Containment What If?

Gravity's Rainbow: He'd be appalled that there's nothing in it about Rainbow Dash, plus the numerous phallic references would freak him out.

The Magic Mountain: He'd call Thomas Mann a JERK for not portraying Clawdia Chauchat sufficiently sweet and bubbly.

In Search For Lost Time: He might try to remember his past by dipping McNuggets in Long Island Iced Tea.

The Tale of Prince Genji: OMG this might give him ideas :shock:

The Tin Drum: Well...
 
He wouldn't be the only person to misinterpret Daisy Buchanan as a pretty bauble to be won.
 
Hmm...Beowulf was-was all right. It had a plot that I could un-understand by having Cole explain-I mean, looking it up online... However, I do not understand why that-da,um Cole kept sn-sn-snickering when he was talkin' 'bout..Grendel and his, uh, mommy.
 
He'll make a Facebook post tardraging about it.

And if the thief is using the wallet to steal his identity, he'll regret it.
 
I'd cast Kathy Bates as Barb (in full Misery mode) and Clint Eastwood as Bob because it would be hilarious. I'd like to see Samuel L. Jackson dealing out grade-F destruction as CADD-Chef. Based on Chris' depiction in the comics, Sir Ben Kingsley as Clyde Cash.

It's more cult than classic, but I'd like to see Chris read 'Milk, Sulphate and Alby Starvation.' It's a novel about a mentally unstable, comics-loving drug dealer who's the target of a vast but absurd conspiracy by the Milk Marketing Board while weird and magical things go on around him. Chris probably wouldn't realise it's a comedy or see anything wrong with the main character's paranoia, lack of gainful employment and general uselessness.

They wouldn't issue any kind of alert, because society wouldn't want him back. :alog:
 
Knowing Barb's reaction to the Ohio trip, Barb would probably change the locks and not allow him back in if he was recovered.
 
14 Branchland Court, an independent film
Directed, and written, by Picklepower.

Jonah hill as Chris
Kathy Bates as Barb
Ellen Paige as Megan
Andy Dick as Bluespike
Martin Sheen as Micheal Snyder
Don Cheedle as Target security guard
Val Kiler as Kaceys dad
Juliet Lewis as Kacey
Micheal Madsen as Chris's abusive elementary school principal

Andy Dick would portray Bluespike as an insane drug addict, who lives off of his torment of others, there would be shades of Rika in his portrayal too.
Kaceys Dad would be portrayed as a war veteran who has let himself go, and is an alcoholic, he his haunted by PTSD.
Micheal Snyder would be portrayed as a man who wants to be young again, running the game place takes him back to childhood.
Jonah Hill would do a pretty straight forward portrayal of Chris, but the cross dressing/gender issues would be shown more in childhood flash backs, for dramatic effect.

For legal reasons, Pokémon would be changed to a fictional card game called Monster fighters. And Sonichu would be called something else, and wouldn't play as much of a role. Remember this is a movie.

The confrontation with bluespike would be in person though, at the Target, it would be something like this.

Andy Dick as Bluespike: Hey there, say is you name CWC?
Jonah Hill as Chris: yeah, yeah I gotta meet Julie today, shes my best girlfriend.
Bluespike: *starts laughing a bit
Chris: what are you laughin at mister?
Bluespike: Its me you little fuck, IM JULIE! *starts really laughing hard
Doncheedle as Target security: Whats going on here, Chandler are we having more problems?
Chris: NOOOOOOO! I WANT JULIE, NOOOO!!!! *starts walking around* Where are you Julie!!!!?? you don't have to hide!!!
Target security guard: Ok chris your gonna have to leave again, we don't want a big scene like last time.
Bluespike: *starts recording Chris* Yeah cry some more, this is going online tonight!
Target security guard to bluespike: You outta be ashamed of yourself.
Bluespike: Fuck off lawman, Im not breaking any laws here, fuck your not even a real cop.

(actually if I really made this movie, unless I got permission, legally I would have to change some names, but I could still use the names, Kacey and Bluespike, because Kacey wasn't real, and Bluespike is an internet name, that anyone could use.)
 
He needs to read "A Confederacy of Dunces" and learn about Ignatius J. Reilly

He'd likely wouldn't like Jones because he's a niggo and smokes tobacky. Chris would then use his valve being upset as an excuse not to do anything.

Ransom of Red Chief

They'd get annoyed with him and pay Barb to take him back.
 
The kidnappers would try to give Chris back for a ransom but still they would want to rid of him. Other than that, Barb would probably lock him out of the home.
 
No one would do it. No one really kidnaps anybody for ransom anymore ( in America and UK at least)

Also child abductions seem to be more a thing of the 80s and 90s than now.

And there is no incentive to kidnap chris-chan. None at all
 
What if the Smartest Film Critic in the World had a change of heart toward his mother and half brother?

Let's say he makes a good faith effort to try and give Barb financial/medical assistance and get Chris committed to a nice, cozy group home. Would he be able to make a positive difference in their lives or would his efforts be fruitless?
 
Re: What if Coleslaw had a change of Heart?

He'd drink craft beer and do nothing.
 
Re: What if Coleslaw had a change of Heart?

CatParty said:
been discussed
viewtopic.php?f=11&t=1929
Click to expand...
I did used to make What If treads, good times.

This question isn't about Cole moving in, but rather him basically sending money and telling them where to get help.
It would end the same as is he did move in, Barb and Chris would lose their shit after any criticism was given and Cole would say "fuck it" and leave.
 
Re: What if Coleslaw had a change of Heart?

Cole would help a little, *SIGH* and go back to his life of craft beers, writing crappy movie reviews and playing in a band.
 
Re: What if Coleslaw had a change of Heart?

Cole would auction off chances to have McDonald's with Chris. First round of nuggets is on him, but you buy the rest.
 
Re: What if Coleslaw had a change of Heart?

This is not likely to happen; Cole's massive ego aside, given that in his emails with Chris, Cole describes her as a lying child abuser who avoids him like the plague.
 
Re: What if Coleslaw had a change of Heart?

Don't forget barb tried to shoot him
 
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