Amberlynn Reid - 600 pound pathological liar and U-Haul lesbian moving in with her next live-in maid/nurse/girlfriend.

[Rasputin's Side Piece]

This is totally correct. Personal TMI affirmed but not due to FAT. Due to old age and venous reflux disease. Compression is the key. I stay wrapped in at least Tubigrip Compression. More when the leakage from stale blood flow causes the following spoiler. Don't look.

Lip, lymph... bitch gonna leak without minimum if not professional wound care center heavy compression wraps, which is what's required to heal this nasty shit.

There. I fucking said it.

Spoiler: Gross, but where lymphedema takes you.

View attachment 3778860

Slappy, my friend, nothing you can show us will make me love you any less.

I love me some curmudgeons.

 

[Thumb Butler]

Fat Amber doesn't need a spooky Halloween costume, just show your laygs gorl. That shit will make anyone scared.

Catcula, she will never beat the fatcula costume.

 

[Smiling with air]

I have a theory - every time she has food on paper plate / plastic fork it means Jade isn’t around to clean up after her and do dishes for lazy twat Amber. I have hatred for someone who uses so much crap and it’s wasteful.

If this is considered what ALR calls “hate” then good.

Her not taking her medication for her “bi-polar” (which she doesn’t have) has made me even madder.

 

[caffeinated_pirate]

I have a theory - every time she has food on paper plate / plastic fork it means Jade isn’t around to clean up after her and do dishes for lazy twat Amber. I have hatred for someone who uses so much crap and it’s wasteful.

She’s wasting a mountain of food that could feed a village every time she eats.

 

[Turd Fergusson]

Amber said she has "a little bit of lymphedema but what she really has is lipodema." Amber has bolth. Her lymph system is fucky already which is part of the reason she holds onto so much fluid and also part of why when she was losing weight we saw it in her upper half and not her lower half.

Lipoedema and lymphoedema describe the physiological process where fluid accumulates in tissues. At the end of the day, it does not matter; she needs to have it treated.

Both dema need special care taken to slow the progression but since amber clearly isnt wrapping her arms and laygs it will continue to get worse.

The fact that she quit Ozempic tells me that she is done dieting and is perfectly happy with her size. She will blame her lipoedema/lymphoedema for her weight gain.

Also idk why lymph massage hurt really bad allegedly because lymph massage shouldnt hurt at all. If it does either the massage therapist was hurting her and didnt care (not likely at all) or her laygs are so fucked up from constant infections and the skin is near capacity it may burst open (happens when the dema gets bad enough). Her skin must be so fucked up. She must be at stage 3 or 4.

I agree with your assessment. Her skin is probably overly sensitive from the constant pressure. It is a laugh that she is casually considering liposuction for her problem. Again, she is looking for a magic pill. First, I am not sure if they can do it under local anesthesia but at her size, she is a surgical risk. Second, the surgeon may not want to do it unless she loses a significant amount of weight, and finally, they may want to see the result of long-term massages and bandaging treatments first.

Shes not wrapping them, shes reluctantly going on a low carb diet while claiming to be on keto jokingly (keto queen) and shes just absolutely livid about not being able to shovel carbs into her face on a daily basis.
She doesnt have the luxury of time anymore and it shows.

She is supposed to have another specialist visit this November. If she does not start to bandage her legs soon, as it is the first line of treatment, it would mean that she quit seeing this doctor.

 

[lol cow supreme]

I feel like I need to point out that the diagnosis Amber has claimed to have gotten is Lipedema, not Lymphedema. Her laygs, specifically the ankle ball and obvious foot deformity she has had since at least 2013 is indicative of Lymphedema, but she is stating that this random new doctor diagnosed her with Lipedema, which is not the same thing.
View attachment 3773580
Either way, she is going to use this "diagnosis" as a further excuse to never lose weight. She had obvious evidence of this health problem back in 2013 when she lost the famous 89 lbs, but now it's the reason she can't lose weight, even after bragging about losing 100 lbs on ozempic.

Amber absolutely has both, and in varying degrees across her body. Her hanging pannus on her abdomen, her arms , and most definately her legs. you can see the lymph filled ankle balls under her leggings, and then the lipedemic texturing on her upper legs through the leggings. If you coppied and pasted these two images at the knee you'd haev close to whats probably going on down there.

Amber said she has "a little bit of lymphedema but what she really has is lipodema." Amber has bolth. Her lymph system is fucky already which is part of the reason she holds onto so much fluid and also part of why when she was losing weight we saw it in her upper half and not her lower half. Both dema need special care taken to slow the progression but since amber clearly isnt wrapping her arms and laygs it will continue to get worse. Even if the collapsed lung situation type deal really was pneumonia shes retaining fluid in other parts of her body. It doesnt matter if shes lying or telling the truth because either outcome is terrible.
Fluid should never be in unfluid areas. Period.

Also idk why lymph massage hurt really bad allegedly because lymph massage shouldnt hurt at all. If it does either the massage therapist was hurting her and didnt care (not likely at all) or her laygs are so fucked up from constant infections and the skin is near capacity it may burst open (happens when the dema gets bad enough). Her skin must be so fucked up. She must be at stage 3 or 4 and thats getting into losing a limb territory. She better not be fucking lying about it because lymph massage is like one step or two below palliative care for dying people.
Shes not wrapping them, shes reluctantly going on a low carb diet while claiming to be on keto jokingly (keto queen) and shes just absolutely livid about not being able to shovel carbs into her face on a daily basis.
She doesnt have the luxury of time anymore and it shows.

She said the DOCTORD gave her lympahtic massage for lipedema. What doctor is going to spend 2 hours doing massage? None. Thats done by the therapists. Also they didnt wrap it? All that work to massage teh fluid to get it moving and not bind it up to releive the pressue? She did say she had another 2 hour appointment, maybe they willdo it there.

Her black leggings have likely been absorbing the constant leakage for years, and the color hiding the fluid. She never wears anything else on her legs. This constant foul moistness is why she has rampant athletes foot on her LEGS which leads to cellulitis. The massage probably hurt due to all the inflamed tissue and wounds, like an entire leg covered in diaper rash.
The shits fucked and I wouldnt be suprised if they didnt put a drain in her.
You are absolutely correct in your assessment however she is at the stage of needing sever wound care, and the laaaygs might be how she goes out and not her heart exploding.

 

[Insulin reid]

She was getting closer to vegetarianism? What the fuck is she talking about? Miss Whole Rotisserie Chicken, Miss Bacon Cucumber Boats, Miss Prawn Ring was like super super close to being like totally a vegetarian...

Amber loves the idea of being vegetarian or vegan. The ability to be morally superior to most people is what draws her to it but she loves all types of food too much to actually do it. She would also lose too much weight just from not being able to shovel calorie dense fatty tasty food in her maw every few hours and we cant have that either.

I wish she'd use lipliner, the smudged outlines of her tiny lips make her look like a child playing with Mommy's make-up.

Theres no way shes going to use something that takes effort to make her appearance more palatable for us. She gets fun things and products shes seen on tiktoks or "safe" options shes always bought and kinda knows how to use. Its E.L.F tier makeup even if she shops at sephora or ulta.

I can't stop myself from being irritated by her fake deep voice. This kind of mimicry is shit I'd see from girls at school when we were 15-16. Oh, their boyfriend likes cars? So do they. He likes tattoos and swears a lot? She does too!
30+ years and ALR has yet to get over the immature copycat phase.

How else will people stand to be around amber? If she dares tell anyone what she likes out loud the list will be small.
Youtube
Food
"Makeup" in like a vague general term
"Fashion" again general vague term but what she really means is the dopamine high from buying things and an idea of being the aesthetic pinterest girl.

Thats it

I dont even really think amber genuinely likes lego. I think she likes the simplistic "eyes glaze over and the body does something meaningless then-instant gratification of look i made something and its a kids toy arent i quirky"

All her other interests have been a vain attempt to fake others interests in order to be around them longer. Her depth of interests can be covered in less than a 15 minute conversation, how are you gonna hold a romantic partners interest with that?

I have a theory - every time she has food on paper plate / plastic fork it means Jade isn’t around to clean up after her and do dishes for lazy twat Amber. I have hatred for someone who uses so much crap and it’s wasteful.

If this is considered what ALR calls “hate” then good.

Oh yeah jade has been slowing down with the lovey dovey "ill do everything for you princess" bullshit. With amber not being able to foot the bill for everything jades got her work cut out for her. Giving the toddler paper plates and shit is easier than doing dishes constantly.

