Shitty Alternate History Thread - If only the Romans had AK-47's they would've survived...

[DJ Grelle]

If we had Ian's dox, I wouldn't be surprised if he turned out to be able to support a whole thread about himself with whatever else his internet presence is.

Overall though, I think the community is just a little too small but I never, ever, visited the off-topic section of that board.

EDIT: We do have a community watch on the TNO/HOI4 modding community, perhaps a community watch on the whole alt-history community could be a thing? Might be too broad though.

There was some drama between misterZ and emperortigerstar on twitter some time back (can't remember exactly when). It was politics something w/ misterZ being his usual crypto-fascist/fascist admiring self and emperortigerstar picking some neoliberal hill to die on.

A general alt history thread might work. We can at least try. God knows there is plenty of low quality chauvinist wank material out there.

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

What if the South in the American Civil war where given AK47's by some south africans using a stolen time machine,

I'm sure that's by Harry Turtledove.

The Anglo-American Nazi War isn't bad but it's certainly worth mentioning in terms of alternate world war history. There's some interesting stuff in it at the very least.

The bad ones though, those are the fun ones to hear about. WWIII 1946 I think takes the cake, though "The Big one" is also pretty bad.

It was a decent read, but Calbear's politics started to show through when you got to the bit where Israel never gets created because all the Jews are dead, where Germany's partitioned and basically kept at a 1900's level of technology, where the four main countries are all democratic socialist wonderlands and where any nationalists in Europe get nuked from orbit (I swear to God I am not making that up - look through the AANW thread for the words ”Stettin uprising”).

Ooh, you've reminded me of another pet peeve. Paradox Interactive/the Forums (I'm counting it as Alternate History, since that's the point of their games) won't touch slavery or genocide with a ten foot pole. The pussies on that site claim that they'd get too much bad press if they did, as if anybody but them (and me) gives a shit about history simulators. It's not like genocide/slavery doesn't have a very large effect on the world, either. Things like Europa Universalis IV's colonial play feels empty without robust slave mechanics.

I got banned from Paradox for a while too for accidentally stepping on the genocide thing. We were talking about how shitty the Hearts of Iron IV American fascist path is, and I made the point that the Silver Legions were American nationalists, not Southern nationalists, and would have no use for a Neo-Confederacy. Said that, given various historical evidence (some of it coming from a Leftist academic), they would be as likely to target Appalachian people for eugenics as they would Blacks. Got the banhammer, couldn't access mods for months.

It's weird how Paradox attracts so many Far Right, nationalist types in their fanbase, but is so faggy as a company.

I've always wondered how a game which has features that could charitably be described as ”a massive Christian wank” (cf. the Empire of the Outremer) and which allows you to play as a Viking chieftain that rapes, pillages and genocides at will banned jokes about removing kebabs from its forums.

”white supremacist art but it's drawn by a toddler” is not what I expected to see today.

 

[Dagobert]

It was a decent read, but Calbear's politics started to show through when you got to the bit where Israel never gets created because all the Jews are dead, where Germany's partitioned and basically kept at a 1900's level of technology, where the four main countries are all democratic socialist wonderlands and where any nationalists in Europe get nuked from orbit (I swear to God I am not making that up - look through the AANW thread for the words ”Stettin uprising”).

AANW was fairly good when it stuck to the war itself, but man, Calbear's post-war world seemed like a bit of a nightmare. He does have some weird quirks during the thread though. People brought up valid criticisms like how the Caucasus are just ignored despite being a primary German objective, how the atom bomb is just not used for a decade, and the Nazis never developed their own because it's Jewish science and Calbear just ignores it. It always came across like because he was a mod, people weren't willing to really push on critique and Calbear wouldn't ever accept any regardless.

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

AANW was fairly good when it stuck to the war itself, but man, Calbear's post-war world seemed like a bit of a nightmare. He does have some weird quirks during the thread though. People brought up valid criticisms like how the Caucasus are just ignored despite being a primary German objective, how the atom bomb is just not used for a decade, and the Nazis never developed their own because it's Jewish science and Calbear just ignores it. It always came across like because he was a mod, people weren't willing to really push on critique and Calbear wouldn't ever accept any regardless.

The ”Jewish science” idiocy was prevalent in some bits of the Nazi Party, but it's fair to say that not every Nazi was a devout believer in the Party's racial ideology and was willing to ignore the concept of Üntermenschen when it suited them. (eg the Ostlegionen, the Russian Liberation Army, the field marshal whose name escapes me but who had a Jewish grandfather).

It's not a stretch to say that one branch of the Party would have done a similar thing with regards to nukes and developed their own, and it's also not a stretch to say that the risk of Britain being carpet-nuked by nuclear armed V2's would have been a big enough deterrent to stop America ever considering a first strike.

