- Joined
- Apr 7, 2019
You mean an hero.
The New Kiwi Rangers: The Next Generation - Chapters 53/69 complete.
- Thread starter Napoleon Bonerfart
- Start date
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2018
Chapter 6: Romancing the Diaper
As Swordfigther and Angel Baby walked toward her house, she said "It's a good thing you guys crashed where you did because you almost destroyed my special weed crops. I've been working on a special strain that makes you smarter rather than dumber, and it's nearly ready for experimentation."
"Wow", Swordfigter said, "What does it do to your ability to create new OCs?"
"What the fuck kind of gay shit are you talking about" she replied. "Anyway, hurry the fuck up and tell me why you're here, there's a marathon of classic General Hospital, and I gotta get my John Stamos fix."
Trying to think of the best way to explain the situation, Swordfighter took out his trusty pocket comb and nervously began combing his mustache.
"Woah" exclaimed Angel Baby Firefly, "That comb looks just like the one I've seen in my dreams!"
"Really!? What else have you seen in these dreams?" Ask Sword.
"Well, it's mostly hazy, but I see a man trapped in some kind of super secret prison with the word "paedophile" written over his forehead in green marker being forced to watch episodes of "Thomas the Tank Engine" with a strange contraption attached to his head. I'm not sure, but I think the contraption is being used to siphon his energy off to some kind of machine"
"OF COURSE" Swordfighter shouted, "That's how Vordrak is making these creatures: concentrated weaponized autism! He's using Null as some kind of energy plant!"
"OK," said ABS, "Enough of these riddles, tell me now what's going on!"
"What's going on is you've been given a gift! The ability to see shitposts before they happen! That's why I'm here we need you on our shitposting team to help us save our dear leader from a fate worse than death: creating an army of gross OCs for a degenerate British faggot who is trying to turn the whole world autistic!"
Before he could get out another word, there was a bright flash of light and the two were surrounded by OCs"
"Holy shit, you weren't kidding", said ABF. "What do we do?!"
"WE FIGHT!" Said Swordfighter as he took a hella gay pose and brandished his pocket comb furiously.
As Swordfigther and Angel Baby walked toward her house, she said "It's a good thing you guys crashed where you did because you almost destroyed my special weed crops. I've been working on a special strain that makes you smarter rather than dumber, and it's nearly ready for experimentation."
"Wow", Swordfigter said, "What does it do to your ability to create new OCs?"
"What the fuck kind of gay shit are you talking about" she replied. "Anyway, hurry the fuck up and tell me why you're here, there's a marathon of classic General Hospital, and I gotta get my John Stamos fix."
Trying to think of the best way to explain the situation, Swordfighter took out his trusty pocket comb and nervously began combing his mustache.
"Woah" exclaimed Angel Baby Firefly, "That comb looks just like the one I've seen in my dreams!"
"Really!? What else have you seen in these dreams?" Ask Sword.
"Well, it's mostly hazy, but I see a man trapped in some kind of super secret prison with the word "paedophile" written over his forehead in green marker being forced to watch episodes of "Thomas the Tank Engine" with a strange contraption attached to his head. I'm not sure, but I think the contraption is being used to siphon his energy off to some kind of machine"
"OF COURSE" Swordfighter shouted, "That's how Vordrak is making these creatures: concentrated weaponized autism! He's using Null as some kind of energy plant!"
"OK," said ABS, "Enough of these riddles, tell me now what's going on!"
"What's going on is you've been given a gift! The ability to see shitposts before they happen! That's why I'm here we need you on our shitposting team to help us save our dear leader from a fate worse than death: creating an army of gross OCs for a degenerate British faggot who is trying to turn the whole world autistic!"
Before he could get out another word, there was a bright flash of light and the two were surrounded by OCs"
"Holy shit, you weren't kidding", said ABF. "What do we do?!"
"WE FIGHT!" Said Swordfighter as he took a hella gay pose and brandished his pocket comb furiously.
- Joined
- Feb 4, 2018
- Joined
- Aug 13, 2018
Chapter 7: Chapter 6 part 2: The Limits of Combat
"Kiwi Kombat Roll! Ultra Spin!"
ABF began rolling in place. Her girth peeling out the ground bemeath her. She shot off like a faster version of Violet Bouregard being moved by Oompa Loompas. A trail of dust settled behind her. She steamrolls the OCs. They explode and shoot globs of ectoplasm and semen onto Firefly's port side.
Firefly revs up again. Excess ectoplasm and spooge shook off of her and flew in all directions. Swordfighter and Rio get splashed. Firefly stops spinning makes a faggy pose.
Rio was astonished with Firefly's fighting skills. "You sure took care of those jizz monsters!" exclaimed an excited rio.
Firefly wiped some ectoplasm and spooge off of her lip with the back of her hand. "Heh!" Firefly said, "I eat jizz monsters for breakfast."
A giant echidna kicks Firefly. She goes rolling across a field. An irate Firefly shouts "You motherfuckerssssssss!" as she rolls off into the distance. The giant echidna stomped. Swordfighter jumped to dodge its foot. It punched the ground. A shockwave of dirt and clay throws everyone off balance.
Rio lands dick-first. "Oh god my fucking dick! I mean i was going to cut it off anyway but holy fuck ouch!"
Swordfighter's pocket comb spins and slides along the ground, just out of reach. Swordfighter reaches to grab his comb. The giant echidna foot came down on his comb. Another shockwave sends Swordfighter 50 feet into the air. "Brace for Impact!" Swordfighter shouts to nobody as he falls back to the earth.
Firefly comes rolling back. "Hey guys I'm here to help agai- motherfucker!"
Swordfighter lands on Firefly. He bounces off of her, flying towards the giant echidna. Sword fighter flies by the echidna's dreadlocks. He grabs on to a dreadlock and uses it as a swing to land on the snout of the giant echidna. Annoyed, the echidna begins swatting at its own snout. Sword fighter struggled to avoid the swats.
"Swordfighter take this!" Rio shouted. He threw a codpiece towards Swordfighter. Swordfighter catches it and attaches it to his groin. "Kiwi Ranger Codpiece Laser Assault! Infinite Spectrum!" he shouts. Hundreds of Laserbeams fire in all directions out of Swordfighter's groin. Two of the laserbeams blind the echidna with direct shots to the eyeballs.
Blinded and leaking ectoplasm and semen out of its burned eyeballs, the echidna moans and shakes. Swordfighter falls off and lands on Firefly.
"Goddammit!" Firefly shouts.
The moaning echidna stops stomping. The shockwave settls. The echidna assumes a faggoty squatting position. Growling, it powers up. Two giant dicks grow from the echidna's nipples. A thick, brown, acidic substance begins squirting out of the dicks. Small holes burn into the ground the as substance lands.
"We can't get close enough to the acid!" Shouted Firefly. "My weed crops will be ruined!" Firefly closed hey eyes. She couldnt bear to see her precious weed destroyed. She prepared for the worst.
......
"What is this trouble all aboot?" a heroic voice shouted from the distance. Across the sky, faster than a speeding Moose. More Powerful than the Toronto Maple Leafs. Is it a squirrel? Is it a plane? Whoosh.
Its... @jenffer a jay, Canada's most beautiful and powerful woman. Jennfer flys into the battle.
"Hi guys I just finished saving Canada and the world from the Libtards. No biggie. Anyway I came to help."
Jennffer makes a non-faggy pose; a power only available Canada's most beautiful and strongest woman, across all canons and AU's and timelines and in real life.
"Maple Spirit HRT! Supersized!"
Jenffer grows as big as the giant echidna. The echidna grows 2 more dicks in its burnt eyeholes. Their peeholes open and two eyes are revealed. The monster can see again. It charges towards Jennfer.
"Oh buttertarts! I better stop it!"
As the echidna charges, Jenffer grabs it by its two face dicks and swings it around like an olympic hammer thrower. She lets go on the third swing. The echidna goes flying halfway across the globe. It lands in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, still alive and dangerous. Nobody gave a shit about the third world.
Jenffer brushed some dirt off of her shoulder. "Well Golly Total Recall 2070, you sure got yourself in a pickle. Glad I could help. Listen I gotta get back to Canada snd save a kitty from a troon. Keep it up, maybe one day you will defeat something. I believe in you. Bye!"
Jenffer flew away. Everyone was in awe of how terrific Canada's most beautiful and powerful woman truely was.
"Gee that was close" Firefly said.
"We must train to become stronger and defeat dick nipple echidnas" sad Swordfighter.
"Right!" shouted Rio "For Justice! For Nool!" Rio made a faggy pose.
Sword Fighter followed with his own fag pose. "For dick nipples!"
Firefly made the faggiest pose of the 3. "For weed!".
All 3 shouted "We are the Kiwi Rangers and the Ranger sister, Rio! We will fighting! We will victoriousing!"
"Kiwi Kombat Roll! Ultra Spin!"
