Amberlynn Reid - 600 pound pathological liar and U-Haul lesbian moving in with her next live-in maid/nurse/girlfriend.

[w4vy_gr4vy]

She naps at 8 pm every night. The pinnacle of health. She wakes up at noon because she likes to be up in the mornings.

B-but I thought The New And Improved Amberlynn Reid™ had abandoned her nocturnal lifestyle of old to be on the same schedule as FrancisakaJadeakaWipeyakaFaline so they could spend aaaaaaaaall their free time together when Wipey wasn't working because they're sooooooooooooo in love??

 

[Ayygs and Layygs]

Remember how Jade was the most inspirational partner she's ever had and how she pushed hamburgler to move? I guess fast food and buying crap is more important. Just two smooth brains with no self control.
Hearing that she told Jade to put the book in her closet gave me flashbacks to when we saw Becky's closet and all of her family pictures and posters were put up in there. Amber really has zero time for anyone else's shit.
For someone who obviously isn't seeing the specialist anymore, and quit the diet she was put on specifically to deal with the lipadema, she sure fucking mentions it a lot. I think other than beybehhh, it's the most used word. Part of me wonders if she actually was diagnosed or did some extra googling, since she can't even explain it without reading straight from google.

PS: Those of you recapping are wonderful and I hope livers and brains are well.

 

[Haesindang Park]

Lipedema struggles and chub rub between the thighs.

 

[Suspicious Activity]

Heartfelt thanks to all the long-suffering recappers in this thread because I can’t watch this privileged, greedy, childish and materialistic cow gloat over the spoils of the Christmas season…or ‘vlogmass’ as she calls it.
Holy Christ! Can you imagine saying to your significant other

….”By the way, I’ll be needing 15 (bigger!) gifts this year so we can each open a gift every day, ok? I’ll get you some of whatever weird shit you’re into but mostly I’ll get you stuff that I want anyway.”

No, no. Amber can’t possibly wait and get a couple of nice, thoughtful gifts on Christmas. Amber has to be pacified with toys and more toys and things to hoard all December long. She’s ‘healing her inner child’….fuck off.

I do understand the whole ‘deprived childhood’ thing…but she isn’t trying to heal it. She’s using it as the excuse to buy toys for the buzz it gives her. That’s actively using an addictive behaviour, not working through it.

The way Amber spends her money doesn’t affect me, but seeing such a self-indulgent spectacle combined with her silly, immature attitude makes me sad that there are people out there so much more deserving of Amber‘s wasted paycheque that she does so little work for.

All of these gifts are going on the tax write off and in the same way, the ‘homeless donations’ are self serving.

I deserve top hats, but in my defence, I’ve only just got my access back and this is the culmination of my ‘vlogmass’ pent up frustrations. This has been a particularly troll-y year and oh the toys, toys, toys!

 

[Boolean Bitch]

She's so fucking boring that the only stand outs* to me are some of the comments melting down over how ''offensive'' she is when eating octopus.

Jesus fucking Christ. They will latch onto the most ridiculous things.
People shit over all kinds of food, unless she was sat there ranting about how all octopus eating asians were gross then who fucking cares? The same watchers will blindly believe her tales of woe and offer UnNderSTandiin but if she doesn't like another countries food? What a cunt!

People will moan about the variations of toast countries make. It's food. They should be thankful she dislikes it, the octopus population won't take a hit.

The forced display of true love between fat Fuck and Jade is still as pathetic as ever.

To be honest, that scene with her eating the takoyaki irked me a LOT (as much as her shrieking while opening up the half book of scratch tickets). Her YT audience are total mouth-breathers for mentioning it, because Amber's intention with that scene was to offend her audience and spark outrage. It was performative and over the top to the point of extreme obsurdity - and just obnoxious. Even Jade was aware of how fake Amber was being and didn't bite her tongue on the issue.

Spoiler: Takoyaki sperging in a spoiler so people who DGAF don't have to read it

Everything in the takoyaki is stuff that she's eaten before. Dashi is common in Japanese cooking - used as often as chicken/beef stock powder is used in western cooking. It was very likely in the pork bone ramen she had at that Lexington ramen shop. She used to put ketchup and braggs aminos (and I think worchester) in everything she cooked (so I assume the Worchester sauce and ketchup in takoyaki sauce wouldn't be that outrageous). She eats mayo and puts green onion on everything. I think that the pickled ginger is often not put in the takoyaki in North America, but served as a garnish (and therefore doesn't have to be eaten) to appeal to western paletes. All that's left is the tiny piece of octapus tentacle which would be the size of a shelled peanut. Octapus is VERY mild in taste, and she eats seafood boil!! The rest is just fried dough - and our gorl loves fried shit. The most likely response would have been somewhere between really liking it, to mild dislike. And she didn't even really take a bite. It touched her teeth, and then she started flapping around like a retarded toddler, yelling that she almost puked because of it.

My guess is that she's going out of her way to create outrage, until she can be 'offended' enough to quit vlogmas. She hates that she has to do more than 1 hour of work per day for her money, and is looking to create an 'out' that she can say isn't her fault. I think obnoxious scenes like getting the 'scratchers', or eating the takoyaki will become more and more prevailent in her videos as Vlogmas progresses.

...How old is Twinkie now? She lookin gray....

I think she's around 10? Counting by the girlfriend eras, Twinkie was three when Amber got her. She was with Destiny for about 1 year I think, then Becky for 4 1/2, and now Jade for 1 1/2 years.

View attachment 4063608
That tooth decay...

Amber has already cleared this up. She doesn't get tooth decay; her body just mysteriously "rejects" the teeth.

