Fatty2988
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 12, 2021
Jack's brain is so gone he can hardly even speak. He slurs half the words he says and loses his train of thought constantly.
Who the fuck puts rub on a cut like filet mignon?
Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental
- Thread starter Gentlebastard
- Start date
Who the fuck puts rub on a cut like filet mignon?
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2018
Who the hell even needs that much barbeque sauce? This is just like the 5 bottles of whipped cream in his fridge. These two fat fucks must binge on everything. Profile by Sanford be damned.
densedance
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 26, 2021
"I don't like loosing control of my meat hihi"
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- Joined
- Feb 1, 2021
"I'm trying to hold onto BBQing as long as I can"
I thought he was speaking in an existential sense, not referring to winter.
"You should be able to get a reading from 100 feet away"
This is not a concern normal functioning people have. I can't believe there's actually demand for a wireless fucking meat thermometer.
00:50 Product after product being sent in... yeah maybe with tammy's credit card. Ain't no one giving this idiot tons of free shit for 2-5k views a video.
1:00 goes to talk about the product, keeps the stupid butt rub in better view than the meat thermometer. Of course I'm sure we'll see that a device to tell if meat is properly cooked is some sort of miracle for Jack.
1:20 "and it can tell you wifi when the meat's ready" riiiight...
1:40 bitching about another wireless meat thermometer not working from 100' away. Why the fuck do you need to be 100' from the bbq? Oh right, he's gotta be inside watching blues clues or whatever on TV instead.
2:00 "I haven't even looked at how this works yet" off to a good start. Just gonna leave that raw meat on the counter while he figures it out I guess?
2:25 Oh, he's gotta charge it that's why he's not dressed with his.. "show shirt". "We're not even ready to get started on this video" then put the fucking meat away?
2:35 Of course he still thinks pulled pork is a cut of meat. "Why do I do pulled pork?" Because you're fucking lazy and it requires little effort except when you convince tammy to pull it apart for you.
3:00 "I have yet to make a bad pulled pork, I've screwed up brisket again and again" Oh, he realizes he's fucked up brisket?
3:25 giggling about the name like an 8 year old
4:20 he's testing the meat thermometer by setting it on top of his covered smoker and comparing that to his weather station. What the fuck...
4:54 Ah, he has his show shirt on now. So much better
5:20 "it only has a battery life of 4 hours, smoking takes 12, it's only good for..." and proceeds to list everything else that takes less than 4 hours to cook.
5:50 Oh fuck, now he's got filet mignon?
7:20 He's dumping bottled Kinder's seasoning on filets. All he's done is put the meat on a plate and he's managed to completely fuck it up. "most of the seasoning will fall off when I put it on the grill". He then says he likes the shaker side better because it has more control, proceeds to dump even MORE of the green seasoning on it.
10:00 OMG, that grill is so fucking NASTY.
10:40 He doesn't even have his friend flip the steak, he only cooked them on one side? It's just got a pile of warm seasoning on top.
12:20 His friend says the seasoning isn't too much and is mellow... there's just a fist full of seasoning piled on top of the steak. But Jack, I thought it was all going to fall off? Oh wait, that only happens when you flip it, and use way too damn much. Jack then says he had to go "heavy" with the seasoning because of the thick pieces of meat... motherfucker you just ruined 4 filets.
12:45 Wait, Jack still hasn't tasted anything. Does this mean he has his friend Chad cut up his steak for him off camera because he can't do it himself?
13:20 Yeah his kid took a piece of pork home. Claims it's just falling apart, doesn't actually look tender at all. Yapping on camera with a mouth full of food again.
14:10 "I didn't like it raw, but I don't like a lot of seasoning raw" No shit sherlock. Cooking changes the taste of things. Who could have ever imagined. Also, you can still see the food stuffed into his cheek while he's talking.
14:30 Great, now he's got bread he's reviewing in the same video. Just going to eat a load of bread with a pile of pork.
15:15 Holy shit, again with the food still in his mouth the talking.
15:20 "Normal bread falls apart in your mouth, this is a little bit firmer" I've never had regular bread just "fall apart" in my mouth.
15:30 "If you keep chewing it you can taste the sweetness" Yes, because of course he had to get the bread that tastes like it has sugar in it. Please stop fucking chewing and just swallow the damned food already.
15:45 Asks Tammy off camera where she bought the bread... it's in the bread aisle, REALLY?
