why are you still single - and general discussion of the dating game

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This is a nice story, despite it not developing into anything, and I think you will be fine going forward. I also think it was decent of you not to pull someone into what you knew would be a time of upheaval and change for you. But have you considered reaching out to her again if you're in a place to do so?
Thank you for your thoughtful reply and for the words of encouragement. I did think about reaching out again, although I'm not sure how I would have created appropriate context under which to do so. It could be me overthinking things again, but it might have come off weird to reach out after months of not talking without some kind of pretext. I did end up accepting a job offer very recently for something out of area. That being said, I had previously decided to contact her if I didn't receive an offer, even if I wasn't able to think of a great reason to do so per what I said earlier about framing and not skipping opportunities.

Also, in general (not about your comment, but about being in your 20s and meeting people. Does no one go out after work for drinks/ socializing anymore? I know a lot of people are remote, but those who aren't - no? When I was in my 20s it was very common - just a group of people meeting up or an open invitation to most at a place nearby after work Thursday or Friday before heading off to your real plans, or sometimes making a night of it. You got to know coworkers, made friends, sometimes their friends would join, you socialize with them, etc., might meet other people. Or just spending social time with coworkers, become friends, and socialize away from the office, and so on.
I think it still happens, but I think it's much less common. I used to go out and mingle from my early to mid 20s when I was still in school / still living in the area I went to college in. I think that the proliferation of smart phones and COVID made it much less common for zoomers. Demographics can also be an issue depending on where you are (too old, gender ratio skewed in one direction, etc.). I personally more or less stopped doing casual dinners w/ drinks type of meet ups after I moved for work. I was working a lot and trying to save money. Now I'm trying to pick it up again somewhat in my 30s with some success, although I still want to save money and not get fat. I do think we are on a precipice for casual, in person meetups making at least a minor comeback due to people getting burnt out on dating apps and internet communication in general.

In my 30s, similar, though then it became more dinner parties and such, as people were more paired, but still a lot started at work and became meeting friends of friends.
Yep, can confirm I went to a dinner party recently and almost everyone else was paired. Work can be a hit or miss when meeting new people. It also seems risky for romance because if things don't end well, it could cause a lot of problems in one's professional life. Actually, I think there's been a pretty significant shift in working culture as well. Because turnover is much higher overall now than it was 30 years ago, I suspect a lot of people have a harder time making lasting connections through work.

All of the above is framed in being in a place with places to go, having a little bit of money to spend (which maybe means less on something else, sure), but mostly just picking your head up and being game. And you could do an open invitation to everyone, be the one to start the tradition. Maybe everyone says no for 3 weeks in a row, but maybe not. Or you + 1 or two decide to go and say hey, "we're" going to head down to....at 6 if anyone wants to join....

(This can be harder in today's workplace, with a lot of remote work, irregular schedules, unassigned seating, everyone in headphones all day, in their own bubbles, etc....but not impossible.)
I personally am in that place and am trying to initiate meeting with people more. Hopefully I will be able to keep it up after moving.

Long way from that to meeting a mate, but planting a lot of seeds is a good strategy.

Which brings me to my last comment. One of the things I notice in how people talk about online dating (or dating in general, lately), especially in zoomer, it's like if a date doesn't go beyond one, or you get turned down, it's like people just say it's all horrible and impossible. Everyone you meet isn't going to be a relationship. And rejection of interest, or disappointing or dull interactions, shouldn't destroy your self-esteem or belief in others.
I wholeheartedly agree on both counts. Don't go to social engagements expecting anything outside of a good conversation. Likewise, don't be overly pessimistic, don't get discouraged and don't overlook potential opportunities that come up.
 
>Why are you still single?
I'm not sure if I'm ready to date again. It's been over 10 years since I got with someone and I don't miss it.
I understand this is not a normal thing, I consulted to see what was wrong with me and it turns out that I'm not mentally ill, just very introverted and apprehensive of people in general.
Lol lmao oh la la
 
Call me a faggot but the only time I went to a bar, I had to instantly skullfuck 4 shots of fireball down to make it even remotely comfortable for me.
Well, in terms of dating, that's your problem. Nobody gives a rats anus whether you're comfortable or not. Meeting new people isn't comfortable. It never has been. Guys who can make it at least somewhat comfortable are the guys who get dates and girlfriends and laid. The guys who are awkward and make people uncomfortable get nothing. That's how it's always been. Being a guy means you need to make a woman feel comfortable. Nobody cares if you, a man, feel comfortable.

