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Chris does not react well to yelling, so the inevitable verbal pyrotechnics from Cole and Barb would make him extremely uncomfortable.
Containment What If?
- Thread starter darkhorse816
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- Feb 3, 2013
From [cwc]Cole_Smithey_E-mails[/cwc]
I think Cole is just pissed that his surname,"Smithey" , is too similar to "Smithee", which is some Hollywood insider fruitbowl carny talk for a director who wants to be anonymous.
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José Mourinho
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Chris would leave his future wife/Barb/hooker to take care of the child.
.......Okay, what they did do to my favourite breakfast snack?
LordCustos3 said:
.......Okay, what they did do to my favourite breakfast snack?
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somejerk said:
Good lord, that cat is pissed. Last time I heard a cat make noises like that it was giving birth.
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Alan Pardew said:
Your favorite breakfast snack is attached to a guy named Jethro. Although I am not interested in testing this theory myself, I have heard tell (from a recently de-closeted ex-comic book artist from Ruckersville) that Jethro's "Hash_Brown" goes down well with either white OR brown gravy. Dipping it in the maple syrup just makes too much of a sticky mess and cleanup becomes a pain. "Mmmmn, Yeah. Ssquite a mouthful. Hmmmn. Could eat it all day long." said he.
José Mourinho
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DrChristianTroy
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So, let's suspend our disbelief and say the unthinkable happens, Chris actually lands a sweetheart. His dreams are finally coming true, he's excited to plan the rest of his life with her, they go on dates and all seems well.
Then, after a month or two, the girl just up and falls for someone else. But since she "doesn't want to hurt him," she'll try to hide it. She'll mention hanging out with this other guy but to prevent Chris from being mad and jealous, she'll probably tell him he's gay so that Chris will think "well I don't approve of da homos but if he's gay then at least he wouldn't take my sweetheart."
Then another month or two later, he finds out. Either she admits she has been lying this whole time, or the other guy tells him, or someone takes video of the two of them Cheaters-style and shows it to Chris.
What happens then? Does he tardrage at the JERK for taking his rightful china? Or does he tardrage at the girl and realize that females are not as kind and caring as he was told they were?
Then, after a month or two, the girl just up and falls for someone else. But since she "doesn't want to hurt him," she'll try to hide it. She'll mention hanging out with this other guy but to prevent Chris from being mad and jealous, she'll probably tell him he's gay so that Chris will think "well I don't approve of da homos but if he's gay then at least he wouldn't take my sweetheart."
Then another month or two later, he finds out. Either she admits she has been lying this whole time, or the other guy tells him, or someone takes video of the two of them Cheaters-style and shows it to Chris.
What happens then? Does he tardrage at the JERK for taking his rightful china? Or does he tardrage at the girl and realize that females are not as kind and caring as he was told they were?
Bob's Fries
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Re: What if Chris gets a sweetheart and then she cheats on h
I doubt he would give a damn, given that he only wants China and Crystal. If he gets those two things, he wouldn't care.
Big Bob Pataki said:
I doubt he would give a damn, given that he only wants China and Crystal. If he gets those two things, he wouldn't care.
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Re: What if Chris gets a sweetheart and then she cheats on h
It would be fair. Chris cheated on his "sweethearts" in the past.
Hilarity may ensue. Chris may try to threaten the fart-minded JERK who stole his sweetbolt. Can you imagine if her new sweetbolt is the MMA type and acts like TJ did when Chris said he'd smack TJ's effin' face down?
Of course, if her new sweetheart was a big, muscular dude, Chris would probably behave in a passive-aggressive manner and say some nonsense about how he was happy they found true love, but in his mind he's wishing his ex was dead.
It would be fair. Chris cheated on his "sweethearts" in the past.
Hilarity may ensue. Chris may try to threaten the fart-minded JERK who stole his sweetbolt. Can you imagine if her new sweetbolt is the MMA type and acts like TJ did when Chris said he'd smack TJ's effin' face down?
Of course, if her new sweetheart was a big, muscular dude, Chris would probably behave in a passive-aggressive manner and say some nonsense about how he was happy they found true love, but in his mind he's wishing his ex was dead.
TheIncredibleLioness
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Can Chris even grow extensive facial hair? I know he had that goatee a while back but I don't know if he could manage a full neckbeard. I don't know why I think that. The Tomgirl nonsense doesn't help though -- I imagine even if he could, he wouldn't because that's not feminine. Or. something.
