The (New) Twilight Zone - Surprise: Its shit

[WhoIsSutterKane]

I didn't even know they had started a new series. Doesn't surprise me that's it's not as good as the original. The original show was classic sci-fi/horror.

 

[PL 001]

It's because they tried to wokeify it for progtards. Serling always leaned left, and his stories did bring light to issues of racism and bigotry at times, but Serling was able to introduce those elements and make them work to the story's benefit instead of beating you over the head and screaming how horrible and oppressive you are while they sit smugly huffing their own farts.

 

[frozenrunner]

I loved Key and Peele, and I've liked a lot of the things the two of them have been involved with over the years, but I have to be honest: I'm getting a little sick of this guy. Hollywood decided he was a genius without consulting anyone else, and the rest of us just have to suffer.

This is the sort of monstrous ego that results when everyone around you not only agrees with you politically but also tells little white, polite lies instead of handing you real criticism. And Peele is actually talented! What a fucking waste of that talent.

 

[HeyYou]

Is this thing dead or something? I've seen no hype, I've seen no praise, I don't even know if it's done or not. It genuinely not only seems shitty but completely irrelevant.

 

[Dom Cruise]

Yeah, this came and went, I haven't heard anything good about it, which is disappointing as I love Twilight Zone.

How does it compare to the 2002 Twilight Zone series?

 

[The Pink Panther]

Is this thing dead or something? I've seen no hype, I've seen no praise, I don't even know if it's done or not. It genuinely not only seems shitty but completely irrelevant.

It got a Season 2....

So no.

 

[SteelPlatedHeart]

So I have seen the first 3 episodes. Uhh, not looking great.

Spoiler: The Comedian

The Comedian: OK opens with stupid gun control spiel, but then, the audience hates it too, so hard to accuse them of trying to make the message sympathetic. The message is simple "The audience doesn't care what you think, the audience wants you". Dude goes mad with the power of being able to disappear people.

Not terrible, could have been half the length but thematically it works as a twilight zone episode. They did start off with a bad taste in my mouth with that ridiculous anti gun argument.

Spoiler: Nightmare at 30000 feet

Nightmare at 30,000 feet: A classic set up, paranoid dude flying who's scared. Scary shit happens.
Then... the plot sorta grinds. OK, so this paranoid dude is getting accurate predictions from his magic podcast. He does what any sensible person getting messages about danger from the future would do, and tries to warn people. Through sitcom style refusals to look at the evidence nobody cares.

EXCEPT! A crazy old pilot believes him. And the magic podcast has the keycode for the door! So obviously our hero does the one thing he can, tells the crazy old pilot the door code, and the pilot promises to save them all.

But oh no! Don't you see! Doing that causes the exact disaster predicted by the magic podcast! The crazy old pilot is suicidal and plans to kill them all!

Then they crash and everyone survived! Hooray! But they're mad this dude caused their plane to crash, and I guess they turned into zombies, so they kill him.

The moral of the story: "Fucked if I know"? If you get a magic tape predicting the future, ignore it? They forgot that the twilight zone usually had a moral along with the twist. I cannot imagine what the moral of this story is supposed to be. Some idiots claimed it was about racism, but the old pilot was white too so that doesn't work for me.

Spoiler: Replay: Here we go

Replay: Holy shit, it's as bad as everyone says.

So remember how the first episode, The Comedian, had a point early on, where the dude's political standup was utterly bombing and tracy morgan said "Nobody cares what you think"? Well I guess they completely forgot about that at this point, and assumed everyone really really wants to know what they think.

So a black lady and her son are driving the son to college. She has her dad's old vhs tape recorder. If she rewinds it, she goes back in time. She never goes back further than the diner where she first used the camera.

So her kid gets ketchup on his shirt, she accidentally rewinds, hey where'd the ketchup go? Weird.

They continue on their way. Oh also there's a fat white cop eating at that diner. Did I mention he's a white cop? Also he's white.

So the son is driving, and playing with the camera, and speeding. The cop pulls them over, lets them off for speeding, but gives them shit about the camera. Then he says some vaguely racist shit and hassles them some more. Eventually moms hits rewind.

