So takeaways are what we call them in the UK, or as you may call them as takeouts. Anyways I went from Monday to Friday without a takeaway. I also didn't have one yesterday and didn't have one today. I did have Wagamama on Friday. I had ramen from there and then had McDonald's from Just eat. I am permitting myself to having 1 takeaway a week.
Anyway, I am weigh myself every Monday, but I decided to weigh myself on Wednesday or Thursday - I've only lost 1-pound in weight. I know I've been eating a lot of snacky foods like, pringles, some chocolates, crisps (chips), and other things that aren't online food delivery services. But I seriously thought I would have lost more than a pound.
The thing is I know I've done so well without ordering food online (expect for Friday) and I still don't feel proud of myself. If anything, I feel like a failure because I've only lost one pound. I should have lost at least 4-pounds, right?
I have a psychologist and he's going to hopefully be referring me to a specialist inpatient place for autistic people (I have autism). They deal with people on the spectrum and their mental health issues alongside their physical health. I've been wanting to get referred there for ages, but my mental health team thought they could help me, but I guess now they realise they can't. (I really hope I haven't jinxed anything by saying that I am going to be referred to a specialist. I have OCD and worry about things a lot).
I think I've said this before, but I feel like I am destined to be morbidly obese forever. I am not allowed to have a good life my brain tells me, I'm not allowed to be free of all this. I know I have depression, everything I do is either not worth it or if I do it, it fails. I just feel like giving up right now and eating a massive takeaway because I know tomorrow the scales will say I've lost either 1-pound, remained the same, or even gained. I know a loss is a loss when it comes to being SMO, but I honestly expected more of myself.
I actually lost weight many years ago by the means of basically starving myself. Everyone says, "but (my real name), you lost weight 8-years ago, why can't you do it now?" BECAUSE THINGS FUCKING CHANGE AND I'M NOT THE PERSON I USED TO BE!
Just feeling really hungry, depressed and quite frankly like a failure.