ABF began rolling in place. Her girth peeling out the ground bemeath her. She shot off like a faster version of Violet Bouregard being moved by Oompa Loompas. A trail of dust settled behind her. She steamrolls the OCs. They explode and shoot globs of ectoplasm and semen onto Firefly's port side.
Firefly revs up again. Excess ectoplasm and spooge shook off of her and flew in all directions. Swordfighter and Rio get splashed. Firefly stops spinning makes a faggy pose.
Rio was astonished with Firefly's fighting skills. "You sure took care of those jizz monsters!" exclaimed an excited rio.
Firefly wiped some ectoplasm and spooge off of her lip with the back of her hand. "Heh!" Firefly said, "I eat jizz monsters for breakfast."
A giant echidna kicks Firefly. She goes rolling across a field. An irate Firefly shouts "You motherfuckerssssssss!" as she rolls off into the distance. The giant echidna stomped. Swordfighter jumped to dodge its foot. It punched the ground. A shockwave of dirt and clay throws everyone off balance.
Rio lands dick-first. "Oh god my fucking dick! I mean i was going to cut it off anyway but holy fuck ouch!"
Swordfighter's pocket comb spins and slides along the ground, just out of reach. Swordfighter reaches to grab his comb. The giant echidna foot came down on his comb. Another shockwave sends Swordfighter 50 feet into the air. "Brace for Impact!" Swordfighter shouts to nobody as he falls back to the earth.
Firefly comes rolling back. "Hey guys I'm here to help agai- motherfucker!"
Swordfighter lands on Firefly. He bounces off of her, flying towards the giant echidna. Sword fighter flies by the echidna's dreadlocks. He grabs on to a dreadlock and uses it as a swing to land on the snout of the giant echidna. Annoyed, the echidna begins swatting at its own snout. Sword fighter struggled to avoid the swats.
"Swordfighter take this!" Rio shouted. He threw a codpiece towards Swordfighter. Swordfighter catches it and attaches it to his groin. "Kiwi Ranger Codpiece Laser Assault! Infinite Spectrum!" he shouts. Hundreds of Laserbeams fire in all directions out of Swordfighter's groin. Two of the laserbeams blind the echidna with direct shots to the eyeballs.
Blinded and leaking ectoplasm and semen out of its burned eyeballs, the echidna moans and shakes. Swordfighter falls off and lands on Firefly.
"Goddammit!" Firefly shouts.
The moaning echidna stops stomping. The shockwave settls. The echidna assumes a faggoty squatting position. Growling, it powers up. Two giant dicks grow from the echidna's nipples. A thick, brown, acidic substance begins squirting out of the dicks. Small holes burn into the ground the as substance lands.
"We can't get close enough to the acid!" Shouted Firefly. "My weed crops will be ruined!" Firefly closed hey eyes. She couldnt bear to see her precious weed destroyed. She prepared for the worst.
......
"What is this trouble all aboot?" a heroic voice shouted from the distance. Across the sky, faster than a speeding Moose. More Powerful than the Toronto Maple Leafs. Is it a squirrel? Is it a plane? Whoosh.
Its... @jenffer a jay, Canada's most beautiful and powerful woman. Jennfer flys into the battle.
"Hi guys I just finished saving Canada and the world from the Libtards. No biggie. Anyway I came to help."
Jennffer makes a non-faggy pose; a power only available Canada's most beautiful and strongest woman, across all canons and AU's and timelines and in real life.
"Maple Spirit HRT! Supersized!"
Jenffer grows as big as the giant echidna. The echidna grows 2 more dicks in its burnt eyeholes. Their peeholes open and two eyes are revealed. The monster can see again. It charges towards Jennfer.
"Oh buttertarts! I better stop it!"
As the echidna charges, Jenffer grabs it by its two face dicks and swings it around like an olympic hammer thrower. She lets go on the third swing. The echidna goes flying halfway across the globe. It lands in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, still alive and dangerous. Nobody gave a shit about the third world.
Jenffer brushed some dirt off of her shoulder. "Well Golly Total Recall 2070, you sure got yourself in a pickle. Glad I could help. Listen I gotta get back to Canada snd save a kitty from a troon. Keep it up, maybe one day you will defeat something. I believe in you. Bye!"
Jenffer flew away. Everyone was in awe of how terrific Canada's most beautiful and powerful woman truely was.
"Gee that was close" Firefly said.
"We must train to become stronger and defeat dick nipple echidnas" sad Swordfighter.
"Right!" shouted Rio "For Justice! For Nool!" Rio made a faggy pose.
Sword Fighter followed with his own fag pose. "For dick nipples!"
Firefly made the faggiest pose of the 3. "For weed!".
All 3 shouted "We are the Kiwi Rangers and the Ranger sister, Rio! We will fighting! We will victoriousing!"
Last edited:
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2018
- Joined
- Feb 4, 2018
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2019
This makes me very happy.
Thank you for this brightness.
Thank you for this brightness.
- Joined
- Aug 13, 2018
Chapter 8: And now a brief word from our sponsors.
Hey kids, now you can be just like the Kiwi Rangers. Introducing the New Kiwi Rangers: The Next Generation Codpiece Laser Assault! Assault Laser Codpiece! available this Christmas at KayBee Toys, Sam Goody, and select Salvation Army locations.
A kid straps a the toy on and then plays with other Kiwi Rangers toys.
"Take this faggots!" the kid shouts. A laser beam shoots from the toy and explodes the other toys.
New for this year, each one comes woth a karate-action, 1200-watt laser! Now you can really save the world from Vordrak and the OCs.
Use it to play practical jokes in your sister!
A kid lasers his sisters barbie dolls, exploding them, making her cry.
Use it to kill your parents!
An emo kid shouts "Fuck you dad!"
Call now 1-900-666-1488, have your parents credit card ready. Weapons-grade uranium sold separately.
Hey kids, now you can be just like the Kiwi Rangers. Introducing the New Kiwi Rangers: The Next Generation Codpiece Laser Assault! Assault Laser Codpiece! available this Christmas at KayBee Toys, Sam Goody, and select Salvation Army locations.
A kid straps a the toy on and then plays with other Kiwi Rangers toys.
"Take this faggots!" the kid shouts. A laser beam shoots from the toy and explodes the other toys.
New for this year, each one comes woth a karate-action, 1200-watt laser! Now you can really save the world from Vordrak and the OCs.
Use it to play practical jokes in your sister!
A kid lasers his sisters barbie dolls, exploding them, making her cry.
Use it to kill your parents!
An emo kid shouts "Fuck you dad!"
Call now 1-900-666-1488, have your parents credit card ready. Weapons-grade uranium sold separately.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Aug 13, 2018
Chapter 9: Inner conflict
Rio phoned in for a new Kiwi Jet, chinook, and service service crew to airlift Firefly back to Neo Kiwi Base Beta Cuck. Workers in orange safety vests attached caribeaners to various straps around Firefly's mid section. The Chinook lowered itself just enough to attach the final lift cable.
As it raised up again, its frame buckled. The familiar sound of the propellers was replaced with a grinding noise. The lift cable snapped. The chinook spun out of control. It crashed into the ground, exploding.
The snapped lift cable whipped the other direction, towards Rio. Rio's head severs and lands on the ground next to her decapitated body. "Fuck not again!" A disgruntled Firefly mumbles to herself.
"We better hurry." Swordfighter says, "We're not alone."
Over the horizon, a caravan of migrants began to approach their location. Swordfighter scrambled to roll Firefly and attempt wedge her into the Kiwi Jet. As the migrants came closer, Swordfighter knew he needed to buy more time. He picked up Rio's decapitated head and torso.
"Kiwi Troon Toss! Horizon Shot!"
Swordfighter makes two overhead throws. Rio's decapitated head and torso flew off to the horizon. Thirsty, the migrant caravan turns around and heads back to gangbang Rio's head and corpse.
With that distraction out of the way, swordfighteter finishes shoving Firefly into the Kiwi Jet. On the final roll, Firefly's face momentarily rolls past Swordfightet's crotch. "Owo whats this?" she says as Swordfighter blushes and closes the hatch. He sits down and fastens his own seatbelt. The other surviving service crew operates the Kiwi Jet back to Kiwi Base Beta Cuck.
--------------------------
At Kiwi Base Beta Cuck, Skullomania and Firefly, fresh from orientation, get into a cat fight. "I don't care how much you can roll" Skullomania says, "around here I am bottom bitch!" Skully snaps her fingets 3 times in the air.
Firefly retorts "Bitch I got more bottom than you'll ever be!"
Froggy intervenes. "Calm down, we need to work as a team to save Null!" We need to train so we can summon Gallowtron if we want to have a fighting chance."
"Froggy's right," MemeGrey says, "Besides we all know I'm bottom bitch."
The bickering dies down when @Tempest enters the room and flickers the lights in and off rapidly.
