they can go uwu. Female faces are built accordingly.

 

[Pedophobe]

Then again, no normal person has a Kiwi Farms thread.

I was wrong about him getting better, I don't know why I ever thought that

Occam's razor says the simplest explanation, elaborate deliberate conspiracies and complex multi-stage plans, are the most true and honest.

 

[Forgetful Kiwi]

Is there a way to delete a kiwifarms profile?

 

[Gentlebastard]

When it comes to my dick, I'll take shriveled naturally over shriveled by misapplication of industrial caulking agents any day of the week.

It's like the Ouroboros, but instead of a snake eating its own tail it's a guy eating his own dick.

What kind of an unholy prompt are you feeding the AI to get such an accurate picture of his retarded hairstyle?

The sex offender registry is stupid. We should just kill pedos.

Hate crimed by his own mind. Pathetic.

Basically, I'm saying Pat is a lightly-closeted gay man pretending to be deeply-closeted gay man.

It's okay to kill civilians because civilians can embarrass you on Twitter

>content warning for less than a minute of 3 words being stated by a crowd

Is it just me or they are advocating to bomb shitposters and people they don't like on the internet?

Woops, my bad. I withdraw my smug emoji.

It's immoral to try and show me ads and if I had the power to physically mail every advertiser shit caked firecrackers, I would.

That would be beautiful irony if the future gets that bleak.

Do people frequently go out in public and hang giant banners on the highway while pretending to be the Sinaloa cartel? Sounds like a high-risk prank

The war on drugs led by drug lords

Sometimes I love this clown world

To be fair, I was top of my class at San Juan college and with honors for top Subway Sandwiches gifted program.

Hopefully one day I can own a mule in ojo.

Some genocides are just less genocide-y than others!

Not only is it "moral" to block ads, I would even consider it "a righteous duty".

Can't beat a nice bucket of fried chicken to go with that Salisbury steak and mashed potatoes when you're recovering from a stroke.

It's genuinely a "This is the moment I am most ashamed of" moment, like when Jimmy Carter shot a cat. For these guys, it's Tuesday.

She looks like some kind of Japanese Yokai, the spirit of an old woman who died hunting and pecking at her keyboard while trying to make a facebook post to her grandkids.

Now her spirit wanders households wearing the keyboard she died with as a hat, scaring children she comes across by appearing suddenly and asking whether she should've clicked "yes" on an internet popup about cleaning her computer for free.

Dear lord i hope this is just a retard ranting on the internet

"I did not have sexual relations with that fossil!"

Y'know, a covert demonic invasion of this mortal coil would explain a lot.

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

Sometimes we put a Santa hat on him for Christmas.

 

[Skitarii]

I am not the one who has the viewpoints, worldview and posting style of a boomer. Sorry that the truth triggers you rapefugees so much

 

[Stan]

Cats are not furry

 

[Vott]

 

[WelperHelper99]

do i get to choose whose?
if its an unlabeled keg of communal semen idk if i could get through more than like- 2 cups?
if its someone im partnered with then idrc

 

[Hitman One]

I want everyone to mentally prepare themselves to witness Russell Greer on CNN sobbing about how those mean Kiwis cost him his chance with Taylor Swift while the anchor agrees uncritically.

 

[SneedEyeMitch the 2nd]

Good one for random.txt

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

shut up faggot

Make me

ugly nigga

Suck my dick

faggot

Shit-eater

Yes, this is all from the same thread.