"Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" - A married person looks at the current crisis of undateable men

Article/Archive

Women have been talking about the lack of good men on the market for about 20 years or so. It’s been the source of countless articles — college-educated men with jobs are harder to find than before. Heck, even blue-collar guys are being snapped up by women who outearn them.

Unfortunately, these articles only tell half the story. They’re looking at marriage from an economic perspective. And you know what? It’s true that most women want to have a man to financially contribute to their family since women will do the majority of the emotional labor at home.

Even so, the shortage of men in the dating world isn’t just an economic issue. Truth be told, the current economy has a lot of women rethinking their need to have a provider in the home. More and more frequently, women are open to being the breadwinner.

So, what’s the deal? Why are women struggling so hard to find a spouse? Economics aside, there are a couple of other reasons why women can’t find good men.

First off, there are some men who are choosing to drop out of the dating scene.​

Whether it’s because they were badly burnt and can’t risk it again, or they just got tired of trying doesn’t matter. A lot of men feel like there is nothing of value in dating or marrying anymore. It’s true.

To a point, I get it.

A lot of women treat men like shit. There’s also this weird current trend where being tall is basically the bare minimum for a large percentage of girls. (I don’t get this. I married someone shorter than me and get flak for it, but I like short men.) All things said, it’s easy to get disheartened with the scene.

Honestly, if a man says he doesn’t want to marry, that’s fine. He shouldn’t be forced to nor should women try to convince him. Personally, I think it’s empowering for men who have been burned to say, “Maybe I should stay single.”

I’m all for men going their own way, provided that they just stop trolling us online. It is healthier for guys to realize that they are not in a good state of mind for dating than it is to continue to try while they build toxic dynamics.

A lot of men who are economically ready for a family are also not emotionally ready.​

I’ll be honest. There’s something very, very wrong about a very sizable percentage of single men. While some single men are diamonds in the rough who just need the right girl, a lot of them are very…hateful.

Most women have received hate mail, harassment, and threats from men like these in their dating profile inboxes. They’ve also witnessed these guys pick apart their appearance, neg them, and abuse them.

This is not attractive. And it’s increasingly common from what I hear. Women talk, and that often means that women end up backing away from guys as a whole. But, that’s another issue.

What I’m saying is that men who treat women like shit and have zero self-awareness are not dateable. Many of these guys also don’t realize that a six-figure salary doesn’t guarantee you sex.

And sadly, there are more and more of them each day.

Of course, a lot of men who would have been married are also openly pursuing other men.​

In the past, not being a married man carried a MASSIVE stigma. The only stigma that was worse was being gay, bisexual, or trans as a man. In the 1960s, this is the type of stuff that would get you beaten and totally ostracized.

Hell, it still is, in many circles.

Things have still changed in much of the country. Nowadays, men don’t have to marry women just to keep up the look of a straight man. They can be openly gay. They also can marry their lovers.

While this does mean less eligible bachelors for women, this is actually a great thing. We should all have the right to date and marry who we are attracted to, regardless of gender.

The issue of male radicalization also has a serious impact on women’s standards.​

Incels. Nice Guys (TM). Misogynists. Online trolls. The list of men who hate women and who terrorize them goes on and on. And sadly, it’s all part of a bigger movement that’s radicalizing men to hate women.

Women are increasingly worried about men posing a life-threatening, life-ruining danger to them. So, what can they do? They have to protect themselves. So, they do one of three things:

1. They drop out of the dating scene, deciding that it’s not worth the risk. It’s better to be alone than with the wrong man, and women know they’ll be blamed for “choosing poorly” if they end up abused.
2. They vet men by pushing standards that are higher than what they were in the past and always keep a way to break up with them available. This means they may ask for standards that have nothing to do with compatibility.
3. They choose to have cheap sex with someone and avoid relationships at all costs. They may even use a one-night-stand to get the sperm they need to have a baby.

Why am I bringing this up? Well, it’s simple. The higher dating standards become for men, the fewer men will qualify. This pushes guys who would be fine in another time out of the dating ring as a preventative measure.