"I am Kiwi Kommander Captain Admiral H. Tempest. We have located the energy core neseccary to summon Gallowtron. It is on the far side of the moon. Suit up Kiwi Rangers, you are going into space!"
Tempest opened up a binder and said "I don't want to be in this fanfic anymore." He pulled a ruger from between laminated pie charts and shot himself in the face. It didn't work and Tempest is still in the story.
"I'm sorry we got into a fight!" Firefly said.
"Yeah!" said Skullomania, "We should be fighting, not fighting."
Memegrey, Skully, and firefly make a faggoty pose. "Girl Power!"
"Wow," said Cedric, "Maybe they can't all be bottom bitch, but they all sure are basic bitch."
Everybody laughs. Cedric always had the best zingers.
Rio phoned in for a new Kiwi Jet, chinook, and service service crew to airlift Firefly back to Neo Kiwi Base Beta Cuck. Workers in orange safety vests attached caribeaners to various straps around Firefly's mid section. The Chinook lowered itself just enough to attach the final lift cable.
As it raised up again, its frame buckled. The familiar sound of the propellers was replaced with a grinding noise. The lift cable snapped. The chinook spun out of control. It crashed into the ground, exploding.
The snapped lift cable whipped the other direction, towards Rio. Rio's head severs and lands on the ground next to her decapitated body. "Fuck not again!" A disgruntled Firefly mumbles to herself.
"We better hurry." Swordfighter says, "We're not alone."
Over the horizon, a caravan of migrants began to approach their location. Swordfighter scrambled to roll Firefly and attempt wedge her into the Kiwi Jet. As the migrants came closer, Swordfighter knew he needed to buy more time. He picked up Rio's decapitated head and torso.
"Kiwi Troon Toss! Horizon Shot!"
Swordfighter makes two overhead throws. Rio's decapitated head and torso flew off to the horizon. Thirsty, the migrant caravan turns around and heads back to gangbang Rio's head and corpse.
With that distraction out of the way, swordfighteter finishes shoving Firefly into the Kiwi Jet. On the final roll, Firefly's face momentarily rolls past Swordfightet's crotch. "Owo whats this?" she says as Swordfighter blushes and closes the hatch. He sits down and fastens his own seatbelt. The other surviving service crew operates the Kiwi Jet back to Kiwi Base Beta Cuck.
--------------------------
At Kiwi Base Beta Cuck, Skullomania and Firefly, fresh from orientation, get into a cat fight. "I don't care how much you can roll" Skullomania says, "around here I am bottom bitch!" Skully snaps her fingets 3 times in the air.
Firefly retorts "Bitch I got more bottom than you'll ever be!"
Froggy intervenes. "Calm down, we need to work as a team to save Null!" We need to train so we can summon Gallowtron if we want to have a fighting chance."
"Froggy's right," MemeGrey says, "Besides we all know I'm bottom bitch."
The bickering dies down when @Tempest enters the room and flickers the lights in and off rapidly.
"I am Kiwi Kommander Captain Admiral H. Tempest. We have located the energy core neseccary to summon Gallowtron. It is on the far side of the moon. Suit up Kiwi Rangers, you are going into space!"
Tempest opened up a binder and said "I don't want to be in this fanfic anymore." He pulled a ruger from between laminated pie charts and shot himself in the face. It didn't work and Tempest is still in the story.
"I'm sorry we got into a fight!" Firefly said.
"Yeah!" said Skullomania, "We should be fighting, not fighting."
Memegrey, Skully, and firefly make a faggoty pose. "Girl Power!"
"Wow," said Cedric, "Maybe they can't all be bottom bitch, but they all sure are basic bitch."
Everybody laughs. Cedric always had the best zingers.
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- Joined
- Aug 13, 2018
Chapter 10: The dark side of the Moon
Giant treads made tracks on the ground. Grass and stone alike were pressed into a muddy indent. Kiwi Crawling Utility Mover- 2 postitioned the Uranus-5 Heavy Lift rocket into launch position. KCUM-1 followed behind with a pair of boosters. Giant robotic arms moved the rocket and boosters off of the crawlers to perform final assembly. Long, prehensile fuel tubes rose from the ground. They moved into position and penetrated various openings in the Uranus rocket. The tubes made a pulsating, pumping motion as they filled the rocket's chambers with fuel.
Peering through windows at the launch base, the Kiwi Rangers, now fitted with spacesuits, watch in awe at the world's largest rocket was pounded full of fuel. Technician @Tahoma was with them, showing the Rangers around. "This our newest heavy lift rocket, Uranus-5. She runs on clean burning coal. Uranus 1 through 4 had technical problems, so for this one, we went deep into Uranus design principles to build the mark-5."
The kiwis crossed a final catwalk. They were now in the Opseration module at the tip of the rocket. "Kind of amazing." Froggy says, "all this metal below us just to lift this tiny Opserations module." The Kiwi Rangers all buckled up.
Over an intercom, Tempest gave the final countdown, consisting of mostly guttutal noises from whatever was left of a mouth.
"Kwee imuh hem, ime, eihuu" ( t-minus ten, nine, eight )
The primary rocket fires prematurely. The Kiwi rangers flip various switches and knobs, continuing the flight plan.
"Begin retrograde separation phase" Swordfighter says, flipping various switches. The Opseration module separates from the rocket and boosters, which fall back to earth.
Other than shooting off early, which kiwi technology sometimes does, the trip to the moon went off without a hitch. A shadow enveloped the ops module as it orbited the moon's backside. "Prepare for final descent." a confident Froggy says as he presses a random button. A hissing sound, followed by a clunk, rattled the module. "Damn! Propellent lines must have gotten jammed during retrograde! We're coming in too fast!"
"Brace for Impact!" shouted a panicked MemeGrey.
"No! Turn this ship around and put on your spacesuits. I have a plan!" Firefly interjected.
Froggy wiggled a limp joystick back and forth a few times. Remaining unclogged thrusters fired. The Ops module turned 180 degree. The module was now falling, Firefly first. She cushioned the landing, leaving the module intact and everybody alive.
Memegrey opened up suit to suit communication. "I'll stay behind and psycho-sonically clean the module's propellent lines. Go find that energy core."
The other Kiwi Rangers made a faggy pose and said "Right!"
Froggy operated a wrist mounted computer on his spacesuit. "According to the aspimeter we are getting high energy readings, bearing 14.88. 2 miles from here."
Froggy, Skully, Cedric, and Swordfighter used the low gravity of the moon to jump high in the air and land on Firefly. They balanced on top of her and used their feet to roll her towards their destination. After an hour of rolling, they reach a large rock formation. Tired, they dismount from Firefly to rest.
Froggy scans the rock formation with his wrist computet. "It looks like a Connorite temple. But what is it doing on the moon?" He finishes his scan. "It looks like the entrance is over here." He pounts to a door on the temple marked "Entrance."
They enter the temple. The ground shakes and the entrance caves in, leaving them stuck inside. They use flashlights to inspect their surroundings. They are in a long, large cooridor. The ground shakes again. A low pitched moan fills the chamber, followed by an loud ominous voice.
"None shall multipass!"
Giant treads made tracks on the ground. Grass and stone alike were pressed into a muddy indent. Kiwi Crawling Utility Mover- 2 postitioned the Uranus-5 Heavy Lift rocket into launch position. KCUM-1 followed behind with a pair of boosters. Giant robotic arms moved the rocket and boosters off of the crawlers to perform final assembly. Long, prehensile fuel tubes rose from the ground. They moved into position and penetrated various openings in the Uranus rocket. The tubes made a pulsating, pumping motion as they filled the rocket's chambers with fuel.
Peering through windows at the launch base, the Kiwi Rangers, now fitted with spacesuits, watch in awe at the world's largest rocket was pounded full of fuel. Technician @Tahoma was with them, showing the Rangers around. "This our newest heavy lift rocket, Uranus-5. She runs on clean burning coal. Uranus 1 through 4 had technical problems, so for this one, we went deep into Uranus design principles to build the mark-5."
The kiwis crossed a final catwalk. They were now in the Opseration module at the tip of the rocket. "Kind of amazing." Froggy says, "all this metal below us just to lift this tiny Opserations module." The Kiwi Rangers all buckled up.
Over an intercom, Tempest gave the final countdown, consisting of mostly guttutal noises from whatever was left of a mouth.
"Kwee imuh hem, ime, eihuu" ( t-minus ten, nine, eight )
The primary rocket fires prematurely. The Kiwi rangers flip various switches and knobs, continuing the flight plan.
"Begin retrograde separation phase" Swordfighter says, flipping various switches. The Opseration module separates from the rocket and boosters, which fall back to earth.
Other than shooting off early, which kiwi technology sometimes does, the trip to the moon went off without a hitch. A shadow enveloped the ops module as it orbited the moon's backside. "Prepare for final descent." a confident Froggy says as he presses a random button. A hissing sound, followed by a clunk, rattled the module. "Damn! Propellent lines must have gotten jammed during retrograde! We're coming in too fast!"
