The Ethan Ralph Report by Michael Alberto - The Catboi Furrer has comissioned Michael Alberto to compile a report on Ethan Ralph. The autists and archivists of Kiwi Farms are the most capable of providing the necessary information.

  • 🔧 At about Midnight EST I am going to completely fuck up the site trying to fix something.
When a person has THIS much of a rap sheet, you would know you're dealing with a person who's a piece of shit. He is the epitome of an abusive person, one who blames everyone else for his own problems, is incredibly childish, vindictive even to the most mild of slights, has revenge fantasies and will do anything in his power to ruin people's lives.

What's fortunate is that he is both ugly inside and out, which means he would be easy to stick out from the crowd. What is also fortunate is that mockery is his biggest weakness as everyone who mocks him suddenly has great things happen whereas people who guntguard ralph see their careers destroyed. Example would be Andy Racewarski finally making his big break in boxing and Nick fuentes who now has Cozy.TV in shambles. Sure, Andy Warski got his ass kicked in the first boxing match round, but at least he made it into a match. Nick's streaming service has already gotten a bad rap due to Ralph's sperging.

Ralph is an epitome of trailer trash.
 
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The problem with this whole thing is for Nick to have an issue with any of the terrible behavior of Ralph, he'd need to set a standard for what is acceptable. Nick doesn't have standards, which is why he's happy to have a fat alcoholic sex offender waddling around his events.
That'll be Nick's response to this whole thing: he'll pretend it's not important enough to bother with. He'll ignore all the horrible things Ralph does and has done. Because to him it's all acceptable. Nothing is the matter. Ralph doesn't give a fuck about his long term wellbeing and that appeals to Nick because he's too stupid to run a political movement properly.

Here's the shortened version of the Alberto report: why do people not like Ralph? Because he's a piece of shit in ever possible way and association with him is a death sentence. I
 
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Nick should view it like this since he is unable to think like a human, Nick the reason why you have a sub forum on this website is because of your association with Ralph. The reasons why your gayescapades, mannerisms & your breakups with other America First members are well know is because of your association to Ethan Ralph. Ethan Ralph might suck on your toes but he'll still shit on your carpet.
 
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TyrasGuard said:
Ralph is probably the only person aside from Chris Chan i can think of that has walked back on everything they once stood for EXCEPT for hating Kiwifarms.
Click to expand...
Ralph used to love KiwiFarms and it's still his most visited website next to Twitter. Josh was a guest on the KillStream almost every day for a while and @theralph is his verified account here. There is no conviction Ralph holds that he wouldn't completely walk back if it was convenient for him at the time.
 
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DisheveledHuman said:
Ralph is a faggot who lost his edge now he just cries about life. It is fucking sad. Remember when he tried to sell people on the fact faith vickers was some sort of high end catch like bro... just stop.
Click to expand...
I mean, she is sandwiched between Ade (fat, filter-abusing, poorly aging pickme) and Meigh (🐎) so everything is relative.
 
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Michael Alberto has the appearance and mental faculties of a 1980s AIDS patient so I doubt he is capable of producing anything that is evenly moderately entertaining.

What is funny about Ralph is the same reason he is hated: Ralph is the Alpha and the Omega of white trash. White trash comes in a bunch of different varieties: wigger, deadbeat dad, fake Christian, chronic cheater, substance abuser, petty criminal, domestic violence participant, ragetard that literally turns red from anger, etc. Your average white trash person fits a handful of these descriptions. Ralph though fits every description of white trash I have ever heard, down to even petty shit like using paper plates for an indoor dinner.

Everything Ralph does is hilariously classless and stupid. If you need an anemic rentboy to "report" that to you, you are just hopeless.
 
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"[sic]being fat isn't a reason to hate someone"

I'd like to present into evidence, well evidence that it's nawt true. Looking at this fat, disgusting flab of flesh will make anyone despise it.