Let’s look at the 6-foot standard that so many women want. It’s a perfect example of what I mean. This height thing is a symptom of what happens when women notice how many short guys have a chip on their shoulder about them being short.

A lot of short men insult women who won’t go out with them. If women have men berate them for not dating short men, they’re not going to go, “Maybe I should give the guy who just had a mantrum a chance.”

That’s not how women (or anyone logical) would work. No, they’re going to go, “I’ll opt for the tall dude because he’s not going to verbally abuse me for not dating someone shorter.”

Is this fair? Kinda, but it also sucks. A lot of great men I’ve met who would be amazing partners for the right girl are getting overlooked because of it. But once again, I understand. It’s an act of self-preservation these days.

So, what can be done?​

It all comes down to this: women have standards and they’re not willing to budge. Men have the right to determine what they want to do with that knowledge.

Dating is discriminatory by nature. Relationships of any sort are not a given. If men can’t measure up, it’s not up to women to act as charity cases or rehab centers. Men cannot force women to date them or marry them.

This means what men do is on them and will primarily be about how they react to the dating scene today. They can either drop out of the dating scene, work on their mental health, or do something to make themselves more attractive.

So, I suppose it’s time for them to decide what they want to do. Is the juice worth the squeeze? Are they willing to improve themselves?

Only time will tell.

 

[Scale Smerch]

Of course, a lot of men who would have been married are also openly pursuing other men.​

Jesus the delusion is right off the charts. Men aren't pursuing your ass because you've proven yourself clinically insane and not worth the time. Oh and if you already have kids? Enjoy the single life; I'm never raising another man's bastard spawn.

I'll get a girlfriend when I inevitably run across one who fills a void I have and appreciates what I have to offer. Women only have themselves to blame for what the sexual market has turned into. If you want a husband that badly you'll quickly learn what you need to provide to obtain one. Anything else is simple social media pandering to achieve a few more likes and pretend you're someone special.

 

[Kari Kamiya]

The Universality of Incest | The Association for Psychohistory

I wish it was. RIP Japan's gene pool.

Edit: If you can't find it: CTRL +F Japan. Horrifying shit.

Japan's study is horrifying, but the Middle East segment is right afterwards and holy fucking shit no wonder shit's messed up over there. That's pure nightmare fuel (thanks for the link). And this study was published in 1991, what are the odds there was any societal change made in 30 years?

 

[Mewtwo_Rain]

Japan's study is horrifying, but the Middle East segment is right afterwards and holy fucking shit no wonder shit's messed up over there. That's pure nightmare fuel (thanks for the link). And this study was published in 1991, what are the odds there was any societal change made in 30 years?

Oh yes, the whole study is absolutely abysmal, and to be honest I'd argue it's possibly gotten worse (gut feeling) in most countries since. If more accurate studies were to be done we'd probably see all kinds of nightmare fuel and that's without getting into western countries. I can only imagine.

You're welcome.

 

[The Great Milenko]

They look like they terminate somewhere in the vicinity of her fucking navel.

Swing low, sweet chariots.

 

[Zero Day Defense]

The Universality of Incest | The Association for Psychohistory

I wish it was. RIP Japan's gene pool.

Edit: If you can't find it: CTRL +F Japan. Horrifying shit.

I thought E;R was messing around...




ADD: On second thought, until I can figure out these sources, I'll still remain skeptical, because this is unreal.

...I mean, I could have been ribbing the Japanese for a whole lot more than not reproducing.

 

[Alligator Alcatraz]

Tbh, I think between the current economic issues young adults of today face and politically charged issues invading hobbies, the dating scene is taking the toll. Everyone is so focused on being right and alienating each other based on the slightest opinions, they can't find common ground anywhere. Just fucking chill, people, and you will find someone who at least tolerates you.

The whole "women only want tall men" thing is just plain bullshit.

Spoiler

I wrote an joking requirement list for Null, and he responds letting the joke go over his head. Like nigga, those are your insane high standards for women that's why your ass is single. Total lack if self awareness.