"Brace for Impact!" shouted a panicked MemeGrey.
"No! Turn this ship around and put on your spacesuits. I have a plan!" Firefly interjected.
Froggy wiggled a limp joystick back and forth a few times. Remaining unclogged thrusters fired. The Ops module turned 180 degree. The module was now falling, Firefly first. She cushioned the landing, leaving the module intact and everybody alive.
Memegrey opened up suit to suit communication. "I'll stay behind and psycho-sonically clean the module's propellent lines. Go find that energy core."
The other Kiwi Rangers made a faggy pose and said "Right!"
Froggy operated a wrist mounted computer on his spacesuit. "According to the aspimeter we are getting high energy readings, bearing 14.88. 2 miles from here."
Froggy, Skully, Cedric, and Swordfighter used the low gravity of the moon to jump high in the air and land on Firefly. They balanced on top of her and used their feet to roll her towards their destination. After an hour of rolling, they reach a large rock formation. Tired, they dismount from Firefly to rest.
Froggy scans the rock formation with his wrist computet. "It looks like a Connorite temple. But what is it doing on the moon?" He finishes his scan. "It looks like the entrance is over here." He pounts to a door on the temple marked "Entrance."
They enter the temple. The ground shakes and the entrance caves in, leaving them stuck inside. They use flashlights to inspect their surroundings. They are in a long, large cooridor. The ground shakes again. A low pitched moan fills the chamber, followed by an loud ominous voice.
"None shall multipass!"
Last edited:
- Joined
- Jan 22, 2018
I thought this was going to be the most autistic thing on the General Board... and I was right, but in the most amazing way. Novella sales when?
- Joined
- Aug 13, 2018
Chapter 11: Double Vision
"I am unbannable. I am eternal."
Corbin Dallas Multipass hovers from the high ceiling, subsiding slowly into the ground. He appears distorted. 1000 copies of himself wavered around a central point. The copies all merge into one figure, revealing the faggiest of faggots to ever fag.
"You shall not have the power core. You shall not stop Vordrak. With Null gone I cannot be banned!" Corbin makes a faggy pose that was gay by even faggy pose standards. He bends his pinkies like every other weeb faggot does when they try to look badass.
"Multipass Multiply!"
1000 copies of Corbin Dallas Multipass shoot outwards from Corbin. They circle the Rangers. "Try to stop me now Kiwis!" One of the clones makes a beeline for Swordfighter. Swordfighter headbuts it. The copy of corbin disappears leaving behind a pile of socks on the ground. The light gravity of the moon causes swordfighter to lose his balance.
A second Corbin dissappears and reappers behind Skullomania. It grabs her ass and them dissappears again. A third does the same to Firefly's boobs. Cedric barely avoids getting groped.
"Tits and ass," a maniacal Corbin sings. "Tits and ass. Tits and ass. Who's gettin groped by the Multipass? Hee hee."
Firefly gears up for an attack by spinning rapidly in place.
"Kiwi Kombat Steamroll! Faggot Flatten!"
Firefly rolls towards a line of Corbins. A trail of socks is created as she runs them over. Several Corbins surround her, sacrificing themselves but ultimately slowing her down until she is stuck. Her attempts to roll off of them are unsuccessful. The most she can manage is a back and forth rocking motion.
"Tis but a flesh wound" Corbin says. The piles of socks reform into copies of Corbin Dallas Multipass. The copies all make faggy poses and each of them splits, multiplying. 2000 Corbins in all.
"At this rate, all new accounts will be Corbin's!" Cedric shouts.
Skullomania hears a voice in her head. "Skully, it is I, Crystal Weston Chandler, true and honest daughter of Christine Weston Chandler and her boyfriend free girlfriend. You must unlock your original character." Skully looks around. She cannot see Crystal. Is this real? "I-I don't know how!" she shouts to nobody.
"I'm not here. This us a telepathic link. You mus- to continue please insert $2.00 - click -"
Two Corbin clones approach Skully. Time stops for a moment. Skullomania feels some thing primal from within. She blinks. A shockwave erupts and the Corbin Clones are thrown back from it. The primal feeling envelopes her body, like the warm feeling a stoner gets on the outside of their skin. Skully assumes a squatting position and waves of pure force energy move around her.
She powers up.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
She powers up more.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
She powers up more.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
Skullomania shits her pants and stops powering up.
Froggy snaps Skully back to reality. "Swordfighter found the power core while your pants shitting distracted all the clones. We have to get out of here!"
Firefly and swordfighter had already made their way back to the entrance. It was still blocked from the cave in. A Corbin clone materialized in front of them.
"Don't think you can just put me on your ignore list!"
Skullomania hears a voice again. "Skully it's me. Crystal Weston Chandler. True and honest daughter of Christine Weston Chandler and her boyfirend free girlfriend. You must try again. No matter how many times you shit your pants , you must try!"
The world goes black around Skullomania. She suddenly sees thousands of galaxies in front of her. An inspirational video of Christian Weston Chandler plays above her.
"You know it's ok to be different. You know sometimes we -stress sigh- have our accidents we poop ourselves. And then, we get, we end up with dirty pants-ants-ants-ants."
These word "pants" echoed and faded. The galaxies around her disappeared and she was once again in battle. She tried powering up again.
"Hurggh! Ehhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhh! KIWI HEDGEHOG POWERS ACTIVATE!"
"I am unbannable. I am eternal."
Corbin Dallas Multipass hovers from the high ceiling, subsiding slowly into the ground. He appears distorted. 1000 copies of himself wavered around a central point. The copies all merge into one figure, revealing the faggiest of faggots to ever fag.
"You shall not have the power core. You shall not stop Vordrak. With Null gone I cannot be banned!" Corbin makes a faggy pose that was gay by even faggy pose standards. He bends his pinkies like every other weeb faggot does when they try to look badass.
"Multipass Multiply!"
1000 copies of Corbin Dallas Multipass shoot outwards from Corbin. They circle the Rangers. "Try to stop me now Kiwis!" One of the clones makes a beeline for Swordfighter. Swordfighter headbuts it. The copy of corbin disappears leaving behind a pile of socks on the ground. The light gravity of the moon causes swordfighter to lose his balance.
A second Corbin dissappears and reappers behind Skullomania. It grabs her ass and them dissappears again. A third does the same to Firefly's boobs. Cedric barely avoids getting groped.
"Tits and ass," a maniacal Corbin sings. "Tits and ass. Tits and ass. Who's gettin groped by the Multipass? Hee hee."
Firefly gears up for an attack by spinning rapidly in place.
"Kiwi Kombat Steamroll! Faggot Flatten!"
Firefly rolls towards a line of Corbins. A trail of socks is created as she runs them over. Several Corbins surround her, sacrificing themselves but ultimately slowing her down until she is stuck. Her attempts to roll off of them are unsuccessful. The most she can manage is a back and forth rocking motion.
"Tis but a flesh wound" Corbin says. The piles of socks reform into copies of Corbin Dallas Multipass. The copies all make faggy poses and each of them splits, multiplying. 2000 Corbins in all.
"At this rate, all new accounts will be Corbin's!" Cedric shouts.
Skullomania hears a voice in her head. "Skully, it is I, Crystal Weston Chandler, true and honest daughter of Christine Weston Chandler and her boyfriend free girlfriend. You must unlock your original character." Skully looks around. She cannot see Crystal. Is this real? "I-I don't know how!" she shouts to nobody.
"I'm not here. This us a telepathic link. You mus- to continue please insert $2.00 - click -"
Two Corbin clones approach Skully. Time stops for a moment. Skullomania feels some thing primal from within. She blinks. A shockwave erupts and the Corbin Clones are thrown back from it. The primal feeling envelopes her body, like the warm feeling a stoner gets on the outside of their skin. Skully assumes a squatting position and waves of pure force energy move around her.
She powers up.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
She powers up more.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
She powers up more.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
Skullomania shits her pants and stops powering up.
Froggy snaps Skully back to reality. "Swordfighter found the power core while your pants shitting distracted all the clones. We have to get out of here!"
Firefly and swordfighter had already made their way back to the entrance. It was still blocked from the cave in. A Corbin clone materialized in front of them.
"Don't think you can just put me on your ignore list!"
Skullomania hears a voice again. "Skully it's me. Crystal Weston Chandler. True and honest daughter of Christine Weston Chandler and her boyfirend free girlfriend. You must try again. No matter how many times you shit your pants , you must try!"
The world goes black around Skullomania. She suddenly sees thousands of galaxies in front of her. An inspirational video of Christian Weston Chandler plays above her.
"You know it's ok to be different. You know sometimes we -stress sigh- have our accidents we poop ourselves. And then, we get, we end up with dirty pants-ants-ants-ants."
These word "pants" echoed and faded. The galaxies around her disappeared and she was once again in battle. She tried powering up again.
