But there's been a lot of things I could have had sooner if I just stuck with uncomfortable, long term monotonous discipline.
I don't want to end up a drone not enjoying anything in life. But a lot of things in life are going to take a lot of time. And sometimes you have to go periods of very boring, hard, laborious bullshit before you can enjoy anything properly.
You're on the right track getting serious about your life and goals. I had originally included some anecdotal experience, but the sum-up is yes, get serious, stop drifting for whatever reason, do the work if you have something you want. As much as I would have resisted in years past, consistency, diligence, focus, and honesty with self and others brings mental strength, confidence, less frustration, and more forward motion.
So dig in and don't fear diligence or a slow/hard turnaround. You'll be in a more solid place (actually and internally) when you have done/are doing concrete work on whatever you need to do. Day in, day out, do what you know you need to do, and whatever regrets you may have about times past will fade in importance and impact. And don't forget the boring/uninteresting basic stuff - be smart about basics and you'll have the bandwidth for your larger goals. Use those goals as your anchor: when you feeling like taking a momentary shortcut or retreating to a less demanding but less fulfilling state, remember what you're after. If that stays top of mind, you can more easily get the necessary taken care of so that your real energy can go toward your actual desires.
And as an aside, also don't assume that every "standard" thing or conventional piece of advice is garbage. Pick your battles and be smart about them. Learn to see (and adjust) when you're being principled vs merely contrary or self-sabotaging. Picking poor battles is an energy sap and rarely goes well.
The important thing about college isn't what you learn,
Hard disagree. What I learned in college/going to college has been immeasurably and enduringly satisfying and important. College for me was not, though, an exercise in marketability or for a specific job/career. That was grad school, and I knew that going in to college, so my expectations of college were not for direct practical application; my aims were intellectual experience and personal satisfaction, and I got that and value it everyday. That said, my kids' college efforts are far more practically oriented (even if grad school is likely) and the same goes for their peers, so ymmv, of course.
I'm unironically thinking of starting up my own film society when I move to the city. It seems like I may be out of my depth but it's worth a try.
This is a fabulous idea. And btw, in doing so you will be "networking," whether you intend to or not. I get that "networking" sounds awful and artificial, but "spending time with people with similar interests" (and especially driving that) is essentially organic networking, so don't let annoying lingo or cynicism about corporatizing human existence steer you from things enjoyable and maybe even fruitful.
It's not really the schedule, I can't relax even with a week off. I totally get why e-celebs do anything to keep their youtubing career. At least I have a job, that's something on it's own these days. Lol
What do you think is behind your dread? High-intensity/high stakes job? Or is the job not a good fit for you at some level? (Or something else?)
