Containment What If?

[Grand Number of Pounds]

God will give the secret of life to Chris, which means Chris will be a prophet.

Unfortunately for Chris, the only way he can communicate God's message is through cryptic Facebook posts. Some bizarre religious group correctly deciphers the meaning and hails Chris as a prophet, making him a high priest. Chris gets plenty of china from willing boyfriend-free followers, heck, he may even mass marry them all Unification Church style, but they quickly pick up on Chris's bad habits and the group tanks as a result.

Chris goes back to his life of bandaging Barb's holey buttocks, but as a consolation, God gives him the ability to heal her. Barb's buttocks then really does become holy.

 

[wheat pasta]

Short answer?
This forum probably wouldn't exist and neither would the CWCki.

 

[Giovanni]

I think that the most likely source of extreme damage to Chris's house would be snow build-up causing a roof collapse, especially since he and Barb clearly don't give eight fucks about home maintenance. Most people would treat a roof collapse as a major emergency, especially since exposure to the elements exponentially increases internal home damage, but I suspect these two geniuses would just pile some crap in front of the damaged room and call it a day. Heating costs skyrocket, AC skyrockets come summertime, more bugs, rain getting in...it wouldn't be pretty.

But it would be kinda funny.

 

[SodomyRocket]

He gets sent to hell for being a sinner

 

[Giovanni]

"God, why can't I find happiness?"

"Chris, what you've done is potatoes compared to Hitler, but that doesn't mean you're a good person. I mean, it's a pretty low benchmark, 'I'm not as bad as Hitler'. You've done many bad things - many cruel things, even - and have shown no signs of legitimate remorse or attempts at atonement. Tell me...why SHOULD you find happiness?"

"Hm...be-because I am a true Autistic hero, and...mm..."

"See, this is why I let them throw pennies at you."

 

[SodomyRocket]

"God, why can't I find happiness?"

"Chris, what you've done is potatoes compared to Hitler, but that doesn't mean you're a good person. I mean, it's a pretty low benchmark, 'I'm not as bad as Hitler'. You've done many bad things - many cruel things, even - and have shown no signs of legitimate remorse or attempts at atonement. Tell me...why SHOULD you find happiness?"

"Hm...be-because I am a true Autistic hero, and...mm..."

"See, this is why I let them throw pennies at you."

Wait the Hulkster is god ?

 

[exball]

Short answer?
This forum probably wouldn't exist and neither would the CWCki.

Disagree. Barb would ensure Chris would still be a manchild.

"God, why can't I find happiness?"

"Chris, what you've done is potatoes compared to Hitler, but that doesn't mean you're a good person. I mean, it's a pretty low benchmark, 'I'm not as bad as Hitler'. You've done many bad things - many cruel things, even - and have shown no signs of legitimate remorse or attempts at atonement. Tell me...why SHOULD you find happiness?"

"Hm...be-because I am a true Autistic hero, and...mm..."

"See, this is why I let them throw pennies at you."

Wait the Hulkster is god ?

You know it brother.

 

[Count groudon]

Re: What if Chris smoked marijuana?

Pot would send his current paranoia into overdrive. That said, I'd love to see him do a video update while stoned.

I'm pretty sure he already did a video while he was shitfaced drunk before.

 

[Kamen Rider Black RX]

"God, why can't I find happiness?"

"Chris, what you've done is potatoes compared to Hitler, but that doesn't mean you're a good person. I mean, it's a pretty low benchmark, 'I'm not as bad as Hitler'. You've done many bad things - many cruel things, even - and have shown no signs of legitimate remorse or attempts at atonement. Tell me...why SHOULD you find happiness?"

"Hm...be-because I am a true Autistic hero, and...mm..."

"See, this is why I let them throw pennies at you."

Wait the Hulkster is god ?

You know it brother.

 

[SodomyRocket]

"God, why can't I find happiness?"

"Chris, what you've done is potatoes compared to Hitler, but that doesn't mean you're a good person. I mean, it's a pretty low benchmark, 'I'm not as bad as Hitler'. You've done many bad things - many cruel things, even - and have shown no signs of legitimate remorse or attempts at atonement. Tell me...why SHOULD you find happiness?"