OK! We're back in the diner. So mom figures fuck it, she'll drive since her son is kind of an idiot. So she drives almost the whole way to the school, then is like, oh yeah, that cop, so she decides they'll check into a hotel 15 minutes from the school. So then obviously the cop shows up at the hotel claiming there's been a noise complaint, and demands to see mom and son's IDs because he's a racist dick. Sonny boy knows his rights, copper don't care, the cop ends up tasing the kid. Fuck. Rewind!

Back to the diner. This time they just leave right away. So they're driving, then they pull over cuz mom's having a hard time. The son bizarrely parks blocking an off ramp. Like completely blocking it. Then, wouldn't you know it, here comes officer racism. The son is happy to see a cop, his mom is freaking out, he's like 'Hey cop we gotta get my mom to the hospital'. The cop is like "Yeah yeah maybe your mom is dying but I am not doing shit until you move the car a couple inches" because he's white, and a cop and racist. The kid wisely mouths off and charges the cop, the cop draws his taser, then mom hits rewind.

Back to the diner. Alrighty then, mom tries a new tack with officer shithead mcwhitey racist. She offers to buy him a coffee or a piece of pie. He's a fat white cop, so he can't say no to pie. They eat some pie, the moms nervously asking the cop about himself and trying to humanize herself "My son is all I have. He matters"(Cuz he's black(BLM!)) The cop tells a sad story about his dead wife. The moms and the cop have a nice moment. For whiteness reasons he randomly throws little racist comments throughout.

Then the mom goes to leave with her kid, the cop having been placated with kindness. Except! The cop cannot keep his racism in check any longer, and sinisterly asks the woman how she got the nice car she has. She tries to be polite in the face of this rudeness. They go out and are about to get in the car, but oh no! Officer dickhead follows them out and insists they show the title to the car immediately or he'll tow it. Because that's a thing that happens.
Moms is freaking out and arguing with the cop (Why? She knows this dude is kinda a psycho). The kid's like "Oh shit, I actually have a picture of the title on my phone, hold up". Meanwhile mom and cop keep arguing. The kid runs out of the car, whips his phone out of his pocket, and oh no! The cop shoots him. So the mom immediately rewinds.

Except, no she doesn't. She instead cries a bunch, and goes to the morgue to id her son's body. Then I guess she finally remembers about the magic camera. The morgue dude is like "Actually I have it right here". Then she finally rewinds.

Back to the diner. Mom is thrilled her kid's alive again. But she doesn't know how to avoid this damn cop. Oh but wait this whole time there's been this subplot about the kid wanting to visit his uncles but his mom really doesn't want to go back to her old home because bad memories or something. But fuck it, it's worth a try, and they successfully drive to mom's old house. Finally we're out of that stupid plot about the cop, thank god.

Hahahaha no we're not, fuck you.

So the mom's brother completely believes her about the magic camera. They have a conversation with the camera way the fuck too far away so we can have a black lives matter poster prominently featured in the shot. MESSAGE!

After some random complaining about gentrification and prices going up, uncle black panther offers to lead them a different way to the school that somehow involves going underground and through some buildings or something. Get it? Underground? Like the railroad? Like slavery times? GET IT?

Anyway, they take uncle coolguy's route, and emerge at the gate to the school. But guess who is there, waiting for them. That's right, officer dickface mc whiteguy. He's like "WTF are you doing coming out of that building?" Uncle genre savvy says "Fuck it, rewind lady, we'll try again". But no, moms has had enough of fuckface whiteguy copperson. Oh, at some point the rest of the police arrived to back up dickhead, and wouldn't you know it, they're all a bunch of hateful whities too.

So there's a crowd of black people behind the 3 main characters. Mom hits record instead of rewind. Evil bad copman the white guy says "Lady haven't you seen the news?" implying he don't give a fuck, he'll just shoot the kid on camera (At this point they seem to have dropped the pretense he wants anything except to kill this kid). Oh also the cops are literally blocking the kid from entering the gates to the school. GET IT? IT'S LIKE THAT CIVIL RIGHTS THING FROM THE 70s! But then all the black people take out their phones and start recording.