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2018
His videos are getting worse . He keeps droning on slurring words, it is difficult to not zone out while he is talking. This video in particular is boring. He seems to think we as the audience care about him poorly cooking all of this shit. Since he barely edits any more and keeps in the tangents he burbles on about it make the videos unbearable. "I open the lid and I shake the bottle and I pour the seasoning then I close the lid then I set the bottle down" He doesn't have to overexplain simple shit like this.
Oh but you're forgetting the best part. He spends a not insignificant portion of the shitty video treating it as some behinds the scenes look at his creative process because he doesn't fucking edit, has to make shit up on the fly, and change plans because he can't do a bare minimum of basic reading before hitting the record button.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
He wants MONSTER sausages down his throat. Could he possibly be more oblivious?
And of course it would be something called "the Meat Stick" that caused him to go full aneurysm. Lmao. And the other product on the table: "Butt Rub." I'd think this guy couldn't possibly exist if he wasn't here so long.
And of course despite having a new meat thermometer IT'S STILL FUCKING RAW.
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2018
As much meat as this guy has smoked and grilled you think it would be second nature to him by now. Set the temperature and leave it in there for a few hours, done. He doesn't need some overpriced wireless thermometer to alert him 100 feet away. The junk he wastes his wife's money on is insane.
- Joined
- Sep 30, 2020
The fact that he went onto the Internet without the lowest of expectations makes his bitching all the more enjoyable.
Took a trip over to Chris’ FaceBook page…
In this pic, he looks almost normal.
The eyes, though. Good God..
I genuinely feel sorry for him. He’s a legitimate autist. On the other hand, there must be a certain peace to be had in not having much knocking around in that head of his…
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2019
And now that you said that, his life got extended by another week.
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2019
Every time a new Jack video pops up in my feed. I think to myself. Why can't you just die?
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2019
*Two weeks
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2016
Why doesn't he just go full mukbang at this point? People love watching pathetic carbon sacks stuff their faces
- Joined
- Dec 8, 2014
The “TIME TO EAT YA’LL” sign is gone too.
Also cue the fat man’s most insightful review of the taste profile from the Butt Rub seasoning: “…I like Butt Rub”.
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"So like, it's like, ya guyyz, OKAY?"
He almost sounds like the doctor in idiocracy.
"Chill scro, my first wife escaped and is happy. I look tarded so they hand me bacon at wendy's. They say I'm their buddy. "
I wish he was less confused and more angry. He just seems bewildered that his video went to shit due to lack of any planning whatsoever.
I actually do hope that company sent him the meat stick, they're sure to be furious. "WHAT THE FUCK IS HE EVEN DOING? He's a fucking moron! You're fired Doug!"
Cross eyed doug weeps as he clears out his desk.
That meat was fucking magenta!
He almost sounds like the doctor in idiocracy.
"Chill scro, my first wife escaped and is happy. I look tarded so they hand me bacon at wendy's. They say I'm their buddy. "
I wish he was less confused and more angry. He just seems bewildered that his video went to shit due to lack of any planning whatsoever.
I actually do hope that company sent him the meat stick, they're sure to be furious. "WHAT THE FUCK IS HE EVEN DOING? He's a fucking moron! You're fired Doug!"
Cross eyed doug weeps as he clears out his desk.
That meat was fucking magenta!
Super Hans
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 29, 2020
People don't let Jack get angry. Whatever stupid shit he gets annoyed at makes him say a equally stupid crack at it, but then his annoyance goes away because everybody rolls over and makes him happy again to make him shut up. Or you get people like Rob where Jack's too stupid to realize he's getting roasted.
captkrisma
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
"The only problem is that it only lasts 4 hours! Not long enough for a pulled pork cook!"
You have 2 fuckface. Pull one out and put the other one in....now it lasts 8 hours!
EDIT: I saw that The Meatstick also has an affiliate program and a brand ambassador program. Not hard to see why Jack did this video now...
You have 2 fuckface. Pull one out and put the other one in....now it lasts 8 hours!
EDIT: I saw that The Meatstick also has an affiliate program and a brand ambassador program. Not hard to see why Jack did this video now...
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- Joined
- Sep 3, 2014
Again, jumpcuts and lies. In this case Fatty Doo Doo's restarting the "lie his fat retarded ass off about affiliate links being sponsorships" trick he thinks fools anyone.