What tale of woe do you have for us today, GeniusLynn? PTSD from trimming your hair, no doubt. I'll give you $500 if you shave your head.
Football in an hour. Let's get this shitshow started.
No "hey guise"??? WTF, Hamtard, that's your THING.
PluvioLyn bitches about the storm outside, tells us she's scurred. Of course you are. Every single fucking thing in the world scares you or makes you nervous. We don't give a fuck at this point. "Even though I'm a pluviophile, I don't like tornadoes," she says, while jabbing a sausage finger at her phone. Like the "tornado" that happened while you were in the car waiting to pick up Misty Pedofucker? Did YOU go to college to learn meteorology?
Great, now she's so lazy she's shortening ang-zie-tee to "angzite". Stop mangling the English language, you goddamned cunt. There is literally no reason whatsoever for you to do so.
She's editing on her phone, naturally. Got a nice fancy, expensive powerbook where she could do real edits, but bare minimum is all we're ever gong to get. I'll give you $500 to learn and demonstrate the use of Final Cut.
The reason she edits on her phone is because she can do it everywhere - on the toilet, in the car, sometimes literally just for two minutes. She just can't sit there, guise, and edit for hours, and all these little bits add up, eckspecially when there's a deadline, like vlogmas. You sit around all fucking day. And you don't have to edit for hours and hours in one continuous session, dumbass. She'll no doubt claim that this issue is from her ADHD, with which she just got diagnosed by her totally real, not fairy tale psychologist, I'm sure. She collects muh mentalz like everything else she hoards, and it makes about as much sense as all that other crap, too.
That nose ring and this angle makes you look like you have a giant booger in your warty nose, Hamber. How attractive. She also has her poopy hair wrapped in a towel, trying to convince us she washed it.
Claims that people have asked for her morning routine, and she says it would be boring. Like every other thing it is you do is heart-pounding excitement? Fuck off. Just another question Hambertard asked herself. Is she ramping up to try on DiD to see how that fits muh mentalz? Forget it, Fatty. The characters you create suck.
She's sitting in her bed all this time, by the way.
Claims to be on page 100 or something of a book called Snow Falls. Says she doesn't want to give spoilers, which to me says she's still incapable of giving a brief overview of anything she reads, because she's a retard who can barely read on an adult level, if she even makes that line and is perpetually stuck on YA. Legit laugh out loud molment: says the book is not for her, as it "is too simple for me". Keep telling yourself that, Narclynn.
Speaking of words, their usage, and their meanings, the first thing on the counter when she jump cuts to the grocery haul is a rice cooker. "I've never had a rice cooker before, from my remembrance," she moos, tapping the box with one balloon hand. For someone constantly going on about how much they love rice, and given the impulse gadget shit you're always buying, THIS one is one you've never had a brain cell to tell you to get? You're a dumbass.
Bag of Gorton's fish sticks. We'd be surprised, guise, to learn that the ingredients in this are bread coating and pollock - which she hilariously mispronounces as pole-awk, because she is a dumbass. She also has to tell us the pollock is a fish. Amazing! Good thing we had MegaIQLynn to tell us that there are two ingredients in the FISH sticks and one of them is FISH. We'd never have known. We don't know fish like she does.
She says she is surprised by the ingredients list. "You'd think it would be made from, like, a bunch of creepy stuff, but nope, just fish!" Thanks for spotlighting just how fucking stupid you are, MensaLynn.
"Me and [MG,W] love this!" Good to know, GrammarLynn.
A can of something called Mixed Crackers, that she loves and used to get all the time and zzzzzzzzzz. It's a can of salt and empty carbs. Next!
Wasabi peas. Chocolate melk. Regular melk. Garbage disposal cleaner. Wait, I thought that was your job, Hamber. Two "things" of sushi rice. Those are BAGS, bitch. They want to make their own sushi bowls, "no wait, not sushi, what's that thing called? Like salmon poke bowl type style." Pronounces poke as poke-ee. Two hunks of steak, grass fed, of course. Didn't you once tell us, BrieflyVeganLynn, that meat causes cancer, and that you were creeped out by meat? It's almost as if you're a fucking hypocrite and pathological liar who can't "remembrance" what lies you're telling from day to day. MG,W wanted steak,so they got two giant, inch thick NY strip steaks. She'll ruin hers by cooking it to death (MG,W doing that ruining by proxy). Good thing she isn't counting calories, since 16oz of NY strip has about 600 calories, not including whatever bullshit she puts on top of it. Tip for you, Hamber: a "normal person" size/portion is about 4 ounces.