I love how that now she has a lipodema diagnosis she uses it all the time whether she is referring either her lipodema or lymphedema. Because Lymphedema is ooze crusted leggings and broken skin and not dainty but you guise lipodema happens to skinny gorls too, she simply cant lose weight, nothing she can do. And its genetic, double nothing she can do. No wonder its getting so much time in the spotlight. And I don't know if its Amber being sly or not, as she is blending her two conditions, she is verbally blending the words "lymphedema" and "lipodema" to come out somewhere in the middle as "limpodema"

Oh, for sure. On more than a few occasions, I've had to ask YouTube Skynet for captions because I couldn't figure out which she was trying to say. I find it funny that she leans so hard into this new diagnosis. I've mentioned it before, but it's estimated that 11% of women have it (statistically speaking, there would be active members IN THIS THREAD who have it). And despite obesity being common in the US, 11% of women are NOT DeathStar Fatties who recreate the Raiders of the Lost Ark scene when they step into a sidewalk divot. The only reason she's suffering as much as she is, is because she let herself get to the high-end weight of a female polar bear and refuses to do ANYTHING that would result in her eating less.

 

[Slappy McGherkin]

The tooth decay is frightening at her age. At 67, I've had to sacrifice a couple of twisted molars for my overall dental health. They want "bariatric surgery" dollars to do an implant. Naah, I'm fine and because I go perio 4 times a year, these toofers will stay til I die.

Decay gives your breath the smell of death. There is no way in hell Faline kisses her deeply. That smell, which cannot be hidden, along with all the other "smells" discussed in this thread... negress, daphuq is wrong wid you?

One word. GROSS.

 

[Chilli Soup]

My guess is that she's going out of her way to create outrage, until she can be 'offended' enough to quit vlogmas. She hates that she has to do more than 1 hour of work per day for her money, and is looking to create an 'out' that she can say isn't her fault. I think obnoxious scenes like getting the 'scratchers', or eating the takoyaki will become more and more prevailent in her videos as Vlogmas progresses.

I love this theory. I'm curious to see if she'll do this or have another tRaUMaTic event happen so she just can't keep going with Vlogmas. At this point she has three defaults: Blame audience, murrhhh trauhhmahh, or she creates outrage and does some fake woke instagram shit to 'reflect' (look at herself in the mirror whilst eating).

Amber has already cleared this up. She doesn't get tooth decay; her body just mysteriously "rejects" the teeth.

Except for that one HORRIBLE ABCESS which was just LIFE ALTERING. Cry more, Amber.

There is no way in hell Faline kisses her deeply.

I wonder if Faline's participation in the relationship is to fuel some sort of sick ego trip - maybe she sees Amber as her weird captive and, in her weird twisted mind, she's the superior who enables her to keep it rolling.

All of these gifts are going on the tax write off

Been racking my brain thinking 'but why do they do random shitty gifts for 25 days straight instead of being normal?', tax write off explains all.

 

[Thunk Provoker]

Amberlynn Reid - YouTube | Ghostarchive

ghostarchive.org

 

[Slappy McGherkin]

Been racking my brain thinking 'but why do they do random shitty gifts for 25 days straight instead of being normal?', tax write off explains all.

Lesbee real. Do you think Hamber actually "pays" a tax accountant to track all this shit? No way in hell, I guarantee it. At best, I can see her herfalumphing into H&R Block, over even Walmart (which yes, does taxes) and throwing a whole stack of shit receipts on the table, claiming she's a JewTube star, and condescendingly telling them to figure it the fuck out.

That's disregarding that this fat fuck buys more shit in one 24 hour period than the amount of times I piss each day.

Also interesting for 2023.... the 1099K. I suspect she is in for a big surprise when JewTube 1099K's her for all the money she's made in superchats and such in the past year. The 1099K bar is super low... $600. Even Venmo and PayPal payments are now being tracked.

So her "writing off" all the plastic shit, horrible Torrid tents, fake LV purses, and tons of other worthless fucking shit just ain't gonna fly with the IRS.

It will be interesting to see the IRS tax arc come late Jan. or Feb. when she realizes she's gonna take it up the ass with no lube like the rest of us normie taxpayers.

 

[Trees]

I want to see Amber do the things normal people can do, since she insists she's a normal person so damn much. Go to a real cave, climb over rocks, get down on her belly and crawl through a passage in the dark.

Anything you stay in your car and drive through is a tunnel if not by name, then spirit. Get real.

 

[Slappy McGherkin]

I want to see Amber do the things normal people can do.

DREAM ON! She can't even go for a walk around her luxxxxery apartment without splatting on the concrete and tearing her foot off at the ankle.

Anything we see that is "normal" for the rest of us is strictly "performance art" for this fat fuck, geared to make us think that a 600 lb. wildebeest in the wild CAN be normal.

Diet Coke? I've imbibed to your drunken level of insipidness. Can I send ya a bottle from my high end Mexican tequila collection for Christmas?

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

Diet Coke? I've imbibed to your drunken level of insipidness. Can I send ya a bottle from my high end Mexican tequila collection for Christmas?

Would adore it and love you forever, but that'd require me revealing what my mailing address is. Instead, please do enjoy it for me, comfortable in the knowledge that I will be toasting you from my locale with vodka (or whiskey, as seems to be flowing in the house right now).

ETA:
Archive, so you don't have to give this shithead clicks.
Vlogmas Day 13 (has a long fuck title that I can't be assed to transcribe)

Reeeeeeecap in progress.

 

[the weeknd warrior]

Anyone else think she's high in some of these?

 

[Squid Bitch]

"Faline wants me to lose weight more than I probably want to lose weight."

