- Joined
- Feb 10, 2022
Wipey works for Amber. Amber ordered the pizza. Ergo Pizza was sent by work.
Amberlynn Reid - 600 pound pathological liar and U-Haul lesbian moving in with her next live-in maid/nurse/girlfriend.
- Thread starter PiggyPie
- Start date
- Joined
- Dec 21, 2020
It would be funny if Jade eventually got tired of wiping dutty and resorted to buy a bidet for Amber. It wouldn't survive more than a week.
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2019
You just described me perfectly. I simply can't. If it weren't for the screen shots and @Situation Type Deal Gorl excellent recaps, I'd probably fade right on out of this thread. But then I'd miss all you gorls and not have a deathfat to laugh at.
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2021
Then she'll have swamp ass Amber already fuckin stinks no need to add more stank to that place
Pippeyy
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2020
There's no way her ass isn't already moist most of the time. She can't wipe when she pees, she sweats like a pig, sorry glistens like a princess, she always wears tight pants, nothing gets aired out. She probably thinks swamp ass is just part of being such a quirky girl.
FupaCitySheriff
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2020
Every now and then, Fatty will try to get people to add her on My Fitness Pal, then proceed to never use it again.
Wicked Wench
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2021
You're all going on about the calories, but Jesus H Christ. She ate Curry, Pizza, Pork Chops and Ice Cream in the same day and she isn't vomiting like a geyser?
A rat would be envious.
A rat would be envious.
Turd Fergusson
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 28, 2019
There is a lot to unpack here.
When was the last time she did something she promised till the end? Never. I fully expect that she will quit for some reason, either physical or mental. It does not really matter.
If you listen to her, she hardly eats, like most of the participants on MSHPL. If she was eating as she claims, she would lose tons of weight. She either does not show us all she eats or underestimates the number of calories. Probably both. Losing that little weight when you are 500 pounds is a recipe for failure.
It is Amber rewriting history again. You can't get an appointment with an oncologist without a referral and a series of tests to find out what kind of oncologist you need to see.
This is happening less and less even for people working in an office. With people having allergies and dietary and religious restrictions, this can be a reason to be sued for insensitivities. Gift cards are usually the go-to way to incentivize your workers.
- Joined
- Jun 3, 2020
You misspelled "dutty" but I don't know if you meant "duty" or "doody".
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2019
Lying cannot save us from another lie. - Vaclav Havel
This is something good to keep in mind when dealing with Hamber. Shall we begin?
"Hello, good morning, welcome welcome welcome."
Minus 10 points for the continued attempts to sound mature or like a reasonable adult. Can't wait for the way, way off calories counting. Another minus 10 for showing up (again) looking like absolute shit to your "job". Big Ham tells us she just woke up and that she's "tired".
This is how many shits I give about someone who literally does not do jack shit all day claiming they are "tired":
FFS, you've been bitching about your goddamned sleep for ten fucking years. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to fix it. Well, given the intelligence level we're dealing with here, maybe it does.
Oh. My. God. For ten days straight, Hamber is going to vlog daily. How long will she make it on this newest goal, do you suppose. It doesn't really matter, I suppose, because she'll just give up on it and fail. As usual. Come on, just get to the fucking eating and fake calorie counting. We don't have all day here.
Screwing with the timeline. Again. Claims she's been so far ahead on videos that she "didn't film for a week" to try to get to current time. There's this one simple trick to post videos that are current. Wanna hear it? OK, here goes: DON"T POST PRERECORDED BULLSHIT. That's right. Just because you filmed more shit because you like taking a goddamned month off your "job" doesn't mean you have to post it. You could just film stuff in the now and post that instead. Amazing, isn't it?
There is never a road less traveled by with Big Hambutt. Every road she trods with her dainty hooves is one she has walked before. She's going to show us every calorie she eats (sure you are) and provide daily weighins (sure). Pretty damn sure someone - and I'm pretty damn sure that someone was Big Ham herself - saying that restricting makes her "binge", despite the fact she does not have BED. In fact, she has NO eating disorder.
Today's supposed weight - which she tells instead of shows, a no-no, WriterLynn, you should know better- is 494.2. Claims to be losing just a couple ounces per day, and that tells me the weights and the calories and the exercise she claims she's getting are all lies. At 500 pounds, losing ounces per day is taking a piss. You don't want to lose weight. Just fucking admit it already. And if you're going to keep up the charade that you do, I'm going to start rounding your numbers for you. HARD.
Today's weight: 500 pounds.
Claims this is fine, it's all fine, because it means she's not "bingeen", which is her code word for "eating all the shit I want because I don't like eating just 2500 calories a day". You do not have BED. Period.
Oh, she's a total fucking medical mystery, guise. When she eats about 2500 calories a day, she "maintains", and when she eats 1800 calories a day, she loses. BULL AND ALSO SHIT. You are not special. You are not immune to the laws of thermodynamics. You could easily lose weight if you really were eating 2500 calories a day, and you wouldn't even have to do any of that pesky Joaquin you hate so much.
She's having more dried out shoe leather, AKA pork chops, and it's "so weird'. WHY IS IT FUCKING WEIRD. It is not. You are not in some special group of people. You are not unique. You are not special. You're a fat fuck with horrific taste in every single fucking thing, including the food you burn to a goddamn crisp. 260 calories for two. She was eating them with her fucking hand, says not to judge her. Fuck you, Hamber, you uncivilized, useless human skinbag. I'll judge you all I want. And it is A LOT. Has a Diet Coke with it. She only ate half of one, says, "I don't know, I don't think I'm hungry right now." And yet you ate anyway, summing up your fucking problem in the most succinct way possible. Puts the plate in the microwave, leaves in there. She never finishes them, so she claims, which means she either wasted them, or fed them to Twinkie, who doesn't need them and probably shouldn't be eating pork anyway.
