TGWTG Tony Goldmark / "Some Jerk with A Camera" - Some Jerk with a Trust Fund

[AnOminous]

hey i gotta idear let's shove Tony Goldmark into a gas chamber.

 

[WEEDle]

hey i gotta idear let's hold Tony down and shave off his dying wisps of hair and creeper goatee so his head looks like a giant thumb with mug handle ears sticking out.

 

[Kyria the Great]

The thing is we don't Tony. All we want is comedians to come up with something fresh that isn't a dime a dozen like "Our President is bad Lol"

 

[The Dude]

Okay. I was informed of this thread tonight by Tony's ex wife. We're pretty close and obviously neither of us like Tony. I saw some were saying she married him for money, etc. Which she really didn't as that isn't who she is. And honestly, that marriage was her biggest regret of her life, and she lived in Michigan, another regret. Anyway, I was at that wedding. It was held at the Berkeley Yacht Club, hence the weird American flag. Obviously it wasn't traditional. They had karaoke and some other shit, too. Freddie Kreuger is there because why not? Marissa and I like dumb shit and I think that's the only thing she likes from that wedding. Tony's mom was actually a very wonderful person who was kind and caring. She paid for my flight out to the wedding and let us crash at her place. Never met Tony's dad, but his mom was a good person who just happened to give birth to the walking shit stain that is Tony. And yes, he is probably living off her inheritance money. In the end, Marissa never received any kind of money from Tony after the divorce. She cut ties and called it good. She works hard and is enjoying life as much as anyone can. I just felt like letting you guys know who she is and what the fuck was happening at that wedding.

She lives in Chicago and she works hard to stay afloat there like anyone does. She has two cool boyfriends that treat her very well and loads of friends. We don't talk a lot about Tony since he's a douche but she enjoys seeing people rip on him like this thread. It's great.

Thanks for sharing. I'm sure all of us are glad she was able to get away from the fat Jew mongoloid. We had said she likely married for the money mostly as a joke, but also because none of us could see what any woman could possibly see in Tony to warrant marrying him.

Tony and I had gotten into a bit of a Twitter argument a few months back, and when the divorce was brought up Tony claimed that "HE left HER". I had my doubts about that, but would you be willing to let us in on the truth on who initiated the split? And give our best to Marissa.

 

[TheImportantFart]

hey i gotta idear let's hold Tony down and shave off his dying wisps of hair and creeper goatee so his head looks like a giant thumb with mug handle ears sticking out.

Don't forget to record his screams.

 

[The Dude]

Don't forget to record his screams.

I think he's more likely to make pig squealing sounds as opposed to screams.

 

[Jewelsmakerguy]

I see Tony is uninformed about the rest of the internet. Not surprised, considering how uninformed he is about a lot of things.

Though that does make me ask, is he pulling the "It's only okay if I bash Trump!" card?

 

[kousagi10]

She was married to Tony AND lived in Michigan? I'm glad she got a divorce. Something like that could lead someone to suicide.

Also, I'd like to mention I've only recently seen one video of this cow and my god he ruins any collaboration he's in.

She still comes back to Michigan to try to get her friends out of there. Me included but I gotta stay for college purposes.

Thanks for sharing. I'm sure all of us are glad she was able to get away from the fat Jew mongoloid. We had said she likely married for the money mostly as a joke, but also because none of us could see what any woman could possibly see in Tony to warrant marrying him.

Tony and I had gotten into a bit of a Twitter argument a few months back, and when the divorce was brought up Tony claimed that "HE left HER". I had my doubts about that, but would you be willing to let us in on the truth on who initiated the split? And give our best to Marissa.

I understand 100% that it is mostly a joke, but some people tend to think this, so I just wanted to give you guys some inside perspective.

I'm pretty sure she left him. We don't talk a lot about him because he was a dick. It's difficult for her to reflect back on that due to the anxiety and depression that he caused. Marissa has been following this thread so I can say that she is thankful for your concern. I'm sure she will keep following this to see you guys rip on him. It's just so easy.

 

[The Colonel]

Anything she can spill on him that this thread hasn't already revealed?