I mean, by definition that's obviously true, given that Amber doesn't want to lose weight. (Or at least doesn't want to put in the effort to, so same result.) But if Jade really wanted Amber to lose the weight, you'd think that she'd nix the daily Christmas gift idea and instead hand Amber a check made out to Georgetown Bariatrics, or whichever other weight loss clinic Amber's pretending to actually be interested.

With that said, these are the gifts they've purchased each other with the money Amber's meant to be saving up for surgery:

Day 1 - Jade: Play-Doh Advent Calendar - $21.99
Day 2 - Amber: Dog Page-A-Day Gallery Calendar - $17.99
Day 3 - Jade: Burt's Bees Classics Set - $25.00
Day 4 - Amber: JKSHMYT Weight Hula Hoop (cyan) - $13.99
Day 5 - Jade: Hasbro Jenga Classic - $10.27
Day 6 - Amber: REEMER LED Strip Lights - $16.99
Day 7 - Jade: Cleverfry Shower Steamers - $21.99
Day 8 - Amber: Binbok Switch Controller - $39.99
Day 9 - Jade: 76 Elf Scratch-Off Cards - $2.00 each, presumably $152.00 for the book
Day 10 - Amber: The General's Hot Sauce, Maple Mayhem with 3-Star Gift Box - $56.99
Day 11 - Jade: Lite-Brite - $11.62
Day 12 - Amber: Sneaker Freaker: The Ultimate Sneaker Book - $36.79 (with coupon; originally $45.98 )
Day 13 - Jade: Various Mini-Brands:

• 5 Surprise Mini-Brands Series 1, 2-Pack - $10.99
• 5 Surprise Mini-Brands Series 2, 2-Pack - $11.99
• 5 Surprise Mini-Brands Series 3, 2-Pack - $14.00
• 5 Surprise Mini-Brands Series 4, 2-Pack - $13.99

Jade's Total: $293.84
Amber's Total: $182.74
Combined Total: $476.58, with eleven days of spending to go!

Maybe some of these were purchased elsewhere, maybe some were bought on sale, but even so, the total is likely still around that amount.

So as always: still boring, still fat. (And additionally: still wasting money on stupid shit.)

 

[Boolean Bitch]

I want to see Amber do the things normal people can do, since she insists she's a normal person so damn much. Go to a real cave, climb over rocks, get down on her belly and crawl through a passage in the dark.

Anything you stay in your car and drive through is a tunnel if not by name, then spirit. Get real.

I'd be content just to watch her put on and tie up her tennis shoes without assistance. Or pull an entire load of laundry out of the top-loading washer to put it in the dryer. Or get a hot roasting pan from out of the oven. Or shovel/scrape a thin layer of snow and ice off of a walkway. Any of those would be good. I personally think these would be as challenging for her as spelunking, and equally as entertaining. Although her crawling on her belly and getting stuck with her (athletes) feet sticking out of a passage way would be top tier entertainment.

============

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tX9YMW2ucQ

Not a reeecap, just a lowlight reel with commentary. I was thinking of just calling this a 'highlight reel', but let's be honest - this content is scraping-the-bottom-of-the-barrel bad. It's the lowest of lows.

Today is Vlogmas Day 13, or December 12th in the Amberverse. Hmmm, trying on clothes (full-body shots), and talking about not brushing her hair in 2 weeks... she's really throwing everything out there she can to either get offended and flounce, or claim her mentulz are getting the best of her so she can quit. Alright, let's do it!

Spoiler: trying on new clothes, havent brushed hair in 2 weeks, & cookie decorating contest 🎄 vlogmas day 13

"I don't like the number 13. Did you know that elevators supposedly don't have the number 13 ... because of like ... spooky spooky?" Yes, everyone who has entered elevators in North America knows that the control panel of many elevators will skip from 12 to 14. What REALLY bakes her noodle is that these buildings STILL HAVE A 13TH FLOOR (It's just called the 14th floor) - WOW! Jade responds with someting like "Well, it's not like the building just FLOATS IN THE AIR, Amber!".

Amber: "OH MY GOD!! Why when I said 'spooky spooky'? did my earring fell off?"
Jade: "Because you were moving your head back and forth?"

GORLS... strap in; it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

Amber's present is 8 Mini Brands Balls. She gets 2 balls for each series (1-4), so Amber now has 4 times the number of trinkets to obsess over collecting. Amber no longer likes the TOY Mini Brands. That $100 worth of junk that will go to the Goodwill... now it's about slightly different collectible junk (food and fashion)!

Amber accidentally admits that Jade wants Amber to lose weight more than Amber wants to lose weight, then tries to backtrack. Jade's not a feeder, y'all: Jade can see beauty beyond what society sees. So... she can see internal beauty beyond what actually exists? Is Jade seeing into an parallel universe or reality where Amber isn't a raging cunt? [The answer is no: Amber is a cunt in ALL realities]

Amber's gonna eat Eddie's Mommy. WHAT THE FU- OH, another poke bowl. The cure to binging!

Amber continues her whining from yesterday's vlog... but she doesn't want to complain (yet continues to complain). She was HOPING she wouldn't get in a funk for vlogmas, yet here we are. I mean, it's not like a person can do anything to try and get into a decent headspace to do their job - in regards to human emotions, we are each just a leaf on the wind. She points out her dirty as fuck shirt. All her trips to Walmart, Target, and Dollar Stores, yet she never picks up a lint roller.

Since Amber's Torrid clothes are still strewn across her couch, she might as well do a Horrid Haul. I mean, Amber meant to do this so she'd be ready for today, or else they be a part of Mount Torrid on her bathroom counter she'd put them away because she LOVES cleaning.