"Hurggh! Ehhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhh! KIWI HEDGEHOG POWERS ACTIVATE!"
Last edited:
- Joined
- Aug 13, 2018
Chapter 12: Escape from the dark side of the Moon
Skullomania shits her pants again.
"I must keep trying!" Skullomania shouts, shitting her pants a third time. The Corbins stopped attacking momentarily, mesmerized by Skully's pants shitying. "That's it!" shouts Froggy, "Keep shitting your pants! We need more time to clear the exit!"
Skullomania vigilantly continued shitting her pants. Her flow soon loses potency. "I'm running out of turd!" Swordfighter springs to Skullys aid by spinning around like a faggot and chanting a summon.
"Kiwi Burrito! Bean Supreme!"
A burrito the size if a dead infant appears in front of Skullomania. She opens her mouth, loosens her throat, and swallows the burrito whole. Rejuvinated, her turd output increases to 110 percent. Her spacesuit was getting full.
Froggy and Swordfighter finish clearing the debris. "Ok let's get out of here!"
"Follow me Skully!" Firefly shouts, rolling to the exit. Full of turds in her spacesuit, Skully follows Firefly and rolls to the exit too. As they exit, Corbin, followed by blurry trail of 2000 Corbin socks, chases them. Corbin gets stopped by some invisible force at the entrance.
"Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Corbin shouts. His socks all smack into the invisible shield on the door, like flies to a streetlight. The Kiwi Rangers relaxed their caution when they realized that Corbin was stuck. After a few more minutes of thrashing about, Corbin sauntered back into the inner chamber, to masturbate to videos of Jordan Peterson owning libtards.
"I think I understand now." Said Froggy. "His account was unbannable. So the Connorites, the long deceased mods of old, must have threadbanned him to the dark side of the moon. They could not stop him, only contain him."
"With Null gone," Swordfighter said, "who knows how long the incelectric field will last."
The Kiwi Opserational module lands next to them. Memegrey emerges. Her psychoacoustic sounding of the retrograde fuel lines cleaned them out, and the module was fully operational. "Hey guys! I sounded the debris out if propellent holes M through Q. Luckily only the P hole needed it."
The Rangers boarded the Ops module and took flight positions. "Firing primary ejectulation thrusters." Froggy said as he flipped a limp toggle switch. The module lifted off the moons surface. Thrusters fired, and it was in its way back to earth.
A large dreadnaught flew overhead of the Ops module, casting a shadow on it. The intercom in the ops module received a message. "You are entering Palestinian occupied territory. Turn back or you will be stoned to death."
Smaller ships fly out of various holes im the dreadnaught. Palestinian space pilots turn towards the Ops module. Their radars lock onto the module. When the green crosshairs blink and "Certified Halal" flashes, they open fire. Hundreds of rocks fire out of the palestinian space ship cannons.
Two of the rocks hit the module, destroying a propellent line. The module begins spinning uncontrollably. It makes a fast, spinning path towards the Dreadnaught.
"Brace for impact!" Memegrey screams.
Skullomania shits her pants again.
"I must keep trying!" Skullomania shouts, shitting her pants a third time. The Corbins stopped attacking momentarily, mesmerized by Skully's pants shitying. "That's it!" shouts Froggy, "Keep shitting your pants! We need more time to clear the exit!"
Skullomania vigilantly continued shitting her pants. Her flow soon loses potency. "I'm running out of turd!" Swordfighter springs to Skullys aid by spinning around like a faggot and chanting a summon.
"Kiwi Burrito! Bean Supreme!"
A burrito the size if a dead infant appears in front of Skullomania. She opens her mouth, loosens her throat, and swallows the burrito whole. Rejuvinated, her turd output increases to 110 percent. Her spacesuit was getting full.
Froggy and Swordfighter finish clearing the debris. "Ok let's get out of here!"
"Follow me Skully!" Firefly shouts, rolling to the exit. Full of turds in her spacesuit, Skully follows Firefly and rolls to the exit too. As they exit, Corbin, followed by blurry trail of 2000 Corbin socks, chases them. Corbin gets stopped by some invisible force at the entrance.
"Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Corbin shouts. His socks all smack into the invisible shield on the door, like flies to a streetlight. The Kiwi Rangers relaxed their caution when they realized that Corbin was stuck. After a few more minutes of thrashing about, Corbin sauntered back into the inner chamber, to masturbate to videos of Jordan Peterson owning libtards.
"I think I understand now." Said Froggy. "His account was unbannable. So the Connorites, the long deceased mods of old, must have threadbanned him to the dark side of the moon. They could not stop him, only contain him."
"With Null gone," Swordfighter said, "who knows how long the incelectric field will last."
The Kiwi Opserational module lands next to them. Memegrey emerges. Her psychoacoustic sounding of the retrograde fuel lines cleaned them out, and the module was fully operational. "Hey guys! I sounded the debris out if propellent holes M through Q. Luckily only the P hole needed it."
The Rangers boarded the Ops module and took flight positions. "Firing primary ejectulation thrusters." Froggy said as he flipped a limp toggle switch. The module lifted off the moons surface. Thrusters fired, and it was in its way back to earth.
A large dreadnaught flew overhead of the Ops module, casting a shadow on it. The intercom in the ops module received a message. "You are entering Palestinian occupied territory. Turn back or you will be stoned to death."
Smaller ships fly out of various holes im the dreadnaught. Palestinian space pilots turn towards the Ops module. Their radars lock onto the module. When the green crosshairs blink and "Certified Halal" flashes, they open fire. Hundreds of rocks fire out of the palestinian space ship cannons.
Two of the rocks hit the module, destroying a propellent line. The module begins spinning uncontrollably. It makes a fast, spinning path towards the Dreadnaught.
"Brace for impact!" Memegrey screams.
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- Joined
- Aug 13, 2018
Chapter 13: An Unconventional Cure
The Opserational Module continues careening out towards the Palestinian space Dreadnaught. Froggy looks out of a viewport. He notices a Star of David on the side of the Dreadnaught. "Hey guys I think only part if that ship is Palestinian."
"Open hailing frequencies!" a panicked Firefly says.
Froggy begins flipping limp switches on a control panel and entering morse code by toggling another limp switch. The limp switch firms up and begins twitching. "I've got a response! They're engaging tractor beams!"
The Dreadnaught's tractor beam brings the Ops module to a slow, spinning crawl and lines it up with an entrance port. Froggy flipped a few more limp switches. A display monitor presented various graphs and numbers. "We are approaching the dock at 5.9 sheckles per second. We should arrive in about 4 minutes."
"I'm feeling nervous," Firefly said, "I've never met any Space Jews."
"The Ops Module has a full encyclopedia in its memory banks. I'll pull up the entry on Space Jews." Froggy said. He toggles a rather large limp switch switch. It firms up for a moment and then goes limp again. "Hold on this switch is slightly defective." Froggy says, feeling mildly incinvenienced. He toggles, shakes, and rubs the switch until it firms up. A hologram projects from the tip of the switch, displaying the encyclopedia entry:
"Space Jews: In 2X33, the Israelis and Palestinians signed an agreement, ending XXX years of hostility. In exchange for leaving the Gaza Strip, Israel would provide the Palestinians with a space ark to live on. In 2X35, Israeli archeologists excavated new, previously unknown Dead Sea Scrolls. In these scrolls, it was Revealed that YHVH promised the 7 tribes of Israel new territory in space, which happened to be in the orbit the Palestinians were now occupying. Seeing no other choice but to follow Elohim's will, the Israelis began occupation of the Palestinian Space Ark.
The holograpic projection ends just as the tractor beam pulls the Ops module into Jew Dock 7. A loudspeaker announces the landing sequence. "Engaging mooring laks, prepare to disembark."
A security crew meets them at the hatch of their ship. "I am security chief Abraham. We got your SOS but you must come with me."
The Kiwi Rangers step out of the damaged ops module. Skullomania collapsed. "I'm not feeling so good" she said, then passed out. A crew of Jew medics placed her on a hover stretcher and escorted her to a jewish medical bay.
The Rangers tried to follow Skullomania. Abraham's security liasons made Krav Maga poses and held them in place. "I am sorry," Abraham said, "you must follow me to security before I can let you see your friend."
-----------------
The Rangers were in luck. Kiwi Base Beta Cuck had good relations with the Space Jews, and security screening was quick. They were given visitors badges that allowed access to the Space Jew Business District as well as the Jewish side of the Space Temple.
The Rangers stepped off of a hover bus into Med Bay Mek'lah 7. Doctor Abraham approached the rangers to deliver his prognosis. "I'm sorry, your friend has days to live. Worst case of Claustridium Difficile I have ever seen."
"What can be done?" Firefly asked.
Doctor Abraham sighed. "I'm afraid, I'm afraid the cure is not Kosher. I do not have it, and your friend won't get back to earth in time."