Claims the "gf"'s work ordered pizza for all their employees, and this is so fucking stupid and such a lie I'm not even going to address it. you have no idea whatsoever how the real world, and real jobs work, bitch. Big Ham, who doesn't really even like pizza, is downing three huge slices. Forgot she was doing this video - sure - and already slammed one slice down the piehole. Estimates the calories at 600 for three slices. Once again, you have no fucking idea how to assess calories if it isn't in some app for you. Not that you care, PizzaLynn. We all know you love pizza, even though you lie and say you don't. Don't care about the "taste test". Moving on.
"Look at this journal I'm writeeen in, guise. I really write in these journals, see? See this thing I'm using as a bookmark, and where it is in this journal that I'm totally writeeen in." The more details you make up, the more obvious the lie.
LEAVE THE FUCKING CAT ALONE. Goddamn, you are the worst pet owner ever.
More Torrid shit. Has she admitted that she spelled their name wrong - twice - when she was trying to be sassy and kayuute and kwerky and all the other things she thinks she is? Nah. Tells us she is setting us down on the kitty condo. The ONE FUCKING thing you SHOULD be using is a tripod, "professional YouTuber". Alas, every single tripod that she buys is just too much effort to use, so she "doesn't know where it is" or she just flings it in a pile on the steps at the Goodwill, along with that other implement she should be using, a ring light. But we don't know video shit like she does. Now she's helpfully showing us what a fucking "kitty condo" is. WE KNOW. We're not as brainless as you, bitch. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Picks up the open Torrid bag and then picks up the next, unopened Torrid bag. When she dies, will the "gf" sell it all in one lot as a mystery batch? Or will she take the time to list each item individually. I guess it doesn't matter, because it wasn't her money going down the nasty shitter there, but one tip, "gf": sell it piecemeal. In this case, the sum would be greater than the whole. Just do it, Hamber, and let's get past this.
"It's crazy," says muh mentals-shaming, ableist Big Ham. "It's because it's taking me forever to haul." Huh. Imagine that you decide to show one item at a time, then make a video every other day, not even including whatever tent you've bought sometimes. If only there were a way to show all the items you've purchased in a single video. "It's like never-ending Torrid. it's kinda fun." No. It really is not fun. FFS, we really are back to the "Yeayeayeayeayeayaeyaeyeyaeyyae" shit. That show didn't need a revival, bitch. It's a crappy, tacky necklace. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. "I'm obsessed." The fact that you've decided you have Obsessive-compulsive PD doesn't mean that you're "obsessed" by every fucking thing in your life except the actually helpful things, you munchie cunt. You do not have OCPD and you certainly are not "obsessed with everything in your entire goddamned pathetic life. All these years, the only thing Fatty has worn consistently is a choker. But we are to believe that she's obsessed with necklaces, and not just necklaces, but multi-chain necklaces. OK.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. She decided that if her beetus paws pull a jewelry item from the bag, she's not going to count that as an item - rules are just suggestions, I guess, even her own - and she yanks a tent from the bag. STOP calling inanimate things "she", you unimaginative, bulbous toad. Surprise, it's a cardigan. An old woman cardigan, black with cherries on it. Once again, she is "obsessed" and follow that with yet another "so". Wanna know what is "so", Fat Ham? Your overuse of and reliance on crutch words. Just put the ill-fittting fucking thing on already. "Clearly you can wear it in more than one way." What? It's a fucking sweater. And YOU only ever wear a sweater in one way: to cover up your fat fucking arms and try to hide your Violet Beauregard post-blueberry inflation body. By the way: it doesn't work.
She puts it on, buttons it up. It doesn't fit. Tell us haydurs that it is supposed to be worn short. Is that why you instantly pluck at it, trying to get it just a tad more down so it isn't riding on your fupa and shelf ass, FashionistaLynn? She doesn't know how she feels about it. Back up about ten seconds. You're "obsessed", remember? LOLOL. She says "Uh, this is how it looks, like this." Not very enthusiastic, Hamber. Too bad you're too fucking lazy to return things you don't like. Helpfully informs us that she didn't sleep in this dress, she just put it on, so it is clean. unlike her, because she hasn't showered today. She also slept in her makeup again, because - say it with me, folks! - she's a lazy fucking cunt.
Side note: I've know people in the hollers who bathe once a week, or once every couple of weeks in the winter. That's geneally because they don't have hot water, or they don't have running water at all and have to fetch it from the well or the crick they live near. What's your fucking excuse, Hamber? You have access to all the running water you need, and have hot water at the simple movement of a dial. I bet those folks even smell a lot better than you, and they actually have to do physical work on a daily basis. Take a shower, you pig, and get the "gf" to wash that nasty fucking hair along with our body while you're at it.
Back to the ugly sweater she hates. Haha. "Sometimes I...oop! Uber is calling!" Grab that phone, Fatty, that's an urgent fucking call! Pro tip: if you're going to lie about things and make people believe those lies, it's best to not stray into making up far too many details about it. She's rambling about the when of showering now, and how she likes to shower in the afternoon or evening, when for so long it was in the morning. We know you have zero issues with not showering at all, OdorificLynn. We know you often don't get up until noon. Just STFU about your "preferred" time to shower, when, if you do take a shower on any given day, it revolves around the time you finally haul your fat ass out of bed and if the "gf" is there to help you.
