Ubisoft Sellout - Bankruptcy Speedrun Any% Thread

disney eurobeat is such bullshit it transcends the boundaries of art and becomes something to be cherished to the point we should put in on nasa-probes for aliens to find in a few thousand years (after we nuked ourselves so they don't have to).
The aliens will file it alongside the rack and the iron maiden as a cruel and unusual torture device.

I want to note that there's a cover of the Mickey Mouse Club March done by a Bjork soundalike that inexplicably has a ten foot stepchart, and I know this because I've heard the first third of it about a hundred times. You know what's worse than DDR Eurobeat? DDR Eurobeat where you're hearing the first 30 seconds of a song over and over because the M-I-C-K-E-Y spelling bit involves half-beat swaps between up-down and left-right which your drunken friend both cannot hit and will not give up on attempting to hit because he can't 'let the mouse win'.
 
the same one who has a huge ego issue and had a shitfit in one of the .nfo files over cat game
when i read that nfo i got pissed because that fucking tranny is 1000% right, that's the worst part of it, that fucking tranny being right over how people praised stray like it was the second coming of jesus christ of games even though it's ok-tier walking and hide sim.
 
The aliens will file it alongside the rack and the iron maiden as a cruel and unusual torture device.

I want to note that there's a cover of the Mickey Mouse Club March done by a Bjork soundalike that inexplicably has a ten foot stepchart, and I know this because I've heard the first third of it about a hundred times. You know what's worse than DDR Eurobeat? DDR Eurobeat where you're hearing the first 30 seconds of a song over and over because the M-I-C-K-E-Y spelling bit involves half-beat swaps between up-down and left-right which your drunken friend both cannot hit and will not give up on attempting to hit because he can't 'let the mouse win'.
this one?
 
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World ruined an entire generation of women, so Ubisoft's doing their best to avenge them with the Steam release of the game:

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lol, both Ubisoft Connect and Denuvo are required to play this 13-year-old downloadable pixel art faggot game.
 
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Scott Pilgrim vs. The World ruined an entire generation of women, so Ubisoft's doing their best to avenge them with the Steam release of the game:


lol, both Ubisoft Connect and Denuvo are required to play this 13-year-old downloadable pixel art faggot game.
not if you pirate it and emulate it through the switch emulator
 
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I've only played the the first SC and Chaos Theory, basically the only ones from the old era that are available on Steam. I've always heard that everything that came after was less tactic stealth and more cinematic epic which is why I haven't touched them. Maybe I'm missing something but it feels like that whole franchise's popularity was entirely carried by the first three games.
I've only played a little of Blacklist, but it seemed okay. Double Agent was pretty boring and uninspired, and Conviction was a total mess where they decided "fuck stealth we Jack Bauer now". Chaos Theory was basically the highlight of the series and it's all gone downhill from there.
Not only did R6:Extraction flop (shame, I kind of like the game but it desperately needs more content with more to do), but Siege is suffering as well. Player numbers have been on a steady decline for a while.

Siege has this lovely thing where they're progressively getting less and less content per season, and I'm finally not alone when it comes to bitching about it. Pair that with seasonal events being slightly edited repeats of past years and balance changes taking several months, and it's clear that Ubisoft is reducing the man power for the game and are slowly killing it off. Don't worry though, they're still thrilled to sell you an overpriced battlepass filled with cosmetics instead of putting meaningful content into the game.

Besides a shithouse connection, the progressively shittier characters for R6 Siege was one of the things where I decided I was better off not playing it. You look at the original guys and they all look like they belong in some tactical unit, or could be actual people involved in a breach.

Then...what the fuck happened? Suddenly none of them are wearing helmets or masks. They're all edgy-looking faggots who look like they belong on a Twitch stream rather than any battlefield.
AC 1, 2, Brotherhood, and Black Flag are worth playing. Everything else is up to you.
Revelations was also worth playing in my opinion.

AC3 was a tremendously wasted opportunity. Connor - while bland - could have been further developed over a trilogy spanning the Revolution and some minor events afterwards. Black Flag was a fun game, but what they did with 3 was total piss. It didn't help that their reworked combat system was so flat compared to its predecessor.

I stopped around Unity and have been meaning to play at least a couple more of them one day, but seeing Valhalla and all the woke shit strewn about it, I might be better off not picking it up again.
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Ghost Recon is a mixed bag for me. I played Future Soldier and thought it was mediocre and uninteresting, but I also played it solo. Years later I tried out Wildlands with a friend, and it was easily one of the best Ubisoft multiplayer experiences I've ever had. Game's fun, world's decent, and turning everything off to make it a faux milsim on Ghost Mode is actually very entertaining to me.