Women do in fact date men who are fat, short, tall, poor, and even ugly. The heart wants what the heart wants, and that's why men like Ethan Ralph, DSP, Nader (the egyptian crack whore that Chantal dates), and even this dude literally so big he got stuck to his desk chair and firefighters had to remove the wall to get him out of the house have female lovers. Stop blaming women for fictional "high standards" and fucking cope. Learn to groom yourself, get a job, and stop bitching about things women have biologically evolved to do to keep humanity from degenerating by breeding with emotional, high strung, financially unsustainable men.

Let's talk about how we have men, right here on Kiwi Farms, who minmax women based on age due to percieved fertility loss as they get older. My grandma had her last child, healthy, at 50. Get dunked. What a shocker: most men who do so are single. Men who blame women for getting raped, men blaming women for getting birth control or abortions, and men blaming women for not taking care of children while at the same time never holding their fellow men accountable.

Relationships are two-player games and dudes seem to think women should be soloing, the one bearing most responsibility. Women just don't want to deal with that. There is nothing hotter than a man saying "I want a woman I can dedicate myself to and children I will father". Go ahead and say that in an area with lots of women and you will get smiles from ladies.

I think that the author managed to make it through her entire screed without realizing that if she made herself more attractive, she'd be able to better compete for a limited number of in-demand men.

"The world needs to change around me so I can get a hot date" is actual incel logic, but it's OK here because woman.

Men: "women are fucking whores they just date any man"

Also men: "women use incel logic and it puts men down"

All virgin women who chose to maintain their chastity are incels, and that's a good thing. That's what men want: a woman who chooses one man and sticks with him.

It used to be a woman choosing to incelibate was normal but now it's either a woman who chooses to abstain from sex is mocked as a "femcel" and when a woman does have sexual experience she is called a whore. Just admit you hate women, remove yourself from the gene pool by trooning out, and move along. Your unhealthy opinions are not constructive to reproductive society. No women or men will want to date you becauce you are an insufferable, abrasive, and unlikable cunt.

The lunacy of the article writer aside, I wish this article didn't use a nagging tone and instead asked for some self-awareness from BOTH SIDES. These replies are evidence that most men don't know what they want from women and to them, everything a woman does is wrong. The reality of it all is that people need to chill the fuck out and stop acting like dating is literal war.

 

[Ser Prize]

To quote MEMRI TV

“Why should I apologize for being a misogynist? Has any woman ever apologized for turning me into one?”

I feel this one deep. I want to love women like I was raised to. But christ if reality hasn't ruined that blissful illusion.

 

[76LD910]

Have I seen this article in AnH before? I could have sworn I saw this article a few weeks ago.

Women have been writing articles like this for a couple decades at least.

 

[Manul Otocolobus]

One of the saddest things in life is flap jack tits.

Mournful tits!

 

[Dracula's Spirit Animal]

Another hit piece on men you say? Colour me shocked.

It's really quite astounding, one of the, or perhaps THE most fulfilling experience of life (depending on if you're roughly speaking: normal), having a partner and children, gets reduced to this:

"We are not budging from getting everything we want. You are not good enough. You are a failure/misogynist/faggot. It's all your fault."

It's like domestic abuse without even living with the person.

 

[Pissmaster]

View attachment 3523053

Perfect female counterpart to:

 

[Alligator Alcatraz]

All virgin women who chose to maintain their chastity are incels, and that's a good thing. That's what men want: a woman who chooses one man and sticks with him.

It used to be a woman choosing to incelibate was normal but now it's either a woman who chooses to abstain from sex is mocked as a "femcel"

I just realized how retarded this is written and I'm just gonna take the L.

Another hit piece on men you say? Colour me shocked.

It's really quite astounding, one of the, or perhaps THE most fulfilling experience of life (depending on if you're roughly speaking: normal), having a partner and children, gets reduced to this:

"We are not budging from getting everything we want. You are not good enough. You are a failure/misogynist/faggot. It's all your fault."

It's like domestic abuse without even living with the person.

Yeah it's like a second-hand abusive relationship. The article does come off as a sort of National Geographic documentary. It's really the slight self-awareness but not following through that brings it home. Journos cannot make that final leap.