The First Gunt

Taken in Knoxville Tennessee after Tonka refused to show up to his fight with Warski. Ralph tried picking fights with people, and even kicked Warski during a pushup contest he was clearly losing. This single picture started the downfall of Ethan Ralph. Picture from Left to right is: Some random fan no one's ever been able to ID, Dick Masterson, The Gunt, Ethan Ralph, CoachRedPill.
guntie.jpg


The Second Gunt

The most horrifying gunt in the series. This is the censored version, but every single one of us Kiwis have to live with this on our minds.. This one came with the sex tape where Ralph released revenge porn of his barely legal teenage girlfriend. She rode that Gunt reverse cowgirl while it jiggled violently around. We also saw a thumb enter said teenage girl's asshole, which was promptly ripped out and licked. This was taken to court where Ralph was forced to plead "No contest", which is basically "I'm guilty, but luckily the state doesn't want to deal with the costs of putting me in jail."
guntie.gif


The Third Gunt

We got this after Ralph broke up with his teenage girlfriend and started dating his pedo horse girlfriend. He went to pick up her shit in a house full of trannies at 2am. They left her shit out on the lawn as the law legally required and Ralph picked a fight (literally). We saw Riley (Dick Masterson's producer) sumo wrestle as they both tried to become top gunt. In the end, Ralph still lost despite starting the fight.
gunt2.png


The Fourth Gunt

In order to spite Andy Warski and PPP's success with Kino Casino, Ralph lifted his shirt and beat his gunty as a gorrilla beats its chest. This backfired as we saw how he's so fucking fat that he has quadtits.
gunt6.jpg


The Fifth Gunt

After a short Hiatus, Ralph's gunt returned to it's full time, floppy glory. After getting his ass kicked in the streets of Portugal during his first trip in order to spite Andy Warski (Ralph succeeded at this by having an epic foreign vacation where he got to enjoy Burger King and sat in the hotel watching American sportsball). At some point, he got in a fight and lost.
Afterward, he decided to spite all his haters again and go to Portugal again. Another person in the sector named Cog (who Ralph has harassed his family in the past) decided to track him down and confront him on it. When Cog was right around the corner, he told his stream he wasn't going to attack Ralph. Luckily, like at the troon house, Ralph started the fight, and Dan the Man immediately ended the fight.

gunt4.jpg



This is just a sample of the fat we have to burden ourselves with. We see it more than this, but these are all the big events.
I feel so defiled. My body and mind are temples to God. The thought of Ralph's gunt defiles this sacred ground.
 
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Gina Gillotti said:
If you aren't him, you're acting like it, and I've been misinformed, jury's still out then IMO, but most of my questions still stand. You appear to be taking seriously a zoomer who takes Nick Fuentes seriously to try to score some kind of W on the Gunt...cringe to the third power at this point. So my question remains: the fuck?
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Wow what a buzzkill. In case you are new here - this is the Ralph board. We cover stuff that happens in Ethan Ralph's online adventures. Nick Fuentes is a close associate of Ralph, and the host of his primary streaming platform. Michael Alberto is a confidant of Nick's who has been tasked with documenting Ralph's misdeeds and feuds in order to help Nick better understand why Ralph seems to be at war with half the internet.

Whatever you think of Ralph, Nick or Alberto, this is exactly the sort of funny e-drama that we cover and make threads for on this board. Ultimately the board has two main purposes - to document Ralph's shit, and to laugh about it. Alberto will want to make use of our resources and we will want to laugh at the consequences.

So lighten up bro. 🙄
 
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Cucktry Roads said:
"[sic]being fat isn't a reason to hate someone"

I'd like to present into evidence, well evidence that it's nawt true. Looking at this fat, disgusting flab of flesh will make anyone despise it.

The First Gunt

Taken in Knoxville Tennessee after Tonka refused to show up to his fight. Ralph tried picking fights with people, and even kicked warski during a pushup contest he was clearly losing. This single picture started the downfall of Ethan Ralph. Picture from Left to right is: Some random fan no one's ever been able to ID, Dick Masterson, The Gunt, Ethan Ralph, CoachRedPill.
View attachment 3701741

The Second Gunt

The most horrifying gunt in the series. This is the censored version, but every single one of us Kiwis have to live with this on our minds.. This one came with the sex tape where Ralph released revenge porn of his barely legal teenage girlfriend. She rode that Gunt reverse cowgirl while it jiggled violently around. We also saw a thumb enter said teenage girl's asshole, which was promptly ripped out and licked. This was taken to court where Ralph was forced to plead "No contest", which is basically "I'm guilty, but luckily the state doesn't want to deal with the costs of putting me in jail."
View attachment 3701752

The Third Gunt

We got this after Ralph broke up with his teenage girlfriend and started dating his pedo horse girlfriend. He went to get pick up her shit in a house full of trannies at 2am. They left her shit out on the lawn as the law legally required and Ralph picked a fight (literally) We saw Riley (Dick Masterson's producer) suomo wrestle as they both tried to become top gunt. In the end, Ralph still lost despite starting the fight.
View attachment 3701761