Also, you need to go where women are. If women are going to bars and clubs, that's where you need to go. If you don't want to do that, your only options are to be ready to ask them out anywhere or dating apps. If you're too afraid to ask a woman out on the street for the myriad of reasons why, then you're stuck with dating apps. Bottom line is, your comfort only holds you back. That doesn't mean though that places where you feel comfortable don't exist, shop around if you have to do. Some places you'll do very well for yourself and have an easy time talking to people. Others, not so much.

Work can be a hit or miss when meeting new people. It also seems risky for romance because if things don't end well, it could cause a lot of problems in one's professional life.
I know I'm late and gay on this but do not shit where you eat. Do not date anyone you work with. Everyone you work with is a man. View them all that way. Do not do it under any circumstances. You WILL get into trouble. The thing people often forget is that it's not just the girl who can get you in trouble in a workplace romance. You have coworkers. Some of which secretly hate you and won't pass up an opportunity like that. Some of them don't even have to hate you but can take advantage of your situation when they do something wrong. You have no control over what other people do and you're only putting yourself at risk. Do not date anyone you work with. EVER.
 
Well, in terms of dating, that's your problem. Nobody gives a rats anus whether you're comfortable or not. Meeting new people isn't comfortable. It never has been. Guys who can make it at least somewhat comfortable are the guys who get dates and girlfriends and laid. The guys who are awkward and make people uncomfortable get nothing. That's how it's always been. Being a guy means you need to make a woman feel comfortable. Nobody cares if you, a man, feel comfortable.
Well yeah thats what the alcohol is for. I don't get what the argument is here.
 
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My social views have gotten so niche that I haven't found someone in real life I value match with... basically ever. I came close with my last boyfriend, but then he trooned out. I hate it here.

Plus I'm small and look much younger than I am, so combined with typically hanging out in nerdy (aka terminally online) hobby circles, all the people who seek me out the hardest are complete degenerates.

I hate dating apps and don't want to use them. I'm banking on my graduate program to meet someone nice I guess. I just kind of want to meet someone who has seen the depravity of the internet/modern age and rejects it, but I haven't met anyone with these values, not to mention someone I have organic sexual attraction to....
 
I dated quite a bit around a decade ago in college, but made the mistake of not pursuing a life partner at the time. Now that I work a full time job with minimal free time, I don't know where I would go to physically meet girls. Online dating seems like a waste of time to me, as the types of girls around my age on there all give off major red flags and don't seem interested in anything long-term.

The biggest factor that made me stop dating in late college though, was when I noticed a significant uptick in the phenomenon of girls deciding that they had incurable diseases/mental conditions/genetic disorders/misc. health problems that needed to dictate every single aspect of their lives. I'm certain this has existed to some extent since the publication of the first medical dictionary, but the upswing of it I personally witnessed from 2008 to 2014 was absolutely bonkers. Every friend, and I do mean every single one, with a girlfriend or wife at the time also reported that their girl had started to become more and more vocal about some incurable something wrong with them. Their tolerance and indulgence of this varied, but from the outside looking in, I saw these relationships shift from functioning and loving partnerships towards a one-sided all-take relationship that made all my male friends less happy. I experienced this same thing with my last couple of girlfriends and decided to stop dating for a while.

This was a mistake.

Turns out, if you don't get married before 30, your choices are severely limited and most of your options are second-hand where fidelity becomes a coin flip. So, the only option left really was to become married to my job, try to keep myself sane with whatever hobbies I enjoy at the moment, and do the most I can to make an impact on those around me.

That said, I haven't completely scratched meeting the right girl off as a possibility yet. I just genuinely don't know where it would happen. There are no single girls in the ballpark of my age at church, and being self-employed means the only people I see in relation to my job are good ol' boys at construction sites.
 

general discussion of the dating game​

There it is, there's your problem. Humans are designed to pair bond for life, no matter what you believe in, it's apparent from just looking at their bio-psychic structure (forgive my wording I'm an ESL retard).
Best performing families are statistically those where neither of the spouses had anyone before marriage. By trying to smear the boundaries between knowing and considering each other as potential partners and actually being them, you just end up on a never ending carousel of break ups and suffering. By choosing to view sex as a commodity rather than a testament to your eternal love for your spouse you lose your ability to truly pair bond with someone. The worst thing you can be is someone's "BF" or "GF". No such thing even existed until recently. Being able to divorce at will is also a problem, but it was introduced a patch solution to a greater issue and would likely go away by itself if people suddenly "retvrned to tradition" i.e. stopped being degenerate.
Assblasted whores of both genders will downvote the hell out of my post, but deep down even they know they will never be truly happy, or at least as happy as they could've been if they weren't such retards.
 