Firefly got frantic "Doctor, is there anything else at all we can do?!"
"Well I don't know. If you go to the Palestinian side, then maybe, while the cure is not Kosher, it might be Halal."
Swordfighter folded his arms. "The space Palestinians tried to stone us to death!"
"We must try!" Said Memegrey, making a faggy pose.
"You're right" Swordfighter said, makimg an equally faggy pose.
Firefly and Froggy, and Cedric made their own faggy pose. They all spoke in unison.
"We are the Kiwi Rangers and we will confronting the Palestinians!"
The Opserational Module continues careening out towards the Palestinian space Dreadnaught. Froggy looks out of a viewport. He notices a Star of David on the side of the Dreadnaught. "Hey guys I think only part if that ship is Palestinian."
"Open hailing frequencies!" a panicked Firefly says.
Froggy begins flipping limp switches on a control panel and entering morse code by toggling another limp switch. The limp switch firms up and begins twitching. "I've got a response! They're engaging tractor beams!"
The Dreadnaught's tractor beam brings the Ops module to a slow, spinning crawl and lines it up with an entrance port. Froggy flipped a few more limp switches. A display monitor presented various graphs and numbers. "We are approaching the dock at 5.9 sheckles per second. We should arrive in about 4 minutes."
"I'm feeling nervous," Firefly said, "I've never met any Space Jews."
"The Ops Module has a full encyclopedia in its memory banks. I'll pull up the entry on Space Jews." Froggy said. He toggles a rather large limp switch switch. It firms up for a moment and then goes limp again. "Hold on this switch is slightly defective." Froggy says, feeling mildly incinvenienced. He toggles, shakes, and rubs the switch until it firms up. A hologram projects from the tip of the switch, displaying the encyclopedia entry:
"Space Jews: In 2X33, the Israelis and Palestinians signed an agreement, ending XXX years of hostility. In exchange for leaving the Gaza Strip, Israel would provide the Palestinians with a space ark to live on. In 2X35, Israeli archeologists excavated new, previously unknown Dead Sea Scrolls. In these scrolls, it was Revealed that YHVH promised the 7 tribes of Israel new territory in space, which happened to be in the orbit the Palestinians were now occupying. Seeing no other choice but to follow Elohim's will, the Israelis began occupation of the Palestinian Space Ark.
The holograpic projection ends just as the tractor beam pulls the Ops module into Jew Dock 7. A loudspeaker announces the landing sequence. "Engaging mooring laks, prepare to disembark."
A security crew meets them at the hatch of their ship. "I am security chief Abraham. We got your SOS but you must come with me."
The Kiwi Rangers step out of the damaged ops module. Skullomania collapsed. "I'm not feeling so good" she said, then passed out. A crew of Jew medics placed her on a hover stretcher and escorted her to a jewish medical bay.
The Rangers tried to follow Skullomania. Abraham's security liasons made Krav Maga poses and held them in place. "I am sorry," Abraham said, "you must follow me to security before I can let you see your friend."
-----------------
The Rangers were in luck. Kiwi Base Beta Cuck had good relations with the Space Jews, and security screening was quick. They were given visitors badges that allowed access to the Space Jew Business District as well as the Jewish side of the Space Temple.
The Rangers stepped off of a hover bus into Med Bay Mek'lah 7. Doctor Abraham approached the rangers to deliver his prognosis. "I'm sorry, your friend has days to live. Worst case of Claustridium Difficile I have ever seen."
"What can be done?" Firefly asked.
Doctor Abraham sighed. "I'm afraid, I'm afraid the cure is not Kosher. I do not have it, and your friend won't get back to earth in time."
Firefly got frantic "Doctor, is there anything else at all we can do?!"
"Well I don't know. If you go to the Palestinian side, then maybe, while the cure is not Kosher, it might be Halal."
Swordfighter folded his arms. "The space Palestinians tried to stone us to death!"
"We must try!" Said Memegrey, making a faggy pose.
"You're right" Swordfighter said, makimg an equally faggy pose.
Firefly and Froggy, and Cedric made their own faggy pose. They all spoke in unison.
"We are the Kiwi Rangers and we will confronting the Palestinians!"
Last edited:
- Joined
- Aug 17, 2018
- Joined
- Aug 13, 2018
Chapter 14: Things That are Yet to Cum
A large, flat boulder behind the Jewish side of the Space Temple's main altar rolls along the wall, revealing a stone tunnel. Rabbai Abraham holds a Torah and bows several times. "This tunnel leads to the Palestinian side of the Space Temple," the Rabbai instructs the Kiwi Rangers, "Follow me."
Everybody had to hunch to fit in the tunnel. @Angel Baby Firefly attempted to roll into the tunnel entrance and got stuck. She shook and popped herself loose, backed up, and tried to roll into the tunnel again, and got stuck again.
"Guys I guess I'm gonna have to sit this one out!"
She struggled to break free. Popping out of the tunnel, she knocks over a pedestal with a priceless glass menorah on it. The menorah hits the ground and shatters into a million pieces. "Fuck!" she says to herself, then whistles and rolls away casually, pretending like nothing ever happened.
She rolls past an air vent.
tip tap
She rolls past a second air vent.
tip tap
It must be a space rat in the ducts. @Angel Baby Firefly hadn't eaten in 45 minutes. She was famished, and the thought of a space rat made her mouth water. Licking her lips, she listens to the sound of the rat moving through the air ducts. She quietly rolls next to the next air duct and waits.
A brief flash of white blinds her. She see's something. A vision. Someone running out of this temple hall and getting Krav Maga'ed to death by a Jew Guard. A brief flash blinds her again. Her vision returns to normal.
Was it a premonition? Swordfighter told her once that she had the ability to see a shitpost before it happens. She didn't believe him. Maybe he was right. She was uncertain, but a gut feeling told her someone was in the duct work.
A Palestinian jumps out of an air vent and makes a beeline towards the temple exit. The temple hall itself was free of guards, but she knew that if he managed to leave, he was dead.
Firefly revs up to intercept him. "Kiwi Patroll Roll! Islam Inhibit!"
She barrels towards the Palestinian and runs him over. He becomes trapped underneath her. The Palestinian unsuccessfully flails about, uttering expletives.
"Shhh! Quiet!" Firefly whispers. "I just saved your life."
The Palestinian stops flailing and calms down. "Please, get off of me."
Firefly rolls off of him. He stands up and brushes fragments of a shattered menorah of if his clothing.
Firefly pleads "You have to go back. It isn't safe. There is a passage way behind the-"
The Palestinian cut her off. "Why is the door to the DMZ open?"
"One of my friends is ill, so my other friends went through the passage to-"
The Palestinian cut her off again. "You let people into the DMZ tunnel! You can't!" The Palestinian ran to the tunnel.
Firefly panicked. "Wait! What is in the tunnel?"
"I have no time to explain! Your friends are in danger!"
Firefly felt slightly annoyed that she wasn't getting answers. "Could you at least tell my who you are?"
The Palestinian stopped for a moment, turned towards Firefly, and said, "I am Prince Mohammed Abdul Sabayat Ayatollah Aladdin Mesothelioma Bashir @The Last Stand." He ducked into the tunnel and pressed a hidden button on a stone inside the tunnel. The large boulder rolled back into place, covering the tunnel entrance.
A large, flat boulder behind the Jewish side of the Space Temple's main altar rolls along the wall, revealing a stone tunnel. Rabbai Abraham holds a Torah and bows several times. "This tunnel leads to the Palestinian side of the Space Temple," the Rabbai instructs the Kiwi Rangers, "Follow me."
Everybody had to hunch to fit in the tunnel. @Angel Baby Firefly attempted to roll into the tunnel entrance and got stuck. She shook and popped herself loose, backed up, and tried to roll into the tunnel again, and got stuck again.
"Guys I guess I'm gonna have to sit this one out!"
She struggled to break free. Popping out of the tunnel, she knocks over a pedestal with a priceless glass menorah on it. The menorah hits the ground and shatters into a million pieces. "Fuck!" she says to herself, then whistles and rolls away casually, pretending like nothing ever happened.
She rolls past an air vent.
tip tap
She rolls past a second air vent.
tip tap
It must be a space rat in the ducts. @Angel Baby Firefly hadn't eaten in 45 minutes. She was famished, and the thought of a space rat made her mouth water. Licking her lips, she listens to the sound of the rat moving through the air ducts. She quietly rolls next to the next air duct and waits.
A brief flash of white blinds her. She see's something. A vision. Someone running out of this temple hall and getting Krav Maga'ed to death by a Jew Guard. A brief flash blinds her again. Her vision returns to normal.
Was it a premonition? Swordfighter told her once that she had the ability to see a shitpost before it happens. She didn't believe him. Maybe he was right. She was uncertain, but a gut feeling told her someone was in the duct work.
A Palestinian jumps out of an air vent and makes a beeline towards the temple exit. The temple hall itself was free of guards, but she knew that if he managed to leave, he was dead.