The whole concept of Generalplan Ost being taken seriously also seems a bit out there given that, in most cases, the Nazis tried to insulate the ordinary German back home in the Reich from the horrors of the Holocaust and it's very hard to cover up the murders of 80 million people in the timescale the Nazis wanted to do it in. Not to mention that there wasn't that much outcry when Jews and communists were persecuted because there was already prejudice against those two groups in Germany, but it's a lot harder to justify persecuting and murdering fellow Christians to what, despite Hitler and the Gottlaubig movement's best attempts, was a Christian nation.

 

[DJ Grelle]

So about a possible general alt his autism and sperging, I've been thinking about making a thread because I haven't yet started a KF thread.
(@Saturnalia-1918 @Save the Loli @DDR Dagobert since you guys liked my last post)
I was thinking about a community watch with three major segments
a) Alt his sites like alternatehistory.com (mods and users)
b) Youtubers like Mr.Z (and their fanbase)
c) Misc. alt his maps and game mods
Any other suggestions or should I start working on a decent OP?

 

[JosephStalin]

His meltdown over the Discord server a few months ago suggests that his dox is out there. He'd probably go off on a spergy rant if someone posted it on Kiwifarms along with that picture of his with the shirt with the slavery joke. Ian's definitely a strange character given his political views and rigid enforcement of it, like because he thinks mass murder is bad this makes Israel the most evil country on the planet but also means you get banned for wanting to kill all Republicans. Or how he gets so offended at being called an antisemite presumably because the Nazis were antisemitic too and Nazis are pure evil.

The off-topic section is why the site is so hilarious because of all the commie troons and politispergs and that's where most people get kicked/banned. Unfortunately a lot of the "best" were banned a while back because of Ian's meltdown. You're right that the rest of the site only occasionally flares up with lolcow shit like people posting Soviet propaganda as fact or still being assmad over the Civil War and Reconstruction or abject weirdos like that one Indian guy obsessed with skin color and transhumanism.

There's a lot of crossover with the Paradox community and certain subreddits like r/alternatehistory so it might work.

Ian is an asshole, period. Has the thinnest skin of anyone I have ever seen running any sort of board. Everything is his and his mods' way or the highway. Ian's a frustrated social justice warrior who cannot even tolerate any discussion of, for example, Rhodesia, in any objective sense. Been on various boards over twenty years and have never seen as many people routinely banned or kicked as that board. Got banned years ago for trying to discuss a subject Ian didn't like in an objective manner. Waited a couple of years - can tell the board wasn't too important to me, got back on. Lasted three years or so until I got tired of his shit. Called him out as an prissy little asshole. Ian banned me again. LMAO He wouldn't last any time at all here or on any board he didn't own. Ian would be chewed up and spit out very quickly. Bite my crank, Ian.

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

Ian's a frustrated social justice warrior who cannot even tolerate any discussion of, for example, Rhodesia, in any objective sense.

Let me guess; discussing Rhodesia makes you an alt-right chud unless you explicitly say that it was an evil state and Mugabe did nothing wrong?

 

[Zbk3VmLfujjzjxBd43tL]

So about a possible general alt his autism and sperging, I've been thinking about making a thread because I haven't yet started a KF thread.
(@Saturnalia-1918 @Save the Loli @DDR Dagobert since you guys liked my last post)
I was thinking about a community watch with three major segments
a) Alt his sites like alternatehistory.com (mods and users)
b) Youtubers like Mr.Z (and their fanbase)
c) Misc. alt his maps and game mods
Any other suggestions or should I start working on a decent OP?

Paradox community has a lot of overlap but I guess that falls under "game mods" and maps.

Ian is an asshole, period. Has the thinnest skin of anyone I have ever seen running any sort of board. Everything is his and his mods' way or the highway. Ian's a frustrated social justice warrior who cannot even tolerate any discussion of, for example, Rhodesia, in any objective sense. Been on various boards over twenty years and have never seen as many people routinely banned or kicked as that board. Got banned years ago for trying to discuss a subject Ian didn't like in an objective manner. Waited a couple of years - can tell the board wasn't too important to me, got back on. Lasted three years or so until I got tired of his shit. Called him out as an prissy little asshole. Ian banned me again. LMAO He wouldn't last any time at all here or on any board he didn't own. Ian would be chewed up and spit out very quickly. Bite my crank, Ian.

The funny part is how Ian has always been considered "alt-right" or otherwise too tolerant because of the aforementioned kicking/banning people for Moviebob-esque "gas the Midwest/put the MAGA hats in camps" fantasies. The local troon population hates him too because he's a "transmedicalist" or some other sort of wrongthinker mostly based on ancient posts he made before troon worship became mandatory among the left. I saw one post saying that AH.com is like a bunch of Republicans compared to two other sites with an overlap in userbase SpaceBattles or Sufficient Velocity (the latter IIRC is like ResetEra-tier bad, AH.com is probably like a half-step below).