Lipoedema and lymphoedema describe the physiological process where fluid accumulates in tissues. At the end of the day, it does not matter; she needs to have it treated.

The fact that she quit Ozempic tells me that she is done dieting and is perfectly happy with her size. She will blame her lipoedema/lymphoedema for her weight gain.

Shes doing everything but what needs to be done. The bandaging is the main thing but its not cute and its time consuming.
The ozempic thing was probably cut because of the recent doctors visits/bills. A massage therapist isnt cheap and she doesnt take insurance. That shits gotta be like 150-200 dollars an hour at least.

She is supposed to have another specialist visit this November.

The specialist probably told her where to get the bandages and sleeves the first visit/offer to show her how to wrap up and since its not dainty she wont do it. Her only options shes taken involve other people doing the work for her and reluctantly not hoovering up carbs. Followup visits will most likely include another gentle nudge for wrapping up and another round of massage therapy.

Amber absolutely has both, and in varying degrees across her body. Her hanging pannus on her abdomen, her arms , and most definately her legs. you can see the lymph filled ankle balls under her leggings, and then the lipedemic texturing on her upper legs through the leggings. If you coppied and pasted these two images at the knee you'd haev close to whats probably going on down there.


She said the DOCTORD gave her lympahtic massage for lipedema. What doctor is going to spend 2 hours doing massage? None. Thats done by the therapists. Also they didnt wrap it? All that work to massage teh fluid to get it moving anda not bind it up to releive the pressue? She did say she had another 2 hour appointment, maybe they willdo it there.

This is where my tinfoil hat goes on: i think shes saying doctor but she really means massage therapist. Doc referred her to an lmt that specializes in lymphatic drainage. Lmts often wear scrubs cause they are comfy when working. Scrubs to amber= doctor/nurse/medical person and medical person=doctor so we circle around to doctor in her tard brain.
Imagine your fat and out of breath from sitting and talking. Are you gonna choose the word doctor or massage therapist? Even the abbreviation is more work for her.

So her dumb ass tells us an lmt is her doc and also told her what to eat. Someone with 30 years experience may very well have a certificate/degree in telling fat balloon clients to put the fork down.

The shits fucked and I wouldnt be suprised if they didnt put a drain in her.

Tap her laygs like a maple tree. Forbidden syrup.

 

[Boolean Bitch]

Hmmm...Krystal had a lesion in her throat way back when. FatAl mining her memory for things that can be wrong with her too?

Can't verify this because I don't have his social media account (so I may just be talking out of my ass here), but during the farms being down, I thought I saw a comment from a haydur on facebook that her brother Tony was found to have a nodule on his lung and posted about it in March/April-ish. I'm not saying that I don't believe she had pneumonia, but given her tendencies for histrionics and her frequently admitting that she exaggerates/embelishes her stories, I wonder how much of this story was pieced together from the misfortune of others.

She’s wasting a mountain of food that could feed a village every time she eats.

Jade's just thinking ahead. When we hit the coldest part of winter, and high fuel costs makes it difficult to heat their home, Jade can reinact that scene from Star Wars V with Han Solo and Tauntaun to keep warm.


HALLOWEEN LIVESTREAM:

Spoiler

Admittedly I didn't watch the whole thing, and I'm not going to. Here are some key points.

She was dressed as "Soul-lee" (Sully) from Monster's Inc.

Ate a trough of salad with what must have been a 1/3 cup of ranch dressing, then complained of being hungry shortly afterwards (insisting that her salad was appetizer sized). Ate pork rinds while looking for a haydur video to make a response to. Chewed her food like a yak - though it seemed over-exaggerated and intentional.

Found Karina Kaboom at the request of her audience to do a response on her newest video, and saw her video about false striking. Her expression looked like someone who had seriously sharted themselves. Declared Karina boring and clicked out of that video quick.

Acted like a total cunt when a viewer told her that 'Merc' from 'The Narc Alert' had a heart attack, saying "I'm trying to find my sympathy bone" with a very smug and punchable face. Then when she saw people weren't impressed, she tried to spin it into some sort of 'I was testing you to see your reaction' nonsense. No one believed her, and Merc publicly responded to it. Expect Amber to soon be "going through something I just can't talk about right now" to hide from the backlash.

No more Ozempic. Amber really wanted to keep using it, but her doctor thought she saw 'sludge' in her gallbladder or something and suggested Amber stop taking it. And Amber does what her doctor's say!! Too bad she can't be diligent about doing what her doctors say when they tell her to TAKE her medications.

Was questioned about when she would get her sodium intake under control, and smugly said that the lipo/lymphedema doctor said that she needs more salt being on keto and that most people don't eat enough salt, or some bollocks like that. I guess Amber forgot to tell the doctor that she would eat things like ramen with added galic salt, Tapatio and processed sausages on a daily basis.

Decided to eat a Delta 8 gummy during the stream and immediately started acting like an idiot, as if it took affect while she was still chewing it.

COME TO WALMART WITH ME, HAUL, & KETO UPDATE | VLOG:

Spoiler

Not a full recap; don't have the seniority. And sorry @DietCoke4Life, although I am concerned for your liver, I can't save yours at the expense of my own. This is just a bit of an overview.

Amber eating - would it even be an Amber video without her stuffing her face with horribly overcooked food and chewing like a yak while she talks with her mouth full? Noticing the paper plates and disposable cutlery have returned. Last few times we saw those in her videos, it was when she had to wash her own dishes. Announces that keto isn't as bad as she thought it would be. Yeah, I guess if you are a junkaholic and you've modified your new diet to have almost no vegetables and mountains of pork rinds, you'd be alright. Pleased with herself at her uniqueness of eating eggs with brocolli. Laments about having to do keto because of how much she's recently wanted to switch to vegetarianism. I guess she figures that her current audience has no idea of the shennanigans during the Destiny era.

New psychiatrist!! Because... I don't know. Amber claims the original one packed up shop and no longer works at that strip mall... but the new one's EVEN BETTER! New doctor is reducing Amber's lamictal and trying to titrate her up again - because Amber hasn't been taking it (but I thought you were doing what doctors told you to). According to Amber, the new psychiatrist says that just stopping medication is TOTALLY NORMAL with people with medication anxiety and blah blah. No, it's not totally normal to go on and off drugs like Lamictal willy-nilly. I'll take 'Shit that never happened for $400, Alex".

Trip to Five Below! Can't film it though, because of copyright music in the store. Buys some stuff. Walks through the parking lot and mentions that she walks really slow, but the cars stop for her and wait anyway. Of course they would. It's like driving your car where there are moose: you let the moose take as much time as it wants because to run into it would total the vehicle and likely kill everyone inside. Anyway, doormats, eye/lip liner pens, candy canes (for Wifey, of course - not for the Keto Queen) and some other crap. Quick Rarity sighting behind the porch door. She had to rush through the haul because of a .....

Trip to Walmart! Finds a book from her favourite author - but can't pronounce their name and doesn't want to try. A really difficult, challenging name: Rupi Kaur ("Roo-pee Car"). Bought more JOURNALS! And coloured gel pens for the new planner (planners?) she ordered from plumpaper.com Remember at the end of 2019 when she showed us her her haul of Happy Planners, and had bought like, 6 of them to use at once? "This one is for my food planning.... this one is to log my water intake.... this one is to plan out my YouTube videos.... this one is for doctor appointments...." I wonder if she's going to do that again?

Other Walmart Haul Items: 2 bags of iceberg salad mix. 2 heads of brocolli. 3 red onions - a BOLD move for the keto queen, as red onions have 15g carbs (12g net carbs) per average sized onion, and would have to be eaten in small amounts for her 50g total/20g net carb diet. Package of chicken. FOUR BAGS OF PORK RINDS. I stand by my earlier comment of her eating mountains of pork rinds. Especially considering this grocery haul didn't have more than what you would expect Amber to eat within a couple of day. She must be going through 1-2 bags of pork rinds daily.

Twinkie zoomiez!! Honestly, the highlight of the entire video. I must say, Twinkie is looking noticibly slimmer. Joints don't seem to be bothering her too much either, based on how she was moving. Amber's a lot cause, but perhaps there is hope for the Twonkster.

There was one other thing she said that I wanted to comment on, but I forgot it while typing this out. If I remember it before someone else catches it and talks about it, I'll edit this or make another post.

Edited to add: Oh yeah, when is Jade supposed to be in court?

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

Here we go.

Bullshit video 1 reeeecap where AL refuses to take responsibility for why she’s not dropping pounds. Am finally armed with sufficient booze. All new bottle of rum. Let’s fuckin’ roll. At least, let's roll until my fingers go fuzzy (so expect maybe 1-2 reeeecaps per night now that the liquor supply is refreshed until I catch up with this train wreck).