Sometimes I feel like if society skipped Third wave feminism and went straight to Fourth wave feminism, we would all be a lot better off. Gays would still not be taken seriously and we wouldnt have all this vegan, trans, gender identity bullshit. Third wave feminism focuses way too much on luxuries and encourages complacency. Fourth wave feminism is like a return to actually advocating for women and in turn advocates for laws which help men in abusive situations as well.

 

[Mr Bunny]

It's even worse than that.

It's clear that Jada, and even their two kids, don't even respect Will.

That's why a lot of men are becoming "red pilled." Even when they are exactly the types of men that women say they want, women don't respect them because they are "weak." Tupac isn't weak, but Tupac also isn't going to wife Jada up. In fact, it's arguable that Jada is attacted to Tupac BECAUSE he won't wife her up. It's all about the chase; one she has the validation, she loses interest. I've seen a lot of men talk about how a woman persued them for a year, and then when they finally relented, the woman lost interest. That's because the woman got the validation she wanted.

It's also like how children don't want a toy until they see a sibling playing with it. Men can go months/years without a woman, and suddenly when they luck into one then women are all over him. That's because now he's more attactive. There's also a component of jealously among the women; they see a woman "whose beneath them" with a man, and think that they can get that man because OBVIOUSLY they are a better woman than this current girlfriend. I have literally seen woman on social media talk about how they don't want a man that "doesn't have any hoes" because they think to themselves if noone else wants this man, then why would I want him? Men are a status symbol to women.

That doesn't get into the fact that women would rather be Nick Cannon's tenth baby momma than have a "7" man all to themselves, but that's getting into a whole nother can of worms.

Weakness is so important, especially in the black community, that black women will break up with their boyfriends for crying at a funeral. I know this happens too in non-black communities, but my impression is that it is worse for black men. Black men can't even cry at a parent's funeral without their women losing respect for them.

The most extreme example for right or wrong is male feminists. Some are just straight predators (start the clock), but some are literally just beta males that are saying "look, I want a relationship and will do whatever you ask of me to get it." Then, when these men do everything the feminist women say they want, they find out that the feminists don't find that attractive in an actual partner; they still want the "bad boy." That pisses off the male feminists because in their mind, they are doing everything "right", they are doing everything the women ask of them, and still get no results.

I just noticed that this is a lot. Is this too much? Sometimes I like to vent, or at least use posts to get my thoughts together. I know in the real world I would be called an incel for this post. Probably here too. And niggerfaggot.

Listen hear niggerfaggot, you make great posts and I enjoy reading them.

 

[Jet Fuel Johnny]

This article is actually funny.

Thanks for sharing it.

Ol' Flapjack Tits trying to hot herself up by wearing fetish gear is fucking hilarious.

 

[God of Nothing]

It's even worse than that.

It's clear that Jada, and even their two kids, don't even respect Will.

That's why a lot of men are becoming "red pilled." Even when they are exactly the types of men that women say they want, women don't respect them because they are "weak." Tupac isn't weak, but Tupac also isn't going to wife Jada up. In fact, it's arguable that Jada is attacted to Tupac BECAUSE he won't wife her up. It's all about the chase; one she has the validation, she loses interest. I've seen a lot of men talk about how a woman persued them for a year, and then when they finally relented, the woman lost interest. That's because the woman got the validation she wanted.

It's also like how children don't want a toy until they see a sibling playing with it. Men can go months/years without a woman, and suddenly when they luck into one then women are all over him. That's because now he's more attactive. There's also a component of jealously among the women; they see a woman "whose beneath them" with a man, and think that they can get that man because OBVIOUSLY they are a better woman than this current girlfriend. I have literally seen woman on social media talk about how they don't want a man that "doesn't have any hoes" because they think to themselves if noone else wants this man, then why would I want him? Men are a status symbol to women.

That doesn't get into the fact that women would rather be Nick Cannon's tenth baby momma than have a "7" man all to themselves, but that's getting into a whole nother can of worms.

Weakness is so important, especially in the black community, that black women will break up with their boyfriends for crying at a funeral. I know this happens too in non-black communities, but my impression is that it is worse for black men. Black men can't even cry at a parent's funeral without their women losing respect for them.