Never tried Breakpoint, but I heard it was an inferior product despite some gameplay updates. Emptier world, and Ubi tried to get on the NFT bandwagon before people told them they hated it. The CEO said something to the effect of, "NFTs are what people want and we will make them like it, they just don't realize how much they want it", and that pretty much explains why I fear for whatever Ghost Recon game they might make in the future (besides the canceled one from last year).
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For Honour is still apparently trundling along that it still gets new characters and updates. The concept was fun and sound, but greedily locking away content behind a total $750 paywall was just too much for an online-centric game.
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Still a little mad with what happened to Prince of Persia. Loved the entire Sands trilogy, fell off after playing that awful 2008 reboot and never tried the one after that. The 2008 game was lame and did nothing new for the franchise, and I was particularly ticked off by them promoting that you could never die in the game because it would always rewind itself to a safe spot, instead of it being something limited that you had to make good choices on.
 
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I stopped around Unity and have been meaning to play at least a couple more of them one day, but seeing Valhalla and all the woke shit strewn about it, I might be better off not picking it up again.
The new RPG games are bloated and tedious. Origins I liked a lot my first time through for the Kino setting but I can't ever work up the desire to replay it. Odyssey is just awful and Valhalla is the blandest game of all time.
 
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World ruined an entire generation of women, so Ubisoft's doing their best to avenge them with the Steam release of the game:


lol, both Ubisoft Connect and Denuvo are required to play this 13-year-old downloadable pixel art faggot game.
Wasn't this game part of the list of Ubishit games that had their online services shut down?
 
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Unity is where I stopped too. I never even played it, it’s still sitting on my shelf. I also have Origins, but I still can’t muster up the interest.

Syndicate destroyed my love/respect of the franchise. Dumb gameplay, and turning the only interesting character bisexual was just ugh.
They couldn’t even get Jack the Ripper right, it’s a mess.
I’m also pretty sure that stupid “2 protags” nonsense is how they’ve downgraded to two blank blocks of wood in Odyssey and Valhalla.

I was about to start Unity to work my way up, but said “fuck that” and shelved it.
 
Does that surprise you? Have you ever encountered a mentally well balanced tranny on the internet that doesn't try to start fights?
There is no possible way Fitgirl isn't a troon, or at least a group with a troon who came up with that image. Unless we've got a unicorn of a person who just happens to be a super autistic, super competent woman who just happens to be fixated on digital compression and optimization.
The red flag for me was the “are you really a girl” question in the FAQ section. How is that relevant info to how I need to pirate your games? Only Troons usually get caught on that for obvious reasons.

The tard out in the files is icing.
100% this, from the first release i downloaded that had the Fitgirl moniker in the title i instantly knew it has to be a troon. Empress was more obvious in being a troon with its unhinged behaviour but there's no way a natal woman would be doing something as tech-autistic as scene release repacks.
I'm pulling up slightly old shit here but I might as well. It gets funnier. Certainly funnier than whatever crap Ubisoft's up to.
I too consider "Empress" and "FitGirl" to be 100% Euphoric* but some lovely drama from "Empress" has only confused things.
To all the GENDER FREAKS out there who keep claiming out of their own ass that I am a male, I am so sorry to ruin your fantasy dreams of a trans cracker is false and yes I am actually a woman.
Next time if you want to speak about your pathetic fetishes, you better look at yourself in the mirror.

-- rant end --
To all others and especially the people who supported me so far, I thank you from the bottom of my soul. Because of you this release was possible.
thanks to fitgirl, masquerade, and all the beautiful non toxic community here, some serious people ON REDDIT managed to report me to authority with my real address, i am not quiet sure how it happened, but even with putting my philosophical side aside, i think i pissed off the entire internet just by trying to control "MY" own crack for 24 hour is actually something i am still not able to believe.

in less than an hour, i will be dragged out of my home here with my lawyer, but considering i was caught red handed while preparing version 2 fix for my immortals crack, i don't think there will be much of hope against it at all.

i must repeat again, thank you a LOT fitgirl, and all her followers who enjoyed insulting and reporting me for the little stupid mistakes i did. there are no perfect person in this world, but i at least tried to do something 'right' out of all this. but no one saw it, and instead they only saw the negatives.

to all who insulted me : deep inside, i still think you are all beautiful people, and i still don't hate you. you just made another mistake too like i did. i hope some of you will remember me later, and try to continue on my path.

everyone will say i did this to myself. but in the end, its the people on reddit who was responsible for that according to the police report.

farewell, everyone. i know you are not going to miss my philosophies at least.
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*Funny how that word has remained a perfect descriptor for these loonies for over a decade despite trends coming and going
 
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