random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Miss Violet Beauregarde]

How much you want to bet Twitch thot here has a surprise penis?

Is it normal to change your eye color 3 times in the last 6 years?

You trannied your character through obesity.

No I go with robonigger, it flows much better.

 

[Jimmy Dean Bowl]

“Her and her partner at the time mocked neogenders, right in front of my salad.”

 

[Neodanthril]

I outgrew a bunch of ex-girlfriends. My cock won't be inside them tonight.

 

[KiwiFuzz2]

Now I suppose it could be a sort of chaste infidelity, but that seems pretty unlikely.

Well, I'm listening, provided his grammar improves.

Sometimes I wish the Internet had a word limit.

The elusive hyper-masculinity strikes yet again!

Those goose eggs were demon spawn of the infidel and you know it. In the name of Allah, I proclaim a fatwa against Canada geese.

I might be biased as a non US citizen but surely you have received more back in entertainment value than whatever portion of your taxes have been used to create the polycule of Frankenstein

Not wiping your ass to own the patriarchy

Good to know various bird species have my back against the femiods.

>removes all clothes and proceeds to Goatse the sun, having the rays of light kiss the inside of my colon. The UV rays directly being absorbed by the pink throbbing flesh hole, right next to a couple and their small child.

 

[Super Mario Brothers]

ok, can i draw hentai comic with her?
i'm serious

 

[Meat Target]

>19 page suicide note
God, imagine 19 pages of "I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU NOT TO REDEEM THE MENS COCKS! YOU BLOODY BITCH YOU BLOODY! I RAPE YOUR MOTHER!"

Like shit nigger if you're gonna go that far you may as well try for 40 pages so it classes as a Suicide Novella

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

If AIDS were God's punishment for homosexuality, as many fundies and evangelicals claim, bug chasing could easily be seen as proof that some people are too far gone to be deterred by the wrath of God.

Part of becoming a man is accepting that even pretty girls take mean shits.

Two different sides of the same "I'm fucking retarded" coin

Calling them midwits is greatly overestimating their intelligence, and yet they're allowed to vote.

Plus I made it up. But I believe it.

To be honest. I wouldn’t be shocked if both men turned out be gay.

Less shameful to drink alone than on reddit

Say what you will about the whores, but they know where the paypigs are. It’s funny how they’re fighting over a bunch of downbad manchildren and their money like the Great Houses of the Landsraad fighting over spice on Arrakis.

Both lead to the same Hot topic store.

The newest addition to the Little People collector series is a horror movie with strong rape themes and monsters with dick-shaped heads covered in KY jelly:

Inside you are two wolves. One is in your mouth. One is in your ass. They're BOTH GAY. You're GAY!

My tax money has never had a job.

This is the first time I've ever heard of him, and I already hate him.

I hope you get into Vegan Heaven with Impossible Burger Jesus or whatever

I am shocked Mr. Woman Boobs could pull off a cartwheel

Astrology is the logical conclusion of woman-think: the entire universe exists solely to explain why your boyfriend isn't being nice enough to you.

For his birthday this year they should knock him out, trap him in a ravine with a boulder pinning him down by the arm, with nothing but a pocket knife and grit. Put your money where your mouth is.

Woah... maybe if you hadn't ostracized yourselves from authority figures, you'd have help.

How else do you determine who tops and who bottoms thus setting off a fandom war that will continue to rage long after we're dead.

That's the grenade you lob after the flames from "X alpha is actually a beta bottom bitch you retard" start to die down.

"Learn from me, other terminal coomers! I was a nice little white knight simp paypig and as a reward, unattainable whores follow me back!"

Jihad is the solution to all problems.

Ethots whoring on Only fans? Jihad.

Copyright law abuse? Jihad.

Grifters selling shit coffee on youtube? Jihad.

Lolicon Anime enjoyers accusing your chosen shitposting webzone of hosting child porn? JIHAD!

If they were to have sex, they'd probably cosplay as Captain Ahab and Moby Dick.

Fuck out my country you fucking maple beaner bitches.

She also looks at nothing but rape and BDSM porn on e621

"As a 15 year old, figuring out my mother wouldve rather aborted me back as a baby for my politics now, I really wish during my birth my mother would have died after me figuring out she is a libtard "

I think property rights are more important than a middle aged jewish woman.

Saying "that's fascinating" doesn't make you look smart

These two paragraphs together is how I know this is just a cult. A weird, nigger worshipping cult.