The most extreme example for right or wrong is male feminists. Some are just straight predators (start the clock), but some are literally just beta males that are saying "look, I want a relationship and will do whatever you ask of me to get it." Then, when these men do everything the feminist women say they want, they find out that the feminists don't find that attractive in an actual partner; they still want the "bad boy." That pisses off the male feminists because in their mind, they are doing everything "right", they are doing everything the women ask of them, and still get no results.

I just noticed that this is a lot. Is this too much? Sometimes I like to vent, or at least use posts to get my thoughts together. I know in the real world I would be called an incel for this post. Probably here too. And niggerfaggot.

Women mistake a lack of control for strength and the presence of it as weakness. It's backwards but what do you expect from examining how women behave? Who is the modern top bitch? The one that screams the loudest. The one that doesn't stop bitching. The one who is a complete failure at everything in life. They took their extremely flawed view of what constituted actual power in men and ran with it into oblivion.

The way they see men is funny on the sheer level of irony. Men don't work as status symbols because they have to become them rather than just be. Women will always be as such because of how important reproduction is as a species. A man can have many women and be respected as a man rather than a functional member of society because like hell any of his kids or relationships will turn out well adjusted or for the better. A woman can have many men but fails as a woman both naturally and societally because she wasted her youth with trash and now lacks a protector for her and her children, an actual father and lover.

Again, they mistook the way men saw players. The respect might be there, but it's not the kind of respect a man values or even wants. Man got pussy. Good for him. It's not like any of his actions produced something positive though. He just got his release.

 

[BIG BILL HELL'S]

Of course, a lot of men who would have been married are also openly pursuing other men.

*rubs forehead* 'Guys don't want to be with me because they're secretly gay' has to be well past the LD50 of copium, right?

View attachment 3523053

Swing low, sweet saggy tits.

FTFY

 

[Basic Blonde Boy]

 

[Don't Tread on Me]

Tbh, I think between the current economic issues young adults of today face and politically charged issues invading hobbies, the dating scene is taking the toll. Everyone is so focused on being right and alienating each other based on the slightest opinions, they can't find common ground anywhere. Just fucking chill, people, and you will find someone who at least tolerates you.

The whole "women only want tall men" thing is just plain bullshit.

Spoiler

I wrote an joking requirement list for Null, and he responds letting the joke go over his head. Like nigga, those are your insane high standards for women that's why your ass is single. Total lack if self awareness.

Women do in fact date men who are fat, short, tall, poor, and even ugly. The heart wants what the heart wants, and that's why men like Ethan Ralph, DSP, Nader (the egyptian crack whore that Chantal dates), and even this dude literally so big he got stuck to his desk chair and firefighters had to remove the wall to get him out of the house have female lovers. Stop blaming women for fictional "high standards" and fucking cope. Learn to groom yourself, get a job, and stop bitching about things women have biologically evolved to do to keep humanity from degenerating by breeding with emotional, high strung, financially unsustainable men.

Let's talk about how we have men, right here on Kiwi Farms, who minmax women based on age due to percieved fertility loss as they get older. My grandma had her last child, healthy, at 50. Get dunked. What a shocker: most men who do so are single. Men who blame women for getting raped, men blaming women for getting birth control or abortions, and men blaming women for not taking care of children while at the same time never holding their fellow men accountable.

Relationships are two-player games and dudes seem to think women should be soloing, the one bearing most responsibility. Women just don't want to deal with that. There is nothing hotter than a man saying "I want a woman I can dedicate myself to and children I will father". Go ahead and say that in an area with lots of women and you will get smiles from ladies.


Men: "women are fucking whores they just date any man"

Also men: "women use incel logic and it puts men down"

All virgin women who chose to maintain their chastity are incels, and that's a good thing. That's what men want: a woman who chooses one man and sticks with him.

It used to be a woman choosing to incelibate was normal but now it's either a woman who chooses to abstain from sex is mocked as a "femcel" and when a woman does have sexual experience she is called a whore. Just admit you hate women, remove yourself from the gene pool by trooning out, and move along. Your unhealthy opinions are not constructive to reproductive society. No women or men will want to date you becauce you are an insufferable, abrasive, and unlikable cunt.

