>be me
>assignment on Calder II comes to an end
>Starfleet is pleased
>I traveled across the galaxy and got sand in my ass to please Starfleet
>2LT Love Slave becomes 1LT Love Slave and gets a staff position in some special recon unit
>1SG moves up to SGTMAJ with battalion HQ
>old CO from when I was E-5 promoted to CPT and becomes company commander
>I get promoted to E-7
>kinda cool to work with old CO again
>unit sent to Qualor II
>we're basically there to keep a presence and help the Zakdorn run Surplus Depot Z15
>it's a junkyard
>informed by CPT that it's "a very important junkyard"
>new 2LTs coming in still wet behind the ears and new NCOs need more training but what else is new?
>being a Gunny rules, I get to help CO plan operations
>only problem is new company 1SG
>Zakdorn assigned to be 1SG because the Zakdorn insisted there be a "strategic mind" at the company NCO level for some stupid fucking reason
>Starfleet says okay, sounds cool
>the dude looks like Baron Harkonnen
>constantly fucking eating, must have gotten some sort of cultural accommodation waiver because there was no fucking way this dude did PT in his life
>1SG Harkonnen doesn't get his security clearances in order before deploying, needs someone else to access pretty much any record or enter any ops center
>got angry he was never involved in operations, CPT tries to be diplomatic, explains his job is discipline, morale, and professional development of NCOs
>1SG Harkonnen constantly challenges me to Strategema
>I always decline because fuck this dude
>one day his nagging gets the best of me and I say fine, I'll play you, let's do it bitch
>1SG Harkonnen goes around bragging about how he's going to win
>I decide to go around playing it up like a goddamn carnie
>a betting pool forms, fanclubs emerge, the match gets hyped up like crazy because there's fuck all to do in a very important junkyard
>day of the match comes, people gather round like a schoolyard fight
>put those retarded finger-things on
>spend the entire match controlling one section of panels so this idiot can never fully win because this game is fucking stupid and easily cheesed
>1SG Harkonnen eventually gets pissed, starts screaming at me about cheating, not playing the game right
>pieces of food fly out of his huge mouth onto the table
>while he's on tilt, I break out and beat him
>dude has an existential crisis, how could I lose to this human, what have I been doing with my life, wah wah wah
>goes into a major depression and has to be replaced
>that replacement becomes me
>end up doing two jobs, more paperwork than I ever wanted in my fucking life
Hoisted by my own petard