It is always funny how you can check an old-ass thread and notice how 60-70% of the users who posted are now banned.

 

[JosephStalin]

Let me guess; discussing Rhodesia makes you an alt-right chud unless you explicitly say that it was an evil state and Mugabe did nothing wrong?

Precisely. You have to walk on eggs on that board, period. He REALLY didn't like to hear Rhodesia was a well-run country, nobody starved, economy was very good, especially before sanctions. All these are facts. Have a ton of leftists on the board. That's okay but Ian seems to cater to them. His board, his rules. Frankly, if Ian was even a tenth as tolerant as Null is here that board would be vastly better. Believe the quality overall would be improved. Just because you may not agree with what someone writes doesn't mean it isn't a good piece of writing.

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

You have to walk on eggs on that board, period.

I used to post there and got banned for... well, I'm honestly unsure. All I know is that Calbear had a hand in it.

As for Rhodesia, while it had, to put it mildly, problems with institutional racism, it was nowhere near as bad as South Africa and declaring that mentioning Rhodesia in any positive context makes you a white supremacist is an abuse of history.

 

[John Merston]

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

View attachment 1890779

> implying commies are good for the environment

The thing about being an authoritarian government is that you don't have to listen to people like Greta Thunberg because you just throw them in a concentration camp.

 

[SheerHeartAttack]

View attachment 1890779

Climate change? You mean the thing that was supposed to end the world in 10 years for the past 40 years? Why are leftoids so obsessed with climate change to the point they're willing to overthrow the government, communist governments were and still are horrible for the environment (see: The Aral Sea, Chinese smog).

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

Why are leftoids so obsessed with climate change to the point they're willing to overthrow the government, communist governments were and still are horrible for the environment (see: The Aral Sea, Chinese smog).

As an actual environmentalist, socialists have a nasty habit of latching onto causes that most people agree with and using them to work for socialism.

Most people would agree with the concept that police brutality is bad, but BLM and the Breathe Act made that movement known for being run by socialists. It's the same with environmentalism - watermelons are the most prominent environmental activists so obviously people associate environmentalism with stuff like the Green New Deal.

 

[BScCollateral]

...communist governments were and still are horrible for the environment...

One of the funniest things I ever saw on PBS was some sort of college student environmental summit. Some German dipshit explains how socialist governments are better for the environment, and then they're outside using Geiger counters to assess the impact of the Chernobyl event.

 

[The End!]

Spoiler: Ian the Admin

Spoiler: Source

Found the source from his forum, in page 454 of the 19th map thread, and its still there after all this time. The Morse code appears to be a bit sloppy, perhaps on purpose. The photo is likely real, as this Morse code was edited out from the original post by a mod, but all subsequent quotes of the post, like this one, remain unedited. I'm thinking that it might just be due to the limitations of Xenforo, I don't really know. Not even sure if the link for this photo in the post is still up.

Archive today breaks the quotes.

 

[Dom Cruise]

One of the funniest things I ever saw on PBS was some sort of college student environmental summit. Some German dipshit explains how socialist governments are better for the environment, and then they're outside using Geiger counters to assess the impact of the Chernobyl event.

Also on Vice's HBO show, back when Vice actually put put good content (hard to believe, I know) they had a segment where they traveled to some former Soviet Block country (Kazakhstan maybe?) that was downwind from many nuclear tests and they actually have a museum full of mutant fetuses and babies preserved in jars created thanks to all the radioactive fallout.

Those mutants were some of the most horrifying things I've ever seen, worse than any fictional idea of a "mutant"

So yeah, socialism is just great for the environment!

 

[BScCollateral]

So yeah, socialism is just great for the environment!

The last serious industrial use of whale oil was lubricating turbines; with the development of canola oil that was obsolete by the 1960s.

I've heard it alleged the Soviets continued whaling after that, literally killing the whales, towing the carcasses back to land, and letting them rot. That's probably my favorite.

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

Spoiler: Could it really be him? The leftist?

View attachment 1892453

He does look like a stereotypical soyboy so...

 

[draggs]

Shitty alternate history? I can just pick up one of my Harry Turtledove books!

My favorite shitty internet AH fantasies are the ones where Paul von Lettow-Vorbeck magically creates an unstoppable army of blacks to BTFO the Allies in WW1 and creates a hegemonic African German Empire, or he comes home a hero, becomes Hitler's rival for power, and of course wins and rules Germany as fantasy Kaiser husbando.