Spoiler: So much bullshit

0:00 ‘Hey guise!’ Hey AL. ‘Welcome to a new video.’ I don’t wanna be here, but thanks. I guess. She then states that this is going to be a video where she updates us because she saw the lipedema specialist. And fuck my spelling of this shit, because I don’t have time to care, nor will my booze last long enough for me to do all the corrections. Whatever, I says!

0:10 Oh, she’s still rambling. Says she got news from said specialist that’s shocking, and that we’re going to have a little ‘What I ate today’ (pauses) ya know, I can’t lose my mind right there, because while it’s not a grand use of molment, it’s not calling a noun a molment so fuck it. Oh, and she says she’s going to have a weightloss update on this channel that’s totally not a weightloss channel.

0:25 First she wants to start with the whole lipedema thing. Or lymphedema. She’s pronouncing it like a mush mouthed moron, which she is, so I suppose I can’t expect anything better. Short back story - in 2019, she started forming a big fluid-like-ness on her leg. She diagnosed herself with lymphedema. Of course. Because self diagnosis is the only way AL gets any diagnosis that’s accurate, I suppose. Can’t rely on doctors to do their job. Especially those ER doctors who aren’t diagnosing anyone but are totally giving her misdiagnosis, am I right? She then goes on to say that she’d bring it up when she saw doctors that she has lymphedema (or lipedema, because her enunciation is absolute balls) and the doctor would never say ‘Oh no, that’s not lymphedema!’ So that apparently gives credence to her self diagnosis. But yeah, she never saw a specialist or a doctor that knew much about it.

1:05 But now that’s changed! She’s overcome being ScArEd like she is of new foods and new experiences and old foods she hasn’t eaten in 17 minutes and forgotten she’s had before. So what had her quaking in her delicate little ballet flats about this? She’d have to show her laaaaaayyyyyygs. Of course. There’d be a lot of ‘looken, poken, proden’ and I want to slap the mush right outta her mouth, except that would eject 7 pounds of lumpy yellow fat and a couple rotten teeth from her maw, and that’d be gross. Plus it’d require me to visit the Henry in Lexington, and I dun wanna do that shit.

1:30 Says it’s been a year since she started actually listening to her doctors and advocating for herself (I DID THAT!!!) and she feels like a fucking heel because she finally has realized that the haydurs are right and that she should’ve been doing this for her entire life, and perhaps she wouldn’t be a 500lb tub of regrets and cunty lard. She says that because she procrastinated like a ‘tard everything is a bit overwhelming now, and gives lip service to understanding that if she hadn’t she wouldn’t be drowning as she is know.

2:04 Talks about said lymphedema specialist (she pronounced it clearly this way this time), stating that she’s more than a lymphedema specialist. Then starts flip-flopping on annunciation again, now calling it lipodema, then lipedema, and we know that AL has done next to no WebMD research on this shit otherwise she’d be firm into whether it’s lymphedema or lipedema she’s claiming. Anyway, back on track, AL says this lady has been a specialist for over 30 years and therefore she had ‘mind-blowing’ knowledge. Had a 2 hour appointment, and AL says that before she took her pants off

(tumbler of rum partially drained, thank you)

The specialist already knew what it was.

2:30 Then AL had to expose her laaaaayyyyygs, and says the doctor diagnosed her with a ‘little bit of lymphedema’ then states what she actually is dealing with is ‘lie-po-dema’, which I am taking to be her piss-poor way of stating lipedema. There we go. She goes on to AL-splain that ‘it’s a disease that not a lot of people have, but more people have than ya think’ and that it’s not something people go around knowing they have. This apparently shocked the shit out of AL, who had self-diagnosed herself with lymphedema. Guess contrary to what she proudly stated in one of her more recent videos, she wasn’t 100% on the money with her self-diagnosis this time. Oh, wait, she said she has a ‘little bit of lymphedema’ which means she was still correct. My bad.

3:13 AL then goes on to bitch about how she should’ve known she has lipedema because even as a little girl, she had bigger calves and bigger arms and it was super hard for her to lose weight but super easy for her to pack on the pounds and it doesn’t matter that 4,000+ calories a day were consumed, skinny people can eat that and not gain as much as AL, shitlords. It’s all due to her lipedema that she never self-diagnosed herself with. She says we’ve seen her struggles when she was giving us those retarded ‘series’ videos and how she did a series where she was eating less than 2000 calories and wasn’t losing weight. Except we tabulated what she was eating and it was far in excess of 2000 calories, and we just proved she doesn’t know how to count calories to save her fucking life. But no, AL is special and lipedema made her weight-loss journey impossible.

Except…



lol suck it, AL.

Oh, she’s still bitching about how we, the audience, were stating the obvious - that she was eating off camera and calling her a liar, and she was so frustrated because she never lies except when she does because she doesn’t lie (about anything MeDiCaL) unless she does (as documented in videos on her channel). She says the same shit as every o-beast on the planet - that she’d eat the same shit as those around her and have the same level of physical activity, but those around her would lose weight while she’d balloon.

4:37 Fucking hell, this bitch is still bitching about this shit. Now says that there was a period of time where she was doing 1700 calories a day, and F/JFoNY:MGF,W was eating the same diet and losing weight while ‘already thin.’ Pardon me, I must chug more rum. F/JFoNY:MGF,W, thin?!!?!?? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL Bitch, we’ve seen the pictures. Bitch ain’t no skinny queen. Bitch is also more active than AL, and likely doesn’t inhale everything in 12.3 ppsecs to facilitate finding something else to shove into her maw. But yes, AL was RIGHT. Something was WRONG. The NUMBER ONE SYMPTOM IS BALLOONING TO BEING A 600 POUND FATASS.

Except there’s multiple, MULTIPLE doctors out there that discuss online for free how you can mitigate weight gain with lipedema by not being a Hoover vacuum cleaner with shit food.

Plus AL’s own past of losing 80 pounds with Krystal when her parents locked the fucking cabinet and made her eat a responsible diet kind of blows AL’s arguments right out of the water.

More liquor down the hatch. Might have to go make a quesadilla to help absorb the alcohol so I can keep typing for the rest of this shit. Because fuck me, there’s still 13 minutes of crap to sit through.

5:06 AL is still going on about how the knowledge was overwhelming and how this doctor is making her feel so validated because AL’s only hearing what she wants to hear. She has another appointment in November. AL is still fucking whining about how she has a reason now for being a fatass and ‘no matter what I do, I have something fighting against me’ except you can still lose weight with lipedema, and your recent crowing about losing ‘almost 100 pounds’ would prove that, wouldn’t it you fat fucking slob?

This is just the excuse needed to stop any pretext of dieting and going to that lovely 600 lb mark. Time to get rid of the saggy bingo-wings and jowls by packing those pounds back on! Spheres don’t sag, after all.

6:05 So yeah, now she says she’s going keto/low carb. She’s been told to stay below 50 grams of carbs. She doesn’t agree with keto or low carb, and doesn’t feel it’s a healthy way of living. Awww, poo’ baby has to give up her ricey tweets. So saaaaad.

6:42 Then she goes on to say the doctor gave her a lymphatic massage (except it’d likely not be the doctor herself, as doctors’ time is valuable as fuck, but likely an aide) and it hurt shooooo baaaaad. Even the specialist said that to a normal person, it’d feel real good, but ‘because I have lipedema it hurt shoo bad.’ No, it’s because your skin’s stretched to bursting, you dumb fucktard. Dur. Try to engage at least 2 neurons in that fatty mass between your ears and understand how much of this is still your fault and take some fucking accountability for your actions and their consequences in your life. You could’ve gotten a PCM earlier in life. You could’ve gotten a job before you became a deflated bouncy-ball. You could’ve sought treatment prior to your skin screaming for mercy. You could’ve eaten a healthy diet instead of half of a fucking chicken all by yourself on camera and then going on to have a salt-lick for a treat later that day.

6:50 LOL Oh, she has to do this massage daily. AL won’t. No worries there. But apparently AL gains weight just riding in a car, and that’s lipedema according to this specialist, and now I’m laughing because apparently she just absorbs pounds from the nitrogen molecules in the fucking atmosphere or something. It could be due to your fucking snacks you have to pack in the car for short trips, AL. Don’t even pretend that you haven’t extensively documented that you do that shit in the past.