Unbuttons all but the last couple buttons on the sweater and still hates it and it still doesn't fit. . LOL, says something something about losing "a few more pounds". Unbuttons it all the way, shows us that open, she still hates it and it still doesn't fit. We'll see it again in a couple of years when she's getting rid of shit in her closet so she can put new shit in there. Calls it "grandma chic". My grandma had better fashion sense than you, Hamber.If "she's honest" (she is not) she thinks it is "really kayute" and gives it a 9 out of 10 for the cuteness, but on her, maybe a 7.5. Or maybe a 0, since it's clear you don't like it and will not wear it. Send it back, FFS.
Waddle shot alert, looking up from the midpoint of Mount Hamber at the hardest part of the climb, near the summit: the multichin outcrop. A dangerous horizontal barrier to further ascent, if you're going for the most difficult route. And who doesn't like that challenge? Couple that with the swaying motion that can easily induce nausea, and it's only the strongest willed, strongest stomached climbers who make it.
The "Starbz" is almost there. You're being lazy to eliminate one syllable. ONE. You're not texting on a flip phone. Say the fucking word. Just another in the long list of why people hate you. SOOOOOOOOOOOO. What'd we get from Starbucks? Junk, as usual, I imagine, since she doesn't drink coffee. Now keep in mind that she "just got up" about 30 minutes ago, and has done NOTHING except show us a tacky necklace and a sweater that doesn't fit. This is how the day is beginning. She claims to have this "weird thing" where she "can't wear a new item of clothing the day that I opened it. Is anyone else like that, or is that just me?" YOU ARE NOT A UNIQUE DAINTY PRINCESS, BITCH. Most people don't wear new shit the day they get it unless they're desperate for it that day. "I'm gonna go hang it up." That's because MOST people wash their new clothes before they wear them. But we already know you're gross and don't care about your body.
STOP SAYING STARBZ. Why must you fucking ruin everything? Are you now become Death, the destroyer of worlds?
Starbucks: two bags of shit. Chai tes, at 350 calories. Two cake pops SOOOOOOOOOOOO. 340 calories. You could make a fucking cake from a box, cover it fully with icing from a can, and have all the fucking cake you wanted. Instead, you buy the shittiest kind of cake (sitting under lights in a display case, going stale), have someone pack those in a bag, and then have someone burn fossil fuel to bring it to you. Way to go, EnvironmentaLynn. 690 calories of sugar and preservatives and artificial colors and flavors that will leave you hungry again within 20 minutes. "690. For both of that." GrammarLynn always uses proper grammar, guise. It's like a perfectionist thing. Someone needs to read the receipt on this bag and tell us what day it is. (Cued)
An update on her steps: it's 4:38 PM and 2468 steps. LOL. Such a fucking liar. You told us you "just got up". UberEats was on the way while you were trying on your horrid. We are to believe that since the time you got up - 3:30 PM, maybe 3 PM - and 4:38, you walked that much? No wonder your stories suck. They require waaay too much suspension of disbelief.
Next meal: chicken "curry" the "gf" made, and a pile of basmati rice. Turns her phone to herself, and she has a neck pillow on the poop bun. What is it like, I wonder, to live in your own stench, not caring about the grease and sweat and just general daily odors than sink into absolutely everything you own. "This is my neck pillow. We sleep with it sometimes." Just like everyone else in the world. Ain't it amazing that you're not quite as special as you believe yourself to be. "I was gonna take a nap, but I stopped myself, SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO." Yeah, it must be grueling to be up for a few hours, doing nothing. She's now wearing the pillow on her neck while eating. First bite: That stupid eyes wide open thing she does, like the "curry" is fucking manna from the heavens or something. "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, Bay-buh!" Totally believable. Hell, the "gf" ought to audition for MasterChef or one of those other cooking shows. "This is bomb." Still many, many years behind a trend. Claims that this meal is 600, and I'm calling bullshit, just because the "gf" is a feeder, and therefore a liar, and Big Ham is simply too credulous and will parrot anything in addition to her lying. One cup of cooked basmati rice alone is over 200 calories, and that is not one cup of rice. She is also having a Diet Coke.
"OK, SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."
It's now 10:30 PM, and she is a "bit behind on steps". Yet you somehow managed to waddle almost 2500 steps in the spam of 30 minutes earlier, never leaving the fucking house. What the fuck did you do with the last 6 hours except eat amd try on shit that doesn't fit your monstrous body? Says she's going to go for a walk, shows us the tennis shoes she's wearing. I can see tomorrow's vlog already: "Guise, my feet hurt shtooo bad." She hates them, not kayuute. That's because they're functional, you fucking cow, not the hideously overpriced collectibles you buy the "gf". Bit she's gonna wear them for her walk outside. "I'll probably hate every minute of it. My feet really are used to flats." Called it. Shots of her hooves appearing from and then disappearing back under her fupa as she s l o w l y waddles. Now she's sitting on some stair, taking a break. 4531, she claims, and one again: bullshit. Wants to reach 5500. I bet you will, the way you lie and inflate your numbers. She's now bitching about the heat. It's the South. It's fucking summer. If you hate the heat so much, move to the fucking upper midwest. Then you'll have an excuse to not do anything or go anywhere because it's winter for eight months of the year. "I don't do summer weather. I hate summer weather." Then leave. But nah. That would take effort and she would be too scurred to go to a new place she'd never been to. "Especially when the tornaders come to blow the house down." OK, you fucking hick, tell us how regularly Lexington gets "tornaders". Go ahead, pluviophile, look it up. JFC, she's scurred of evcery fucking, totally normal, noise she is hearing while she sits on her fat ass. You wouldn't last three days in NYC, bitch. SOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Haha. She hauls her fat shelf ass up, says she needs to reach 5500, and she has about an hour left. In 30 minutes, she claims to have waddled over 2K steps again in half an hour. Not buying what you're trying to sell. Shall I tell you why? Sure, why not. Because a mile for someone your height, Fatty, is just under 2400 steps. That's at a normal pace of about 3 MPH. You are not walking 3 MPH. You can barely walk around the apartment without getting out of breath. IF you were walking that many steps, you'd be holding it over the haydurs about how you can walk a mile, and you finally completed a 100 day goal. Ergo, you are not actually walking as many steps as you claim, and definitely not in the timeframe of 30 minutes. You're full of shit.