HORRID HAUL!!
Hahaha, disco never dies! OMG-NO-WAIT-A-SEC! TAKE THE COSMIC KEY FROM THE TOP OF HER CHRISTMAS TREE, POINT IT AT HER, AND START BLARING THE EURO TRANCE MUSIC! YEAH!! Sorry, back to (sur)reality. The Disco ball dress is a Size 5. She's surprised it fits her, because it's a size 5. She really does look like a disco ball with a hair clog pulled from a shower drain balanced on top. Next one is the flowery dress. She's obsessed. Pink rose gold disco ball - meh. Pink 'Pepto Bismol' bottle dress - NO! The black and white cardigans are reminding me of that scene from Tommy Boy where Chris Farley does the 'Fat guy in a little coat' dance, but Amber says they fit exactly as she intended them to.

I'm not going to go over every outfit. It's just like every other Torrid hall: NONE OF IT FITS, there's a LOT of picking, and it all looks a lot like shirtresses that she's already bought. OOOH... I WILL point out that the weird fat outpouching she has over her upper right abdominal quadrant has gotten noticibly larger. It almost hangs down to the lower right quadrant. You can see it when she wears the green with black polka dot shirt at around 11:07.

CRAFT TIME!!
They crack open the 32 ugly sweater Christmas cookies, but Amber can't eat them afterwards because this is art. She bought two packs to ensure they had enough icing, not because she wanted to decorate (or eat) 32 cookies. Honestly, not to get too TMI, but this reminds me of our large family get togethers where I help with wrangling all of the goobery-nosed tiny people. I make salt dough and cut it with cookie cutters, dry them in the oven, and then we 'frost' them with puffy paint and beads to make Christmas Cookie ornaments. I could NOT imagine myself doing this with anyone whose age was in the double-digits - unless they were assisting me with wrangling goobery-nosed tiny people.

Amber eats some of the art supplies. She acts disappointed and stops, saying "There's no enjoyment there", inadvertently proving that her *binges* are really just her gorging on hyper-palatable food for pleasure.

People with Binge Eating Disorder will sink as low as doing things like making flour and water paste to eat during a binge. Research MOAR and put more effort into your bullshit, kthxbyee.

Amber did her first LightBrite since she was 3! Holy shit, she even sounds retarded when she yells "I did it!!". Actually, I'm starting to feel a twinge of guilt... am I making fun of an honest-to-God retarded person?

Cat Advent Calendar toy (bell collar) can't be given to Rarity, because it has a bell on it and bells are bad for a cat's ears... ALMOST ALL OF THE ADVENT TOYS HAD BELLS! Oh, and the bell thing is total bullshit (according to www.pawtracks.com). The bells ring at about 50dB, which is below a cat's hearing sensitity. Coincidentally, 50dB is also about 120dB below the harpy shrieking noises Amber makes during her videos. The worry is that "curious" (sweet but dumb) cats may try to eat a bell if it's small enough.

Amber hasn't brushed her hair in a couple of weeks, but washes her hair once per week every few days. Okay, help me out here kiwis: how do you wash long hair without brushing it? Don't the tangles turn into huge knots that collect grease, dirt, and soap? Amber's hair looks neither brushed nor clean.

TL;DR: Amber is going out of her way to be obnoxious and button-pushy in this episode. Content is crap. The fat growth over her liver has grown. Amber accidentally admits that her 'binging' is gluttony.

[Edited because I forgot the picture. How could I forget the picture? You NEED to see the picture. Also, they put Twinkie in that ugly Christmas sweater coat IN THE HOUSE - you can see it just before this scene - and she's struggling to move around in it]

 

[Bibbity Bobbity]

This has been a particularly troll-y year and oh the toys, toys, toys!

Whar mulatto dildos and vibrators? Those would fit in with our sexual dynamos here, enjoying a totally normal and mature sex life.

Cuz our gorl and her lovah loooove sexy time and penetration!

 

[Suspicious Activity]

@Boolean Bitch I have very limited access to where I can use the ‘reply’ function, but thank you and yes, I am formerly Captain’s Coffee. My odd little account loss story is on my first post in the Haydur Nation thread.
And as to your last post, the strange thing is Amber isn’t retarded. She’s not bright, but combine that with intellectually incurious and uneducated and you get a right potato. She knows she’s quite slow and covers for any potential bullying by making it a cute personality trait instead and exaggerating it for her camera. It’s also an excuse for her not to have to do any challenging ‘adulting’. Lazy.

Been racking my brain thinking 'but why do they do random shitty gifts for 25 days straight instead of being normal?', tax write off explains all.

Tax right offs that fall completely into the disingenuous interpretation of the business guidelines. But of course we need 25 days of feeling like a child on Christmas morning. Also this means nothing is special. Christmas Day isn’t special. It’s quantity, quantity, quantity and moving onto the next thing when the buzz wears off.

Day 13 - Jade: Various Mini-Brands:

The Mini-Brands sum Amber up. How much money can we waste on useless plastic crap? One screech of “ooh, look! How cuuuute!”….then we throw it into the rest of the hoard and watch our carbon footprint swell. Her carbon footprint must equal that of a few Third World countries put together.

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

Spoiler: Took a bit, but here's Vlogmas 13.

0:00 ‘Hey guise!’ Hey AL. ‘Welcome to vlogmas Daaaayyyyy….’ I know you’re confused, but it’s 13. ’13!!’ There ya go. And still fuck your intro.