7:30 AL professes that everything is coming full circle, and she’s not dumb. Except she is. She can’t even pronounce her fucking disease. She prattles on about how she can have liposuction in the future. Then she goes on about how the doctor educated her on the fact that you don’t get lipedema in the face, and that’s why weight loss (WHICH I THOUGHT YOU JUST SAID YOU DON’T LOSE WEIGHT EVEN ON 1700 CALORIES MAKE SENSE FOR ONCE IN YOUR DAMNED LIFE YOU BUTTER-BRAINED SHITGOBLIN) is noticeable in the face and not the rest of the body. Because lipedema affects the arms and the legs. No mention of the extra udders on her body or the shelf-ass or her back titties.

8:40 And now, CUNT!AL comes out to play as she smirks at the camera and tells us, the audience, that we’re dumb fucks because we were pointing out how her arms and legs were exploding and that she couldn’t possibly be losing weight, but it’s due to lipedema. Except she said she can’t lose weight. Except she’s been losing weight. I do like that she almost breaks into tears mentioning low carb.

9:25 She’s freaking out about low carb, and how she doesn’t believe in that diet, and how she did a mook-bong where she squealed that she was doing low carb and had a baked potato. But she’s been told to do it by a specialist, and now she’s going to simper like a fuckhead and do it, because now she has someone who isn’t a YouTube haydur telling her to fucking nut up and drop the carbs.

Now I’ll say I ain’t no low carb kinda Intergalactic Space Doctor myself, but I also cycle like a fucking fiend and carbs are necessary for energy when in the middle of a long, hard endurance event (let’s just say bonking in the middle of a 100 mile ride is fucking miserable). Carb loading is a thing. When you’re an athlete. But during the times not on the bike? Yeah, can take ‘em or leave ‘em. And because of moderation (!!!!) I am not a 500 lb buttergolum blaming my problems on lipedema.

9:55 States that today’s day 4 of her being on her low carb diet. She looks so fucking miserable when she says that. My little raisin of a heart pitter-patters with fucking glee as I toast her with my rum (which is nearly gone. I fear that I may only be able to do a couple of reeeecaps tonight before my fingers stop working). She professes she doesn’t have to count calories, and she enjoys that, but she knows the difference between eating like a crazy person and eating like a normal person. Then states she magically doesn’t have the urge to binge, and if she wants a snack she has pork rinds for that salty crunch. Can’t wait until she starts making chaffles a la DeathByJen.

10:28 And now she’s threatening me with a terrible time - she says she wants to show us what she ate on her first day of keto. She filmed her meals. First meal is… better looking than the normal shit AL shoves in her face. Bacon, eggs with cheese, cucumber. Second meal looks more AL-pace, being all brown. It’s chicken, onion and zucchini with green onion and white onion mixed. Minced garlic, pepper and soy sauce are also in there. She does bitch about no rice, then grumbles that she guesses she could’ve used cauliflower rice which she doesn’t have. Third meal is a taco salad with lettuce, ground turkey with taco seasoning, zucchini, quest blanco, salsa verde, regular salsa, and protein chips that are taco flavored. Fourth, she shows us a bowl of steak chunks that look like they’ve been burnt to a crisp (originally I thought they might be some sort of funky demolished peppercorn or something, idk). She put garlic salt and pepper on them before destroying the meat entirely. She destroyed perfectly good meat because she was huuuuungraaaaay and feeling snaaackiiiie and wanted some protein (except you know she wants her carbs, dammit).

12:07 States that those were her meals, but then she got a little ‘snacky’ but she didn’t film those snack IT’S NOT A MOTHERFUCKING MOLMENT YOU JELL-O-BRAINED NITWIT. She had green olives stuffed with garlic (SHOOO GUUUUD of course), and spicy pork rinds. 37 grams of carbs, 30 grams of net carbs. So AL isn’t sure if she should be doing net carbs or actual carbs.

12:53 I am laughing. She has professed she’s already bored with this diet, because ‘it’s a lot of meat’ and she has zero creativity with anything. I guess it’s not her normal go-to carb rice covered in gaggy chili or pasta with dumb shit dumped on it. Which is all she has, unless F/JFoNY:MGF,W makes her a sandwich that she orgasms over.

Tumbler of rum is about empty thanks to the self-inflicted flashback there. Dammit.

But yeah, AL whines about how she doesn’t like meat that much (LOL EXCEPT YOU DO). She can’t see doing keto/low carb while being a vegetarian. Which she doesn’t have to worry about, because she is in no way anything close to being a vegetarian. Not with all the turkey sausage, ground chicken, chicken breast, ground turkey chili, orange chicken, rotisserie chicken, etc. that she regularly consumes.

13:30 States that day 1, she was 488.8. A far cry from those 460s or whatever she was parading about not long ago. I clearly remember her 470s she was thanking Ozempic for. Fuck all that noise lolz. She cries that her body doesn’t lose weight ‘like the normal’ and that’s why she gained weight. Except she’d lost this weight before. But that’s been conveniently pigeon-holed and she’s praying her audience won’t remember it (KiwiFarms remembers, though, AL. We always remember). Three days later, she weighed in at 482.4. And I’m giggling, just waiting for the day the water-weight dropping from the carb reduction hits and she actually, ya know, has to count calories while remaining low-carb to continue weight loss. Because that’s the regular bitching I hear from the casual keto dudes I hang out with.

14:00 AL says the doctor tried to explain to her that someone with lipedema could eat 1500 calories of carbs and gain weight while the next day they could have 2300 calories of keto and lose weight. And the laws of thermodynamics laugh and say ‘lolz nope’.

15:00 Will this bitch ever stop crying about keto? The answer, of course, is no. She’s crying about how she isn’t trying to overdo it on fat (which is a major portion of satiation while on keto, so I’ve been told) because she has gallstones. She’s bitching about how for a snack last night, she literally melted a slice of pepper jack cheese on the stove because she’s allowed to have that over having a banana. And I’m questioning why she didn’t just have a nice slice of pepper jack cheese.

15:37 Now we’re going into TMI territory as AL talks about the fact that now she’s peeing, and before she wasn’t really peeing. She was likely just leaking more throughout the day. Plus we know she would hold her piss because hurpalurping to the John was too much effort, so she gave herself frequent UTIs. Oh, I’m sorry, ‘cancer.’ She’s now stating that lipedema made her hold onto water, but since she started keto she’s become really thirsty and is drinking like a fucking horse. And I wanna slap her, because now she’s stating that ‘I’m drinking so much water. It feels like a lot, but it’s probably just a normal amount.’

How many fucking videos did she go on about drinking so much water? With her large water bottle that she filled from small water bottles? With the Coldest Water Bottle (tm, RIP)? With the multiple water bottles she’s held up to the camera while smugly grinning and talking bout how she’s drinking SoOoOoO mUcH wAtEr YoU gUiSe? Fuck this dumb bitch.

16:11 My tumbler is now empty, and I’m hoping to make it through the last 2.5 minutes without needing to refill. Namely, because I’m out of this particular brand of rum, and will have to mix liquors, which spells doom for further reeeecaps. Secondly, because my liver will punish me later. Anyway, AL is stating how things are weird because she can use ranch dressing. Talks about a simple salad that she drowned in ranch dressing because she was allowed to have it. Then AL diverts her train right off the rails she was on to plunge back into the canyon of contradictions as she talks about how over the last year she’s lost almost 100 pounds and her doctor was amazed and asked if she’s noticed a stall. Because THAT’S DUE TO LIPEDEMA, not that’s due to the body’s metabolic reaction during normal diet and exercise routine changes experienced by every individual on the motherfucking planet.

17:03 States she doesn’t want to do low carb, but she’s going to do it now because she needs to change and FIGHT FOR HER LYYYYYFE BIIIITCHES. Hahahahah. This’ll fall through soon.

17:47 Alright, had to refill the tumbler. We’re now finishing off my bottle of Gewürztraminer that we had partaken of with dinner, because this bitch just called October ‘Octobies’ and I can’t stand her retardation with any ounce of sobriety still intact.

Anyway, she states that this was a ‘low carb queen/keto queen’ update and that today she’s only had 6 grams of carbs and it’s 7PM. Meaning she woke up 1.5 hours ago and has only had her first meal of the day.