11:46 PM, claims to have walked 5578 steps. You walking about 970 steps in 45 minutes is the most honest thing about this entire vlog. Congratulations on something that isn't a total fucking lie. Even though she "reached" this goal, instead of moving the goal further, she's just going to leave it as is. Of course. Because she's fucking fat.
First water of the day. Says she has "shown everything that has gone in her mouth" then says "exceeept" and then laughs. Yeah, sure, you and your "gf" - did I mention she had a "gf"? It's so hard to make sure, because she never reminds us. - are having sexytimes, all the time. It's gross. Knock it off. Tells us to drink our water. how about you worry abvout your own fucking self, Fatty? We're not the ones who are 500 pounds, eating like complete shit every fucking day of our existence, and then whining about our fat and how we can't do anything like walk a couple of miles in any given day.
Eating an entire pint of ice cream. 360 more calories of sugar and bullshit. VO telling us she had another Diet Coke. Who cares? We know this vlog is not an accurate view of what you ate this day.
Day 1, she claims.
Just as fictional as anything else.
TL;DW/R: Wakes up in midafternoon. She eats and underestimates her calories or portion sizes: burnt, dry pork chops, Stabucks junk food, chicken "curry", pizza, ice cream All shit food. Tries on yet another thing from Torrid that doesn't fit. Also showed us another tacky necklace that she'll never wear. Walked over 5500 steps, she claims, and in the timespan of about two hours, supposedly. Screws around with Rarity, who was minding her own business, sleeping in a ray of sunshine. She's apparently someone who should be hauled into a medical lab, because her body "just won't lose weight" at 2500 calories. She has to eat only 1800 to lose. Hey, wait. That's exactly the same argument some bitch on MSHPL made, saying 1200 clories was "too high" and she couldn't lose weight on that. Fuck you, Hamber, stop stealing other peoples' lives. Whines about the South in summer, says she hates summer, and just like every other year - and every other thing wrong with her - she won't do a damn thing to change it. That's literally all there is in this. This was day one of thhe ten days of vlogging she wants to do to catch up on the timeline, instead of ditching the prerecorded shit and jumping to current.
Edited to correct MSHPL bitch's complaint: that is 1200 calories she claimed was "too much" for her to lose weight, not 2300. I have issues with my finger positions on the keys, sometimes.
This is something good to keep in mind when dealing with Hamber. Shall we begin?
eating what I want & counting calories | what I ate today | episode 1 - June 23, 2022
"Hello, good morning, welcome welcome welcome."
Minus 10 points for the continued attempts to sound mature or like a reasonable adult. Can't wait for the way, way off calories counting. Another minus 10 for showing up (again) looking like absolute shit to your "job". Big Ham tells us she just woke up and that she's "tired".
This is how many shits I give about someone who literally does not do jack shit all day claiming they are "tired":
FFS, you've been bitching about your goddamned sleep for ten fucking years. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to fix it. Well, given the intelligence level we're dealing with here, maybe it does.
Oh. My. God. For ten days straight, Hamber is going to vlog daily. How long will she make it on this newest goal, do you suppose. It doesn't really matter, I suppose, because she'll just give up on it and fail. As usual. Come on, just get to the fucking eating and fake calorie counting. We don't have all day here.
Screwing with the timeline. Again. Claims she's been so far ahead on videos that she "didn't film for a week" to try to get to current time. There's this one simple trick to post videos that are current. Wanna hear it? OK, here goes: DON"T POST PRERECORDED BULLSHIT. That's right. Just because you filmed more shit because you like taking a goddamned month off your "job" doesn't mean you have to post it. You could just film stuff in the now and post that instead. Amazing, isn't it?
There is never a road less traveled by with Big Hambutt. Every road she trods with her dainty hooves is one she has walked before. She's going to show us every calorie she eats (sure you are) and provide daily weighins (sure). Pretty damn sure someone - and I'm pretty damn sure that someone was Big Ham herself - saying that restricting makes her "binge", despite the fact she does not have BED. In fact, she has NO eating disorder.
Today's supposed weight - which she tells instead of shows, a no-no, WriterLynn, you should know better- is 494.2. Claims to be losing just a couple ounces per day, and that tells me the weights and the calories and the exercise she claims she's getting are all lies. At 500 pounds, losing ounces per day is taking a piss. You don't want to lose weight. Just fucking admit it already. And if you're going to keep up the charade that you do, I'm going to start rounding your numbers for you. HARD.
Today's weight: 500 pounds.
