The Ethan Ralph Report by Michael Alberto - The Catboi Furrer has comissioned Michael Alberto to compile a report on Ethan Ralph. The autists and archivists of Kiwi Farms are the most capable of providing the necessary information.

  • 🔧 At about Midnight EST I am going to completely fuck up the site trying to fix something.
Farglemark said:
How can you not see how funny it would be to force Ralph to stand behind a hit piece that mocks him? Or the inevitable war it would create if it was done? If there's a chance at that it's worth it.
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The war is inevitable, though. It has been generally understood to be inevitable here ever since Ralph went on Cozy. If that is the reason this is being done, seems perilously close to gay trolling plans possibly with a side of getting angry over Ralph to me. More importantly, see these two posters who put it quite well:
ConSluttant said:
In this vein, I cannot think of anything more gay and lame than being excited for a "report" on someone being authorized by Fuentes. I mean, really? You need permission to do a report on someone? Such faggotry should be mocked endlessly on this site as much as we laughed at Ralph getting his ass kicked in two seconds in Portugal.

Kill yourself for bringing this here to "participate" in. Shamefur dispray.
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TyrasGuard said:
Ralph is probably the only person aside from Chris Chan i can think of that has walked back on everything they once stood for EXCEPT for hating Kiwifarms.

Thankfully, it's not my job to please the catdaddy otherwise i'd have to spend a weekend fishing for tweets.

"He has authorized me", they are trying to sound like they are professionals but it comes out as the time i was 9 and i had to ask my dad to sign my permission to go visit the farm with my class.
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Perhaps Ethan is a worse person than Nick (although Nick has like 15 years to catch up and has never been an intimate relationship unless you count Catboy Kami and that's where the Gunt really shines) but Nick, Alberto, and the Groypers as a whole are far, far more cringe than Ralph. Cringe is like leprosy and is transitive. Participating in some gay and pretentious "report authorized by Nick Fuentes", even ironically, is even more cringe than ironic Gunt-guarding.
Pit Viper Salesman said:
It's just useful to have his provable rap sheet in one place with the added bonus of adding a bit of satire while doing it.
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There have been various attempts to put all this stuff together and I support doing that, although most of those fizzled, but if doing that involves validating the cringe in the OP, then meh.
 
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Haru Okumura said:
Actively associating with and, in some cases, outright working with known pedophiles. I'll edit in proof images once the site is more stable.
-Vito Gesualdi got in a heated discussion about "non-offending" pedophiles and slipped up and referred to such individuals with the pronoun "we", thus outing himself as a pedophile
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not only that, he then doubled down, emphatically. but i've always found this to be far more compelling:

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i know this is a thread about the ragepig, but this is worth considering. null ended his relationship with dax because of dax's affiliation with self-proclaimed pedophiles such as vito, as well as digibro and meigh, who were a couple at the time. ralph was insignificant in the matter, but the corn harvest had begun, and ralph took the opportunity to spite null. now, he platforms vito, he considers dax his best friend, and he's playing family with his never-bride meigh.

that's what he does. he insinuates himself, exaggerates the significance of his involvement, then believes his own bullshit. and woe unto those who don't do the same. a movie reference from null? an "eww" face from rekieta? a couple of subtle genital comparisons from metokur? well, null becomes a pedophile with erectile dysfunction, nick becomes the father of retarded children and a conniving fraud who ought to be disbarred, and metokur becomes a pseudonymous hypocondriac awaiting an excruciating death while his obese asian wife serves him dog stirfry.

the ragepig is notoriously thin-skinned and small-minded. he is simply incapable of emotional regulation. he doesn't do the things that he does to feel better, he does it to feel less miserable. the gluttony, the alcohol, the drugs, the lying, the gambling, the speeding, the vacations, the whores, the insults, the feuds, and the sheer rage ... none of it is honest. it's braggadocio to protect the little boy that no one ever loved enough.
 
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Aside from the pure utility of having a full and accurate list of Ralph’s shitty behavior, I think some people are missing the inherent funny here. After everything Ralph has done to fuck with Cozy, Nick is either using this to shit test Ralph and make him sit there and take the public humiliation of having to co-sign a report of everything people shit on him about or will use it to cut Ralph loose from Cozy.

