random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Gentlebastard]

They use the slippery slope "fallacy" as a damn slip-n-slide.

I have accidentally told the cat 'no child' out loud. I've also made accusations of stalking when said cat has harassed me in hopes of tuna.

 

[LifeAlert]

I want to see actual updates, not people arguing about the moon, Jews, or constantly taking @Hollywood Hulk Hogan bait

There's a particularly useful term in fighting games called "option select" that I think applies well to the moves Trump has been making so far in office.

Only time will tell if the rape dolphins were a good omen, or a bad one.

 

[The Mighty Banth]

Generally a cute and wholesome affair, rapist dolphins be damned.

 

[Tablet County]

It's scary how unlimited Internet access just one-shots the mentally ill

Ethan Ralph has done more to save the white race than you ever will; does that make him a hero?

 

[Aunt Carol]

Been a while, but I seem to recall getting called "faggot" a lot.

 

[Slideshow Bill]

This is a Primo Deluxe cow trait, you don't find this brand of retard anymore.

Two halals? Oh boy!

Ooohh, this is a serious website! This is a serious website! It's serious!

Look little girl, you can't cry autism in a mosh pit full of autists.

 

[Toji Suzuhara]

Listen Zoey, youre a crazy dipshit, but if you ever need someone to eat your stupid, overconfident, dirty, psycho, cute for an incel, bipolar, dresses like a retard, shortsighted, cant act like an adult, hermit, fujo, internet addicted, too emo for Blue October, attention seeking, BPD ass, then give me a call honey

 

[Dead Gay Muppet Gangbang]

I’ve never heard his voice, nor watched any of his videos. By his face alone do I loathe him.

 

[Xarpho's Return]

That mid-heave photo is an image with a smell.

 

[Dr. Butt]

Everyday we are closer and closer to an underground refuge of armed-to-the-teeth animal people, defending the borders of CESSPOOL X from cybertrollz and evil pootler

 

[Gutless]

(to the person who attempted to relitigate the first world war from the perspective of Austria, I applaud your enthusiasm, but this is the wrong thread)

 

[Dr. Butt]

You’re fucking crazy! Hope that helps!

 

[Hepativore]

Regrettably, even under these perfect laboratory conditions, none of the molded or hand-shaped fecal knives made from either researcher’s feces was successful in cutting through the conceal. The knives just melted upon contact, leaving brown streaks (skid marks) of melted poop.

 

[30+GameOvers]

Always pay back your local schizo or get stabbed.

 

[Crex Crex]

Kiwifarms is a long supporter of Palestine.

A fool and his disability handout are easily parted.

JPNDTS - Just Pushed Nan Down The Stairs

Glowies, glowies everywhere. So many glowies, they were tripping over each other. The left hand never knows what the right hand is doing, except glowing

 

[Tablet County]

You enjoy hurting people?

I wouldn't know, I've only ever hurt the Br*tish.

 

[Tablet County]

Remember, Kiwi Farms has the highest quality of respectful discourse online according to some people.

UwU, felt female, might torch a cybertruck or two.

 

[Tablet County]

You know how physiatrists suggest coping mechanisms? My coping mechanism is bumping my knee into a cup of water, and during episodes, it helps me feel young again.

basically I was making fun of the idea of coping mechanisms, but the bumping one's knee into cups of water does have some additional context it, it is pretty retarded, but when the 'joke' or whatever you want to call that shit, when it first came to me it was coupled with some radical experiences, experiences of deep youth (childhood), if you know what I mean. Anyway, enough about the ocean and it's implications, enough. (the actual definition of the word retarded is "delayed")

Jesus Christ jannies merge my posts already. There are too many good quotes! I'm drowning in humor!

 

[Gentlebastard]

...er, you can do anything you want, I suppose. But, do you really want the IRS breathing down you neck for a $.50 can of cat chow?

It'd be a pretty funny reason to get audited.

>expecting a middle schooler NOT to bully the walking freakshow

You know good shit's going down when no less than three posts get highlighted due to how many negative reactions they receive.

 

[TheOtherSideofMakeBelieve]

Are we calling Magic Johnson a Hero for being the first nigger to give a white woman AIDS?