Claims this is fine, it's all fine, because it means she's not "bingeen", which is her code word for "eating all the shit I want because I don't like eating just 2500 calories a day". You do not have BED. Period.
Oh, she's a total fucking medical mystery, guise. When she eats about 2500 calories a day, she "maintains", and when she eats 1800 calories a day, she loses. BULL AND ALSO SHIT. You are not special. You are not immune to the laws of thermodynamics. You could easily lose weight if you really were eating 2500 calories a day, and you wouldn't even have to do any of that pesky Joaquin you hate so much.
She's having more dried out shoe leather, AKA pork chops, and it's "so weird'. WHY IS IT FUCKING WEIRD. It is not. You are not in some special group of people. You are not unique. You are not special. You're a fat fuck with horrific taste in every single fucking thing, including the food you burn to a goddamn crisp. 260 calories for two. She was eating them with her fucking hand, says not to judge her. Fuck you, Hamber, you uncivilized, useless human skinbag. I'll judge you all I want. And it is A LOT. Has a Diet Coke with it. She only ate half of one, says, "I don't know, I don't think I'm hungry right now." And yet you ate anyway, summing up your fucking problem in the most succinct way possible. Puts the plate in the microwave, leaves in there. She never finishes them, so she claims, which means she either wasted them, or fed them to Twinkie, who doesn't need them and probably shouldn't be eating pork anyway.
Claims the "gf"'s work ordered pizza for all their employees, and this is so fucking stupid and such a lie I'm not even going to address it. you have no idea whatsoever how the real world, and real jobs work, bitch. Big Ham, who doesn't really even like pizza, is downing three huge slices. Forgot she was doing this video - sure - and already slammed one slice down the piehole. Estimates the calories at 600 for three slices. Once again, you have no fucking idea how to assess calories if it isn't in some app for you. Not that you care, PizzaLynn. We all know you love pizza, even though you lie and say you don't. Don't care about the "taste test". Moving on.
"Look at this journal I'm writeeen in, guise. I really write in these journals, see? See this thing I'm using as a bookmark, and where it is in this journal that I'm totally writeeen in." The more details you make up, the more obvious the lie.
LEAVE THE FUCKING CAT ALONE. Goddamn, you are the worst pet owner ever.
More Torrid shit. Has she admitted that she spelled their name wrong - twice - when she was trying to be sassy and kayuute and kwerky and all the other things she thinks she is? Nah. Tells us she is setting us down on the kitty condo. The ONE FUCKING thing you SHOULD be using is a tripod, "professional YouTuber". Alas, every single tripod that she buys is just too much effort to use, so she "doesn't know where it is" or she just flings it in a pile on the steps at the Goodwill, along with that other implement she should be using, a ring light. But we don't know video shit like she does. Now she's helpfully showing us what a fucking "kitty condo" is. WE KNOW. We're not as brainless as you, bitch. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Picks up the open Torrid bag and then picks up the next, unopened Torrid bag. When she dies, will the "gf" sell it all in one lot as a mystery batch? Or will she take the time to list each item individually. I guess it doesn't matter, because it wasn't her money going down the nasty shitter there, but one tip, "gf": sell it piecemeal. In this case, the sum would be greater than the whole. Just do it, Hamber, and let's get past this.
"It's crazy," says muh mentals-shaming, ableist Big Ham. "It's because it's taking me forever to haul." Huh. Imagine that you decide to show one item at a time, then make a video every other day, not even including whatever tent you've bought sometimes. If only there were a way to show all the items you've purchased in a single video. "It's like never-ending Torrid. it's kinda fun." No. It really is not fun. FFS, we really are back to the "Yeayeayeayeayeayaeyaeyeyaeyyae" shit. That show didn't need a revival, bitch. It's a crappy, tacky necklace. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. "I'm obsessed." The fact that you've decided you have Obsessive-compulsive PD doesn't mean that you're "obsessed" by every fucking thing in your life except the actually helpful things, you munchie cunt. You do not have OCPD and you certainly are not "obsessed with everything in your entire goddamned pathetic life. All these years, the only thing Fatty has worn consistently is a choker. But we are to believe that she's obsessed with necklaces, and not just necklaces, but multi-chain necklaces. OK.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. She decided that if her beetus paws pull a jewelry item from the bag, she's not going to count that as an item - rules are just suggestions, I guess, even her own - and she yanks a tent from the bag. STOP calling inanimate things "she", you unimaginative, bulbous toad. Surprise, it's a cardigan. An old woman cardigan, black with cherries on it. Once again, she is "obsessed" and follow that with yet another "so". Wanna know what is "so", Fat Ham? Your overuse of and reliance on crutch words. Just put the ill-fittting fucking thing on already. "Clearly you can wear it in more than one way." What? It's a fucking sweater. And YOU only ever wear a sweater in one way: to cover up your fat fucking arms and try to hide your Violet Beauregard post-blueberry inflation body. By the way: it doesn't work.
She puts it on, buttons it up. It doesn't fit. Tell us haydurs that it is supposed to be worn short. Is that why you instantly pluck at it, trying to get it just a tad more down so it isn't riding on your fupa and shelf ass, FashionistaLynn? She doesn't know how she feels about it. Back up about ten seconds. You're "obsessed", remember? LOLOL. She says "Uh, this is how it looks, like this." Not very enthusiastic, Hamber. Too bad you're too fucking lazy to return things you don't like. Helpfully informs us that she didn't sleep in this dress, she just put it on, so it is clean. unlike her, because she hasn't showered today. She also slept in her makeup again, because - say it with me, folks! - she's a lazy fucking cunt.