Re: What if Chris gets a sweetheart and then she cheats on h
It takes a whole lot for Chris to actually hate a woman (Megan being the notable example), but I imagine if she cheated on him, one of two situations might happen:
a) he would hate her, but be exceptionally passive about it -- essentially like his usual Facebook tirades against whoever. He'd hate her but wouldn't actually do anything to her, because that would require effort. Nor would her cheating on him deter him from finding a new sweetheart, because as we've seen, Chris has no problems going from woman to woman. But he would also hate the JERK that took her away, which segues into my next theory:
b) Chris would just blame the guy entirely. Sure, perhaps the sweetheart would get some of his ire as well (similar to how he blamed the Wallflower for, say, having a Facebook account or something completely ridiculous), but in the months and years that followed, whenever he would think about the incident, he would blame it on the guy somehow. At no point would he ever think that maybe the guy offered her something he couldn't, or potentially learn something from it. No, the entire thing would be the other guy's fault, possibly he 'tricked' the girl into leaving Chris ala the Liquid Saga, etc. Again, Chris is passive so these would just be empty threats and anger, but in his mind the JERK was playing Kick the Autistic, with the woman just being a pawn in this scenario, unworthy of any further thought.
Re: What if Chris gets a sweetheart and then she cheats on h
It takes a whole lot for Chris to actually hate a woman (Megan being the notable example), but I imagine if she cheated on him, one of two situations might happen:
a) he would hate her, but be exceptionally passive about it -- essentially like his usual Facebook tirades against whoever. He'd hate her but wouldn't actually do anything to her, because that would require effort. Nor would her cheating on him deter him from finding a new sweetheart, because as we've seen, Chris has no problems going from woman to woman. But he would also hate the JERK that took her away, which segues into my next theory:
b) Chris would just blame the guy entirely. Sure, perhaps the sweetheart would get some of his ire as well (similar to how he blamed the Wallflower for, say, having a Facebook account or something completely ridiculous), but in the months and years that followed, whenever he would think about the incident, he would blame it on the guy somehow. At no point would he ever think that maybe the guy offered her something he couldn't, or potentially learn something from it. No, the entire thing would be the other guy's fault, possibly he 'tricked' the girl into leaving Chris ala the Liquid Saga, etc. Again, Chris is passive so these would just be empty threats and anger, but in his mind the JERK was playing Kick the Autistic, with the woman just being a pawn in this scenario, unworthy of any further thought.
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Re: What if Chris gets a sweetheart and then she cheats on h
She'd confess to him but all he'd do is grunt and keep playing vidya. Then after about five minutes of trying to start a conversation with him she grabs her purse, walks out and drives to her new boyfriend's place where she proceeds wash herself fanatically while having a minor breakdown in the shower upon realizing she actually willingly spent time in Chris' house and let him touch her.
She'd confess to him but all he'd do is grunt and keep playing vidya. Then after about five minutes of trying to start a conversation with him she grabs her purse, walks out and drives to her new boyfriend's place where she proceeds wash herself fanatically while having a minor breakdown in the shower upon realizing she actually willingly spent time in Chris' house and let him touch her.
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Re: What if Chris gets a sweetheart and then she cheats on h
I bet we'd finally see the return of the public "curse-me-ya-ha" if this happened. Poor woman wants to get it done in public so she can escape more easily, so she breaks up with him during their daily McDonald's run. He starts trying to babble out a reason for her to stay with him, but she walks away. Just as she gets out the door, he lets loose with a huge scream before the launch of his "attack"... and then turns around and tries to order his twenty-piece and sweet tea like nothing happened.
I bet we'd finally see the return of the public "curse-me-ya-ha" if this happened. Poor woman wants to get it done in public so she can escape more easily, so she breaks up with him during their daily McDonald's run. He starts trying to babble out a reason for her to stay with him, but she walks away. Just as she gets out the door, he lets loose with a huge scream before the launch of his "attack"... and then turns around and tries to order his twenty-piece and sweet tea like nothing happened.
Sakamoto
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Re: What if Chris gets a sweetheart and then she cheats on h
Chris would consider that the JERK "stole" his sweetheart, it's all the guy's fault, because all the JERKS in the world only exist to take all the pretty girls away from Chris. While women are just too innocent and naive to know what's best for them.
He would try to win her back, trying unconvincingly to explain why he is the better man for her, then, after that fails, playing the pity card. He's too much of a pussy to confront the other man in person, but he would rage on facebook and some curses would be generated.
Then some new game would come out and he'd forget all about her.
Chris would consider that the JERK "stole" his sweetheart, it's all the guy's fault, because all the JERKS in the world only exist to take all the pretty girls away from Chris. While women are just too innocent and naive to know what's best for them.
He would try to win her back, trying unconvincingly to explain why he is the better man for her, then, after that fails, playing the pity card. He's too much of a pussy to confront the other man in person, but he would rage on facebook and some curses would be generated.
Then some new game would come out and he'd forget all about her.
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Re: What if Chris gets a sweetheart and then she cheats on h
I did some digging and found this.
http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Mailbag_25#This_is_perhaps_the_worst_advice_Chris_has_ever_given
In Mailbag 25, a fan asked his advice on his cheating girlfriend.
The response
No comment.
I did some digging and found this.
http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Mailbag_25#This_is_perhaps_the_worst_advice_Chris_has_ever_given
In Mailbag 25, a fan asked his advice on his cheating girlfriend.
The response
No comment.