18:08 Now AL is pretty much crying about how since she started this, she hasn’t ordered takeout once. She legit looks like she is about to burst into tears and it’s lightening the weight in my heart. I am giggling. That might be the alcohol, but it’s more likely that’s my dark cynical adoration of her suffering. AL then states she doesn’t even drink diet soda ‘no more’ and I rejoice, because that means that there’s more Diet Coke remaining for the rest of the continental 48 states. And even though she drank that heathen’s brew that is Caffeine-Free Diet Coke, there are some who relish it, and I’d rather those poor, misguided souls have it than AL the WonderBlubber. Anyway, the doctor said that the body reacts to diet soda as if it has carbs because of the artificial sweeteners. So now I’m questioning the credentials of this particular individual, because the whole purpose of artificial sweeteners is to not cause an insulin reaction, which is why there’s a net-zero absorption rate by the body and why the food in question can be counted as ‘zero’ calorie. No insulin reaction means no absorption meaning no energy absorption. The body simply does not react to artificial sweeteners the same as it does to sugar (carbs in this case), which is why the different calorie content on the label - the brain goes ‘yay, sugar!’ And there’s ongoing theories about how the body then goes ‘wah, no sugar’ and the brain goes ‘dammit, need sugar!’ Which leads to consumption of actual sugar and weight gain, negating the benefit of the diet soda, but yeah. The body does not react to diet soda as if it as carbs, because there are no carbs to react with.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk, and I will step off my soap box now.

18:41 Ends the video with her retarded wave and kiss that makes me yearn to scrub all the flesh off my body.

TL;DW/R: AL is on keto, and lipedema is responsible for ALL OF HER WEIGHT, SHIT LORDS. Her not losing weight is due to LIPEDEMA, not her inhalation of 4,000+ kcal per day. She’s peeing like a race horse, too. You’re welcome.

Double posting like a fucking boss because I'm drunk as hell and I don't care. Last one of the night because I can't feel my hands and my ears are fuzzy and my tinnitus is doing the thing where with lots of alcohol all I hear is ringing and I had to watch her shit with captions.

Bullshit video number 2 where AL is doing keto, which she was always ScArEd to do before. SHOOO SCAAAARD, U GUISE! Fuck off. Booze is good.

Spoiler: More dumbassery ahead

0:00 ‘So welcome to a new vlog’ Way to stay consistent, nitwit. We open in a parking lot. At least it’s different. AL tells us we just pulled up to Ulta, and she had to show us the ‘pretty’ sky. It’s sunset with some clouds. Not a bad sight. But then AL has to wreck it by showing us the filth that’s on the car’s sunroof, tapping at it and explaining that she doesn’t know what it is (it’s filth) and that it’s not bird poop (except it might be, who knows) and whatever (take it to a fucking car wash since we all know the both of ya are too damned lazy to do it yourselves - there’s THREE fucking car wash places equidistant from one another around The Henry, you lazy turdmuffin).

0:33 Finally goes to her Ulta bag after gushing over the sunset. ‘We come in clutch with Ulta Beauty.’ But she’s going to show us what’s in the bag once she gets home. First, they go to the Goodwill.

And she doesn’t even show us what they dropped off. Guess she learned after last time, when viewers gave her hell for giving her vlogging equipment, namely her ring light, to Goodwill lolz

0:50 Now on to what’s in the bag. She shows us the following:

- ‘2-face lip injection maximum plump’ because she has little skinny lips.
- Better than sex mascara
- Foundation brush ($20 brush from F/JFoNY:MGF,W that made AL ‘shook to the bits’ and I REALLY didn’t need to know that and now my wine is fucking mostly gone and we still have forever in this video left to go)
- Elf eyeliner (which she first says is mascara). This is the precision liquid eyeliner
- Elf eyeliner - the one she’s used to. Because why not double up on this shit, amirite?
- Nix epic wear colored eyeliner, which she already has but says she’s running low (and she takes a moment to say she knows we’re ‘shooketh’ except I am no such thing about her calluses which are from writing so much, which tells me for years she had hoarded journals and not written a damned thing in them despite proclaiming that she used every one of them all of the time (oh ye who does not lie, thanks for another one). Shooketh doesn’t describe me. Drunk does. Get it right).
- Another stupid fucking eyeliner pencil thing. Same brand, just a blue-ish one she doesn’t have.
- Nix filler instincts in the color (she calls it ma’am when she loses focus on it because this hephalump is still filming with her fucking phone instead of a decent setup - stop fucking humanizing your purchases, you pudding-brained imbecile) Miami lights. Apparently it’s plumping lip color. Whatever. Guess AL needs to fat the only place on her that’s not fat already.

2:45 Cut to sizzling meat chunks in a pan. AL is making steak stir fry with sirloin. She also has broccoli, onion, scallions and zucchini. She’s going to cover it in soy sauce, sriracha and minced garlic. Then shows sesame seeds she’s going to add at the end along with approximately half her scallions. Instantly I’m shrieking internally that she shouldn’t be adding her scallions until the end anyway, because cooking them too long causes them to wilt. All her scallions should be a last second addition. But whatever, let her wreck what she cooks like she always does, amirite?

3:34 If you like stir fry, do not watch any of this part. It looks… sad. Pitiful. Very, very traumatizing for anyone who enjoys cooking. It looks like she’s boiling this shit in filthy water. Like she cooked her meat so long that she blasted the fat off of it, didn’t drain anything, and added water to the pot to keep her veggies from sticking to it. This is a fucking abomination and I am drinking the last of my wine to this assault on my eyeballs. If it weren’t the middle of the fucking night, I’d go make some stir fry myself to cleanse my soul of this terror I am witnessing.

3:37 Cuts to it being ‘complete’ and professes that it smells like a Hibachi restaurant in her kitchen. I weep because that tells me she’s never been to a quality Hibachi restaurant, or perhaps that her nostrils are as blown as her tastebuds and she has no clue what she’s speaking of. Her plate has the saddest, brownest, limpest excuse for stir fry on it that I’ve ever seen. I am finishing off my wine. I would pour some out for the ingredients that were massacred by her attempt to make stir fry, but that’s wasted from here, so down the hatch it goes instead.

Fuck it. Time for the Gekkeikan sake. There will not be a third reeeeeecap tonight. My brain is weeping despite my tongue rejoicing and my liver is simpering for mercy. Fuck it all.

She throw on sesame seeds and raw scallion, then professes that it looks SHOOO GUUUUD. It looks like a plate of Alpo with some broccoli and scallions. I could find better, more authentic stir fry on the mess decks of an aircraft carrier. And we called it ‘Alpo’ there, too.

3:53 Of course, she says that she wants to have it on rice, but she can’t because #ketoqueen and I want to slap the ever livid shit out of her for that nonsense. She cackles like a stupid banshee.

4:00 Cuts to her putting away some clothes. I had to rewatch that 3 times to figure out what the fuck she was saying because she mush mouths it to hell and tries to put a cute spin on it that makes her sound like she’s not only got downs, but she’s spent her life rocking’ it out in a corner without a helmet on and bashed her face into a spike 47 times before filming. The sake isn’t helping my comprehension any, either, but there’s only a couple shots of it in my tumbler, and I’m praying it’ll last the remainder of this shitshow of a video. Anyway, she shows us her shitty earrings and says she’s obsessed with them and has worn them for 2 days in a row. And no one cares.

4:10 Oh, she’s reading comments. Even though she promised us she’d no longer be reading comments. HA. That didn’t last long! She was reading comments and as she was putting away her clothes, she started thinking and feels there’s been miscommunication. So she HAS to keep reading her comments, because her audience is retarded and can’t comprehend what her genius is trying to bequeath unto us poor plebs.

4:30 Proclaims that a lot of people are saying due to her last video where she’s talking about lipedema that she’s happy about it. She says she’s not happy about having lipedema, and is happy she has a plan and a diagnosis. No, we know the truth. She’s happy about having an excuse. But she’s still crying about doing low carb, because MUH RICE and I’m wondering if she’ll go on to state that she’s quitting low carb because of MUH MENTALZ or some shit. She’s professing that she’s happy to have a plan and a specialist with over 30 years of experience in this subject. Except hasn’t she blown off specialists in the past? I am placing my money on this specialist lasting for less than 2 months, because I’m a fucking optimist when drunk and think it may last close to that long. Sake is tasty, by the way. Even when it’s low quality bullshit.

6:04 LOL She is saying that her ‘diagnosis’ isn’t an excuse, it’s the reason. Except it totally is the excuse. She says that she wasn’t counting calories wrong, she knows exactly how to do it shitlords! It’s the lipedema’s fault!

6:35 CUNTY!LYNN on full display! ‘I try to explain myself, and you guys just get it all wrong!’ LOLOLOLOL Because we’re too stupid to understand, in AL’s puerile little brain. AL, you don’t know that other countries have flags. You don’t know American history. You probably don’t know where the hell Connecticut is located. You can’t go baselessly bashing people’s assumptions on the internet because we can read into your enthusiasm and understand that it’s your subconscious celebration of a path by which you believe your an shed any and all responsibility for being a gluttonous pig and pounding Girl Scout cookies in the closet when you were a kid to pack on the pounds. AL even says that she was trying to the best of her ability to lose weight, except we all know she hasn’t been and she’s even stated that she’s binging and shit.