Side note: I've know people in the hollers who bathe once a week, or once every couple of weeks in the winter. That's geneally because they don't have hot water, or they don't have running water at all and have to fetch it from the well or the crick they live near. What's your fucking excuse, Hamber? You have access to all the running water you need, and have hot water at the simple movement of a dial. I bet those folks even smell a lot better than you, and they actually have to do physical work on a daily basis. Take a shower, you pig, and get the "gf" to wash that nasty fucking hair along with our body while you're at it.
Back to the ugly sweater she hates. Haha. "Sometimes I...oop! Uber is calling!" Grab that phone, Fatty, that's an urgent fucking call! Pro tip: if you're going to lie about things and make people believe those lies, it's best to not stray into making up far too many details about it. She's rambling about the when of showering now, and how she likes to shower in the afternoon or evening, when for so long it was in the morning. We know you have zero issues with not showering at all, OdorificLynn. We know you often don't get up until noon. Just STFU about your "preferred" time to shower, when, if you do take a shower on any given day, it revolves around the time you finally haul your fat ass out of bed and if the "gf" is there to help you.
Unbuttons all but the last couple buttons on the sweater and still hates it and it still doesn't fit. . LOL, says something something about losing "a few more pounds". Unbuttons it all the way, shows us that open, she still hates it and it still doesn't fit. We'll see it again in a couple of years when she's getting rid of shit in her closet so she can put new shit in there. Calls it "grandma chic". My grandma had better fashion sense than you, Hamber.If "she's honest" (she is not) she thinks it is "really kayute" and gives it a 9 out of 10 for the cuteness, but on her, maybe a 7.5. Or maybe a 0, since it's clear you don't like it and will not wear it. Send it back, FFS.
Waddle shot alert, looking up from the midpoint of Mount Hamber at the hardest part of the climb, near the summit: the multichin outcrop. A dangerous horizontal barrier to further ascent, if you're going for the most difficult route. And who doesn't like that challenge? Couple that with the swaying motion that can easily induce nausea, and it's only the strongest willed, strongest stomached climbers who make it.
The "Starbz" is almost there. You're being lazy to eliminate one syllable. ONE. You're not texting on a flip phone. Say the fucking word. Just another in the long list of why people hate you. SOOOOOOOOOOOO. What'd we get from Starbucks? Junk, as usual, I imagine, since she doesn't drink coffee. Now keep in mind that she "just got up" about 30 minutes ago, and has done NOTHING except show us a tacky necklace and a sweater that doesn't fit. This is how the day is beginning. She claims to have this "weird thing" where she "can't wear a new item of clothing the day that I opened it. Is anyone else like that, or is that just me?" YOU ARE NOT A UNIQUE DAINTY PRINCESS, BITCH. Most people don't wear new shit the day they get it unless they're desperate for it that day. "I'm gonna go hang it up." That's because MOST people wash their new clothes before they wear them. But we already know you're gross and don't care about your body.
STOP SAYING STARBZ. Why must you fucking ruin everything? Are you now become Death, the destroyer of worlds?
Starbucks: two bags of shit. Chai tes, at 350 calories. Two cake pops SOOOOOOOOOOOO. 340 calories. You could make a fucking cake from a box, cover it fully with icing from a can, and have all the fucking cake you wanted. Instead, you buy the shittiest kind of cake (sitting under lights in a display case, going stale), have someone pack those in a bag, and then have someone burn fossil fuel to bring it to you. Way to go, EnvironmentaLynn. 690 calories of sugar and preservatives and artificial colors and flavors that will leave you hungry again within 20 minutes. "690. For both of that." GrammarLynn always uses proper grammar, guise. It's like a perfectionist thing. Someone needs to read the receipt on this bag and tell us what day it is. (Cued)
An update on her steps: it's 4:38 PM and 2468 steps. LOL. Such a fucking liar. You told us you "just got up". UberEats was on the way while you were trying on your horrid. We are to believe that since the time you got up - 3:30 PM, maybe 3 PM - and 4:38, you walked that much? No wonder your stories suck. They require waaay too much suspension of disbelief.
Next meal: chicken "curry" the "gf" made, and a pile of basmati rice. Turns her phone to herself, and she has a neck pillow on the poop bun. What is it like, I wonder, to live in your own stench, not caring about the grease and sweat and just general daily odors than sink into absolutely everything you own. "This is my neck pillow. We sleep with it sometimes." Just like everyone else in the world. Ain't it amazing that you're not quite as special as you believe yourself to be. "I was gonna take a nap, but I stopped myself, SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO." Yeah, it must be grueling to be up for a few hours, doing nothing. She's now wearing the pillow on her neck while eating. First bite: That stupid eyes wide open thing she does, like the "curry" is fucking manna from the heavens or something. "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, Bay-buh!" Totally believable. Hell, the "gf" ought to audition for MasterChef or one of those other cooking shows. "This is bomb." Still many, many years behind a trend. Claims that this meal is 600, and I'm calling bullshit, just because the "gf" is a feeder, and therefore a liar, and Big Ham is simply too credulous and will parrot anything in addition to her lying. One cup of cooked basmati rice alone is over 200 calories, and that is not one cup of rice. She is also having a Diet Coke.
"OK, SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."
