Lovequest The Relationship Vows

[KaiserC]

OH GOD MY MIND'S READING IT IN CHRIS' VOICE

 

[Mollybdenum]

I'm gonna be true and honest here that list is kinda sweet.

For a child who has no idea how the real world works maybe. But this is a 32 year old man talking to a woman whom he had known for what... a month?

 

[blackie toy]

GodBearJesus I don't even know what to say to this.

 

[Anchuent Christory]

I love how pretty much all of it is him saying that he'll perform the most basic level relationship requirements like they're some sort of massive sacrifice and commitment on his part.

 

[Francis York Morgan]

For a child who has no idea how the real world works maybe. But this is a 32 year old man talking to a woman whom he had known for what... a month?

This. Not to mention the fact that it's all vague bullshit that doesn't really mean anything, Chris doesn't put any obligations on himself, and he leaves it open for him to set more "vows" whenever he thinks of them.

 

[KaiserC]

Strictly Confidential between the
two of us alone, unless you specifically
specify such a detail to be shared

And two new users were born.

 

[Le Bateleur]

Were there vows for "Catherine" as well? If so, did she or Chris write them, and can be posted at some point please?

 

[Anchuent Christory]

Another thing, looking at the pictures, I'm a little confused as to the layout of this thing. Page three is to the left of page two on a folded piece of paper and the first page seems stand alone. Did he fold the paper like a book, write on the front, then open it and write on the right hand side first, then realise that he'd run out of room and just carry on to the left, despite it being out of sequence?

Goddamit Chris, this is supposed to be your sworn declaration of eternal love for your chosen heart sweet. Does he absolutely have to half-ass everything, regardless of it's (imaginary) importance? He just won't do anything to maximise his chances.

 

[warongiygas]

I like how this list doesn't involve Chris doing anything. It's just a remix of Chris's usual 'honest' bullshit:

"I'll be super honest with you and honestly be an honest loving good boy for you my sweetheart etc"

 

[blackie toy]

Another thing, looking at the pictures, I'm a little confused as to the layout of this thing. Page three is to the left of page two on a folded piece of paper and the first page seems stand alone. Did he fold the paper like a book, write on the front, then open it and write on the right hand side first, then realise that he'd run out of room and just carry on to the left, despite it being out of sequence?

Goddamit Chris, this is supposed to be your sworn declaration of eternal love for your chosen heart sweet. Does he absolutely have to half-ass everything, regardless of it's (imaginary) importance? He just won't do anything to maximise his chances.

I'm thinking the plan was to do a greeting card type layout. He'd write the vows on the inside and then once he was satisfied he didn't have to redo them, he'd draw something on the "cover" area. I'm guessing that didn't happen though.

Edit: Nevermind, I'm wrong. First page of text would be the back cover of the card. That makes literally zero sense.

 

[Enjoy your spaghetti]

Stop me if I'm wrong, but weren't her (unwritten) vows something like:

• I will only release the most amusing content you provide that doesn't cause you serious or lasting harm.
• I will humor you and say "uh-huh" for as long as I can possibly tolerate.
• I will not accept irreplaceable Christorical relics.

 

[Anchuent Christory]

I like how this list doesn't involve Chris doing anything. It's just a remix of Chris's usual 'honest' bullshit:

"I'll be super honest with you and honestly be an honest loving good boy for you my sweetheart etc"

Yeah, when all you have to offer is basic level human interaction abilities (which, ironically, Chris doesn't have) you're pretty much irredeemable in the eyes of potential mates.

 

[Kosher Dill]

Honestly, I was surprised that these weren't that bad, other than the fact that he was giving this to a near-stranger. Besides the mother-child weirdness, everything on there was at least a reasonable thing you might want from someone in a committed relationship.
I was expecting it to be more like "You, Catherine, swear to remain open for prolonged duck-poundings without notice" or something.

 

[Gherk McDirk]

Not notarized by an impartial state witness. NULL AND VOID

Slightly Off-Topic: You don't need a witness in VA, just an officiant and a valid marriage license. I've just been through that process recently.

 

[chimcat]

Reading this was more stressful than the lease I signed for my new apartment.

 

[Laevateinn]

OH GOD MY MIND'S READING IT IN CHRIS' VOICE

Spare a thought for me, who reads EVERYTHING that Chris has ever written in Chris's voice, including the high-pitched voice he does for the Sonees and Roseys.

Seeing these vows makes me feel kinda sad on one hand and makes me facepalm on the other. Sure, they're not as bad as Chris could've made them, but it's still kinda pathetic to watch.

 

[axcel]

How are people not getting this? These aren't vows for Renee, these are Catherine's vows.

He knows that. Absinthe is asking if Catherine had promises/vows to give to Chris in exchange for the ones he's demanding of her.

 

[VJ 343]

When I speculated in the thread I was only half right - he does say in a dozen insincere ways he will love and cherish her but thankfully there's no scissor promises in this.

The other thing I noticed is he doesn't talk about what he expects of catherine in this arrangement - I feel like what he's really saying is he expects her to passively agree to these terms and not question then, so later he can say (in fact he basically did when he was trying to manipulate her in those texts) "I'm upholding my part of the contract - you uphold yours!" and whatever that is is up to Chris.

I had a good laugh at how his Oedipus complex shines through. Forever looking for a mommy, aren't you Chris?

 

[JustSomeFella]

He knows that. Absinthe is asking if Catherine had promises/vows to give to Chris in exchange for the ones he's demanding of her.

I'm incorrect.

 

[Lalala]

Wow this really does highlight the whole 'Colin' freakout a lot better; he vows that he'll tell her if he ever chases strange but then doesn't write in that she can do the same. Chris wanted a clause so he could sleep around but wanted Catie to not be able to do the same.
Am I still meant to be feeling sorry for Chris cos she 'wasn't real'? Cos even if he knew she was fake writing in something like that is a pretty huge dick move.