Can we just take a moment to giggle at her fucking stupidity here? She’s forgetting that she has a whole channel documenting how she sabotages her own weight loss attempts, and if she watches it would see that she sabotages herself regularly. ‘Oh, I was on track, but then I was hungry so I ate 3 family-sized bags of chips, 2 packages of Oreos and an entire fucking chicken. Tee hee!’ It’s not just lipedema, you cunty fuckrocket.

7:19 ‘My binges now are just me overeating and I still rapidly gain weight.’ My brain is pickled in alcohol, and I’m adding to the alcohol in my skull. What the hell did I just hear…? Her binges… are just her overeating…? Like we’ve been saying forever? That she doesn’t have BED like she’s been trying to say she has for the last couple years? Her binges are just her overeating? Like we’ve known forever? Her overeating leads to her packing on the pounds, like we’ve known since she started her weightloss journey and ballooned up to nearly 600 pounds? Whaaaaaa?

7:24 Now she talks about her binges ‘now’. Which is her going online and ordering Olive Garden Chicken Alfredo and eating the whole thing. Which… still isn’t a binge, because binges aren’t planned, don’t involve ordering things online. Per DSM IV (outdated, yes, but here in my library for easy reference), the criterion involved ‘a sense of lack of control over eating during the episode’. Ordering a particular meal online or planning a binge does not meet this criteria. Which is NOT one of the ‘select 3 of the following and yep, you’ve got it’ criterium. This is a requirement. Period. And now I take a drink of sake, because I managed to read and type with minimal typos (I hope), because I see no squiggly red lines.

7:35 Oh, she’s still going on about binging. She says that her binging now is one ordered meal, whereas years ago it was ordering 3 meals at once. STILL not binge eating disorder. Just overeating like a slovenly pig. AL whines that she hates explaining herself.

8:00 Update - she has her CT scan tomorrow from the filming of this video. Says the pain went away, but the morning of filming it came back in her shoulder, of all places. Her breathing is drastically better, her fake cough she’s never captured in her hardly-edited-videos is mysteriously gone. She has a doctor appointment the day after her CT scan and is hoping her results get there in time, because she NEEEEEEEDS to know her results. To see if her self-diagnosed problems are in fact 100% correct, I guess. She’s 31, approaching 32, and she realizes that DeathByJen is her approaching future.

9:03 Fucking hell, we’re back to Lego. She shows us that she finished the other half of the globe arch she’d finished before, so now she effectively has a doughnut. Then she goes on that her audience has called her a flat-earther. She denies this. Remember, shitlords, she only believes in chem trails and faked moon landings. She claims her flat-earth beliefs were TrollLynn. Likely, she just looked at some YouTube videos that disprove flat earth and felt like a moron and decided that she was just trolling for that lolz fuck you. Anyway, going on to step 7 of her stupid Lego build. Says it’s beginning to build on the actual water of the globe. Whatever that nonsense means. I’m too drunk to make sense of this shit - I’m just transcribing it and being a snarky asshole while I do such.

9:39 Fuck, she’s decided that while we’re at her lego set, it’s time to grab that stupid ‘true facts that sound like bullshit’ book and read us something from it. I thought that dumb fucking SO RAW FUK series was dead and buried. Anyway, she reads a random fact. ‘A comet’s tail is made up of melting ice.’ Yup, no shit.

9:48 Rarity sighting! Don’t fucking greet her, AL, you ruined the moment.

9:50 Blathering on about the fact about comets. She says it’s ‘very much um space related just like my globe. It’s really weird that I flipped to one about space.’ Fucking shut up.

10:13 At least Rarity is getting scratches, but I do wish that AL would shut her fat fucking face. Ugh. Her baby-talk is finishing off my tumbler. I cannot refill this shit because otherwise I’ll be abusing alcohol by vomiting it out later, so this is definitely the last recap of tonight. Plus I can’t feel my fingertips anymore, and can barely read the letters appearing on the screen as I type.

10:19 AL has to inform us that she’s currently watching a podcast while she’s doing her lego shit. Reason she’s always got leftover pieces = distraction, added in with stupidity and inability to follow simple directions. She’s watching JeffFM podcast with Tanum or something. I dunno ‘cause I don’t do podcasts nor do I care.

10:36 Shows us all the pieces of her lego stage. She says the more she puts stuff in the circle, it’s not noticeable that she’s done anything. That’s because she’s building the internals for structural stability. I guess it’s upsetting to her little brain that she’s doing effort for no visible reward at the end. Explains that when she did the typewriter lego and the Nintendo lego that there’s a bunch of legos inside that you don’t see. No shit. ‘Sometimes at the end the person who made the Lego knows all the work and the amazingness that’s on the inside of the Lego’ and you need to be punched for amazingness. Ugh, AuthorLynn, grow a fucking vocabulary one of these years. I can’t feel my fingers, my tumbler is dry, and you’re pissing me off.

11:20 Time skip. It’s now 30 minutes later and she shows us what she has. It’s got wheels and shit on the outside, and brackets on the inside. She doesn’t realize that this shit is structural support so it doesn’t collapse on itself. She says she wants to do another stage, but there’s a lot of pieces and she doesn’t have the patience for it. Says there was a lot of extra pieces.

I counted. There’s 6 extra pieces in her hand.

She still claims that this is in case you broke a piece, but as has been confirmed by others in the past, this is utterly false. This is still her being an utter retard and being incapable of following simple directions, because there ARE NO EXTRA PIECES in advance Lego sets. Especially arbitrary extra pieces.

12:19 Ends on the Thanks for watching with the kiss emoji at the end. Thank goodness she didn’t blow a kiss. I don’t need another video to convince me to take an acid bath to cleanse my soul.

TL;DW/R: Fatty gets some overpriced makeup, bitches more about keto while showing us the saddest stir fry that has ever graced God’s green earth. Whines that we’re all dumbasses for thinking her overeating caused her to balloon to 600 lbs when it was LIPEDEMA, MORONS. Calls us dumbasses when we recognize that she’s pleased to have an excuse for her weight gain. Builds more of her Lego globe and has parts left over at the end, as always.

 

[hotcheetospuffs]

Not taking responsibility for not dropping pounds is what ALR does and it's hilarious. If she were on track and losing weight few of us would watch. And people who think she is a terrible person for not feeling bad that the Narc Alert had a heart attack... why should she feel bad? When it comes to watching her haydurz suffer I'll take Amber's side on this. It must feel pretty good to see them get theirs.

Even the so-called "nicer" reaction channels only want bad things for Amber, no matter what they say or how carefully they word it. It's reached a point where the girl cannot do anything without criticism. She can't make ice cubes right, she put too many onions in her salad, which she probably didn't even cut up herself. Everything she is doing is bad. She second guesses every single thing she does, stating her excuse before she even says what she did. The haydurz have made her completely neurotic and that's the only thing entertaining left about her. If she was succeeding she'd be insufferable, braggadocios, and boring as hell, even more-so than she already is.

So I don't blame her for being unable to find her sympathy bone and I wish she had the fupa balls to one day get even in a way besides living well. But she'd probably do that wrong too. And we'll all be here to make fun of her if she were to attempt the unthinkable.

 

[w4vy_gr4vy]

Not to defend ALR but LOL @ the Haydur community getting all up in their feelings because she said she doesn't care that The Narc Alert had a heart attack. Why the fuck *should* she care?

 

[Gregor Samsa]

Not to defend ALR but LOL @ the Haydur community getting all up in their feelings because she said she doesn't care that The Narc Alert had a heart attack. Why the fuck *should* she care?

They are way too PC to admit they actualy like making fun of a fat person. They have to use the moments Amber is being a cunt online so they could rail on her.

 

[Kier Starmer]

One thing that confuses me with Amber is this:

The difference in views is insane almost a 30k difference in 12 days with no major. The Nick click bait secured just that many views. These are the lowest her views have been in a very long time. I believe in December we might see her hit 30k average a video. This will be about 500k views a month which means her lifestyle is fully unliveable.

So Amber's old average was 100k views a video which would give her about $1200 a video, bitch was making bank. Now bitch is trying to be Chantal to keep relevant. This is just sad at this point.

I don't think she is doing vlogmas this year, it will kill her channel. Amber's channel has a trend that if she keeps uploading her views will eventually decline. This happened during 100 days but notably vlogmas.