The lunacy of the article writer aside, I wish this article didn't use a nagging tone and instead asked for some self-awareness from BOTH SIDES. These replies are evidence that most men don't know what they want from women and to them, everything a woman does is wrong. The reality of it all is that people need to chill the fuck out and stop acting like dating is literal war.

Who gives a shit about dating? Dating is pointless, a waste of time and money. You shouldn't date a woman before you think she could reasonably be someone you see yourself with in five years.

 

[Zero Day Defense]

Stop blaming women for fictional "high standards" and fucking cope.

Exceptions don't disprove observable tendencies.

Learn to groom yourself, get a job, and stop bitching about things women have biologically evolved to do to keep humanity from degenerating by breeding with emotional, high strung, financially unsustainable men.

...you just cited Ethan Ralph, DSP, and that fat dude as supposed evidence meant to disprove the "fictional" high standards talked about.

Please don't bullshit. Being desirable to anyone is about a whole lot more. You have to look more than average to someone, and you need to have a "good enough" job-- talk less of one that would actually support a family. And that isn't even just a start-- you can still be liable to struggle with those things. Even if just grooming yourself and having a job was enough for a fighting chance (it hardly is), the fact that there are people with better jobs and more photogenic looks and the fact that a woman would at least be more likely to gravitate them before others ceteris paribus and given the opportunity (i.e. if it came down to those things, you wouldn't deliberately choose someone with less of those things) disproves the thrust of your statement.

It's a script you read out to-- by your estimation-- make yourself look more high-minded and down-to-earth than you actually are. And there's no point. What's effectively necessary is that the woman's demands are non-contradictory and "in her paygrade"-- she needs to be the kind of person that the kind of man they're asking for would want, and if they really want what they're looking for, they need to train themselves and acquire whatever's necessary. Same for men.

The issue that men have ultimately is that there's no honesty about what's generally desired, and many of them have been geared towards developing as people that most women pretty much want the opposite of, even when they fit the written bill.

Let's talk about how we have men, right here on Kiwi Farms, who minmax women based on age due to percieved fertility loss as they get older. My grandma had her last child, healthy, at 50. Get dunked.

You're so obsessed with owning men on KF so you can say that you'll still "have it" at 50 that you never even bother to address the reality of actually having a child at 50. Under normal conditions, the child has to learn quick to care for the parent around the time they hit 20 and they're still in university? They can worry about their parent passing when they're 30-40? The parent isn't going to be as agile as they would have been in their 20s or 30s to actually rear a child? Risk to the mother? Risk of congenital defects?

Men who blame women for getting raped,

Where the hell...

men blaming women for getting birth control or abortions,

We can't blame women for the things they do by themselves, anymore?

and men blaming women for not taking care of children while at the same time never holding their fellow men accountable.

Do you think that men (deadbeats) being hunted down on the orders of mostly other men (judges) so their wages can be garnished for child support is something that happens without society as a whole deciding that men don't get to wholly skip out on their responsibility as a father, even if we can't point a gun to their heads and tell them to parent?

Men aren't even blaming single mothers for not taking care of children. We blame them for choosing shit men in the first place. What "biological evolution" explains the precipitous rise in single motherhood? What "biological evolution" explains women repeatedly choosing men that will beat them black and blue and into an early grave? What "biological evolution" prevents women from even duly identifying as a domestic abuser a man who has "I beat women" written all over his hands? So much for preventing the degeneration of mankind-- this comment is long enough without having to list out every single disproof of that bullshit notion in the Year of our Lord Current Year + 8.

Or are you just going to shove all the blame for that on specifically black women?

 

[Freshly Baked Socks]

I just realized how retarded this is written and I'm just gonna take the L.

Sometimes I feel like if society skipped Third wave feminism and went straight to Fourth wave feminism, we would all be a lot better off. Gays would still not be taken seriously and we wouldnt have all this vegan, trans, gender identity bullshit. Third wave feminism focuses way too much on luxuries and encourages complacency. Fourth wave feminism is like a return to actually advocating for women and in turn advocates for laws which help men in abusive situations as well.

How many waves of feminism do you have planned?