0:22 Oh we have ourselves a quirky gorl! She doesn’t like the number 13. Like a bunch of other superstitious twats in the world. She blathers on about that elevators ‘supposevly’ (yup, she doesn’t say it with the letter d, but rather v) don’t have the number 13 because of ‘like (sausage-finger waggle) spooky-spooky’. It’s called being superstitious, you fucking brainless dildo.

0:40 So AL can’t put her earrings in to save her life. Once she pulls her hand away from the side of her face, her earring tumbles off. She gasps and turns to off-screen F/JFoNY:MGF,W and guffaws with ‘Wait. Why when I said spooky spooky my earring fell off.’ Because you didn’t attach it completely, dipshit. F/JFoNY:MGF,W says ‘because you’re moving your head back and forth.’ AL pauses then sheepishly laughs and admits she’s correct.

0:50 Back to the fucking number 13 shit - F/JFoNY:MGF,W reads off Google that old-timey buildings don’t have a floor 13. AL responds, quite confused, ‘old timey buildings?’ Because she can’t wrap her tiny fat-noggin around the thought of builders moving past the superstition of the past and saying ‘this is dumb’ and including 13 on their building maps and elevators? I dunno. She goes ‘what about the newfers?’ And I want to scream. Newfers? We are hitting all new levels of AuthorLynn’s mangling and destruction of the English language here. F/JFoNY:MGF,W continues to inform her that some buildings continue the tradition today. But not all.

1:00 And then AL attempts to appear intelligent by waggling her hands around her skull and going ‘but idiotically, they do have a building 13.’ It doesn’t take her very long to catch that she sounds even more idiotic than she possibly is and correct that to ‘floor 13’ and then spergs that yes, there are 13 or more floors. I don’t know why she can’t wrap her brain around the concept of simply not labeling the floor as ‘floor 13.’ Oh… wait. It’s because she only have 1 braincell remaining after one is dedicated to keeping her internal processes going to sustain life, and the other is dedicated to CONSOOOOOOOOM. My bad. Gah, she’s still going on about this shit, and whines that not putting the number on there draws more attention to it, and this dumbass needs to look into lore before she attempts to converse about anything other than how much she ate in a day.

1:20 F/JFoNY:MGF,W says ‘gift time?’ So AL goes to very cuntily profess that F/JFoNY:MGF,W is all about this gift IT’S NOT A FUCKING MOLMENT YOU OXYGEN WASTER and she can’t do a damn thing and she just got out of the shower (except her hair is still greasy and sticking upright in the back, so obviously that shit didn’t get washed) before F/JFoNY:MGF,W is going ‘gift’. She then likens the love of her life to the seagulls in ‘Finding Nemo’ with their monosyllabic speaking pattern.

1:40 They don’t even go to film in front of the tree today. F/JFoNY:MGF,W just hands AL a gift bag from off-camera. AL has to giggle about how kyuuuuute the Santa bag is. And the conversation gets truly mind-breakingly dumb. AL asks F/JFoNY:MGF,W why she thinks Santa is so kyuuuuute, to which F/JFoNY:MGF,W says that she thought she was going to say ‘so hot’ and AL just deadpans ‘Do I have daddy issues?’

Shoot me. Eggnog time. Today is the bottle with just brandy in it. Super tasty and surprisingly strong.

AL gets to taking the cellophane sheets out one by one and flinging them into the air for F/JFoNY:MGF,W to clean up later.

2:10

I just want to take a moment to appreciate the worst acting ever. ‘I’m so stunned!’ looks so… unimpressed.

2:15 ‘Baebeeeey!’ Ugh. Drown yourself. She pulls tubes of mini brands out of the bag. They’re all food ones. F/JFoNY:MGF,W comments that she’s a feeder, and AL squeals ‘clickbait!’ Then she goes on to explain that F/JFoNY:MGF,W wants AL to lose weight more than AL wants to lose weight. Just leave it at F/JFoNY:MGF,W wants you to lose weight, because we know you have no desire to shed any pounds and you think you’re a dainty princess as you are at 500+lbs.

3:08 F/JFoNY:MGF,W has to explain to AL that she got her one of those stupid mini-brand tubes from each series. AL coos about that. Guess she’s not so into them that she’d realize that initially. I mean, it’s pretty easy to tell, considering that the balls are different colors, but they’re all food.

3:22 And after being a simpering dodo, AL brings it back to the ‘feeder’ topic. AL says F/JFoNY:MGF,W isn’t a feeder, and wants her to lose weight a lot. AL projects that people thinks she’s a feeder because she’s with someone AL’s size. Nah, it’s because she’s indulging in your overeating and supporting your DoorDash habits, not encouraging you to keep your ‘trigger foods’ out of the house, not doing anything at all to alter your mindset towards food and snacking, not taking you out to do more physical activity, etc. She’s happily bringing you fries with cheesy dip and giant sodas. Dur. After some retarded back and forth, F/JFoNY:MGF,W goes ‘yes, I am a feeder’ loudly from off-screen. I know it’s in jest, but I’d like to say this is a confession. Because I’m a black-hearted asshole.

3:50 Fuck me, AL is still going on about how F/JFoNY:MGF,W just sees beauty beyond what society sees as acceptable and blah blah blah fatphobia and you guys don’t see the full story behind closed doors and waaaaah and shaddup. If personality were beauty you’d be the ugliest shitmonger on the planet. You being a fatapotamus isn’t what’s so off-putting - it’s the fact that you’re an irredeemable cunt of a fatapotamus.