 

[FatalTater]

I can't understand how she's getting 40k-50k views per video. There aren't that many reaction channels, are there people who actually WATCH Amber?

 

[Boolean Bitch]

Spoiler: Off-topic LEGO Sperg:

I can't speak for eggspurt laygo sets like Amber assembles, but I have helped little family members/friend's little ones assemble their sets (Star Wars, Space themed, Harry Potter, Princess), and they've all had extra pieces. I'm not saying I'm super smart or anything, but I'm not a retard and can follow the pictures. In one case, two little ones with the same set had slightly different 'extra' pieces. My suspicion is that the majority of the pieces are dispensed and weighed (rather than being counted), and the calibration is off slightly to err on the side of caution, which results in some extra pieces. I'm sure LEGO would rather do this and lose $0.0001 of product on an $80 set, than have several angry customers that couldn't complete their kits - or spend ridiculous amounts of money to try and make the dispensing more accurate. You never get extra 'cool' pieces that the kids would actually WANT- like an extra princess, or extra painted control panel tiles - they're always stupid bullshit pieces that aren't good for any other project. Their final destination usually ends up inside the vacuum, or embedded into the bottom of someone's foot.

@Diet Coke 4 Life:
The diet soda thing: Amber just heard something she didn't understand, then ran with it (the only running she does). There has been some questions as to whether artificial sweeteners can actually affect the body in this way. The body isn't SUPPOSED to respond to artificial sweeteners with an insulin response, because they aren't sugar and therefore shouldn't trigger it. BUT, they have found with some people that just tasting something sweet causes their body to trigger an insulin response - even if that sweetness is from an artificial sweetner. The insulin released has nothing to bind to (as no sugar was consumed), and the extra insulin is mopped up. Anyway, the end result isn't weight gain from the calorie-free soda, but constant insulin spikes which totally fucks with the body and leads to insulin resistance. Now my understanding of this is that it isn't at all normal, (rather uncommon), but still does happen to some people.

If Amber spun a story to the doctor that she doesn't eat more than 1700 calories and gains weight, and gains pounds of fluid retention from a drive to Walmart, the doctor (who likely suspects it's all bullshit), is probably going to be cautious and might assume the worst for Amber's genetics, including Amber possibly having this messed up insulin response. The current keto diet can be used to help with type 2 diabetes as well as insulin resistance, as the goal is to reduce insulin responses. Both the current keto diet (not 'dirty keto') and the diabetic diet look very similar.

And this could be the case because Keto isn't the only diet recommended for Lipedema. The RAD diet is another one, which focuses on a vegetable heavy diet with moderate meat/fish consumption and eliminates junk food - and I think eliminates cheese and dairy as well (https://www.lipedema.net/nutritious-eating-to-reduce-lipedema.html). There is also the Anti-inflammatory Diet, which focuses on a balance of carbs, protein and fats, while consuming whole foods and eliminating processed foods.

Or hell, I could be sperging about nothing. Amber may have just twisted this into whatever she wanted it to be so she could justify eating pork rinds.

Or she's trying to hide that she's gettin' the 'beetus.

Long story short: Amber has shown and admitted hundreds of times in her videoes over the last 9 years what her problem really is: she eats too much damn food, and won't do the uncomfortable things necessary (STOP EATING TOO MUCH DAMN FOOD). Diet soda didn't cause her to 'swell' to "572.4 el beez".

And on the topic of Keto in case Amber is reading (we know she is) - or anyone else interested in keto - attached are some quick informational pictures and a list of foods you can eat on keto so you don't have to resort to only eating meat, cheese, and pork rinds. The diet actually has more variation than we've ever seen Amber eat in the entirety of her channel. And, oddly enough, pork rinds aren't listed on the shopping list. It's almost as if they aren't supposed to be a staple food of any healthy diet. I KNOW!!! WEIRD, RIGHT?!

Spoiler: Pics in Spoiler because this post is already long enough

Not taking responsibility for not dropping pounds is what ALR does and it's hilarious. If she were on track and losing weight few of us would watch. And people who think she is a terrible person for not feeling bad that the Narc Alert had a heart attack... why should she feel bad? When it comes to watching her haydurz suffer I'll take Amber's side on this. It must feel pretty good to see them get theirs.

Even the so-called "nicer" reaction channels only want bad things for Amber, no matter what they say or how carefully they word it. It's reached a point where the girl cannot do anything without criticism. She can't make ice cubes right, she put too many onions in her salad, which she probably didn't even cut up herself. Everything she is doing is bad. She second guesses every single thing she does, stating her excuse before she even says what she did. The haydurz have made her completely neurotic and that's the only thing entertaining left about her. If she was succeeding she'd be insufferable, braggadocios, and boring as hell, even more-so than she already is.

So I don't blame her for being unable to find her sympathy bone and I wish she had the fupa balls to one day get even in a way besides living well. But she'd probably do that wrong too. And we'll all be here to make fun of her if she were to attempt the unthinkable.

I agree with what you said about reaction channels. The majority of them seem to be helmet-wearing paste-eaters. The content of the Hadur Nation Meta thread is like cancer after being mutated in a radioactive wasteland. And her audience goes off on strange tangents. Complaining about how green beans aren't 'low carb enough'. Or how her 500 calorie Freshly meals were too big. Or long dissertations about the problems with using a cake tray to display perfume bottles. Or whatever bullshit is the current thing they will collectively REEE over. My favourite was their bullshit story about how Eric locked Amber out of the kitchen when he was unpacking groceries, and that's why you hear her banging and screaming in the background of that video he uploaded where he's showing off some vitamins or protein gel from a subscription box he bought.

I'm not defending them, but I kind of get why they were so quick to jump on her regarding Merc's heart attack. Amber prattles on obnoxiously about how EMPATHIC she is - blaming so much of her 'mentulz' on her feeling the intense emotions and suffering of others. Remember her cryeen over all the pain she was feeling the entire world going through when the COVID lockdowns started in March 2020? I find it hilarious to watch her audience snap at her every time she falls out of character. And of course for her reaction of being utterly STUNNED at their response, unable to understand why they don't find her 'sassy and bold' behaviour to be cute or quirky.


MOST OF THIS IS PARAPHRASED, BUT IN JUST THE LAST 2.5 YEARS, WE'VE HAD:

• Amber's cancer diagnosis: "I need all of your thoughts and prayers!!!"
• Becky's mom dying from Cancer and Becky expressing comfort at the idea that her mother is in heaven: "Heaven isn't real and your mom's gone forever"
• Amber continuing to moan and want sympathy from her audience over her uterus committing seppuku.
• Negz reacting to Callie's reproductive issues and Amber is in the chat: "OMG So funny. I'm CRYEEEN!!!" Then Amber makes a public statement when she's called out: "That's not who I REALLY am. I don't understand why I get so much hate".
• Amber blaming her delayed cancer treatment on Becky and geting called out "That's not who I REALLY am. I don't understand why I get so much hate"
• Amber's danging ankle: "Thoughts and prayers for my MULTIPLE, SEVERELY TORN ligaments! I don't know how I can go on. And you're dispectful pieces of shit if you react to this!!"
• Amber's dangling lung: "OMG COLLAPSED LUNG!!! NO WAIT, CANCER!!! OMG THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS!! - oh, just an infection. I'm so hurt that you called it a 'dangleen lung'!"
• Merc's heart attack "I'm trying to find my sympathy bone.... I DON'T CARE!!". Then Amber makes a public statement when she's called out: "That's not who I REALLY am. I don't understand why I get so much hate".

I may be a simple bitch, but I don't think I'll ever NOT find this funny, and I hope the channels continue to call her out on this EVERY TIME. I'm not saying that she SHOULD care, but it's hilarious to see the sheer amount of coddling and ass-kissing she expects everyone to constantly show her. And then to go into 'True Amber' mode and go out of her way to be an asshole, only to be all surprised Pikachu when people find her obnoxious and empathy-lacking behaviour to be... obnoxious and lacking of empathy.

 

[My Cat Is Racist]

Another boring ass vlog where Fat Amber doesn't leave the house, plays with toys meant for toddlers and discusses her gross hickies.

diabetes results & how many carbs I eat | vlog

Spoiler: Archive

 

[Kier Starmer]

Wow, all these medical emergencies in the space of a fortnight. We are as thirsty as the Sahara right here.

She thought the Keto was going to be Jenny Craig / Optavia Spencer.

 

[StrawberryDouche]

Wow, all these medical emergencies in the space of a fortnight. We are as thirsty as the Sahara right here.

