Containment What If?

I'm doing a temp job where I redact documents for a legal case. I only keep in the stuff pertinent for the lawsuit.

Chris would fuck this up by trying to change the fonts of documents to comic sans, he'd do his redactions in colors of his choice, he'd talk people's ears off, have ponies and legos at his desk, yell "DAMN DIRTY GERMANS!" Every time he had a document in German, hate our gay German translator, and walk to the break room every 10 minutes.
 
As Marvin has said in the past, he bad mouths strangers under his breath.
If the girls invited him to an adult dinner, he'd make the situation very uncomfortable. It wouldn't be long before they "got tied up with life" and can't do dinners like that again.
 
I can only assume that it might be less of a clusterfuck as a written work. I can only assume that the page in Issue 9 where Chris and Ivy meet GodJesus would only make more sense if it was originally a story. About the only way it could fail to be that way is if it were formatted like a page out of House of Leaves and somehow made it even more confusing.

Bear in mind, they've all moved on from High School. Chris hasn't. If his behaviour didn't alienate them, the fact that, since his Love Quest started, he's begun to expect sex sooner and sooner almost certainly would. He'd have another Megan/Wallflower situation with half a dozen girls in record time.

Also, I can't see Chris becoming The Thing that Would Not Leave; given that :snorlax: has threatened to kick him out of the house and change the locks if he had another unexplained absence like the Ohio trip, any attempt to do so would likely end in a disaster, and I'm sure even Chris would be able to figure that out on his own.
 
morrissey.jpg
 
I don't think that it would be good. His grammar is worse than mine and English is not my first language.

He would not be able to borrow their clothes because he is fat.
 
sparklemilhouse said:
I'm doing a temp job where I redact documents for a legal case. I only keep in the stuff pertinent for the lawsuit.

Chris would fuck this up by trying to change the fonts of documents to comic sans, he'd do his redactions in colors of his choice, he'd talk people's ears off, have ponies and legos at his desk, yell "DAMN DIRTY GERMANS!" Every time he had a document in German, hate our gay German translator, and walk to the break room every 10 minutes.
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This is if Chris showed up at your workplace. Everyone knows Chris would never get a job, even a temp one.
 
His obesity isn't enough?

He'll put in the minimal effort to stay alive, make the small changes to prolong his life, and find a scapegoat to blame. If it's something major, he'll milk it for all the attention he can get, play the pity card, and do all he can to avoid death. Subtle, chronic health issues (Obvious obesity, diabetes, chronic CVD) won't be handled if he can't take a single pill for it. He -might- deal with diabetes if it would mean avoiding needles. I just get this feeling that he wouldn't handle the constant blood sugar monitoring, and possibly insulin injections, very well.

Something acute, he'll do what he can to deal with it. I get this feeling a heart attack or something would really strike home with him, but it's nothing he'll work to prevent, thinking it won't happen to him.
 
My workmates might throw coins at him for pranks. :ween:
 
I work/live on a military base, so Chris would probably get his ass kicked by security forces, then be dumped outside the main gate.
It'd be fun to watch. :alog:
That being said, if Chris actually managed to infiltrate to where I work at, I'd be astonished that an Autistic Adult Manchild defeated our security.
 
Kamen Rider Black RX said:
What if Barb decided to go into a nursing home rather than fix up the house?
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Chris wouldn't be able to foot the bill.

This could probably be its own thread but I'm too lazy to look.
What if you had the same notoriety as Chris? Every time you make a YouTube video it instantly gets thousands of comments and a whole online community follows you and what you say, no matter how minor? How would you use this power?
Would you bring awareness to various charities? Talk about politics? Or just be a huge douche?
 
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Pikonic said:
This could probably be it's own tread but I'm too lazy to look.
What if you had the same notoriety as Chris? Every time you make a YouTube video it instantly gets thousands of comments and a whole online community follows you and what you say, no matter how minor? How would you use this power?
Would you bring awareness to various charities? Talk about politics? Or just be a huge douche?
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I'd be a douche. Or play a douchey character.

What if Chris did shrooms?
 
Batman said:
What if?

He's a 31 year old autistic male suffering from obesity, severe malnourishment and chronic incontinence previously living in a garbage dump. What if?
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What if he also had a bent phallus and anger issues that caused him to hit people with cars.......oh, wait.
 
Batman said:
English isn't Chris' first language either. He speaks tard. With a speech impediment. And he's nowhere near fluent.
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Tard or English? Cause I don't think he's fluent in either.

Speaking as one who has it, I wonder what would happen if Chrissy had asthma. Would he drop dead after walking a few feet?
 
Pikonic said:
Kamen Rider Black RX said:
What if Barb decided to go into a nursing home rather than fix up the house?
Click to expand...
Chris wouldn't be able to foot the bill.
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Medicaid or Medicare might pay for it.
 
exball said:
man_in_space said:
What if Chris went to the military?
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It'd be like Full \M/ETAL Jacket.
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-What is it private Chandler? A JELLY DOUGHNUT?!

Really, can you imagien Hartman vs Chris? The amounts of stress produced...

Well, he can speak in his monotone and he can scream like a mad child. I'd say fit for Hollywood.
 
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