4:10 She decides she doesn’t need to justify shit and just hugs her mini-brands. Because toys sooth the soul, just like books is good for the brain, apparently. She decides to open one now, questions which one to open, then decides it really doesn’t matter. Conversation in this part - F/JFoNY:MGF,W didn’t realize they were all food brands. She thought because they were different series, they’d be different brands. I am laughing because it ended up highly appropriate that everything was food, and if that was unintentional it’s still hilarious, just more in a karmic kind of way rather than a ‘bitch please’ lolz kinda way.

4:38 AL goes on to say that she’s over the toys. I guess she means the toys of the mini-brands or something. Ah, she clarifies moments after I typed that - she indeed no longer likes the toy mini-brands. What’s she gonna do with her horde of plastic pieces, then? lolz Poor F/JFoNY:MGF,W, she probably bought her more mini-brands, and probably toy ones.

4:56 AL starts off by showing her fashion mini-brand. It’s a… little purse. I think. Next she shows off her toy mini brands (and she says they’re going to Goodwill).

5:15 She doesn’t even bother opening that shit on camera. After a jump-cut she’s sitting with those headphones on her noggin and tells us that it’s been about an hour, and she’s opened ALL of her mini brands. She holds up a plastic container that has them in it.

She skips over the ‘opening the shit’ content and keeps in ‘stupid conversation’ content. Good choice, AL. </sarcasm>

Oh, so she actually didn’t bother keeping that content so she can instead show us her fucking lunch. Which is MORE TAKEOUT. See, AL, THIS shit is why people assume that F/JFoNY:MGF,W is a feeder. It’s a poke bowl. Which doesn’t look like any poke bowl I’ve ever eaten, but then again, I’m not in Kentucky. It has edamame, cucumber, crab, ginger, carrots, wasabi peas, apparently a ton of cheese and crunchy wonton bits that she fails to tell us about, and zero seaweed nor any rice that I can see. As said, nothing like any poke bowl I’ve ever had, either in the continental 48 or on my multiple visits to Hawaii (ya know, where it originated). But whatever, I’m nit-picking now. She’s shoving food in her face while watching Firefly Lane. At first I was going to be gobsmacked that she’s watching Firefly… but Firefly Lane, not so much. Had to look up what that shit is and can’t say I’m surprised that’s up her ally.

6:02 Showing off one of her mini-brand things that appears to be a little vanilla ice cream cup with gold-colored Hersey’s bottle pouring chocolate syrup on it and a cherry on top. AL is showing her favorites, and explains that in some of them there’s a ‘little golden ticket where you can get them with a little golden extra something’ so I guess these are ‘rare’ mini-brands or something. AL explains that this ice cream came in pieces (aka: the gold bottle wasn’t attached to the syrup flow) and she had to put it together! She succeeded! Someone give AL a fucking cookie. Or don’t, because F/JFoNY:MGF,W is the one who realized you put the bottle onto the syrup flow. She shoves it aside as she calls it ‘sho kyuuute.’

6:24 Next mini-brand is Cool Whip, followed by Bubble Yum, Kikoman soy sauce, StoveTop turkey stuffing, Oscar Mayer Wieners (she has to remind us that she’s not a hot-dog gal, because LESBIAN), Babble cheese round, Kraft Italian dressing and last but not least Kraft sharp cheddar cheese.

7:10 Fuck, now she’s pawing in her plastic tub of these things. She says she forgot to show us the Miracle Whip (sho kyuuute), then shows that she has some fucking diapers in there as well. Says she’s gotten some duplicates, like the diapers and the bubble gum and soy sauce. She’s also got ‘two seasonings, but they’re different’ because one’s thyme and one’s paprika. Continuing to paw, she has Warheads and 2 bacons (and she says as she clacks that shit loudly around in their plastic bin that this is giving her low-key ASMR and I am refilling my eggnog because holy fuckwads ugh) but they’re 2 different types of bacons. Why the fuck didn’t she just empty this bin and show us them all? Because apparently they’re /all/ her favorites. Gah. Holds up shaving cream. And jump-cut away from that shit.

7:50 Blathers about how yesterday was a hard day for her mentally and physically.

Oh, sorry. She’s not blathering about that right now. She’s going on about her lipodema. She feels it’s still here a little bit. And then she realizes she’s covered in dog fur.

8:12 And now I wish a fucking dimensional shambler would come and take me. I am ready to be taken to Azathoth, because being before him would be more merciful than subjecting myself to staring at AL’s breasts as she puts her camera down at chest level and squeezes her fat-bags together while adjusting her shirt. Then she backs up a little before having to reach down into her almost-there cleavage to yank her phone free of its prison of suffering.

8:20 Now she’s saying she doesn’t want to complain (except she’s been endlessly complaining about ‘her lipodema and her muh mentalz) but then redacts that because ‘reality is I’m not a robot, I’m a human and sometimes I just get in funks.’

8:50 Decides she’s going to try on her Torrid shit. Says she was going to do it in private, but she needs content so she’s going to film it.

And because I hate everything, y’all can suffer with me.

Anyway, she’s explaining that her shit’s still on the couch, not because she’s lazy because she really loves cleaning. Then she jumpsuits to her flailing at the STILL uncolored gingerbread house for tots and saying that she should use CRANES for coloring it. Here I was thinking she’d say she should use it as a privacy screen for live try-on shit lol Anyway, F/JFoNY:MGF,W asks why CRANES and AL explains that with markers you run out of ink too quickly. Probably because she’s got to go over an area 14 times to get it sufficiently dark and without streaks. Twinkie does wander into view, wearing some dumb Christmas shirt thing.

AL keeps blathering about the smell of markers and blah blah blah. Looks like she’s going for one of those dumb sparkle shirt/dresses first.

9:16 Jump-cut! Here’s outfit number 1.