All the evil white cops realize... I dunno... the script says they give up now, so they give up, and they're like "Aww man, let's go officer dickhead, we'll get to murder them next time". So the kid goes through the gate. Mom is all triumphant like "Yeah officer racism, you're the one who's scared!"

Oh did I mention this is apparently a black school? So... kinda mixed message there I guess, since the whole blocking kids from going into a school was about desegregation...

Fast forward 30 years, because what, you thought this mess was over? LOL Fuck you. Now moms is older, the son has a daughter. Mom lets the kid play with the magic tape recorder, fuck it, who cares. The dumb kid drops it and breaks the time traveling camera. Oh then the son goes out and cop lights and sirens, because obviously ol' officer racist was just waiting for his spot!

The end.... almost.

Now Jordan Peele does his (actually pretty good) Rod Serling, and says something super fucking gay like "Even magic isn't enough to stop some evil in the world, evil that exists in the real world, and here, the Twilight Zone"

DO YOU GET IT?

That camera thing sounds like a whole bunch of pointless.

 

[Cool kitties club]

Yeah, this came and went, I haven't heard anything good about it, which is disappointing as I love Twilight Zone.

How does it compare to the 2002 Twilight Zone series?

Some episodes are better but the hour long time span makes most okay to good episodes really boring. I’d probably just watch the 2002 one more because of the shorter snappier time. Sci-fi horror anthology works best when it’s short and sweet.

 

[FuckedUp]

It got a Season 2....

So no.

That means it's more successful than the 2002 series

 

[UE 558]

That means it's more successful than the 2002 series

Or it means that streaming is way cheaper than network TV

 

[frozenrunner]

That means it's more successful than the 2002 series

Or that overseas distributors paid enough collectively for the streaming rights to pay for a second season in full.

I mean, Star Trek Discovery got a second season that way, and nobody likes it. And it has a much bigger budget than this crap.

 

[Niggernerd]

Can't wait for the episode where a dude gets executed for misgendering someone.

it'll be like the episode about the kid sending people to the cornfields if they think bad of him but it'll be because they misgendered xim

Edit: why do they have to ruin my favorite classic TV series

 

[Freddy Freaker]

it'll be like the episode about the kid sending people to the cornfields if they think bad of him but it'll be because they misgendered xim

Edit: why do they have to ruin my favorite classic TV series

And then they cure the biggot of his cisheterosexuality by jaming corn cobs up his ass

 

[Tism the Return]

Jordan Peele is the current Shyamalan except replace twists with racism, or make the twist -X- was racist all along.

 

[TheImportantFart]

Ike Barinholtz noted that his entry into the series focuses on something that he sees as a very real threat. “It definitely dealt with the overall theme of toxic masculinity, which I will say we’re definitely being strangled with.”

Why the fuck is this cunt still hanging around? His claim to fame is MAD TV and all those shitty Seltzerberg movies, what the Christ is he doing in the fucking Twilight Zone?

 

[Stab You in the Back]

Why the fuck is this cunt still hanging around? His claim to fame is MAD TV and all those shitty Seltzerberg movies, what the Christ is he doing in the fucking Twilight Zone?

Narcissism combined with a general insecurity.

Goofy comedic sidekicks like Ike resent how they've been typecast, so they'll latch on to politics because they think that will make them appear intellectual. "I'm not just the fat guy who eats tide pods on The Mindy Project, I also have super deep opinions on... *shuffles papers* toxic masulinity."

Jim Carey, Brett Gelman and Patton Oswalt are also notorious fart huffers who got their break by being ugly weirdos.

 

[Niggernerd]

I'm surprised they even brought it back in all honesty. the twilight zone door should of closed with Rod Serlings death. He made some of the best stories for it because unlike unfunny unga bunga man he chose to be a WW2 solider which the experiences he lived through during the war gave him inspiration for his works and shaped his politics.
And unlike unfunny monkey boy he didn't bow down to Hollywood's degeneracy and didn't take shit from it's executives.

 

[Corbin Dallas Multipass]

Alright, so I watched the 11 year old president one. It was obviously a jab at trump, but executed so clumsily it made the creators look stupid.