If it’s the first, then Ralph would have to sit there and eat shit while they literally read a kiwi farms thread at him and make him agree with it. If it’s the second, Nick using KF as his reason to cut Ralph loose is a hilarious kick in the balls.
 
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Ralph regularly drives drunk and dangerously. He has seriously harmed other drivers, and put his own pregnant girlfriend in harms way in order to break-check a truck driver who he thought was taking too long during an overtake.
 
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Spergichu said:
God, do any of you faggots have even a little bit of agency in your own life? "My catboy daddy gave me permission to make fun of Ralph." Jesus Christ that's pathetic. Grow a fucking spine and do what you want online.
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Of course they have agency in their cult controlled lives. When and if Nick says they do.
 
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The best part of any Ralph falling out is when he immediately starts parroting things people say on the forum. He's probably already rooting through Nick's thread to build up shit to say. The minute he's booted to the next shithole website it'll be nothing but, "Nick Fuentes is gay and fucks catboys, Ah wouldn't do that! He's also uh Mexican! Fuck Mexico! Ah happen to know quite a lot about Mexico *grunt* if ah do say so muhself... for reasons I won't disclose..."
 
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I mean Ralph loved sticking the micro memphis in Alice's mouth while she was snoozin' so he was giving her the down under southern surprise. He did say that God punished Nick's mom when she was suffering cancer, and did tell his Mom to eat a cock or hitchhike to her dialysis appointment. Now the Ralphamale is in Mexico, so he can ride on the back of Juan's truck to his dilation appointment.

There's just so much Ralphamale lore, it's hilarious. You can hear fucking cartoon train whistles happening from south of the border now with him knowing KF is back up. Isn't he supposed to be fighting Warski soon anyways? Ralphamania hoggin' wild on you?
 
AltisticRight said:
- Societal menace, he drives like scum and puts innocent lives at risk.
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Here here! Shame on me for not remembering that! Is that one stream where he raced home to make his infamous appearance on the Chrissie Mayr show still up where he says he was drunk "BUT NAWT *DRUNK* DRUNK!"?
AltisticRight said:
- Christian behaviour, being the deadest of deadbeat fathers on the sektur, a bigger deadbeat than BigTech.
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I thought Bigtech was just an abusive POS. Is he a deadbeat too?
 
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Don'tAnalizeMeBro! said:
Here here! Shame on me for not remembering that! Is that one stream where he raced home to make his infamous appearance on the Chrissie Mayr show still up where he says he was drunk "BUT NAWT *DRUNK* DRUNK!"?

I thought Bigtech was just an abusive POS. Is he a deadbeat too?
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Not officially, I doubt. He doesn't have custody. He hasn't been allowed to see his daughter since his conviction. Very unusual decision in family court in some ways.
 
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TyrasGuard said:
Ralph is probably the only person aside from Chris Chan i can think of that has walked back on everything they once stood for EXCEPT for hating Kiwifarms.
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Ralph has even walked that back before if you've been around for the Zidan days of the killstream. Ralph initially was slightly annoyed by the farms but had a sort of feigned indifference to it. He created an account here to dispute something once and stuck around for a while. He then turned to praising Null and kiwi farms to possibly get some favor among the userbase and pander to him.

Ralph started to break from this notion after Gator convinced him that the Ralph Retort Forums was a bad idea and he shouldn't trust Null to host a forum for him. Then we get the corn joke and arrive here.

So technically Ralph has even walked back his opinion of the farms about 3 times now.
 
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So what's the deal, does this have any promise?
Or am I right to expect a session of Ralph dicksucking and guntguarding while conveniently skipping over / justifying his tremendous fuckups over the years
 
zyclonPD said:
Ralph has even walked that back before if you've been around for the Zidan days of the killstream. Ralph initially was slightly annoyed by the farms but had a sort of feigned indifference to it. He created an account here to dispute something once and stuck around for a while. He then turned to praising Null and kiwi farms to possibly get some favor among the userbase and pander to him.

Ralph started to break from this notion after Gator convinced him that the Ralph Retort Forums was a bad idea and he shouldn't trust Null to host a forum for him. Then we get the corn joke and arrive here.

So technically Ralph has even walked back his opinion of the farms about 3 times now.
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All because of a corn joke and now we’re here, a broken Gunt with severe brain trauma and more rage than ever before
 
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