The dangly bits are fucking comical on this shit.

HOOOO MY GAWD. Alright, taking side-shots of this shit if she does this for everything LOL lookout this damned unit! There’s not even a shelf-ass anymore! It’s vanished into the back-fat!!! Holy geebuz, gorl! You’ve out-fridged the fridge!!

Anyway, AL blathers about how it’s a size 5 dress and ‘she’s supposed to be a shorty.’ Don’t feminize everything you retard. AL blathers that she’s surprised it fits her. I guess that ‘fits’ means it’s not choking her out and she can pluck it away from her skin without too many issues.

9:40

She’s obsessed with this dress because she loves the sheer. I am still cackling at her lack of shelf-ass.

9:50

SuCh A bEaUtIfUl RoSe GoLd ShIrT!!! Maybe not in heffalump size, AL. She thinks it fits beautifully, but wishes it were a bit longer. Aka: She wishes it was a dress and not a shirt, so it could cover her gunt and ass a bit more instead of walking up into the crevices her fat folds make.


10:05

Apparently this is her ‘most favorite thing (she’s) bought clothing-wise in a very, very long time.’ LOLOL It looks like shit.

FUCK MY LIFE she has to stroke her boobs in front of the fucking camera as she talks about the sheer and how it feels and how it looks and there isn’t enough booze on the fucking planet to deal with her.

10:24

She despises how this one fits. Probably because it hugs everything and puts it on display.

10:38

She likes how this one feels and thinks it’s super kyuuuuute. She doesn’t think it fits her in a way she wants it to.

10:55
Starts by plucking at the shirt to show that it is in fact see-through. So yeah, her black bra is on full display here.

It doesn’t fit over her ass LOLOLOLOLOLOL

11:19

She loves this one and thinks it’s sho kyuuuute. Bonus Rarity staring off into space.

She loves the sleeves, though.

Polkadot sleeves are already a questionable choice in my eyes, but in this case this is repugnant.

11:34

By her exasperated sigh, you can tell she does not like this one. It’s comfy and cozy and AL is overheated because trying on clothes is apparently a workout for her.

11:58

Her cardigans that she purposefully got too small ‘so they fit a certain way’ apparently fit just as she wanted them to. Aka: Not covering her ass AT ALL and unable to close in the front. Good job, AL.

As can be seen easily on the white one, there’s zero chance of proper closure. These are TINY on her. Which is hilarious, because you could fit a troupe of fucking midgets in that thing.

12:36 F/JFoNY:MGF,W and AL are about to do Ugly Sweater cookies. These appear to be pre-made cookies that you color with food coloring in a tube and sprinkles.

THEY BOTH HAVE 16. THEY BOUGHT TWO PACKS OF THIS SHIT. WHYYYYYYY?!!?

AL explains that she doesn’t eat them (I bElIeVe YoU lOl nope) and says that to her, that’s arts and crafts, not food. She can’t bring herself to eat shitty icing, apparently. ‘It’s literally just for funsies.’ Comes with white, red, black and green icing as well as a package of sprinkles (candy canes, snowflakes, trees, gingerbread shaped). AL wants to make it a contest. They’re going to show 3 of them and have the viewers choose which cluster of 3 that they like the most. AL says she’ll post a poll on IG.

14:20 And now they’re decorating. AL talks about how the red looks like ketchup, but doesn’t taste like ketchup. AL’s second sweater she does a black IT’S NOT A FUCKING MOLMENT YOU DRUNK-NIGHT-SEX-MISTAKE. These look… pretty shitty.

F/JFoNY:MGF,W actually has a pretty good looking Santa sweater, though.

AL laughs at the other cookie that F/JFoNY:MGF,W did, even though it’s not any worse than the two shitty projects that AL showed of her own creation.

15:13 Jump cut, and AL’s on the couch with Twinkie lost in pillows and random shit behind her. And now, contrary to all the shit AL was saying before about not ever wanting to eat these because they’re arts and crafts, she proclaims she wants to take a bite of the cookie with icing. F/JFoNY:MGF,W jokes that this is where her food arrives. AL looks at her with a bland expression, then demands she hand her a cookie (F/JFoNY:MGF,W fires back ‘with what hand?’ as she is filming) and AL reaches over, then brushes her boob asking if she got some on her nipple. Stooooop. F/JFoNY:MGF,W says ‘I hope so’. Stoooooooooooop. AL goes ‘Baebeeeeey’ STOOOOOOOOOOOOOP.

So she grabs an undecorated cookie, asks what color she should put on it (it doesn’t matter, they all taste the same). F/JFoNY:MGF,W says ‘a green molment’ and I want to slap her to Mars.

AL puts a dollop on the cookie and snaps into it. Ah, the sound of hard, old sugar cookies. Those things taste like absolute ass. This is why you make your own sugar cookies and decorate them if you want to eat sugar cookies with icing and not regret your life decisions. AL does not look impressed as she chews, but she’s not recoiling or flailing like she was over the perfectly good takoyaki (which would’ve been on par with the fucking poke bowl she had earlier, just with more dough and less cheese). AL proclaims that there’s no enjoyment in a stale old cookie. No shit, Sherlock. F/JFoNY:MGF,W asks if it’s shortbread, AL instantly goes ‘noooo, it’s not shortbread. I love shortbread. I don’t know what it is.’

And before anyone comes at me with ‘it’s vanilla cookies, not sugar cookies!!!’

That’s from the manufacturer’s website. It’s fucking sugar cookies.

AL stares at the box and reads ‘vanilla flavored.’ F/JFoNY:MGF,W laughs at her.