The Fourth Gunt

In order to spite Andy Warski and PPP, Ralph lifted his shirt and beat his gunty as a gorrilla beats its chest. This backfired as we saw how he's so fucking fat that he has quadtits.
View attachment 3701791

The Fifth Gunt

After a long Hiatus, Ralph's gunt returned to it's full time, floppy glory this year. After getting his ass kicked in the streets of Portugal during his first trip in order to spite Andy Warski (Ralph succeeded at this by having an epic foreign vacation where he got to enjoy Burger King and sat in the hotel watching American sportsball). At some point, he got in a fight in lost.
Afterward, he decided to spite all his haters again and go to Portugal again. Another person in the sector named Cog (who Ralph has harassed his family in the past) decided to track him down and confront him on it. When Cog was right around the corner, he told his stream he wasn't going to attack Ralph. Luckily, like at the troon house, Ralph started the fight, and Dan the Man immediately ended the fight.

View attachment 3701780


This is just a sample of the fat we have to burden ourselves with. We see it more than this, but these are all the big events.
I feel so defiled. My body and mind are temples to God. The thought of Ralph's gunt defiles this sacred ground.
Click to expand...
Incredible scientific research and documentation of the Gunt phenomena. Here are some additional pictures of The Fifth Gunt that show more of its bifurcated, non-Euclidean form, as well as my own scientific findings.

The Gunt Crease actually originates at the navel because the female Ralph eats the umbilical cord of its child like a dog:
gunt.PNG

Also fascinating, the Gunt's twin sacs allow the Ralphamale to store surplus alcohol to ensure continued intoxication even during the three to four hours a day in which he isn't actively drinking:
gunt2.jpg
 
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Cucktry Roads said:
"[sic]being fat isn't a reason to hate someone"

I'd like to present into evidence, well evidence that it's nawt true. Looking at this fat, disgusting flab of flesh will make anyone despise it.

The First Gunt

Taken in Knoxville Tennessee after Tonka refused to show up to his fight. Ralph tried picking fights with people, and even kicked warski during a pushup contest he was clearly losing. This single picture started the downfall of Ethan Ralph. Picture from Left to right is: Some random fan no one's ever been able to ID, Dick Masterson, The Gunt, Ethan Ralph, CoachRedPill.
View attachment 3701741

The Second Gunt

The most horrifying gunt in the series. This is the censored version, but every single one of us Kiwis have to live with this on our minds.. This one came with the sex tape where Ralph released revenge porn of his barely legal teenage girlfriend. She rode that Gunt reverse cowgirl while it jiggled violently around. We also saw a thumb enter said teenage girl's asshole, which was promptly ripped out and licked. This was taken to court where Ralph was forced to plead "No contest", which is basically "I'm guilty, but luckily the state doesn't want to deal with the costs of putting me in jail."
View attachment 3701752

The Third Gunt

We got this after Ralph broke up with his teenage girlfriend and started dating his pedo horse girlfriend. He went to pick up her shit in a house full of trannies at 2am. They left her shit out on the lawn as the law legally required and Ralph picked a fight (literally) We saw Riley (Dick Masterson's producer) suomo wrestle as they both tried to become top gunt. In the end, Ralph still lost despite starting the fight.
View attachment 3701761

The Fourth Gunt

In order to spite Andy Warski and PPP's success with Kino Casino, Ralph lifted his shirt and beat his gunty as a gorrilla beats its chest. This backfired as we saw how he's so fucking fat that he has quadtits.
View attachment 3701791

The Fifth Gunt

After a short Hiatus, Ralph's gunt returned to it's full time, floppy glory. After getting his ass kicked in the streets of Portugal during his first trip in order to spite Andy Warski (Ralph succeeded at this by having an epic foreign vacation where he got to enjoy Burger King and sat in the hotel watching American sportsball). At some point, he got in a fight in lost.
Afterward, he decided to spite all his haters again and go to Portugal again. Another person in the sector named Cog (who Ralph has harassed his family in the past) decided to track him down and confront him on it. When Cog was right around the corner, he told his stream he wasn't going to attack Ralph. Luckily, like at the troon house, Ralph started the fight, and Dan the Man immediately ended the fight.

View attachment 3701780


This is just a sample of the fat we have to burden ourselves with. We see it more than this, but these are all the big events.
I feel so defiled. My body and mind are temples to God. The thought of Ralph's gunt defiles this sacred ground.
Click to expand...
Thankfully Ralph doesn't just rest on his laurels as another pretty Gunt. He's got a lot of other reasons people dislike him!
 
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