So Harold from Harold and Kumar is a dude who gets people elected and shit. He first tries to get some unlikable old dude elected or re-elected or something, and it looks like it's gonna work... then he fails. OH NO. So he's sad about it.

But then there's this 11 year old kid on the youtubes making videos people really like saying generic stupid stuff, like "There shouldn't be wars" and "everyone should get free stuff".

They say technically it'll be the kid's mom running, so it's all totes constitutional and not the stupidest thing you ever heard.

So harold teams up with the kid and the parents go along with this for some reason. The kid gets horribly embarrassed at a debate and literally cries for his mommy. But then, he makes a video about his dying dog and everyone loves him again! So obviously he gets elected president. Somehow everyone's in on the detail that his mom will be the one who is technically president.

So then he wants to implement his campaign promises, starting with "Free video games for everyone". His advisors tell him that's not how it works, then he has a temper tantrum and somehow, everyone gets free video games. He also outlaws old doctors. I guess the writers of this show think the president just unilaterally makes laws?

Also he cheats at golf and wants to have dessert before dinner. Then when Harold disagrees with him, he calls it treason then says "He has a gun" and harold gets shot. At the end, a little kid comes to operate on Harold because the president outlawed old doctors.

If you can believe it, although everyone agrees it was a shit episode and not amusing, all the mainstream reviewers thought the Trump comparisons were perfect and spot on because they're fucking idiots. Still they gave it like 1 or 2 star reviews for the most part.

Next up: Not All Men.

Dear fucking god, kill me now...

 

[Mola Ram]

Alright, so I watched the 11 year old president one. It was obviously a jab at trump, but executed so clumsily it made the creators look stupid.

So Harold from Harold and Kumar is a dude who gets people elected and shit. He first tries to get some unlikable old dude elected or re-elected or something, and it looks like it's gonna work... then he fails. OH NO. So he's sad about it.

But then there's this 11 year old kid on the youtubes making videos people really like saying generic stupid stuff, like "There shouldn't be wars" and "everyone should get free stuff".

They say technically it'll be the kid's mom running, so it's all totes constitutional and not the stupidest thing you ever heard.

So harold teams up with the kid and the parents go along with this for some reason. The kid gets horribly embarrassed at a debate and literally cries for his mommy. But then, he makes a video about his dying dog and everyone loves him again! So obviously he gets elected president. Somehow everyone's in on the detail that his mom will be the one who is technically president.

So then he wants to implement his campaign promises, starting with "Free video games for everyone". His advisors tell him that's not how it works, then he has a temper tantrum and somehow, everyone gets free video games. He also outlaws old doctors. I guess the writers of this show think the president just unilaterally makes laws?

Also he cheats at golf and wants to have dessert before dinner. Then when Harold disagrees with him, he calls it treason then says "He has a gun" and harold gets shot. At the end, a little kid comes to operate on Harold because the president outlawed old doctors.

If you can believe it, although everyone agrees it was a shit episode and not amusing, all the mainstream reviewers thought the Trump comparisons were perfect and spot on because they're fucking idiots. Still they gave it like 1 or 2 star reviews for the most part.

Next up: Not All Men.

Dear fucking god, kill me now...

Anyone remember that Joe Dante episode of Masters of Horror where dead veterans climbed out of their graves and killed an obvious Ann Coulter stand in? Where the peace candidate for president's signs looked exactly like John Kerry's? And I thought that was heavy handed garbage.

 

[Corbin Dallas Multipass]

Anyone remember that Joe Dante episode of Masters of Horror where dead veterans climbed out of their graves and killed an obvious Ann Coulter stand in? Where the peace candidate for president's signs looked exactly like John Kerry's? And I thought that was heavy handed garbage.

Heavy handed garbage should be the subtitle for this show.

The funniest part is the fucking first episode, the comedian, starts with Tracy Morgan playing some fictional highly successful comedian telling the dude his jokes keep flopping because people don't care what you think. Nobody gives a shit what some comedian thinks of the second amendment.

Somehow they wrote that episode including that line along with the story kind of supporting it, then fucking completely forgot the lesson while writing the rest of the series.

So far the best episode has been pretty meh, and the bad ones are fucking so bad...