It's now 10:30 PM, and she is a "bit behind on steps". Yet you somehow managed to waddle almost 2500 steps in the spam of 30 minutes earlier, never leaving the fucking house. What the fuck did you do with the last 6 hours except eat amd try on shit that doesn't fit your monstrous body? Says she's going to go for a walk, shows us the tennis shoes she's wearing. I can see tomorrow's vlog already: "Guise, my feet hurt shtooo bad." She hates them, not kayuute. That's because they're functional, you fucking cow, not the hideously overpriced collectibles you buy the "gf". Bit she's gonna wear them for her walk outside. "I'll probably hate every minute of it. My feet really are used to flats." Called it. Shots of her hooves appearing from and then disappearing back under her fupa as she s l o w l y waddles. Now she's sitting on some stair, taking a break. 4531, she claims, and one again: bullshit. Wants to reach 5500. I bet you will, the way you lie and inflate your numbers. She's now bitching about the heat. It's the South. It's fucking summer. If you hate the heat so much, move to the fucking upper midwest. Then you'll have an excuse to not do anything or go anywhere because it's winter for eight months of the year. "I don't do summer weather. I hate summer weather." Then leave. But nah. That would take effort and she would be too scurred to go to a new place she'd never been to. "Especially when the tornaders come to blow the house down." OK, you fucking hick, tell us how regularly Lexington gets "tornaders". Go ahead, pluviophile, look it up. JFC, she's scurred of evcery fucking, totally normal, noise she is hearing while she sits on her fat ass. You wouldn't last three days in NYC, bitch. SOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Haha. She hauls her fat shelf ass up, says she needs to reach 5500, and she has about an hour left. In 30 minutes, she claims to have waddled over 2K steps again in half an hour. Not buying what you're trying to sell. Shall I tell you why? Sure, why not. Because a mile for someone your height, Fatty, is just under 2400 steps. That's at a normal pace of about 3 MPH. You are not walking 3 MPH. You can barely walk around the apartment without getting out of breath. IF you were walking that many steps, you'd be holding it over the haydurs about how you can walk a mile, and you finally completed a 100 day goal. Ergo, you are not actually walking as many steps as you claim, and definitely not in the timeframe of 30 minutes. You're full of shit.
11:46 PM, claims to have walked 5578 steps. You walking about 970 steps in 45 minutes is the most honest thing about this entire vlog. Congratulations on something that isn't a total fucking lie. Even though she "reached" this goal, instead of moving the goal further, she's just going to leave it as is. Of course. Because she's fucking fat.
First water of the day. Says she has "shown everything that has gone in her mouth" then says "exceeept" and then laughs. Yeah, sure, you and your "gf" - did I mention she had a "gf"? It's so hard to make sure, because she never reminds us. - are having sexytimes, all the time. It's gross. Knock it off. Tells us to drink our water. how about you worry abvout your own fucking self, Fatty? We're not the ones who are 500 pounds, eating like complete shit every fucking day of our existence, and then whining about our fat and how we can't do anything like walk a couple of miles in any given day.
Eating an entire pint of ice cream. 360 more calories of sugar and bullshit. VO telling us she had another Diet Coke. Who cares? We know this vlog is not an accurate view of what you ate this day.
Day 1, she claims.
Just as fictional as anything else.
TL;DW/R: Wakes up in midafternoon. She eats and underestimates her calories or portion sizes: burnt, dry pork chops, Stabucks junk food, chicken "curry", pizza, ice cream All shit food. Tries on yet another thing from Torrid that doesn't fit. Also showed us another tacky necklace that she'll never wear. Walked over 5500 steps, she claims, and in the timespan of about two hours, supposedly. Screws around with Rarity, who was minding her own business, sleeping in a ray of sunshine. She's apparently someone who should be hauled into a medical lab, because her body "just won't lose weight" at 2500 calories. She has to eat only 1800 to lose. Hey, wait. That's exactly the same argument some bitch on MSHPL made, saying 1200 clories was "too high" and she couldn't lose weight on that. Fuck you, Hamber, stop stealing other peoples' lives. Whines about the South in summer, says she hates summer, and just like every other year - and every other thing wrong with her - she won't do a damn thing to change it. That's literally all there is in this. This was day one of thhe ten days of vlogging she wants to do to catch up on the timeline, instead of ditching the prerecorded shit and jumping to current.
Edited to correct MSHPL bitch's complaint: that is 1200 calories she claimed was "too much" for her to lose weight, not 2300. I have issues with my finger positions on the keys, sometimes.
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FupaCitySheriff
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2020
Gift cards, snapbacks, tees. I think nowadays employers even stretch as far as sneakers and new cars.
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2019
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2019
Not putting leftover food in the refrigerator like a same person, instead puts it in the microwave. Why? So people will go to her channel to comment "nooooo!" and give her interaction.
Wifey ordered pizza for her employees? You mean Jade ordered Amber a pizza so she could use it in a video?
"Gonna go watch Chantal, she's live..." name dropping a youtuber who makes more money than Amber? Subtle.
I'm not finishing this. It's stupid and I don't want to watch Amber talk to herself about herself. Yuck.
Wifey ordered pizza for her employees? You mean Jade ordered Amber a pizza so she could use it in a video?
"Gonna go watch Chantal, she's live..." name dropping a youtuber who makes more money than Amber? Subtle.
I'm not finishing this. It's stupid and I don't want to watch Amber talk to herself about herself. Yuck.
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2019
I'd like to thank you all for imdulging me in my longass recaps so I can get my rant on. I really don't rant about much - unlike our gorl here, I fully recognize the privilege I enjoy, although I worked a lot harder than she to obtain it - no one I know knows who Fat Ham is, and the occasional one who has watched a video of hers after I asked them to noped out to any further vids right after that. My dogs listen, but they're dogs and they hang on every word even when being scolded. So thanks.