 

[kousagi10]

Anything she can spill on him that this thread hasn't already revealed?

I just asked her and she told me to give her a bit. She's got some stuff but I think she is working right now so she doesn't have the time to spill the tea yet. I will keep you guys posted. However, I did ask about the divorce, she left him because he was an asshole who was absuive with anger problems, and he was very unhygienic. Which, yeah, I visited her when they lived together and he was just gross. Never seemed to pick up after himself. Ultimately they were young when they got married. It was just a dumb move to get married at 20 years old anyway. I think the wedding was only in People because Kathy had so many connections. Matt Groening and Amy Tan were at the wedding but I did not meet them. Everyone seemed to really enjoy the costume wedding though. I know it seems really odd, and I thought it was, too, but so many adults seemed to enjoy themselves. A big group of friends from high school were also flown out as well. While we're not all in touch anymore, it was nice to see San Fran together and enjoy the city.

Anything she can spill on him that this thread hasn't already revealed?

This is straight from Marissa.

"
Well here's the truth on the matter...

First off I was the one who pushed for divorce. He and I actually separated well before we were legally divorced. His family kept pushing us to stay together and for me to have kids with him (thankfully that never happened because DUH also sex was super unappealing.) I chalk up getting married to his as a stupid teenage mistake/regret (I was only 19.)

He has a massive ego and is beyond selfish. Super anger management issues, mentally abusive. He was also incredibly unhygienic. He almost never washed his hair and I never knew dandruff could congeal but yes, it can! He expected me to baby him and treat him like I was his mom. I couldn't put up with that shit and when I would stand up for myself, he's attack me face to face the way he attacks people on Twitter. (I could go on and on...)

His mom did pass away in 2012 but his dad (also very wealthy) was still supporting him and he never had an actual job and the fact that he has a patreon is insulting to those who actually need money to fund their projects.

I'm not perfect but I actually got help for my problems instead of blaming them on others and playing the victim.

There's so much I could say but like I don't want to go too in-depth just cause but I want to still be truthful."

 

[Mola Ram]

she left him because he was an asshole who was absuive with anger problems

Shocking.

I think the wedding was only in People because Kathy had so many connections. Matt Groening and Amy Tan were at the wedding but I did not meet them.

I never want to hear this lardo bitch about "privilege" ever again.

 

[Robot Holocaust]

Holy fuck, he's worse than I could have ever imagined. I started this thread just to make fun of his political sperging and the fact that he spergs out over theme park rides but this? What a awful human being. I'm sorry you had to go through his shit, Marissa.

 

[Gordon Cole]

I visited her when they lived together and he was just gross. Never seemed to pick up after himself.

He was also incredibly unhygienic. He almost never washed his hair and I never knew dandruff could congeal but yes, it can! He expected me to baby him and treat him like I was his mom.

That's...not the most surprising thing I've ever heard. I'm really glad you were able to escape the clutches of Tony's ham hands, and may the road rise up to meet you.

Still, that gives sperging out about clean fingernails a new, disgusting layer.

 

[friedshrimp]

Damn it, why the most virtue signaling/IHATETRUMP/DIVERSITYISGOOD/SUCKONTHATWHITEMEN are often douches themselves?

 

[Mola Ram]

Damn it, why the most virtue signaling/IHATETRUMP/DIVERSITYISGOOD/SUCKONTHATWHITEMEN are often douches themselves?

Projection.

 

[The Dude]

Thank Marissa for me. Yeah, dandruff can "congeal". It's called Cradle Cap, and it happens sometimes with babies who don't get properly bathed and aren't picked up often. When it happens on adults it's because of similar reasons, which is indicative of a VERY sedentary and unhygienic lifestyle. Looking at Tony, I'm not surprised at all.

The abuse is a little shocking and pisses me off. I'm a little surprised because he seems like such a pussy, but with he ego, unwarranted self-importance, and delusions of intellectualism, it makes sense. The whole wanting his spouse to mother him is par for the course with someone so privileged, coddled, and spoiled as Tony. I had no idea that it was both parents who were wealthy and were/are supporting him, but it isn't surprising. It also explains why he's such a lazy cunt. When you've never had to do any real work or earn a living, then you definitely become the kind of person who would believe taking a year off from your "work" is perfectly reasonable. I'm sure I'm not the only person here who would love to see Tony's money magically disappear, just to watch him squirm and struggle to survive like the rest of us unprivileged schmoes.