"Hm...be-because I am a true Autistic hero, and...mm..."

"See, this is why I let them throw pennies at you."

Wait the Hulkster is god ?

You know it brother.

Good thing I train and take my vitamins.

 

[An Ounce of Vagina]

He would demand God tell Jesus to cover up his disgusting male chest. Then demand that he be allowed to set his Lego throne higher then God.

 

[Surtur]

Depends on whitch god.

 

[wheat pasta]

Short answer?
This forum probably wouldn't exist and neither would the CWCki.

Disagree. Barb would ensure Chris would still be a manchild.

I suppose that's true, but a special school may have better equipped him to handle da stress, trolls etc. He could have been a marginally lesser lolcow, is what I'm driving at I suppose. He could have been just another (insert creepy autist with weird Sonic fancomic) instead of THE creepy autist with weird Sonic fancomic. But then, it can be argued that no amount of special schooling might save CWC from himself.
Hell, if Chris had been in a special school he may have even made friends.

 

[Fibonacci]

Short answer?
This forum probably wouldn't exist and neither would the CWCki.

Disagree. Barb would ensure Chris would still be a manchild.

I suppose that's true, but a special school may have better equipped him to handle da stress, trolls etc. He could have been a marginally lesser lolcow, is what I'm driving at I suppose. He could have been just another (insert creepy autist with weird Sonic fancomic) instead of THE creepy autist with weird Sonic fancomic. But then, it can be argued that no amount of special schooling might save CWC from himself.

Well he searched and he searched
To find a stress-free life.
A counselor and a special school,
Even got him a future wife.
But where ever he has gone,
He was sure to find himself there.
You can run all your life,
But not go anywhere.

Take away, take away,
Take away his ball and chain.
Well he's lonely and he's tired
And he's got an autistic brain.
Take away, take away,
Never to return again.
Take away, take away,
Take away...
Take away his ball and chain.​

 

[TastyWoodenBadge]

Short answer?
This forum probably wouldn't exist and neither would the CWCki.

Disagree. Barb would ensure Chris would still be a manchild.

At most, he would have a more minor presence on the internet.

 

[Pikonic]

I'd like to say he'd be normal, but then I'm reminded that A-log went to "special school"

 

[Donald Duck]

Chris would demand an apology from God and that he give him his sweetheart from the ground up as well as Crystal as it was PROMISED to him in the vision that GOD sent him.

God then gets fed up and bans him from entering Heaven, causing Chris to tardrage and attempt to snap a picture of God on his iphone. This of course being GOD, the attempt causes his iphone to explode in his right hand and damages his hand to such an extent that doctors had to amputate it. The medical expenses related to his amputated hand puts further strain on his already strapped financial situation and he does not have the funds replace his lost iphone. In addition, with the loss of his hand, he is unable to play his precious vidya ever again, thus dooming him to an agonizingly boring life at Barb's side until, eventually, he's all alone to the day he dies... upon which, due to being banned from entering Heaven, he is condemned to go to Hell instead!

Only upon entering the its' fiery depths that he finds, to his outrage, that Satan has banned him too.

..... forgive me, I'm really really bored right now...

 

[c-no]

If Chris managed to somehow meet God then he would try to call God out for all the hardships and loneliness and trolls he encountered. God would point out to Chris that these are the faults of him and his parents due to how he was raised and how he acted. God would also point out how Chris has missed out on opportunities in life in improving himself.

 

[SlowInTheMinds]

After Chris is tired of constantly complaining to God, God strikes him down to avoid hearing any more of his complaining about Kick the Autistic.

 

[Grand Number of Pounds]

We had a thread on this before.

Considering it's Barb, it would be another "scurrilous mate" to quote Cole. The guy would be, at best, like Bob and challenge Chris on all his bad habits, forcing him to improve himself and maybe get a job. This would make Chris and At worst, Bob 2.0 would see OPL as competition to Barb's attention and affection and kick him out of the house. That would be a major life change for OPL.