She thought the Keto was going to be Jenny Craig / Optavia Spencer.

Does she have Super Not Diabetes? So the Ozempic -which is not approved for weight loss in the US and only approved for diabetes- and the "keto" which is the preferred diet for managing diabetes, was given to her because she doesn't have diabetes, right?

 

[Boolean Bitch]

Okay, yeah back. Had an unusual amount of downtime today, and it seems like a lot of Kiwis are still getting stuck in the magical interwebby tubey situation type deals to get here, so I thought I'd give recapping a try to help Diet Coke's liver recover a bit.

I've tried my best and if you don't like it, well... that's probably to be expected because I'm a total asshole.

When we last left our dazzling damsel, Amber was... shit, I've already forgotten. Hang on. Oh yeah! When we last left our dazzling damsel, Amber was prowling her usual hunting grounds (Five Below and Walmart), looking for cheap tat and num-nums. Found doormats (no, not Becky), pens, journals... and a MOUNTAIN OF PORK RINDS! And now for today's episode: Diabetes results and how many carbs I eat. (My guesses: "Yes, I mean, NO!" and "too many").

Spoiler: diabetes results & how many carbs I eat | vlog

Makeup molment. "If it looks like I'm wearing leftover makeup..." - yeah, it means you probably are.

Shows her 'schnack' of Mac's Pork Cracklins. Can't see the weight of the bag (might be 6oz, but I really think it said 8 oz on the bottom left corner?). Claims to have 2-3 servings per night to avoid binging. This was the bag from yesterday's haul and is already 3/4 empty. Serving according to fatsecret.com is 1/2 oz (90 cal). 3/4 X 8 = 6 oz. 6oz / 1/2 = 12 servings... in 24 hours. Might want to start double-checking those portion sizes. Eating 1080 calories of pork rinds when you thought you were only eating 540 could magically make keto not work for you.

"Those I heard were like a staple, and I'm not gonna lie, they kinda are". No, they are not. Staples to keto are Non-starchy vegetables, lean meats, and healthy fats (nuts, seeds, fatty fish, eggs with the yolk, olives, etc). Keto has room for other items such as fatty meats, cheese, and pork rinds, but they aren't 'staples'. Refuses to deal with the issues of her constantly craving 'junk'. I think pork rinds are to Amber as chaffles were to Jenn.

Question: Do you do keto or low carb? Amber's answer: "I want it known that I don't count net carbs."

"These are hickies, I - " SKIP.

Back to carbs: counts total not net (good, as counting net can get complicated and lead to errors, as not all fibre is equal). Supposed to eat under 50g, but has been eating under 30-35g. I'm a little surprised she hasn't gotten the 'keto flu' yet, especially since in the past she has speculated that she would eat over 400g of carbs per day. She might be miscounting her carbs. Though to be blunt but fair, it also needs to be mentioned that Amber is essentially a dainty 130lb gorl, carrying 300 blocks of butter, all wrapped up in an 70 lb pork rind. Fat behaves differently than organs and muscles, so she may just need fewer carbs and could be doing everything absolutely right!

[See, I'm not a total asshole - I can be supportive!]

Talks about how amazing not having to count calories has been. Foreshadowing for the inevitable weight stall and keto not working for her.

"Keto Queen! Kee..Toe..QUEEN!". Ends segment to eat her 2-3 servings of pork rinds. Wait, I already included today's portion in my above numbers. Well... shit. Okay So, one whole bag in a little over 24 hours? 16 servings x 90 = 1440 calories in 24 hours (because she isn't leaving 1/2 oz of pork rinds in the bag - NO ONE does that). I'm sure she'll respond in the next video to assure us that she had this bag for over a week and we're just being fatphobic shitlords. Yeah, I'm sure that's it. Nevermind.

'Low carb just doesn't work for people with lipedema'. Neither does eating mountains of pork rinds. Just sayin'.

Toy Mini Brands unboxing!! SKIP

... Wait, I only had one skip? FUCK!! Fine. A plastic thing containing smaller plastic things. Seems like miniature models of current toys. So like toys... but even more useless. Laughs manically at what she gets. I don't understand. Amber recognized and named every miniature, but I'm still confused. [Sorry, you may need to get Diet Coke back doing this shit, I'm over my head here]. I'd ask one of my 4 year old relatives WTF is going on, but Amber isn't exactly 'Family Friendly Content'. Price: $9 USD. Asks if she's gonna get addicted to these. Just add them in the giant tub with the 1000+ other Mini Brands and Shopkins. You can collect them for your next I-Need-Money-Fire-Sale.

-- THE NEXT DAY --

"Hello, hello". Hi, WilLo Davis. Damn, you're looking kinda rough.

Getting ready to go to bed - I feel we're missing some time here. Misplaced her make-up remover - but doesn't she just sleep in her makeup, anyway? Talks about 'My Chart' and all of the records she can see (xrays, CTs, etc). Thinks it's weird that she has a skeleton inside of her, and it's so tiny. I'm sorry, this is where I irrationally lost my shit and had to pause due to uncontrolled laughing. Don't worry Amber, it you're not the only one. I'm remembering that image that keeps getting circulated of the blimpy beach ball body with the tiny skeleton inside. Yeah... it's not supposed to look like that.

[Holy shit just fire me and make Diet Coke do this]

Oh, we're talking about Diabetes now. You know, for someone who doesn't have it, she sure talks a LOT about diabetes. In fact, she talks as much about not having diabetes as she talks about having sex. Moving on. You fabphobic shit-posting hadurs!... She's peeing more because she's drinking more water! Pees 6-7 times per day, checks her phone, which tells her 6-7 times per day is normal - totally not staged, you guize.

Okay... Above average A1C n December 21 or 23rd 2020 (which she posted on one of her stories and has since memory-holed). Dark, velvety-looking skin on knuckles and neck. Super morbidly death-star fat. Ex girlfriend lived same lifestyle and developed diabetes at half the weight of Amber. Slow wound healing. Circulation issues reported by Amber in the past. History of diabetes in the family. Massive sugar intake. Doctor wanted her on a drug primarily used for diabetes. Specialist doctor wants her to stay the fuck away from carbs. Specialist suggests avoiding artifical sweeteners (which can be a suggestion when insulin resistance is a concern). NOT DIABETIC. Okey-dokey. "You don't need to worry". Don't worry, Amber, we don't lose sleep over this.

Step 9 of lego globe. And... Achievement Unlocked: Northern Hemisphere Complete!

-- THANKS FOR WATCHING --

TL;DR: Kee-Toe QUEEN. Pork rinds! Mini-Brands Toys unboxing! BEACH BALL WITH A SKELETON! Not diabetic. More peeing from increased water consumption. LEGO!

Will Amber discover any other keto-approved snacks? Will Amber become addicted to opening Mini-Brands Toys Bubbles? Will Amber keep peeing? How will the LEGO globe look with more LEGO bricks on it? When does Jade go to court? To find the answer to these questions, tune in tomorrow (or whenever Amber decides to upload). Same FAT time; same FAT channel!

 

[I call shenanigans]

Does she have Super Not Diabetes? So the Ozempic -which is not approved for weight loss in the US and only approved for diabetes- and the "keto" which is the preferred diet for managing diabetes, was given to her because she doesn't have diabetes, right?

If she had diabetes, she'd tell us because according to her she tells us all her health issues...to be fair she pretty much does. That being said, even though she claims to have had her A1c and blood glucose levels regularly checked and claims they are normal, non-diabetic levels, I don't recall her ever divulging her A1c. While A1c isn't as cut and dried diagnostically as many drs think, if Amber was diabetic I'd except she would have mentioned a glucose tolerance test rather than the two measures she did. She would certainly know that blood glucose levels are not diagnostic of diabetes, but rather are a tool used to manage the condition.

I'd also correct you on diabetic diet guidelines....nearly all the national diabetes association diet recommendations are not even low carb let alone keto. Surprisingly they are nearly all low fat with multiple lower GI carb servings throughout the day.

Spoiler: "small PL"

As a very low carb person myself I was shocked when during my recent hospitalisation (at a major government owned and operated teaching hospital) that there wasn't even a low carb menu plan. They knew I needed low carb for medical reasons, but instead opted for the diabetic (low fat) menu. There was not a single meal served to me in the first two days that I could actually eat as it was so high carb, and there was no fats on offer at all until the dietician came and wrote up an individualised menu for the rest of my stay. No wonder type 2 diabetes is an epidemic these days when so few will challenge the antiquated low fat/high carb food triangle. Diabetes is big business, as is the grain and sugar industries.