Edit: Also wanted to say that I'm glad Marissa didn't cave into Momma Goldjew's desire for her to give grandchildren with Tony. No offense to either Marissa or Mamma Goldjew, and it is sad that Tony's mom died without knowing the joys of grandparenthood (assuming Tony is an only child), but it means there aren't kids splitting their time between parents (with one of them being a disgusting, lazy, self-absorbed, sanctimonious, unwashed, Anti-Fa supporting manchild), and it saved Marissa the trauma of being more "intimate" with Tony than she had to already suffer through.

 

[AnOminous]

Edit: Also wanted to say that I'm glad Marissa didn't cave into Momma Goldjew's desire for her to give grandchildren with Tony. No offense to either Marissa or Mamma Goldjew, and it is sad that Tony's mom died without knowing the joys of grandparenthood (assuming Tony is an only child), but it means there aren't kids splitting their time between parents (with one of them being a disgusting, lazy, self-absorbed, sanctimonious, unwashed, Anti-Fa supporting manchild), and it saved Marissa the trauma of being more "intimate" with Tony than she had to already suffer through.

No children with the only woman this fat, greasy prick will ever have means his autism genes die with him.

 

[Hollow Cost]

This is straight from Marissa.

"
Well here's the truth on the matter...

First off I was the one who pushed for divorce. He and I actually separated well before we were legally divorced. His family kept pushing us to stay together and for me to have kids with him (thankfully that never happened because DUH also sex was super unappealing.) I chalk up getting married to his as a stupid teenage mistake/regret (I was only 19.)

He has a massive ego and is beyond selfish. Super anger management issues, mentally abusive. He was also incredibly unhygienic. He almost never washed his hair and I never knew dandruff could congeal but yes, it can! He expected me to baby him and treat him like I was his mom. I couldn't put up with that shit and when I would stand up for myself, he's attack me face to face the way he attacks people on Twitter. (I could go on and on...)

His mom did pass away in 2012 but his dad (also very wealthy) was still supporting him and he never had an actual job and the fact that he has a patreon is insulting to those who actually need money to fund their projects.

I'm not perfect but I actually got help for my problems instead of blaming them on others and playing the victim.

There's so much I could say but like I don't want to go too in-depth just cause but I want to still be truthful."

hah, knew he was as greasy as he looked

also, goddamn. he gets in lines for kids rides like every day? those poor people around him have to put up with that smell
can we get him on Geneva Convention violations?

 

[Chaos Theorist]

What hiring Tony Goldmark and firing Phelous and Lupa worth it Doug?

 

[The Dude]

What hiring Tony Goldmark and firing Phelous and Lupa worth it Doug?

I thought Phelous and Lupa quit (along with a shit-ton of other Channel Autism personalities) and that's why the Walkers had to take in literally any talentless hacks they could (like Tony)? Some of the new people are OK, like Brian Tenold, but most of them are unfunny, untalented, and just downright boring (again, like Tony).

The only reason Tony is amusing to watch is for unintentional reasons, like the schadenfreud of watching a greasy mongo manchild fail at life, his shitty political opinions/sperging, his impotent rage over Trump, his lack of self-awareness when he bitches about rides not accommodating his fat ass, etc. Aside from his equally childish sycophantic viewers (who wouldn't know good comedy if they were stomped by Richard Pryor, George Carlin, and Mel Brooks), I doubt anyone has ever laughed because of Tony's brand of "humor".

Like that horrible Harry Potter-themed "Baby Got Back" parody Tony made way back. The only reason that got any mileage on the internet was because of how horribly cringy it was. It was one of those things you'd email to your friends or link it on their My Space page as a challenge to them. If Tony made it today it would be in tons of "Try Not to Cringe" challenge videos by popular YouTubers (unlike Tony) like Markiplier or JackSepticEye.