Turns out, if you don't get married before 30, your choices are severely limited and most of your options are second-hand where fidelity becomes a coin fli
No shit sherlock , you either settle or buy a cat like the rest of the haggots here or get twitter account to cry why college girls laugh at you and post how west has fallen.

if you are childfree its no chance. literally every single woman realises by the time she is in late 20s she has absolutely nothing in common with men , they bring very little to the table and she is better off single in catlady convenant or being 3rd hookup of chad that week than in relationship with the modern man.

Good luck i hope you have good rope to support you in your final moments
 
I just kind of want to meet someone who has seen the depravity of the internet/modern age and rejects it, but I haven't met anyone with these values, not to mention someone I have organic sexual attraction to....
You're demanding than I think you realize you are. If you're a nerdy girl with nerdy interests, the reality is the guys who are going to chase after you are nerdy guys who are hardcore soy boy coomer degenerates. Those are the types who will Troon out or be invested in coomer shit. The reality is, the people who know and understand the depravity of the internet are usually the type of people immersed in it. You're basically limiting your scope to Kiwi Farmers and nothing else.

I dated quite a bit around a decade ago in college, but made the mistake of not pursuing a life partner at the time. Now that I work a full time job with minimal free time, I don't know where I would go to physically meet girls.
I just want to disclaim that I'm not saying you have this problem specifically, but I'm more stating the following as a general broad statement:

The problem I think a lot of people don't understand is there's a logistics game to dating that people often ignore. If your day consists of going to waking up, going to work, coming home, making dinner and playing video games 5 days of the week, and your weekends spent on chores or work around your home and video games, you will NEVER find a girlfriend irl. It is virtually impossible because you waste your days at home and not giving yourself a chance to meet anyone. If you have a social life, dating is easy. If you have no social life, dating is difficult. You have to go where women are.

Have you considered dating? both you seem to think alcohol solves problems .
Bitch, I say bars and clubs because whether anybody likes it or not, lots of women go to bars and clubs. That has not changed. Despite all zoomer faggotry, women have not stopped going out at night. Women do not sit around at home playing Helldivers for 6+ hours on a Friday/Saturday night. They do not view that as fun and often go out to bars and clubs with your friends. The entire nightlife scene is entirely propped up by women and always has been and still is. Even women who don't like going to bars or clubs, often get dragged out by their friends anyway and if you want to meet women, it's the best place to start.

The reality is women touch grass and that is never changing. If you absolutely can't go to a bar or club because you don't like drinking or you're too socially retarded to say "hi", then you're stuck with wherever you can find. Women often go to events and concerts, and other things too, so you'll have to try there. That's just the logistical reality of this. You have to give yourself as much interaction in public with people as possible. Even if it's going to Starbucks or some shit on your way to work. You have to give yourself every chance in public you possibly can. You can't spend your days just going to work and going home and watching Netflix until bedtime if you want to meet someone irl. The odds are just not logistically in your favor. I wish more people understood this, but many anecdotes in this thread make it apparent that people don't.

The biggest factor that made me stop dating in late college though, was when I noticed a significant uptick in the phenomenon of girls deciding that they had incurable diseases/mental conditions/genetic disorders/misc. health problems that needed to dictate every single aspect of their lives.
That's why my approach shifted towards not tolerating that stuff. If a woman mentioned that stuff to me, I immediately wrote them off and moved on to the next one. They were men to me now. It pissed off a lot of them. I heard "that's so fucked up, just because you have anxiety you're going to ghost me?!" A lot. The answer was always Yes. Stay away from crazy brother.

That said, I haven't completely scratched meeting the right girl off as a possibility yet. I just genuinely don't know where it would happen.
Personally, I recommend Passport Bro. However if that's too extreme, I suggest a change of scenery. The other logistical thing people don't talk about is if you live in the same town for X amount of years and time and everyone knows your name and face, you're no longer interesting. But if you were to go to a small town far away and people don't recognize you, you'd get more attention. If you want to find someone- go where people find you interesting and give you attention.
 
I feel like the more I try to find someone, the more the Universe seems to try and push me away from what I try to seek out. I do believe that I'll find someone eventually, though at what point or who they are is a mystery to me. Still, I'm not desperate enough for an attraction sign
yet
.
 
Turns out, if you don't get married before 30, your choices are severely limited and most of your options are second-hand where fidelity becomes a coin flip.
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turns out women don't want men shooting dust bunnies in their coochie like a vacuum in reverse. shocker.
 
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