Two "things" - PACKS, GODDAMMIT - of chicken wings. Of course MG,W makes the best wings ever, because everything in DelusionalLynn's life is perfect when it comes to MG,W. And such an onerous task, making wings. What a trooper she is, making sacrifices and working so Hamber can pig out on wings.
Maple syrup breakfast sausage from Johnsonville. "Zesty hot" Bob Evans pork sausage. Johnsonville makes hot sausage, too, you know, and it's really quite good.
OMFG. I need to step away for a second before this bitch makes me have a brain aneurysm.
OK.
A package of prepared, seasoned new potatoes. Why the FUCK did you buy this prepackaged nonsense? You bought steaks that you have to cook. Are either of you completely incapable and utterly incompetent that you can't just BUY a "thing" of new potatoes, or just pick some from whatever bin Meijer has, washing them, throwing a little olive oil in the bottom of a roasting pan, rolling the potatoes around it that to get them coated, and then dumping your eighty billion seasoneeeens on them before flinging them into the oven to roast? It's literally something you could do while prepping the remainder of the meal. It doesn't take hours to roast small, whole potatoes like that. Goddammit, the laziness of these two fuckers is just mindboggling. You can liiiiideuuuurulee look at the ingredients on the stupid tub:
YELLOW AND RED POTATOES, AVOCADO OIL, DRIED GARLIC, ROSEMARY, SALT.
Again, good thing this bitch isn't counting calories. ONE serving of half a cup has 190 calories. Good luck, Fatties.
Make up your fucking mind, glutton. Are you going to eat better food - fresh, without preservatives, etc., or are you going to buy already seasoned salmon filets that have "natural smoke flavoring"?
Not one but TWO boxes of extra crispy seasoned tater tots. Ready in 4 Min! says the box. In the microwave, yes, and universe forbid we toss them on a sheet pan in the oven so they're crispy on the outside and not gluey in the middle. When we want tots, we want them NOW!
Serrano peppers. Shredded carrots. Shredded radish. You're never going to use that fancy mandoline, are you? A tub of precut pineapples and strawberries. Welch's fruit snacks "made with REAL FRUIT!" the box says. Will we get a captivating narration of the ingredients on this one? Or will you skip this one? The latter, I believe, because these things have LOADS of sugars, and not just from the fruits themselves: they have corn syrup added to make them even sweeter so the American palate will like them. They also have artificial coloring and gelatin, BrieflyVeganLynn.
And then Welch's Juicefuls. Once again, no narration to us of the ingredients is coming. More empty, simple sugar calories.
Fresh garlic and some ziplock bags round this out. That is not a "huge" grocery haul, Hamber, you liar.
EditingLynn tosses in the clip fromv the last vlog with all the shit out of the cabinets and piled up around the kitchen. Back to present, and all the shit is back where it belongs. "We did it!" Hamber chirps. If by "we" you mean MG,W and "did it" means you stood around yammering at her, yes. Yes, you did.
"Deep cleaning is one of my favorite hobbies." One, no it is not, or that bookcase you cleaned by throwing all the contents on the floor would not have been as dusty as you described it. Two, cleaning involves work, and we know how you feel about that.
Jump cut to the next day. "We got it going, folks," Hamber says, showing us the rice cooker, which is presumably making rice. They're going to make their poke bowls. She's "always eating them, but sadly, I'm not allowed to have takeout right now." Except we already know you've broken the very first rule you've made and had takeout at ;east once by the time of this video.
"We have all the ingredients, doing their thing." What "thing" would that be? Are they going to magically jump into the bowls by themselves?