16:27 AL’s cookies:

I adore how shitty the tree on that last one looks. It goes well with the ‘no effort to segregate the sleeves from the rest of the sweater’ look of the other two.

AL gripes that she doesn’t want anyone to know whose is whose, so no body-parts allowed in the pictures and arrange the same. Except she’s already shown her cookies on her stupid vlog, so people will already know.

17:59 Since this fuckwaffle won’t show F/JFoNY:MGF,W’s cookies in her vlog, I’ll just snag it from her phone instead.

I am almost torn, because they’re both pretty shitty. Except that Santa sweater does take the cake. So F/JFoNY:MGF,W gets it from me, I suppose. Except those other two are REEEEALLY shitty. So I dunno. It’s like trying to choose between two thoroughbred horses for race results, but they’re both on the conveyor belt in a glue factory.

AL has to make this nauseating by going ‘The top is Faline, the bottom is Bambi’ and I wanna throat punch her. Again. Always.

18:15 So instead of waiting for the results of her stupid poll tomorrow, she’s going to give it 5 hours because that’s when she closes out her vlog and starts to edit it (changes that to 4 hours).

18:48 Cookie results.

19:17 Now she has to show us her lite-bright shit.

She’s so proud of herself.

19:37 PlayDoh advent calendar. She got brown PlayDoh and a gingerbread man mold. She makes pair of suffering victims, the small one with the mold and the large one free-hand.

She takes a moment to whine about how she wishes she had a true red color, because she wants to use the candy cane mold. She gripes that the red she has isn’t true red. I am thinking she needs to actually go into the holiday aisle in Walmart to see that candy canes come in hundreds of different color combinations and to stop limiting her fucking ‘creativity’ so much.

20:17 Cat advent calendar. Another collar, which she calls a ‘necklace.’ It’s blue with beads and a bell.

I’d put that shit on my dipshit torti, ngl.

AL says she can’t do it because bells are ‘really bad for cats’ ears.’

Nope.

In fact, most people involved in animal husbandry recommend putting bells on the collars of outdoor cats to warn birds of the feline’s approach and reduce their impact on native bird species. Because cats are eco-terrorists.

Anyway, AL is taking the bell off and isn’t going to put the collar on in this video because it’s late and she hasn’t edited her shit video yet.

But that doesn’t save us from a bit more blathering!

21:02 AL has been reading the comments like she said she wasn’t going to do, and noted that people are talking about AL not washing her hair. She proclaims she washed it 2 days ago. I am dying inside and trying not to wretch. But she hasn’t brushed it in a couple weeks, but says she washes it every 3-4 days. She’s griping that people are commenting negatively on her hair, and is starting to wash it every 3-2 days now. Because she’s a dainty princess who looks sexy and perfect, y’all. It couldn’t be because she looks like an overheated garbage bag topped by a greasy mop that’s been actively used on a NYC subway bathroom’s floor.

AL cuntily gripes that just because it’s a frizzy mess in a poop bun doesn’t mean it’s dirty.

22:00 Comment of the day, video had 719 comments. Comment is from Elizabeth and reads ‘So much second hand embarrassment on all of this… the Austin Powers “bebe”, the over exaggerated affection, cackling winded laughing. So much cringe.

LOL I agree, Elizabeth!!

AL gripes that she wishes it was over exaggerated, but they’re not fake. Bleh. She says ‘we just love each other as company.’ And then kissy-outro. FLM.

TL;DW/R: AL and F/JFoNY:MGF,W sperg about the number 13 WRT buildings and floor identification. Today’s gift? Mini-brands that are all food. F/JFoNY:MGF,W isn’t a feeder, assholes. Whines about lipodema and muh mentalz. Torrid try-on and boob fondling. Coloring pre-baked, packaged sweater-shaped sugar cookies. Puts said cookies onto AL’s IG, and AL is ahead in the poll as to which ones look better. AL did Lite-Bright. PlayDoh gingerbread man, cat gets a new collar that AL is going to pull the bell off of because she believes a quiet bell is bad for a cat’s ears even though they’re not negatively affected by sounds under 80db. AL gripes that she washes her hair every 2-3 days now because of haydurs pointing out how greasy she is. Comment of the day says she’s a cringy fuck, and I agree.

 

[Agoodpotroast]

I know it's not in the Christmas spirit but I wish she could stop talking and alluding about this sex life she's supposed to be having and obviously isn't. You haven't had sex with Becky in over a year and you're a sex fiend now? Psh. People who are fucking don't brag about fucking. It's just a fact, especially when you're over oooooooooooh I dunno 23? I choose to focus my attention on things that aggravate me on things that aren't fat because fat bitch is fat. Show me you lost some weight and I promise I'll go off on that too. Wanted to burn the whole world down with all my allies in it when she talked about cumming fast the other day.

 

[dfranki723]

Does she think these clips of her speaking to Jade are worthy of going in the vlog? This is like having a 20 minute conversation with a friend whilst you're at work. It's not cute or relatable. It's unprofessional, especially given your stance on never revealing her fug mug.

SHE IS PULLING A ''MUH SOCIETY''. Holy shit. You moron.

I love how she'll leave in the boring conversations but edited out the actual unwrapping of all the mini bullshit... What sense does that make? Fatty has to be one of the most useless and completely braindead vloggers on the platform.

Why does she keep saying ''sheer''? Has she discovered the word recently?

She doesn't eat the cookies, right, so she buys a fuck-load and then throws them in the bin?

Your hair isn't frizzy, it's greasy. It is visibly greasy 90% of the time. Cunt has never had an issue with frizz until Jade showed up. I don't think she understands that greasy hair is still noticeable even when your hair is tied up.