random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

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Climb on top of your roof, then get naked and cover ever inch of your body in mayonnaise and shove some up your ass. You'll also need a one handed weapon, if you don't have a pistol just use a blunt weapon like a bat or a pipe. When you see him start to approach again start stroking you dick until it rock hard. Wait for the second he starts messing with the nob and then make your move. Yodel as loud as you can and jump off the roof right on top of him whacking away any of his weapons and discombobulating him. Once you slip off starting shitting the mayo out your ass and chase him as fast as you can while still yodeling. Make sure to stroke you penis the entire time. Try to only hurt him with your weapon, we don't want to kill him, we want to traumatize him. After a while let him go to spread the word and return home. The final and most important step is to now place a jar of mayonnaise on yours and every one of your neighbors front step enduring a safe neighborhood for years.
 
I have a pet that might have autism, and even the others of his species have noticed something is wrong with his behavior and reactions. All the same he is healthy and happy, but he wouldn't survive a second as a wild animal.
 
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