Firefly revs up to intercept him. "Kiwi Patroll Roll! Islam Inhibit!"
She barrels towards the Palestinian and runs him over. He becomes trapped underneath her. The Palestinian unsuccessfully flails about, uttering expletives.
"Shhh! Quiet!" Firefly whispers. "I just saved your life."
The Palestinian stops flailing and calms down. "Please, get off of me."
Firefly rolls off of him. He stands up and brushes fragments of a shattered menorah of if his clothing.
Firefly pleads "You have to go back. It isn't safe. There is a passage way behind the-"
The Palestinian cut her off. "Why is the door to the DMZ open?"
"One of my friends is ill, so my other friends went through the passage to-"
The Palestinian cut her off again. "You let people into the DMZ tunnel! You can't!" The Palestinian ran to the tunnel.
Firefly panicked. "Wait! What is in the tunnel?"
"I have no time to explain! Your friends are in danger!"
Firefly felt slightly annoyed that she wasn't getting answers. "Could you at least tell my who you are?"
The Palestinian stopped for a moment, turned towards Firefly, and said, "I am Prince Mohammed Abdul Sabayat Ayatollah Aladdin Mesothelioma Bashir @The Last Stand." He ducked into the tunnel and pressed a hidden button on a stone inside the tunnel. The large boulder rolled back into place, covering the tunnel entrance.
Last edited:
- Joined
- May 10, 2017
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2018
Good thing I don't have any actual coworkers, because they'd probably think I'd turned exceptional with how hard I'm laughing right now.
- Joined
- Aug 13, 2018
Chapter 15: Confessions, part 3
The Rabbai shined a flashlight down the tunnel. The Rangers had been walking, hunched over for an hour. Cedric felt knots form in his back. "Hey guys," Cedric said, spinning his eyeballs, "I'm gonna get Skulliosis from saving Skullomania."
Everybody laughed. "You have the best jokes, Cedric" Froggy said between snorts. The humor offered only a small relief, though. After another seemingly-endless hour of hunching, the tunnel opened up into a large room. It had to be at least 30 kilosheckles in size and over 100 stories high. Everyone's jaw dropped. The walls were perfectly flat and covered in stainless steel.
Rabbai Abraham surveyed his surroundings. "I don't see an a door anywhere."
"Don't you know where you're going?" Cedric asked.
"Truthfully," Rabai Abraham confessed, "None of us have ever been this far. We always gave up after 20 minutes in the tunnel and went back."
Cedric spun his eyes around again. "Nigga if I was a Jew and you were at my Synagogue, I'd be like 'God-bye Rab-eye' "
Everybody laughed again. Swordfighter stepped backward while laughing and stepped on a pressure plate. Thousands of trap doors in the floor and walls open. Springboards, giant pinball bumpers, loops, floating platforms, monsters and spike balls emerge from every trap door.
A robotic hedgehog with flying rocket shoes bolts across the floor, navigating the loops. It passes by the Kiwi Rangers and grabs Rabbai Abraham. Speeding back across the loops, springboards, and platforms, it makes its way to the top of the arena, too small to see from ground level.
A robotic bee buzzes near the Rangers and shoots spikes. "Aww hell nah, nigga!" Cedric screams, "I'm allergic to bees!"
"It's not just bees!" shouts Swordfighter. "Wheeled snail robots, 3 o'clock!"
"Slow moving caterpillar robots!" Shouts Froggy.
Colored lights and moving laser beams activate. Swordfighter steps forward to try and get to a moving platform above him. A laser beam sweeps across the floor, singing the hairs if his moustache. Swordfighter jumps back.
"Do you hear that?" Memegrey says, turning her head towards the tunnel behind them. A faint whirring sound comes from the tunnel. It remains constant and gets louder.
A brown hedgehog comes spinning out of the tunnel. It unrolls and looks at the the Kiwi Rangers. "You must go back!"
"We can't" says Memegrey, "The Rabbai is up there."
The hedgehog rolls its eyes and runs off. It completes the various loops, springboards, and bumpers, until it was out of sight. A moment later, the brown blur returns with the Rabbai.
"I cannot disarm the security system. We must go back!" the hedgehog says.
"No," says Froggy. "Our friend has C. Diff and we need the cure!"
The hedgehog gasps for a moment. "C. Diff. Your friend didn't- look out! Get back in the tunnel!" A swarm of slow moving robotic caterpillars were surrounding the Kiwi Rangers. They did as the hedgehog ordered. The hedgehog entered behind them. An aura of energy appeared around him. "My shield can guard you from some of the slow-moving, mildly annoying caterpillars, but you must hurry."
After an hour of slowly treking through the long, shallow tunnel, the hedgehog stopped for a minute. "I dont think they are followimg us anymore. Could you guys hurry up?"
Cedric got annoyed. "Nigga we're bigger than you. These tunnels made for hedgehogs or something?"
"Yes, they were."
After another half hour of back breaking crouching, they reached the temple opening.
The hedgehog stopped for a moment. "Before I open this door, you have to promise me you will not speak of anything you saw."
The rabbi began "OK we won't-"
"Promise!" The hedgehog demanded.
Everyone made a faggy pose. "We the Kiwi Rangers and Ranger Rabbai Abraham promise not to talk about what we saw."
"Good" the Hedgehog says.
He presses an unmarked stone in the wall. The large bolder rolls out of the way, opening the entrance back to the temple. Everyone steps out. Firefly rolls back to greet everyone.
"Did you guys get the remedy? Hey why is there a hedgehog with you?"
"Oh no! I forgot to transform back!" the hedgehog said to himself. "Chaostism control." he shouts, and returns to human form.
Firefly is astonished "@The Last Stand! How can you turn into a hedgehog?"
@The Last Stand stress sighs for a moment, and drops a bombshell.
"All Muslims can turn into hedgehogs."
The Rabbai shined a flashlight down the tunnel. The Rangers had been walking, hunched over for an hour. Cedric felt knots form in his back. "Hey guys," Cedric said, spinning his eyeballs, "I'm gonna get Skulliosis from saving Skullomania."
Everybody laughed. "You have the best jokes, Cedric" Froggy said between snorts. The humor offered only a small relief, though. After another seemingly-endless hour of hunching, the tunnel opened up into a large room. It had to be at least 30 kilosheckles in size and over 100 stories high. Everyone's jaw dropped. The walls were perfectly flat and covered in stainless steel.
Rabbai Abraham surveyed his surroundings. "I don't see an a door anywhere."
"Don't you know where you're going?" Cedric asked.
"Truthfully," Rabai Abraham confessed, "None of us have ever been this far. We always gave up after 20 minutes in the tunnel and went back."
Cedric spun his eyes around again. "Nigga if I was a Jew and you were at my Synagogue, I'd be like 'God-bye Rab-eye' "
Everybody laughed again. Swordfighter stepped backward while laughing and stepped on a pressure plate. Thousands of trap doors in the floor and walls open. Springboards, giant pinball bumpers, loops, floating platforms, monsters and spike balls emerge from every trap door.
A robotic hedgehog with flying rocket shoes bolts across the floor, navigating the loops. It passes by the Kiwi Rangers and grabs Rabbai Abraham. Speeding back across the loops, springboards, and platforms, it makes its way to the top of the arena, too small to see from ground level.
A robotic bee buzzes near the Rangers and shoots spikes. "Aww hell nah, nigga!" Cedric screams, "I'm allergic to bees!"
"It's not just bees!" shouts Swordfighter. "Wheeled snail robots, 3 o'clock!"
"Slow moving caterpillar robots!" Shouts Froggy.
Colored lights and moving laser beams activate. Swordfighter steps forward to try and get to a moving platform above him. A laser beam sweeps across the floor, singing the hairs if his moustache. Swordfighter jumps back.
"Do you hear that?" Memegrey says, turning her head towards the tunnel behind them. A faint whirring sound comes from the tunnel. It remains constant and gets louder.
A brown hedgehog comes spinning out of the tunnel. It unrolls and looks at the the Kiwi Rangers. "You must go back!"
"We can't" says Memegrey, "The Rabbai is up there."
The hedgehog rolls its eyes and runs off. It completes the various loops, springboards, and bumpers, until it was out of sight. A moment later, the brown blur returns with the Rabbai.
"I cannot disarm the security system. We must go back!" the hedgehog says.
"No," says Froggy. "Our friend has C. Diff and we need the cure!"
The hedgehog gasps for a moment. "C. Diff. Your friend didn't- look out! Get back in the tunnel!" A swarm of slow moving robotic caterpillars were surrounding the Kiwi Rangers. They did as the hedgehog ordered. The hedgehog entered behind them. An aura of energy appeared around him. "My shield can guard you from some of the slow-moving, mildly annoying caterpillars, but you must hurry."