Some stupid image of a chick-fil-a cup with a brush in it. "We keep it under the sink to" scrub counters or what the fuck ever. She says "I know, it's weird." NO IT IS NOT FUCKING WEIRD, YOU WOMBAT-BRAINED RETARD. You are not unique or quirky or cute. Move on to the food, bitch.
I really despise it when she waves her fat fucking hand around in a circle, bringing all her fingers together in a pinch at the end of one revolution before opening her hand again and making another round or ten the same fucking way. YOU'RE FAT. Nobody wants to see that much of your goddamned beetus paws dangleeen in the air.
They're doing a quick pickle of onion and cucumber, and you know this is MG,W's idea because it involves fresh onion and cukes and putting together the brine. You buy prepackaged roasted potatoes but not a jar of kimchi? WTF is wrong with you? Beyond your fat-addled brain not being able to adequately fire off those neurons and synapses combined with your general stupidity?
MG,W is having raw salmon in her bowl. Hamber, being Hamber, shows us a big salmon "mignon", and of the other one that was in the pack, "She's in the oven. That's how I like her." It isn't a SHE. Stop anthropomorphizing shit.
Shit they're stuffing into these bowls: radish, carrot, scallions, broccoli, edamommy, wasabi peas. Hamber is going to use sriracha mayo on hers. Can't wait to watch her squirt half a bottle on it.
"So we put some cucumbers, onions, and garlic in here.:" you mean MG,W did. You, on the other hand, are just shaking sesame seeds into it. "It smells so freaking good." Wouldn't it be nice to have someone with a better vocabulary and grasp of English describing these things? Sigh. If only.
"This is the salmon she (MG,W) is having." Smoked salmon. "When I opened the oven, the fire alarm went off." Maybe you should cook your food properly instead of ruining it by overcooking because you're such a "dry gorl".
Shows us all the ingredients prepped - MG,W to thank for that, I bet - and Hamber's "actually going to plate it for'" us, so we can see what it looks like. Plate it? What the fuck would you do otherwise? Just bring all the ingredients to your fucking tv tray, and just scoop into each ingredient in turn to make a mouthful? Or just open that gaping maw of yours and let MG,W dump it all in?
"This is obviously not a real poke bowl, so don't come for me." Fuck you, I'll do what I want. That isn't a traditional poke bowl. Calls MG,W's poke bowl "more ahssehdick" while her own is "more thrown together". Who cares. You both used the same ingredients. Throws carrots on the floor for Twinkie. Rates the bowls as 10/10, of course. The best poke bowl she's ever had, better than any takeout version. Sure, ChefLynn, sure. It'll stay that way until you return to your usual ways and once again be too lazy to make it yourself. No video of her eating her magnificent creation.
Next day, and we're almost at the fucking end of this shit. Tells us the first trim she did was "this much" (shows us maybe an inch of her dead ends), says since her hysterectomy and not taking the estrogen, her hair is "soooper" thin. Just like people told you over and over when you said you weren't taking your estrogen as prescribed by your doctor, because some rando dude on the phone when you called said "you should not be taking this" (no, that never happened). Says she gathered her hair together again, cut again, and it's maybe two inches of that nasty hair of hers she trimmed. JFC. "It feels so much better. It feels thicker, but lighter." No, you vapid, lying cunt, there is no way you can feel two inches gone from that, just as there's no difference between you being 520 pounds versus 490 pounds that you would be able to instantly feel, as you claimed in a video last year. You are still 500+ fucking pounds and you still have shitty hair. There is no material change you're going to feel.
Hamber and MG,W were looking online for something to do together. GO FOR A FUCKING WALK. Instead, Hamber thinks LEGO - because they clearly don't have any unassembled Lego kits they could work on. Instead, to maximize their carbon and waste (athlete's) footprint, they bought two offbrand building block kits of Yoshi, one for each of them. Good job, bitches. Hamber complains that the blocks are not perfect little Lego and the instructions not as clear as Lego. This is why, you idiot, you only buy the name brand for certain items. Qtips. Lego. You claim you have the money to blow on useless shit. You're intent on spending and more spending. You might as well make it the real deal. Says something about blocks and bags and the video abruptly ends. Great editing job, loser.