Apparently in the amberverse, you can just go anytime. they'll always have an appointment for you, not months away, but maybe a week-ish. They'll be delighted to look at/probe/sample/biopsy whatever it is you think is a too-mah, even your stank vagina where you've been free-bleeding for two supposed years.
WebMiDiots
Exactly.
Man. Imagine if we were all just as special as she. What a life.
She hadda wait until Becky's mom was really on the wayout, you know. Too much fucking attention THERE, not enough on Big Ham at home.
All companies just happen to find some small mom & pop pizza joint and randomly send pizzas to their employees without knowing their allergies, food preferences, or dietary needs.
I think this is the case by now. Wasn't she supposedly working for that same cybersecurity certificate mill as a trainer? No way it's possible to do that job with Hamber in the same building, much less the same apartment.
I laughed so fucking hard at that when I watched it. "I don't understand." The rest of us sure understand that you're a fat fuck, Fat Ham.
It'd have to have the pressure of a firehose to clean her ass.
Fun fact: pigs do not sweat. That's why they wallow: the mud protects their skin.
Hoo boy. Have you seen some of the other "off-track" days? This? This was nothing.
Apparently in the amberverse, you can just go anytime. they'll always have an appointment for you, not months away, but maybe a week-ish. They'll be delighted to look at/probe/sample/biopsy whatever it is you think is a too-mah, even your stank vagina where you've been free-bleeding for two supposed years.
WebMiDiots
Exactly.
Man. Imagine if we were all just as special as she. What a life.
She hadda wait until Becky's mom was really on the wayout, you know. Too much fucking attention THERE, not enough on Big Ham at home.
All companies just happen to find some small mom & pop pizza joint and randomly send pizzas to their employees without knowing their allergies, food preferences, or dietary needs.
I think this is the case by now. Wasn't she supposedly working for that same cybersecurity certificate mill as a trainer? No way it's possible to do that job with Hamber in the same building, much less the same apartment.
I laughed so fucking hard at that when I watched it. "I don't understand." The rest of us sure understand that you're a fat fuck, Fat Ham.
It'd have to have the pressure of a firehose to clean her ass.
Fun fact: pigs do not sweat. That's why they wallow: the mud protects their skin.
Hoo boy. Have you seen some of the other "off-track" days? This? This was nothing.
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2021
Anyway Becky finally kinda confirmed Amber's controlling nature. Not a shock. But.
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2019
I'm really disappointed in Becky. She just whitewashed all the bullshit fro,m their meeting/Big Ham basically forcing her way into Becky's (and by extension, Eric & Ricky's) life, and has convinced herself that she loved Hamber as more than a friend. I don't buy it, and in their beginning, you can tell that Fatty annoyed her. A lot.
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- Joined
- Mar 28, 2019
When you're a three-chinned fat Kentucky frog-face, whose mouth doesn't even align with the rest of her face (inbreeding, who da fuck knows), it' easy to fall in love with a 500 ell bee Heffalump that indulges you Tees and Snapbacks. Until you propose to her and suddenly fund out... YOU'RE NOT WORTHY of the Dainty Queen's sexual desires or her own self-worth. Because Hamber thinks she deserves better.
She always does. Even Becky saying in Live whadda stud the Negress is.
Ya, all y'all absolutely deserve each other and the drama that goes with it.
Becky failed to spill tea when it was overflowing the cup and spilling on the floor. Now she's trying to market herself and personal mania on the Intarwebs as a living? I'd rather watch two flys fuck.
She always does. Even Becky saying in Live whadda stud the Negress is.
Ya, all y'all absolutely deserve each other and the drama that goes with it.
Becky failed to spill tea when it was overflowing the cup and spilling on the floor. Now she's trying to market herself and personal mania on the Intarwebs as a living? I'd rather watch two flys fuck.
numberonegirl
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2021
Ok but why is there a tub of butter in the background? Also can't say I'm not proud of Becky for finally speaking out even if her tea was frigid.
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2020
I'm hoping she's keeping her pogs in it and not dipping everything she can fit in her mouth in a tub full of room temperature butter.
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2019
Y'all don't know the glory of Country Crock? A refrigeration-free and (importantly in the South, and especially in the hollers) cheap alternative to butter? Why fatten yourself up and clog your arteries with butter when you can do that with a shelf-stable spread made up of soybean and palm oils? If she eats in the room a lot, she might "butter" her bread in there with her own personal tub of CC. Personally, I hate it. It's just SO damn oily, the mouth feel is ewww,
Also, the tubs are great containers for use at storing stuff, or to use as bowls for cold foods, like cereal and ice cream and salsa, or dry things like chips or cookies. A ton of people I knew when I grew up had stacks of them in their cabinets, ready to be put into action.
I'm sure it comes as no surprise to anyone that Big Ham has already failed the grand 10 daily VLOG Experiment Eat-, Calorie-, and Weighapolooza.
Never change, Hamber. We know you never will.
Also, the tubs are great containers for use at storing stuff, or to use as bowls for cold foods, like cereal and ice cream and salsa, or dry things like chips or cookies. A ton of people I knew when I grew up had stacks of them in their cabinets, ready to be put into action.
I'm sure it comes as no surprise to anyone that Big Ham has already failed the grand 10 daily VLOG Experiment Eat-, Calorie-, and Weighapolooza.
Never change, Hamber. We know you never will.