Nigger Industrial Complex

 

[Aero the Alcoholic Bat]

All of these beardy chicks in their 20's means that the MILF will be an endangered species in a couple of decades. Their sons will never know what it's like to be in love with Stacy's mom. You know, because she'll have a 5 o'clock shadow and a meat sausage. That's really sad.

 

[SNEED.EXE]

Nothing here is above the board, its all degenerate

Ah, that feeling when you're doing something else, a while later, you lick your lips, and you feel that familliar taste...and you remember what you did earlier that day.

Counterpoint: any faggot who wants their coffee to taste like blueberry cobbler arguably deserves cancer.

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand MATI. The humour is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of atypical neuropathology, most of the jokes will go over an average viewer's head. There's also Null's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation- his personal philosophy draws heavily from Terrence Davis literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realise that they're not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike MATI truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in Null's existential catchphrase "Is my webzone down?" which itself is a cryptic reference to Vikernes Norwegian epic Ásgardr, Vanaheimr & the Nine Worlds of Hel. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Joshua's genius wit unfolds itself on their iPhone screens. What fools.. how I pity them.

And yes, by the way, i DO have a KiwiFarms tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the Beauty Parlor's eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid

You can just call them niggers here, you know.

IM SORRY! I WILL RAPE MYSELF WITH A NUCLEAR BOMB!

 

[Speedrunner]

People who send pictures of food while I am on a diet/fasting are terrorists.

 

[I'm Retarded?]

My Hispanic Holden Bloodfeast (Hugo Chupasangre) demands the buckbreakening of Cuba, shall that shitty island be turned into a giant Wallmart and parking lot.

 

[LarpBait]

I don't believe in transitioning but I believe in crossdressing

 

[Gentlebastard]

This fucking image is permanently burned into my brain and will likely be the last thing I think of before I die.

if you're going to lie to my face at least have fun with it.

This artist is not worthy to eat Chris-chan's Crayolas.

Hell yeah, I've been waiting forever to have a reason to sperg about this in here.

Its more fun to shitpost about what they could ruin than to follow the ashes of their failed endeavors now.

Ah, there it is. Quietly, but there it is. The real reason the lady doth protest too much.

Any site that wouldn't take my shitpost email service doesn't deserve my presence.
Enjoy that giant void in your mediocre life that is my absence.

Give me some kind of hook. Give me a reason to procreate.

Ma'am turn off your phone, place your router in a faraday cage, and go outside.

It would be funnier if these evil fucks hadn't basically condemned dozens of innocent animals to a lingering death and then buried them in a mass grave.

He childed the CEO of the Internet and got the forums taken down. Josh is shaking in his boots right now, he knows this place is next.

 

[Chromeo]

We need a network of schizophrenic, fat, white men to unfuck the tech industry.

the Chili Dog, like a Bacon Cheeseburger, is a dish only Christians can eat, as other religions forbid pork, beef, dairy and meat touching, or are vegetarian/vegan.

I'm not a religious person, but I'm pretty sure you won't get into Heaven for wanting to shoot God in the face.

there is no place for disabled mayonnaise ghouls in the Superior Cycling Future

Listen here: I’m only ever getting mad.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Sir, this is a gossip forum.

I'll get irresponsibly drunk and racist in his memory.

I've never seen someone so giddy about having gonorrhea.

Do you think men evolved superior combat and labor abilities just to win a bet or something

Men evolved to tag subway cars and women evolved to make tacky throw pillows.

Do you even hate men bro?

Is my cock meant to be a mushroom?

 

[JustSomeDong]

I am a child and my jingling keys is CANS.WAV. No matter how many times I hear it, no matter how forced it is, no matter if I see it coming a mile away I will giggle like the retard baby I am.

 

[Shakira Flabbergasted]

[writing NIGGER in big letters on my stomach] "oh yeah, I'm so ready for the beach"

 

[Chromeo]

SAY GOOGBYE TO
GYNECOLOGICAL PROBLEMS

I don't want to have to pick between eating nice food and having sex. I like lactose and sex god damn it.

you dont *need* to do butt things

We have a chore wheel but it’s for whose dick you have to suck

kudos to 50 Cent for using nigga as a punctation mark in a sentence.

 

[Super Mario Brothers]

PSA for all men in the world, if you get contacted by a girl who attempts to look like or act like Yukari from hit Japanese Military Propaganda "Girls und Panzer", you should fucking run as fast as possible in the opposite direction immediately. At best she's a whore trying to get money out of you, at worst she's trying to steal your liver

 

[Oliver Onions]

Sometimes the furries will call you slurs too.