After an hour of slowly treking through the long, shallow tunnel, the hedgehog stopped for a minute. "I dont think they are followimg us anymore. Could you guys hurry up?"
Cedric got annoyed. "Nigga we're bigger than you. These tunnels made for hedgehogs or something?"
"Yes, they were."
After another half hour of back breaking crouching, they reached the temple opening.
The hedgehog stopped for a moment. "Before I open this door, you have to promise me you will not speak of anything you saw."
The rabbi began "OK we won't-"
"Promise!" The hedgehog demanded.
Everyone made a faggy pose. "We the Kiwi Rangers and Ranger Rabbai Abraham promise not to talk about what we saw."
"Good" the Hedgehog says.
He presses an unmarked stone in the wall. The large bolder rolls out of the way, opening the entrance back to the temple. Everyone steps out. Firefly rolls back to greet everyone.
"Did you guys get the remedy? Hey why is there a hedgehog with you?"
"Oh no! I forgot to transform back!" the hedgehog said to himself. "Chaostism control." he shouts, and returns to human form.
Firefly is astonished "@The Last Stand! How can you turn into a hedgehog?"
@The Last Stand stress sighs for a moment, and drops a bombshell.
"All Muslims can turn into hedgehogs."
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- Joined
- Aug 13, 2018
Chapter 16: JEWS
@Cedric_Eff spun his eyes around, preparing to make another award-winning zinger. "Muzzie djou got a lot of 'splainin to do" he said in a Cuban accent.
"There's really not much to explain," said Stand, "My people have been able to turn into hedgehogs since the beginning, when the prophet Mohammed firs- I'm sorry, I've said too much. What was this about C. Diff?"
The Kiwis explained their adventure so far, about Null, Vordrak, the Kiwi Ranger destinies. They talked of Corbin Dallas Multipass, Sneasel, Crystal Weston Chandler, and of @skullomania shitting her pants until she got Claustridium.
Stand folded his arms as he listened. When the Kiwis were done, he took a moment to process their situation. Rabbai Abraham interrupted his brooding. "Yeah OK we have lovely story. What are you doing on this side of the ark, goyim?"
"I've come to make a deal with the devil. If you people can grant me a audience with the Prime Minister of the Space Jews, I can help your dying friend." Stand said, still folding his arms.
Firefly had another preminition. "You can't leave this temple hall. Hide, now!" Stand scurried into of of the air ducts. Space Jew guards opened entered the temple chamber. Grand Jew Guard, Abraham Ezekiel @jellycar, approached the Kiwi Rangers and the Rabbai.
"This is a holy place, no weapons," Rabbai Abraham demanded.
"We've no need for weapons, Rabbai," Jellycar responded arrogantly, "The Jewish Elite Warriors are trained in Krav Maga. No JEW alive would use anything else."
The annoyed Rabbai pointed to the temple entrance. "This is a place of worship, you and your guards are interfering with-"
Jellycar cut him off. "Performing a wedding, Rabbai? Or perhaps some extreme redecoration?" Jellycar looked down at his shoes, observing the glass fragments and toppled pedestal. "Say, wasn't there a menorah here?" His head sprung up. He sniffed the air. He shifted his eyes.
"Or perhaps some space rats caused this mess. Lets just take a look in the-"
"No!" @Angel Baby Firefly screamed. "Kiwi Roll! Heeb Halt!"
Firefly rolled into @jellycar. His Jewish Elite Warrior squad immediately rushed to his aid. They made faggy Krav Maga poses. Firefly revved up to attack again. A voice in her head screamed at her.
"Stop!" It was Skullomania's voice. Firefly looked left and right. Skully wasn't here. This must be another vision. Firefly saw the Kiwi Rangers floating out of an airlock with no spacesuits. An execution. What was she doing? Why did she so brashly attack? If she continued, her friends would be hurt.
She rolled off of @jellycar and gave up.
"Angel Baby Firefly, you are under arrest. I don't have time for this. Y'all are exceptional. Take her away!" Jelly stormed off, annoyed. The rest of his JEW squad brought in a tow truck to winch her on the back and take her to Jew Jail.
After the JEWs left the temple with Firefly, the Rabbai made a stress-sigh. "Oy Vey!"
@The Last Stand emerged from the duct work after the coast is clear. "Your friend saved my life. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and I wish she could be my 13th wife. I am grateful. I will help both Firefly and your friend, but I still need to speak with the Prime Minister of the space Jews."
"Oy Vey!" Rabbai Abraham said, how are we ever going to get him past the JEW guards?"
"We will fight our way back!" Said Froggy, making a faggy pose.
"No you don't understand, the Jewish Elite Warriors are military. They're not like civilian security. Everyone is Israeli occupied space knows never to trust the JEWs. We need a plan!"
Plans were not the Kiwi Ranger's forte. Usually, they just charged into a situation and let luck, an act of god, or @jenffer a jay save them at the last minute.
"Use our heads and think," A frustrated Memegrey said, shaking her head yes when she actually meant to be shaking it "no." "That's never going to work!"
Swordfighter twisted his moustache to think. "Wait a sec," he said, and then pulled a baggie out of his pocket. "I have some of Firefly's weed."
@Cedric_Eff spun his eyes around, preparing to make another award-winning zinger. "Muzzie djou got a lot of 'splainin to do" he said in a Cuban accent.
"There's really not much to explain," said Stand, "My people have been able to turn into hedgehogs since the beginning, when the prophet Mohammed firs- I'm sorry, I've said too much. What was this about C. Diff?"
The Kiwis explained their adventure so far, about Null, Vordrak, the Kiwi Ranger destinies. They talked of Corbin Dallas Multipass, Sneasel, Crystal Weston Chandler, and of @skullomania shitting her pants until she got Claustridium.
Stand folded his arms as he listened. When the Kiwis were done, he took a moment to process their situation. Rabbai Abraham interrupted his brooding. "Yeah OK we have lovely story. What are you doing on this side of the ark, goyim?"
"I've come to make a deal with the devil. If you people can grant me a audience with the Prime Minister of the Space Jews, I can help your dying friend." Stand said, still folding his arms.
Firefly had another preminition. "You can't leave this temple hall. Hide, now!" Stand scurried into of of the air ducts. Space Jew guards opened entered the temple chamber. Grand Jew Guard, Abraham Ezekiel @jellycar, approached the Kiwi Rangers and the Rabbai.
"This is a holy place, no weapons," Rabbai Abraham demanded.
"We've no need for weapons, Rabbai," Jellycar responded arrogantly, "The Jewish Elite Warriors are trained in Krav Maga. No JEW alive would use anything else."
The annoyed Rabbai pointed to the temple entrance. "This is a place of worship, you and your guards are interfering with-"
Jellycar cut him off. "Performing a wedding, Rabbai? Or perhaps some extreme redecoration?" Jellycar looked down at his shoes, observing the glass fragments and toppled pedestal. "Say, wasn't there a menorah here?" His head sprung up. He sniffed the air. He shifted his eyes.
"Or perhaps some space rats caused this mess. Lets just take a look in the-"
"No!" @Angel Baby Firefly screamed. "Kiwi Roll! Heeb Halt!"
Firefly rolled into @jellycar. His Jewish Elite Warrior squad immediately rushed to his aid. They made faggy Krav Maga poses. Firefly revved up to attack again. A voice in her head screamed at her.
"Stop!" It was Skullomania's voice. Firefly looked left and right. Skully wasn't here. This must be another vision. Firefly saw the Kiwi Rangers floating out of an airlock with no spacesuits. An execution. What was she doing? Why did she so brashly attack? If she continued, her friends would be hurt.
She rolled off of @jellycar and gave up.
"Angel Baby Firefly, you are under arrest. I don't have time for this. Y'all are exceptional. Take her away!" Jelly stormed off, annoyed. The rest of his JEW squad brought in a tow truck to winch her on the back and take her to Jew Jail.
After the JEWs left the temple with Firefly, the Rabbai made a stress-sigh. "Oy Vey!"
@The Last Stand emerged from the duct work after the coast is clear. "Your friend saved my life. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and I wish she could be my 13th wife. I am grateful. I will help both Firefly and your friend, but I still need to speak with the Prime Minister of the space Jews."
"Oy Vey!" Rabbai Abraham said, how are we ever going to get him past the JEW guards?"
"We will fight our way back!" Said Froggy, making a faggy pose.
"No you don't understand, the Jewish Elite Warriors are military. They're not like civilian security. Everyone is Israeli occupied space knows never to trust the JEWs. We need a plan!"
Plans were not the Kiwi Ranger's forte. Usually, they just charged into a situation and let luck, an act of god, or @jenffer a jay save them at the last minute.
"Use our heads and think," A frustrated Memegrey said, shaking her head yes when she actually meant to be shaking it "no." "That's never going to work!"
Swordfighter twisted his moustache to think. "Wait a sec," he said, and then pulled a baggie out of his pocket. "I have some of Firefly's weed."
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